words in movies
(there's a door slamming in Ross's room, and some indistinct murmuring)
Monica: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.
Monica: (in her Monica-excited-way... TOO LOUD!) Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!
(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
Joey: (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller!
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Rachel: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
Ross: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head.
Ross: You've never said that in your life, have you?
Phoebe: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...
Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.
(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]
Chandler: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?
(Chandler enters the bathroom, and Monica is standing there in a towel, with her hair stuck in the shower curtain.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica walks in with one of those knitted Rasta hats.]
Monica: Look what I found in the drawer... (Chandler looks up from his book.) And you said I'd never wear this...
Monica: Sure, what do you have in mind?
Chandler: I cant believe there is a naked hooker in there!
(In the kitchen.)
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
Chandler: Okay, our news. My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa , so as of Monday I'm being officially relocated.
Ross: (looks) Oh yeah! You'rehey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, (reading ad) two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!
Gavin: You hear a key in the hole and you jump like a young bronco coming out of a chute for the first time. I used to be arodeo clown.
Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
Chandler: Erica, please. Just consider us. Ask them to see our file. Our last name's Bing. My wife's a chef and I'm in advertising.
[Scene: The Storage Room in the basement of Monica and Rachel's building, Monica and Rachel are looking for something.]
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Rachel: Yeah, sure. (To Monica) All right, whose court is the ball in now?
Chandler: Yeah, well be down in like five minutes.
Ross: Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes Im gonna be saying (He laughs and points at Rachel sarcastically.)
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O
Ross: I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so I eh, didnt tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset. I-I just comforted her, as a friend.
Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
[The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.]
Rachel: Hmm. (she opens the freezer) Umm, why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer?
Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Yknow what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess theres no use to me sticking around til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: Oh, I read that in high school.
Marc: No nonsense! Were all in this together.
Phoebe: I thought you said you read it in high school.
The Teacher: What do you think? You in the blue shirt.
Ross: No, I-I-Im serious, okay? I mean, think about it. You move in, you start fighting over stupid game rooms, next thing yknow you break up!
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! Theres a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country
Monica: Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's class; Rachel walks in, on time this time.]
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Chandler: (gasps) You're naked in this picture!
Phoebe: (entering, with Julio) Hi. (sits down in the chair)
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
Joey: Uh yes, but it was, we just did it once uh, in London.
Gunther: Oh, Ross? Ross! You can't put up flyers in here.
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Joey: All right, all right. (he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand)
Joey: No! No. But ah, try the classifieds, people sell everything in there.
Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!
Joey: Oh, oh! Any chance any of this happened in a "Galaxy far, far away"? (Ross turns aroud and glares at him. Joey and Rachel decide to leave).
Monica: (Walking in from off screen.) Phoebe!
[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]
Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it!
(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her chair.)
Ross: And that's why, no matter what mommy says, we really were on a break. (baby talk) Yes we were! Yes we were! (picks Emma up) Come here gorgeous. (puts her on his knees and talks to her) Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest little baby ever! You're just a... a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got... (in a softer voice) You've got big beautiful eyes... Yes you do... and a... and a big round belly. (emphasises the B's) Big baby butt! I like big butts. (raps) I like big butts and I cannot lie / you other brothers can't deny / when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty, waist / and a round thing in your face you get...(Emma laughs) Oh my God, Emma... you're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before, have you? You never done that before... Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, daddy and Sir Mix Alot... What? What? You... you wanna hear some more? Uhm...(raps) My anaconda don't want none / unless you got buns hon... (Emma laughs again and Ross looks worried) I'm a terrible father!
Phoebe: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldnt be living in an apartment.
Monica: You still want to move in together right?
Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?
Phoebe: No that's just me coughing! (Doing some weird coughing noises and the dog barks again. Phoebe comes out of the room.) Oh, good, there you are! Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me, Im sorry, Im gonna have to call you back, Ive got a Schemp in my office. (hangs up) (to Ross) What are you doing?
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.)
Chandler: It's football... It's just football... This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football... It may be customary to get a beer... (Chandler walks to the fridge, his back turned to the TV and a moaning sound replaces the cheering of the crowd... Joey's eyes double in size...) What the... (Chandler turns around, but Joey already took a sprint for Chandler, jumps, and floors Chandler in the open space in front of the apartment door...) What are you doing?
Phoebe: (entering and talking on mobile phone) Ok, great! All right, bye! (she hangs up) Pain in the ass!! (she looks at the others, then back at the phone) That's off, right?
MRS. GREENE: I think I saw Rachel out in the hall.
Chandler: (in the high pitched voice) What?! (Normal voice) I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of our secrets.
Chloe: And the advances in collating in the past five years, I mean we just got in an X-5000, y'know. The X-5000 makes the X-50 look like a T-71.
Steve: It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money. That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
(Another man walks up with a drink in his hand, Phoebe stops him too.)
Phoebe Sr.: Well, I dont know. I mean its not like we dont have anything in common. I mean I like uh, pizza.
Ross: Coffee sounds great. (They get up) Wait, so, so you live in Montreal?
Phoebe Sr.: Ill go in a second, I-I just wanted to tell you that there hasnt been a day where I didnt regret giving you up.
Cheryl: My hamster. I hope she's okay, I haven't seen her in a while. Have a seat.
(They both throw the scripts in his face.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Walks to the window) Go away! (Gesturing.) Stop looking in here!
[Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in the air.]
Joey: Ahhoy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?
Max: Minsk. It's in Russia.
Monica: (yelling and waving her hand in the air) I know! I know! I know!
(Another guy walks by and throws his light cigarette butt in the bucket.)
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
Ross: Yeah, see, I dont think its gonna that difficult considering this one wont be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What?
Phoebe: (singing) I found you in my bed! Howd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
MR. GELLER: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the city.
Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? Im coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, OK, serious poker.
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Rachel: How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to the point where we cant even be in the same room with each other?!
[Time lapse. Monica is wearing the dress and starring at herself in the mirror.]
[Scene: The Atlantis Resort, Chandler and Monica are arriving to check in, but are behind the couple from before again.]
Rachel: Are they in love?
Phoebe: Exactly! Because it's in the past!
Phoebe: Oh hey hi, hes doing it. Hes breaking down the door. (The chair breaks in half.) Okay, were in. (She hangs up the phone.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
Emily: Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.
Phoebe: Yeah, you don't wanna live in Westchester. That's like the worst of the Chesters.
Rachel: Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! (She picks up the 2 pieces and looks at the stand.) Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?! (Looks for a place to hide it and finds a wall sconce and drops the pieces into it and heads into the kitchen as the phone rings.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green.