words in movies
Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)
(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)
Phoebe: (after he's gone) I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!
Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)
Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.
Rachel: I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. (Puts her head back.) Okay.
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Rachel: Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye.
Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.
Monica: They're still in my coat.
Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)
Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Joey: Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Phoebe: What's in the bag?
Monica: I am going I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Stanley: I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Monica: Okay! Okay! Okay! (She succeeds in getting the eye drops in and everyone climbs off of Rachel.) We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
[Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is in labor, and she is breathing heavily.]
Rachel: (yelling from the living room) Oh wait-wait-wait!! No! Dont go in there! Dont go in there! I need another soda!
Ross: But I'm not! (pause). You know what if you're in the mood for Thai food...
Phoebe: Okay. Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant, or inside his shower drain?
RACHEL: Oh, gosh, it's hot in here.
Chandler: So ah, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.
Gunther: Okay, Ill see you in an hour.
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
Phoebe: That is correct! Yes, youre supposed to take all of that stuff and put it in a little box in your mind and then lock it up tight.
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.]
Bonnie: So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
Monica: (running in from her bedroom) Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! Ill get it! (opens the door) Hi, Tim.
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
Joey: AH HAH! I DID IT! HA HA! Alright... (He takes a box out, about to close fridge, then thinks.) Better take all I can carry. Who knows when i'll be able to get in here again!
Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
Rachel: (interrupting him and seeing Joey) Oh my God! Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives, just walked in here!
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Monica: What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
EDDIE: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal?
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
Monica: in this day and age how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?
Chandler: Guys? (They ignore him.) Ive got something important to tell ya. (Still nothing so he walks over and stands in front of the TV.) Guys? (They lean over to try and watch the TV, Chandler mimics them.) Guys?! (Pause) Im gonna ask Monica to marry me.
CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.
Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when youre on a date and youre getting along really great but the guys translator keeps getting in the way.
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, Ill love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Ross: Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager, no-ones turned them.
Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug)
Ross: (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he crushes Chandlers sand castle) No!
Rachel: (poking her head in from her bedroom) Uh, morning. Do you guys think you could close your eyes for just a sec?
(He leaves the gang in stunned silence.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Rachel: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes! (lays down cards) I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know what? (collects chips) I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. (holds up a chip) I think that one was Ross's, and I thinkohthat one was Ross's. Yes! (Starts singing): Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it...
(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise. So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)
Monica: Yeah and you better watch the flirting too, cause you know, in such close quarters, it could be trouble.
PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
Attendant: (scolding them) N-No running in the chapel!
Ross: (interrupting) No, Rach, no. I dont, I dont, I dont have to think about it, in fact, Ive decided, Ive decided that, that it.......does.
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Mr. Geller: I dont know. They-they must be your mothers, but please, please dont ask her. Ill throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
ROSS: As in, "I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
[Scene: The Hospital, Ross and Rachel, whos in a wheelchair, are arriving in the waiting room for the maternity ward.]
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Ooh, Im setting the phone down. (does so) But Im still here! Just dont go anywhere Im still here. (starts to put on the sweater) Dont-dont switch or anything, cause Im, Im right here. (She has pulled the sweater over her head, but her head is stuck in a sleeve.) Just one sec. One sec! One second!! (She is now frantically trying to get the sweater on, as Monica returns from the bathroom.) Wait! One second! Just
Joey: Hey, want a beer? (Hands him a beer and sits down in one of the chairs.) (Jumping up.) WHOA!!!!
Phoebe: I had a great time. (accent) It was really top drawer. And here's something rich: thirteen bathrooms in this place... I threw up in the coat closet... Ta taaa...
ROSS: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing--
Rachel: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh
Phoebe: David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went to Russia and broke my heart David!
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "Hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)
Doug: No, its a wedding ring. You gotta get rid of it. Were gonna go to the East River right now and throw it in there!
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Monica: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these (she holds the furry handcuffs) on my pillow.
Rachel: And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba.
Monica: No!! Why didnt you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?!!
Chandler: You dove in front of Ross! Ross!
CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.
Eric: Cause the sweats getting in my eyes and its burning.
Rachel: Well, sure! Come in! (He enters) Well, what-what happened to your girlfriend?
Joey: (looks at a girl walk in) see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?
Joanna: (kisses him) Ill be back in ten minutes. (Starts to leave)
Rachel: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! (Monica starts chasing Rachel around the table.)
Guy: No, you, you cant fit in that thing. Thats not deep enough.
Monica: This is different! Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.
Rachel: Oh, uh, Joanna I was wondering if I could ask you something. Theres an opening for an assistant buyer in Junior Miss
[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]
(In the rooms next door, Joey, Rachel, Ross and Charlie stop kissing and try to understand what the yelling was about. After a while they continue kissing. We're back in Chandler and Monica's room. Monica has some of her own hair stuffed in her mouth by Chandler.)
Chandler: What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!!
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and dont come crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the hallway and eat my (Rachel knocks the plate from his hand and it falls on the floor. That process leaves just the forkful Chandler has, Rachel starts to go after that little bit and Chandler retreats into his apartment.)
Monica: It was so wild! We told em we were the Gundersons in 16
ROSS: Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it. [opens door] We're here.
RACHEL: Oh my God.� I can't believe you live in that building.� My grandmother lives in that building.� Ida Green?� No sense of personal space?� Kind of smells like chicken?� Looks like a potato.
CHANDLER: (writhes as if in agony) All right, look.� Just stay there.� I'm coming home.
Joey: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke."
Rachel: Howhow did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet. I think Im falling in love with you all over again.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Chandler: Theres gonna be a wedding. Youre gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
Joey: Yeah, here we are. Uhh I I think Im falling in love with you.
Ross: He hasnt gotten out of that chair in two days.
Phoebe: Okay, Im gonna put this (her suitcase) in the car.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.Chandler walks in to see Eddie holding a tray of cookies.]
[Scene: Chandlers Office, hes working at his computer as his boss, Mr. Franklin, sticks his head in.]
Ross: We are never gonna find him! Hes one guy in a huge city!