words in movies
Joey: Hey, dont get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Joey: And thats Wednesday. (He reclines in his chair.) Ohh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Monica: You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular. (Chandler laughs.)
Phoebe: Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but Im the only one who can sing "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages. (She smirks.) I lied.
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is collecting donations and ringing her bell.]
Phoebe: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. (A man put some change in her bucket.) Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy. (She waves her hand up and down as if she is spreading joy.)
Monica: (Walking in from off screen.) Phoebe!
(Monica puts some change in Phoebe's bucket.)
Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.)
(A man walks up and puts a dollar bill in.)
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it!
Rachel: Well, you should be, this is all your fault! You meddled in our relationship!!
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is still ringing her bell. A guy puts some change into the bucket.]
(Another guy walks by and throws his light cigarette butt in the bucket.)
Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning!
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluidOp! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
Danny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch.
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Monica: All the time. In fact, I was undefeated.
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.)
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe has adorned her bucket with numerous signs. Like "We are not a urinal!" and "I have no Macys info." And other stuff like that. She also has a scowl on her face as she is ringing her bell. A little old lady walks up to make a donation but Phoebe stops her.]
Phoebe: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. (The lady opens up her hand.) Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. (She throws the lint away.) What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here! (The lady walks away.)
(Another man walks up with a drink in his hand, Phoebe stops him too.)
Danny: Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us?
Chandler: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?
Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
(They both throw the scripts in his face.)
Monica: Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Phoebe Sr: (on phone) Ah, oh, hang on a second. (to Phoebe) Come in, come in. (on phone) All right, so think about it, and call me back. (hangs up)
Gary: Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine! We don't have to move in together. I justI want you to be happy
Monica: Do NOT let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
Phoebe: Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?
Ross: (looks disappointed in himself) Man... I... I'm sorry.
(The waitress lets her in as Monica is about to throw a lobster into a pot of boiling water (Although, she hasnt taken off the rubber bands that hold the claws, so she cant be that good of a chef). Anyway, guess who the Colonel is by the following phrase.)
Rachel: So maybe something in an office.
Laura: Well, I must say, this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Monica's there and Ross and Chandler walk in.]
The Hot Girl: No, I-I actually thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. I mean you had just moved in.
Mike's father: Who in God's name are you?
Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Rachel: Uhm... you haven't told these guys what they're doing in the wedding yet.
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus.
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad?
Chandler: No, Im not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful guest room. (Exits.)
Monica: She's in her room, why?
Ross: (waving his fist in the air in triumph) YES, YES!
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.]
(Mike walks in.)
Rachel: Well, in my defense, you were not supposed to tell each other.
Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding? (they both stare at Rachel)
Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please?
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
(Joey walks in)
Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the wedding?
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Monica: "Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen, tonight we'll put all other things aside. Give in thistime and show me some affection..."
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Ross: Hi! Yeah! Tommys in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think hes gonna snap. (Hes watching very intently)
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Joey: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Rachel: Can somebody please go in?
Ross: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Ross: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Rachel: What do you mean? You've been in my room before!
Rachel: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
Ross: I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
(Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
Joey: No-no-no! Look, Ive been thinking about it. Im an actor right? So I wont get nervous talking in front of people.
JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
(Phoebe whispers something in Joey's ear, but after hearing it he jumps up, shocked)
Helena: (singing) For Im loved by a pretty wonderful boy! (Applause.) Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars. (He starts going into the audience.)
(Rachel holds her hand in order to support her head. Mr Zellner obviously overheard the conversation.)
Joey: (in agony) aaw-ahhh-aaahhh STOP! STOP! I'm worried about damaging my head.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form. (motions for the next person in line)
Judge: Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.
(Joey's eyes double in size)
Monica: I dont believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Joey: Oh, yeah, sure, easy for you, you're young. Me, I'm set in my ways.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (we see Ross stare in disbelief)
Rachel: It's in Paris.
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's reading a newspaper. Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
2nd Customer: It was. The duck in particular was superb.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. He’s there and Phoebe comes in.]
Emily: She said, "If Im not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Ross: That's great! So you're staying in New York!
Chandler: (speaking as in pain) They're never coming down now.
Chandler: Yknow what you should do, just toss em in the shedder and claim you never got em.
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
Joey: (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory) Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, Im Joey, we havent met.
Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.
Joey: Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second.
Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?
Monica: Rachel used to live in that room.