words in movies
(there's a door slamming in Ross's room, and some indistinct murmuring)
Monica: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.
Monica: (in her Monica-excited-way... TOO LOUD!) Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!
(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
Joey: (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller!
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Rachel: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
Ross: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head.
Ross: You've never said that in your life, have you?
Phoebe: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...
Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.
(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]
Chandler: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?
(Chandler enters the bathroom, and Monica is standing there in a towel, with her hair stuck in the shower curtain.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica walks in with one of those knitted Rasta hats.]
Monica: Look what I found in the drawer... (Chandler looks up from his book.) And you said I'd never wear this...
Monica: Sure, what do you have in mind?
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
Rachel: That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control! So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it?
Chandler: Look out kids, hes coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
Kate: Yeah, thats pretty much what I had in mind.
Phoebe: Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian women living in mine.
Rachel: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we dont keep the womens lingerie here in the office?
NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
Phoebe: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, why don't you come on in.
Phoebe: All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.
The Doctor: Hes doing just fine, hes resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.
Rachel: What the hell is that?!! (to Monica) What the hell is that? Is that you? (Monica nods her head no, and Rachel realizes what is making that sound.) Ohhhhhhh! (storms over to Chandler and Joeys with Monica in trail.)
Ross: Sorry I ah, I scared you in there.
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program!
Joey: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Joey: Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is its the same day as my nieces christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me. Cause my parts just in the beginning Im not even in the rest of the showWedding!
(She slaps Rachels side and Rachel screams in pain.)
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebes work), Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Ooh! Yknow what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.
Chandler: Ohh, great, I have condom in my wallet I've had since I was twelve.
Ross: How come its always us left in the field holding the ball?
Phoebe: No, the No Smoking sign. Theres no smoking in my Grandmothers cab.
Joey: Check the freezer. If theres none in there, then were probably out. Are you just getting in from work? Its late.
Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
Erica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
Rachel: Thank you. (She goes to take off her make-up and screams in pain) Oww!!!! God!
Chandler: So... Oklahoma is a crazy place. You know, they call it the Sooner state. Frankly I'd sooner be in any other state. (Monica looks at Phoebe, who also doesn't know what to say.) And what's with Oklahoma having a pan handle? Can all states have stuff like that? Hey yeah, I'm from the waistband, Wyoming. But when I was seven, we headed over to the crotch.
Ross: Yeah. Do you have any idea what this means in academic circles, uh? I am gonna get laid.
Rachel: Hey! Thats just poking me in the eye!
Monica:: Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. (Monica shows him the tape then puts it in) have a little surprise for you.
Ross: (rushing back in) What?! I wh-, whats wrong?
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Joey: I-I wasnt in that.
Joey: Oh yeah? Ross, how many items left in that bag?
Rachel: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels great.
Joey: No, they-they werent in the play.
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
Tommy: What is in the cup?!
Tommy: Whats in the cup, Ross?
Chandler: I'm so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. "Owen doesn't know he's adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real."
Lauren: (whispering) She got a job in L.A.
Rachel: No! Theres no orange juice in there! We win!!
(Monica and Chandler come running in.)
Joey: (to Lauren) In a minute!!
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Rachel: Oh mom, I swear Im not an idiot. Ive read all kinds of books on pregnancy and giving birth, but I-I just didnt think to read the part about what to do when the baby comes. And-and then guess what? The babys coming and I dont know what to do. Oh, can I throw up in my diaper genie?
Ross: Hum...So...hum...Oh hey I noticed you were reading the paper...another flood in Europe? Here�s a question: "Would you...would you rather drown or be burnt alive?"
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susans lap like all the other fathers.)
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Chandler: Okay, so I guess thats about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
[Scene: Joey's room: Joey is sitting on his bed reading DooL transcript when Rachel walks in]
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: What is ah, Rach in her room?
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, shes in her car driving back from the city)
Rachel: Oooh... you're sweet, I knew uncle Joey would step up. (Turns to face Emma in the the playpen) Look Emma, look who's baaack!
[Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the bed.]
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
Jason: Yeah, come on in.
Monica: Oh umm, that's because I just wanted to y'know walk in on me and Chandler while we were, y'know, doing it all night. Will you excuse me for just a second?
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
Phoebe: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In factyes, (To Joey) Im, Im sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, Im-Im, Im gonna, Im gonna name the baby Chandler.
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
Monica: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.
Phoebe: Well, I made you a candle light dinner in the park.
MR. WINEBURG: It's so wonderful to see you again, my dear, in fact I hardly expected to see so much.
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Ross: Yeah, little change in plans. Ahh, were gonna break-up instead.
Rachel: I dont know, Im sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove up here.
Monica: Wait a minute, why dont you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, youve got to make stuff happen.
Chandler: Yeah, its two guys in a ring, and the rules are: Theyre are no rules.
Phoebe: Yeah, I should probably take it back. Ooh, but you know what? While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists because my friend Fritzy has been like number 11 forever, so this could be her year! (She crosses her fingers in hope.)
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you!
Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Kate: Flights in an hour. I-I gotta go.
Rachel: (looks in the window) Ohh, well, this is just perfect!
Girl: Why dont you look in the mirror, scrud.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
Monica: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
[cut to onstage with Lauren standing in for Kate, the doorbell rings.]
Monica: (from the bathroom) Im in the shower!
Ross: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Frank: Hey, yknow I was thinking, what are the odds like if-if, if you stuff like 200 of them in there?
Joey: Oooh, the next parts the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.