words in movies
PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.
JOEY: Uhhh, I don't think you're gonna like this.
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. [sings] Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
MONICA: Look at these authentic fake medals. I tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the make-believe military academy.
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.
PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]
PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?
PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.
GRANDMOTHER: Look, I. . .
GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder.
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
GRANDMOTHER: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
MONICA: I hope she's OK.
JOEY: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through.
RACHEL: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies. Here are the ornaments your mom sent. [hands her a smashed box]
ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me. RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . . ROSS: C'mon Rachel. RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair. ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said. RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair] [Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone] PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up] [Phoebe's grandmother enters] GRANDMOTHER: Hey. PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name. GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going? PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math. GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin. PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know. GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived. PHOEBE: Whattaya mean? GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab. PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you. GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab. PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]
CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
MONICA: For the sixteenth time, no... I do not think you're obsessive.
ROSS: No, no, I was turnin' the knob and, and. . . here it is.
ROSS: Oh, oh that's right, I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.
MONICA: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'. [she just sits in the cab]
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
MONICA: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. [one of the guest opens the refrigerator] Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next. [she opens the refrigerator and leans into it]
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, is it hot? My body always stays cool, probably 'cause I have so much skin. Hey, cheese!
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything. MONICA: No, I will not cave. RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas. [Gives him the cash.]
MR. TREEGER: Oh wow, I didn't get you anything. Here's five back.
MR. TREEGER: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a new knob until Thursday.
MR. TREEGER: No, the place is not open 'till Tuesday. Am I not saying it right.
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, if it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss ya.
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a blank canvas.
JOEY: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for now.
JOEY: Hey, Monica, the knob was broken so I just turned it off from underneath, I hope that's alright.
RACHEL: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.
PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
ROSS: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.
Monica: I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but iit-t's true, I love him too.
Phoebe: Oh, come on! I think hes ready to get rid of, what did you call it? The cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Ross: Okay. Okay. Yknow what? If you want to, we can do it one more time. I mean Id-Id be okay with that. In fact, I have some time right now.
Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived.
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
Monica: I wasnt escaping.
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
Mr. Geller: Youre right, youre right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good.
Phoebe: Well normally I dont, but yknow (looks at the TV) Green Bay is playing.
Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.
Phoebe: Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.
Chandler: Let me finish ... (to everyone else) however, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles, so screw you, the tickets are ours!! (takes tickets from Rachel)
Phoebe: Listen, I feel really badly about yesterday and I thought about it a lot and, and I know, I was too impatient. SO lets try it again.
Ross: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but its going to be torn down, so I mean, I-I know its crazy, but everything up til now has been so crazy, and I dont know, this just feels right. Yknow?
Monica: Well, honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean I've got an actual rocket scientist here.
Chandler: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly youre having sex with him.
Chandler: Did I teach her that? Did I just... impart wisdom?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is mixing some Thanksgiving treat (Im assuming mashed potatoes) in a bowl.]
Chandler: I dont know, its these new shoes, theyre all slippery.
Monica: Yeah, Ive just been fiddling around in here making delicious treats for everyone.
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Ross: You know what? Enough! Enough talking! I have to get moving! Hey check out those two blondes over there!Hey come with me!
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
Rachel: It's impossible to find a good doctor. I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones who are gonna push their penis against your knee?
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
Chandler: I know it sounds really weird, but we're just so bad at relationships.
Tag: Im gettin back together with my ex-girlfriend.
JOEY: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab?
Monica: Listen umm, Ive been thinking, its not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Phoebe: Oh, we're just... we're sad to go so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. (hugs the wall) I love you... Paradise Hotel, Golf resort and Spa... (she walks away from the wall)
Ross: (shocked and confused by the question) What? I... I... (Benjamin looks at him as if to say "What's wrong? Answer the question")
Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that aint a pretty picture in the morning, yknow what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
Joey: Dont worry! Dont worry. I just told him, very nicely, "You dont go buying peoples babies, so back off!!"
Ross: (speaking with his mouth full) Yeah, I mean, all things that guy... (looks at the cookie) These are amazing!
Ross: Eh, I mean, I mena she's not unattractive but hot? I ....
LIPSON: Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you had a question.
Rachel: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler?
