words in movies
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Monica: Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Monica: Lewis Posin! He was my best friend in fifth grade, and-and then one day I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said no. Do you know why?
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
Chandler: Okay, I will do it. But I have to warn you; this may make me a better person and that is not the man you feel in love with!
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
Joey: And shes back in the game.
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Rachel: No! Yknow what? No! No! You thing was so stupid anyway, this was ridiculousWere gonna flip a coin! (Phoebe gasps.) All right?! (She flips the coin.) Heads! (Looks at the coin and grunts in disgust.)
Monica: In one year?! My God what did she eat? Her-her family! Thats not the point.
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Chandler: Id carry you around in my pocket.
Rachel: Yeah! Oh, umm when-when Monica and Chandler got engaged I started putting some stuff together, yknow just in case
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Rachel: Oh, I forgot this was in here. Umm, this was the uh garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monicas something borrowed and its blue. (Starts to cry again.) Yeah
Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages.
Joey: (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: No, no, no. It's not! It's not my mom. It belonged to mom. Yeah, no, she used to put it out every Christmas to remind us, that even though it's Christmas, people still die. And, you can put candy in it. (She grabs the skull, pulls out a stick of licorice, and takes a bite.)
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is sitting in the lobby as Ross enters.]
Rachel: I don't wanna stand in the way of true love or anything, but I think a cantaloupe might hurt less.
Joey: Ohh, well, thats ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. Its up here on some hook..and smells different.
Phoebe: You must be a fireball in bed.
Monica: You just stay here! (Dumps a jar of bath salts in the bathtub)
Joey: Here? In the hall? What are we animals?
(She does Ross's little gesture. In response Ross puts his hands behind his neck with his arms sticking straight out and starts flapping them together.)
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
<Monica holds a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife>
Ross: Rach, you can't call people at three in the morning.
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
Mike: Yeah, we met in college. (Off Joey's look) I mean, high school.
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
Chandler: Looking for restaurant jobs for you in Tulsa.
Sid: I still cant believe it! Im the luckiest guy in the world!
Rachel: Yeah, you like that baby? (Monica bursts in followed by Chandler.) May we help you?
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Rachel: (entering, excitedly) Oh! Hi you guys, oh my God! Youll never gonna believe happened to me today! I am sitting in my office and
Joey: (Walks In)
Ross: Well, let's say, I don't know, you met someone in the pediatrician's office.
Ross: well.. its just. its just in that case, then um. Emma would go to my parents.
Phoebe: No-no-no, but I am mad! I am mad! Because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world! And its all sitting up in my living room and all I can think about is how I dont have that lamp!
Rachel: (she hurries after him) Wait, we still have time to talk and theyre-they're not even in the car yet! (She takes a quick look down the street.) Oh look, there they go, okay. (She hurries in, too)
[Scene: Ross is in Central Perk. Phoebe comes in.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachels baby shower is underway. Monica and Phoebe are working in the kitchen.]
Monica: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.
Ross: Hmm, yeah. (To a random boy in the waiting room) Come on Ross jr. It's time to go in.
Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong?
Monica:: yeah he has to stay in Tulsa this weekend
(The triplets scream and run amok in the coffeehouse.)
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Monica: When we found out that we're gonna get this baby, Chandler and I started talking and we decided that we didn't want to raise a kid in the city.
Ross: Gimmie! (Takes the ring and puts it in his coat pocket as Rachel enters the hallway.)
Ursula: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
Tag: So when do you imagine you gave them to me? In the morning or in the afternoon?
Joey: Damnit! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore!?
Ross: Here they come, here they come. Oh-ho, if she kisses him goodnight, Im gonna kill myself, I swear. I cant, I cant watch this. (turns away, then quickly turns to look again) Come on, date over! Date over! Uh-oh, here we go, shes going in.
Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important.
[Back in front of the nursery window.]
<Joey looks to Phoebe and she nods in agreement>
Joey: (in a manly voice) Im gonna go shave. (Gets up.)
Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Chandler: Okay, here is the thing. We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there! All of your friends are in there and your parents!
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Ken: That�s right. Is it true, that the reason you are here in Tulsa is that you fell asleep in a meeting and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to?
Ken: I�m sorry, but isn�t your wife back in New York?
Rachel: All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!
Ross: Okay, (gets the money) so, do you make the pizzas in one of those uh, wood-burning ovens?
Ross: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?
Gunther: Nope! I still cant believe she slept with you in the first place.
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.]
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
[Scene: Bings in bed, finished.]
Chandler: This is okay. Were all adults here; theres nothing to be ashamed of. Now, lets put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.)
Waiter: I�ll just wait to put your order in.
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
(We hear Tag scream out in the hallway and jump into view of the open door on the scooter. He gives a hearty thumbs up to the group and rides off, with Joey following breathlessly behind.)
Phoebe: Alright, okay, so we can all go now. That is fun. Hey, you know what? We all haven�t been together the six of us in such a long time.
(Rachel mixes them up in her hands, moves them all around, and puts her hands behind her back.)
Rachel: Okay, in about ten seconds youre gonna see him kiss me.
Monica: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.
Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Monica: (in her apartment, screaming) I LOVE MY NEW JOB!
Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar
Phoebe: (in a flash she answers) Maybe not, is it?
Monica:: I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. angry sharks turn you on!
Chandler: So.. let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me?
Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway.
Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids.
Gary: I know, really well. In fact, I'm gonna ask Phoebe to move in with me.
Ross: Well, if whats in the bottle is actually 30. I mean sometimes you get 30, sometimes its-its get 4, and I swear to God more often than not its just milk.
Ross: Are you gay? (Rachel turns to Ross in an embarrassed way)
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe just let David in who brought a bottle of wine.]
David: In Minsk...
Monica: No, no, no, I don't make chocolate pies. When I was younger I-I enter in this pie-eating contest. I ate so many that just the thought of them made me sick.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen and Ross enters.]
Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
Monica: Chandler, if you thought I was going to get you porn for Valentines Day (pulls a video out of a basket) you were right! Apparently, its about a young girl who moves to the big city, you know, in search of stardom, but ends up having sex with a lot of guys! Yeah, it got four starts! (looks closer) Oh, wait a minute. Those arent stars. Anyway, you want to take a look?
Phoebe: Right! Never! Never! I swear! (They kiss... The door opens and David comes in again.)
Dennis Phillips: Oh, thank you. Well if youll excuse me, Im gonna go get myself a drink. Be back in a moment. (Walks away.)
(She kisses him. Ross leans back for a second, and then they both kiss, more passionately this time as U2's With or Without You plays in the background.)
Joey: Hey uh, is it okay to come in?
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
[Scene: Mr. Zelners Office, hes in a meeting as Joey bursts in.]
Phoebe: (in a nasally voice, from her cold) But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. (She puts her shoe on the table, and it's horribly decorated) Pretty, huh? (Sneezes)
Rachel: Yeah.. yeah right.. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby?
<everyone sucks their breath in, in shock>
Monica: Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes!
<Ross nods his head and points at her, in a yes manner>
ROSS: I'm getting ready for the water skiing. [Mr. Greene opens the door which pulls Ross in] How are you doing?
Chandler: Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in)
Joey: Uhm... (looks down) Yeah... this uhm... raccoon came in...