words in movies
(there's a door slamming in Ross's room, and some indistinct murmuring)
Monica: Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right. You know I hear someone else in there with him.
Monica: (in her Monica-excited-way... TOO LOUD!) Oh my God, I love how thin these walls are!
(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
Chandler: How about the dinosaur twins in the other room? No-one is manning that wall!
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
Joey: (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller!
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Rachel: I mean, you know... Ross and I haven't dated in like... six years...
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
Ross: Ye... Yeah... Yeah... You got shellfish in your head.
Ross: You've never said that in your life, have you?
Phoebe: Uhm... You know, once we're in the air and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign... you feel free to roam about my cabin...
Ross: Right, I'm gonna go talk to Joey. I think this is the right time. He's always in a good mood after the flight attendant says "duty free".
Rachel: Okay, well keep in mind that by the time you're done, they'll probably be serving dinner.
(They both hug, and Rachel, who was in the back of the plane, sees this and smiles.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you can't do that! Oh, come on Mike, strap on a pair.Why don't you just tell her that we got back together. You know, women appreciate honesty. We also appreciate gentle spanking once in a while. Just F.Y.I.
Chandler: Hit yourself in the tooth?
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say that. uhm... Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you... Mike and I are back together... and uhm... unfortunately that effectively ends your relationship with him. And he's very sorry about that and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavours.
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Only Chandler is in the living room and walks to the bathroom.]
Chandler: Honey, you've been in there for a long time... Is everything okay?
(Chandler enters the bathroom, and Monica is standing there in a towel, with her hair stuck in the shower curtain.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica walks in with one of those knitted Rasta hats.]
Monica: Look what I found in the drawer... (Chandler looks up from his book.) And you said I'd never wear this...
Monica: Sure, what do you have in mind?
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
Waiter in Drag: (To Chandler) Hm-mmm?
Waiter in Drag: Youre straight. I get it. (Walks away.)
Catherine: Oh hi, come on in. I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
Rachel: Ohh, please! Cooking soothes me. (They kiss.) Ahh. So, dig in!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I cant do it, theyre all like-like laughing at me.
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
Monica: (looks at Chandler) In in two weeks.
Phoebe: Yeah, me too. Not in the shaky angry way you are though.
{Transcribers Note: As with all the cliffhangers, there was no credits scene. There will be a ninth and final season of Friends starting sometime in September. See you then, have a good summer everyone.}
Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, were making out. You know.
ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.
Ross: Hmm -you know, actually this'll work out well. Cause when you have to move back in with Joey, Joey's hot new roommate can come and live with me.
Joey: Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I? (Rachel pauses as she thinks.)
Phoebe: Oh this, well Im glad you asked. (She opens the case and removes a knife and an soda can.) Now, dont you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife? (She efficiently cuts it in half.) Ahh! Now, I know what youre thinking
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is standing in the kitchen ready to leave for the rehearsal dinner.]
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are in the kitchen.]
Joey: Okay, look Im sorry, I went in there to take a nap and I know I shouldnt have, but you got porn!
Monica: No, no its going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably dont say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, Im-Im saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she cant because shes dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember shes dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didnt see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesnt get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Heres to mom and dad! Whatever!
Phoebe: You know if you want, we can sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know.
Joey: (entering) Okay, I'm in my sweat pants. Bring on the food! (Sees that Chandler has a worried look on his face) What's the matter?
[The next flashback is also from The One With The Butt and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
Richard: Oh youre awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Phoebe: Good for you! And hey, I thought your paper on punctuated equilibrium in the Devonian era was top notch!
Phoebe: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?
Phoebe: (finding something interesting in the trash can) Oh my God!
[Scene: Airport, Ross has headphones on, and is listening to a 'How To Speak Chinese' tape. Occasionally, he makes an outburst in Chinese in accordance with the tape. He is getting on the jetway. The flight attendant is there.]
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Phoebe: Yeah that's right you are so busted. (To no one in particular.) Book 'em.
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandlers Hotel room in London in The One With Rosss Wedding.]
Rachel: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and hes Hey everybody! Remember that thing thats been dead for a gazillion years. Well theres this little bone we didnt know it had!
Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!
Rachel: Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment?
Ross: In the death seat?!!
Ross: Thats all right, we-we dont need you. In fact, hey Im over it already.
Chandler: Okay so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting idea. Lets discuss it before we reject it completely."
Erica: Hey, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel.
Rachel: (leaning in) As are you
Chandler: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in.
(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)
(The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.)
Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.
{Transcribers Note: There was no trailer for this episode. See you in season 8; which will start this fall.}
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is talking. It looks like when Rachel and Monica lived in this apartment.]
Phoebe: Yeah well, maybe she shouldve spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
Phoebe: Yeah, so... They gotta die someday. (Mike's parents walk in) HELLO!
[Conan and the cast in Central Perk.]
Ross: In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.
Joey: (Pause) Sorry. (Raises his hand in shame.)
Joey: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!
Chandler: Oh, I have to get married in James Bonds tux!
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Courtney: They made me dance, in the fat suit.
Chandler: Because youve only known her for six weeks! Okay, Ive got a carton of milk in my fridge Ive had a longer relationship with!
Phoebe: Oh, well get in line missy. (To Ross) So, can I have a ride stud?
Joey: All right, I should get going, big day a work. Yknow Im in a coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out Im not brain dead.
Chandler: Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her.
Carol: (from the kitchen) Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
Rachel: I have it, I have it, I have it. Oh, okay, I can't find it, but I remember that I was in seat 32C, because that's my bra-size.
Chandler: Yknow, itll be okay. Itll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then well tell em.
KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, Im gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. Its a real space saver.
Phoebe: Well lets just hope it works. Yknow nine out of ten marriages end in divorce?
Chandler: All right, rock on. (Does the Hang 10 sign, then hides his face in shame.)
Chandler: Y'know what, hes right. Theres something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders)
Rachel: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.
[Scene: The museums worker cafeteria, Joey is eating lunch with the rest of the tour guides. Another tour guide tries to sit down in a seat Joey saved for Ross.]
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Mr. Geller: (going downstairs) Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shiningOh no. (Chip has shown up and the four are leaving.)
Joey: All right look man, I didnt want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! Its not even a name; its barely even a word. Okay? Its kinda like chandelier, but its not! All right? Its a stupid, stupid non-name!
Phoebe: Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?
The Man In The Sportscar: How hot are we? (He drives off.)
Joey: I don't know uhh (Pause as he thinks about it.) Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
(Monica picks up one of those boxes of hair curling things, dumps it in a box, and storms out.)
[Scene: Rosss Hotel Room, he is letting Chandler in.]
Phoebe: I cant believe I still dont know what happened to the window in the attic!
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is collecting donations and ringing her bell.]
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Rachel: Oh God Oh, hes in there right now?
Phoebe: Yeah I bet! Look out! (Phoebe punches Theodore right in the stomach)
Monica: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! (Points to her cheek.)
Rachel: Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But yknow you do wear that sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?
Rachel/actress: But what choice did I have. He was keeping my sister in a dungeon!
Phoebe: (in a very posh accent) Theodore... Bitsy... What a delight!
(Richard thrusts, misses Joey by several feet and Joey screams in pain and drops to his knees.)
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa. Jokes? You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Ross: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin in there.
Joey: Yeah, I have stuff in there too.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is getting out linens for Cassie who is in the bathroom.]