words in movies
Monica: She doesn't have a stomach-ache. She's in labor!
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Monica: You'll be fine. Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.
Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together, Monica and Chandler are getting their baby, there are chicks and ducks in the world again! Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Daa - raa... When the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
Monica: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Doctor: The next baby should be along in a minute.
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Doctor: Yeah, it's here in the paperwork we got from the clinic in Ohio.
Erica: Twins actually run in my family.
Rachel: (touched) Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years, and then one day they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.
(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. They give up pretty quickly.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the apartment. Also, there are boxes all over the apartment. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
Phoebe: How can you compare yourself to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way. You have a relationship with her, you slept together last night.
(He sits down in the wet paint again.)
Phoebe: No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's... It's a city of Gunthers!
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
Phoebe: Oh yeah? Well, tell me which one, and I'll try slip it in my coat.
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
Phoebe: Do you wanna get to Rachel in time?
Ross: Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!
Phoebe: You should have thought of that before you got in!
Phoebe: (screaming) Toll-booth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the glove compartment.
(They realise that the birds are in the foosball table.)
Joey: Oh! They're in the table!
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
[Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]
Ross: To talk to Rachel, isn't that why we took a ride in the death-cab?
Rachel: I have it, I have it, I have it. Oh, okay, I can't find it, but I remember that I was in seat 32C, because that's my bra-size.
Rachel: Okay, fine! But you know what? If I was in 36D, we would not be having this problem.
Rachel: Hah! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person.
[Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]
(Phoebe picks up her cell-phone and calls Monica. Monica is still packing in her apartment.)
Ross: Phoebe, forget it, okay? Newark is - is like an hour away. There's no way we're gonna make it in time.
(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cell-phone from her purse. Ross screams and reaches over in order to hold onto the wheel. Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her cell-phone rings.)
(The passenger in the seat next to Rachel looks at her and seems a little nervous.)
Chandler: Aww, we were worried about you! Hm. I guess I better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh?
[Scene: The gate at the airport. The passengers are standing in line, and they're about to board the plane again.]
Gate attendant #2: Yes, the Philange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of extra Philanges onboard, just in case.
Ross: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.
Monica: I put three lasagnas in your freezer.
Joey: So did you guys make it in time?
(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)
Phoebe: Hey, do you realise that at one time or another we all lived in this apartment?
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Chandler: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I cant believe I missed it.
Joey: I think Saturday(groans in pain again).
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
Chandler: Hey, I can be smooth. (Walks back to the Maitre d', very smoothly) Listen, we're a little bit in a hurry, so, if you can get us a table a little quicker, I'd appreciate it. (Shakes his hand)
Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.)
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him under the table] They do have the shrimp.
RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]
(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)
(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives up.)
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Danny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch.
(They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.)
Monica: But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she wont recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and Ill be uh, Mr. Wong.
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
Rachel: Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
Phoebe: Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)
Ross: In London!
Rachel: Well, I didnt see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
Monica: (In a sexy voice) Come in. I've been waiting for you.
Rachel: What-Pheebs?! Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
PBS Volunteer: Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man.
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.
Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean I mean Im not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend.
Phoebe: Ohh, Im getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Yknow, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table. (She goes over and stands in front of the TV.)
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
Mr. Heckles: He told me in person.
Monica: Oh, friends first, drunk in London, you know the story. I've got a better question for you: Do you or any of your blood relatives have diabetes?
The Presenter: in the category of Favorite Returning Male Character the nominees are: John Wheeler from General Hospital (Applause), Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless (Applause), Dunkin Harrington from Passions (Applause), and Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives (Applause). And the Soapie goes to (She opens the envelope) Gavin Grant from The Young and the Restless!
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Monica: (getting up) Im gonna go put my make up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)
Joey: Well.. hey, you know what else I could use? There's a scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom, and she doesn't know he's there - which never happened with us! And he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her... you know? (In a romantic voice) And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your make-up, when I would think to myself, my God, she...is... beautiful... (Rachel looks very moved) and it hurts so much, cuz I knew I could never tell you (pauses, while looking at her with sentiment) but it was worth it just to be there looking at you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, theyre both unpacked. The big ceramic dog has found a new home in front of the window. Joey screams and runs into the living room.]
Kathy: By being in a box?
Rachel: Well, cant you tell her that you are not in the mood?
Ross: Okay, after you told me she was passed out in our room, I went in there to make sure she was all right. She was lying on my bed, all buried in peoples coats. Well, I went to kiss her on the forehead, you know. But it was so dark, I accidentally got her lips. I started to pull away, but then I felt her start to kiss me back. It was only for a second, but... it was amazing. And now, now I find out that you kissed her first.
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
[In the hall.]
Rachel: Yknow, I gotta tell ya, this really does put in a better mood.
Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.
[Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.]
Ross: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or somethingor should I call it (In an English accent) football?
Chandler: Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I don't want you putting any ideas in her head.
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Carol: Ah yeah, but now its Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.
Phoebe: (In a British accent) This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if its not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
Chandler: Ahhhhh! (walks out, imitating shooting himself in the head)
Ticket Agent: (looking at her computer terminal) Theres one leaving in thirty minutes.
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
Joey: When theyre hungry enough, theyll come in.
JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.
Chandler: It happened in London.
Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!
Joey: (in an unenthusiastic voice) PBS Telethon.
Chandler: Look, you cant call somebody after this long just to say, In case you didnt notice, I dont like you!
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Policeman: And in the meantime you better let him drive. Does he have a license?
Joey: Im sorry but weve got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay? Thats just the way it has to be.
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Phoebe: Save it Red! Unless you wanna spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.
CHANDLER: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.
(The single light flickers and goes out. Leaving the room in total darkness.)
Chandler: Okay, what is in here? Rocks?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
[Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old ladies are sitting on a bench.]
Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.
Ross: Y'know what? I'm really not in the mood.
Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!
Eric: (finds it) What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
Ross: Youre great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Rachel: I haven't seen him in so long!
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
[Scene: Phoebe Sr.s house, Phoebe is breaking in through a window.]
The Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? Weve got uh, scarves, tulip post cards...
Ross: Oh yeah, shes-shes amazing. And-and shes so much fun. And! Yknow what? When Im with her, Im fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) Shes leaving in two days, I dont have to do it.
Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! Thats like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, theres nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.
Monica: Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen.
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
Monica: I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these!
Chandler: I cant believe there is a naked hooker in there!
(In the kitchen.)
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
Chandler: Okay, our news. My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa , so as of Monday I'm being officially relocated.
Ross: (looks) Oh yeah! You'rehey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, (reading ad) two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!