words in movies
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute!
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]
Monica: Hi, come on in.
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice anyway.)
Monica: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her chair.)
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
Monica: (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly over to her friend, who stands up in concern.)
Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)
Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she fends him off.)
(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various angles, then...)
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there. Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
Sandy: (In a puppet voice) So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...
(Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.)
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Phoebe: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
[cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen]
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
(He brings his hands in closer to his face then does it again.)
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
Phoebe: Yeah, and maybe that youre a real (She says something in Italian, and it doesnt matter what she said. Its not important so I dont need everyone who speaks Italian telling me what she said.)
Phoebe: Do you wanna get to Rachel in time?
Ross: Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!
Phoebe: You should have thought of that before you got in!
Joey: Oh! They're in the table!
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Rachel: Hah! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Ross: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.
Joey: So did you guys make it in time?
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this?
Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight
[Scene: Rachels bedroom; Rachel is awoken by a man singing in the next apartment.]
Chandler: Oh, you're definately not. I haven't cried like that in years.
Chandler: Well, I tried Billy Jean King, but... (Ross glares at him) you know, you and Monica have the same "I'm gonna kill you" look...? I can usually make it go away by kissing her... (Ross continues to glare at him and Chandler leans in as if he's going to kiss Ross)
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Monica: See? Thats what I mean. I mean that, thats great! But I wouldnt trade in what I have for that. I mean Im gonna be with Chandler for the rest of my life, and thats what makes me happy. (Chandler approaches.) Hey sweetie, come here! Come sit down. Hey Phoebe and I were just talking about how our relationship is deep and meaningful. It really is dont you think?
(Monica talks loudly in the baby's room)
Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
Tour Guide: Oh, he wont sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit over there, (Points to there table) and only the people in the blue blazers sit here.
Phoebe: Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What are you doing? (Rachel doesnt stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel wont stop so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
Emily: Oh, no-no-no, thats not rude! Its perfectly in keeping with a trip that Ive already been run down by one of your wiener carts, and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport, apparently to you people, I look like someone whos got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.
Ross: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now lets take a look at (Phoebe rushes in.)
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Rachel: Well, I guess that's all in the past, now.
Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I cant believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Yknow what? (To Will) Im back in the club!
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Im so sorry to barge in on your Valentines, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
Chandler: Really? Struck down in the pribe of libe!
Chandler: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. (Winks in a spy-type manner.)
Mrs. Burkart: (singing) You're a grand ol' flag, you're a high-flying flag, and forever in peace may you wave....
Rachel: Wow, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person. (Puts her head in the hole and Phoebe enters)
Chandler: Really? Then what are they doing in our guestroom?
Phoebe: Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
Chandler: Would you all stop yelling in our apartment! You are ruining moving day for us!
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
Phoebe: Until then, General Grant, why dont you set up camp (She puts the bill in her bra) right there.
Rachel: (on the phone) No, no, no, Im looking at a purchase order right here and it clearly states that we ordered the Rivera bikini in a variety of sizes and colours. And.... (listens) What does it matter, what Im wearing?! Can I please speak to your supervisor? (listens) Thank you. (to Sophie) Were holding.
Ross: Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Ross: Not just a key, I gave her the only key! I am now a homeless person in a very serious relationship.
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Mike: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...
Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.)
Rachel: I’m telling you guys, we followed them out to a house in Westchester, the went in for like forty-five minutes and then they came out looking pretty happy!
Ross: I actually had a topic in mind! Im, Im kinda going through a dry spell, sex wise.
Mr. Waltham: Shes in hiding. Shes utterly humiliated. She doesnt want to see you ever again.
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears]
Rachel: Yeah... Amy kept kicking me in her sleep yelling ‘Myron, get off!’
Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
Monica: Yeah, you really shouldn't. (to Ross, sarcastically) By the way, how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
Phoebe Sr: Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person. Yknow
Chandler: (nods in appreciation) Shovely Joe!
Ross: Oh, well he's obviously late and the rule in my class is "if you can't come on time, then don't come at all". (pause) An option that many of my students use. (pause) Shall we?
Dr. Green: (on phone) just because youre not in love with the guy you cant
(Rachel steps in a patch of mud)
Little Girl: Okay. (She drops her head in disappointment and walks away.)
Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.
Ross: Because I folded it up and put in my pants pocket. Do you...do you not look there?
(The group does the same horrible dance that Joey did earlier in the show, except they're all out of sync and they do the jazz hands at the end.)
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
(she knees him in the crotch. He jumps up a bit)
Joey: look I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Missy: Sure, he was in your "band"? (she air quotes band)
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
Joey: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) Thats all right. Hey you guys, you know whats going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, Im doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows in concentric circles.