Cecilia: Right. Hes not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! (Joey gets a snooty look on his face.) All right, its a little weird, but its getting better. (Joey is pleased.) Oh well, Im gonna miss this woman so much. I dont know what Im going to do! I mean, its been 20 years of my life.
Chandler: I dont know R.G., I was thinking something girlie for your office.
Erica: No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand is kind of blocking the part where the baby is gonna come out.
Rachel: And also, you know I uh, I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing and... it's probably not a great idea to go down that road again.
CAROLINE: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.
Phoebe: It’s ok, it’s ok. I made my decision. What I really want is a great big wedding (she covers her mouth)
Chandler: You cant wear that! Im wearing the famous tux! James Bonds tux!
CHANDLER: I can't believe you got us into trouble. [slaps Joey on the arm. Joey takes exception and slaps him back]
Monica: It is so weird, I know what I said, but uh, this morning, I was lying in bed I was, I was imagining what it would be like to say yes. (Rachel slams the magazine shut in amazement.) I know its a little sudden, and its a little rushed, and its totally not like me to do something like this, but that doesnt mean I cant. Right? I mean Im-Im crazy about Pete, and I know that we want the same things, and when I thought about saying yes, it made me really happy.
Monica: Ohh! Did you do what I said? Did-did-did you tell her?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
PHOEBE: Ok, question number 28, have you ever allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I would have to say no.
Ross: (standing at the edge of the roof) Yeah, I guess we dont have a choice. (Screaming to the street) Help us! Please help us! Were stuck up on the roof and we cant get down!!!
Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we cant leave in the small apartment after weve lived here! Didnt you ever read Flowers for Algernon?
Ross: Sure, I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I'm disappointed, but it's not like it's a divorce.
Erin: Im sorry I Its just theres no real spark.
Joey: (contemplates for a few moments what Rachel just said) NAH! I don't have another level!!
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
Part I Written by: Greg Malins & Adam Chase Part II Written by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman Parts I & II Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Phoebe: ...and then it goes back to the chorus... Smelly cat, Sme-lly ca-t / I-t's not your fau-lt. And that's the end of the song... I realise that you didn't ask to hear it, but uhm... no-one had spoken in seventeen minutes.
Jim: Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Joey: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh.
Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, yknow? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. Its been a really bad day, whore wise.
Ross: I know! I know! Why do you guys need to have this conversation?! Huh? I mean no self-respecting man would ask a woman, "So, where is this going?"
Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's what we're gonna do.
Monica: Im just trying to spice it up!
Phoebe: I dont know! How are the-the-the-the, yknowYoure clothes arent funny.
Joey: Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little til they get there?
Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, y'know, Franks always late.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Pete: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dads garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck.
Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two monthsI didn't get to win once.
Monica: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?
Phoebe: Woo-Hoo! The curse is broken! I called everybody I know, and everyone is alive.
Rachel: I dont care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had!
Ross: No! No! NotI dont mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, whos umm six and I still think of him as a baby.
Phoebe: Yeah, I cant say croissant. (realises) Oh my God!
Ross: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!
Janine: Well actually theyre taping tomorrow. I dont really understand why.
Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve.
Rachel: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here (they go into the guest room).
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
Emily: I wish I could know if youd heard any of that. I suppose Ive either just told you I love you or given my neighbours a good laugh. Mrs. Newman if youre listening, bugger off this in none of your business. I suppose theres not much chance you did heard that, and theres the call waiting so, I should go. Oh well. (Answers the call waiting.) Hello.
Joey: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.
Joey: Well look, Im breaking up with Katie so I had to put on some extra padding. Y'know? I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's gonna hit me when I tell her I'm taking away the Joey love?
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.
Joey: I know. I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys. I mean, its Rachel for God sakes.
Ross: Okay, Ill see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.
Monica: Oh, I so can't believe this! My uterus is an inhospitable environment? I was trying so hard to be a good hostess!
Mike: Oh she's my girlfriend. That's not just how we do it here. I got to get a break and when we come back we've got Kennethsinging "I touch myself"...I'm not here to judge!
Chandler: I watched it!
Rachel: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually (starting to cry), but now she's actually stealing you.
Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
Joey/Drake: I know what I felt that night when we kissed under the bridge.