words in movies
Joey: I don't know uhh (Pause as he thinks about it.) Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Rachel: Oh, I read that in high school.
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
[Scene: Phoebe's class, the class has already started and Rachel walks in late.]
Phoebe: I thought you said you read it in high school.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
The Teacher: What do you think? You in the blue shirt.
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller.
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said ummOh my God. (Looks around the room.) You were actually gonna (Chandler picks this moment to return to the living room.) (Rachel stares in shock.)
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Ross: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What?
Ross: You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away!
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's class; Rachel walks in, on time this time.]
Chandler: (gasps) You're naked in this picture!
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
Ross: (in a stupor) Hey Chandler. (Sees Monica.) Monica!
Phoebe: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.
Monica: (yelling and waving her hand in the air) I know! I know! I know!
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
Joey: Uh yes, but it was, we just did it once uh, in London.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Joey: Ahhoy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?
Joey: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
(Mike walks in.)
Rachel: Well, in my defense, you were not supposed to tell each other.
Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding? (they both stare at Rachel)
Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please?
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.)
(Ross pours himself a glass of wine, hits record, and sits down in front of the camera.)
(Joey walks in)
Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the wedding?
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Monica: "Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen, tonight we'll put all other things aside. Give in thistime and show me some affection..."
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight?
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Ross: Hi! Yeah! Tommys in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think hes gonna snap. (Hes watching very intently)
Ross: A no sex pact huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Joey: Well, so, will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Rachel: Can somebody please go in?
Ross: Just can't believe I'm in Rachel Green's room.
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
Ross: Yeah, sure, right! Like I've ever been in Rachel Green's room.
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, its on the counter in your apartment.
Rachel: What do you mean? You've been in my room before!
Rachel: Rachel Green is very happy you're in her room!
Ross: I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
Erica: No, he's in prison. (More shocked looks from Monica and Chandler)
(Time lapse. Chandler and Monica are in bed now)
(Cut to Monica holding up her shirt, revealing her bra. An actor stands beside her, holding a pen in his hand.)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.)
Chandler: All right, but you cant use that again for a whole year. Im in.
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
Joey: No-no-no! Look, Ive been thinking about it. Im an actor right? So I wont get nervous talking in front of people.
JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
(Phoebe whispers something in Joey's ear, but after hearing it he jumps up, shocked)
Helena: (singing) For Im loved by a pretty wonderful boy! (Applause.) Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars. (He starts going into the audience.)
(Rachel holds her hand in order to support her head. Mr Zellner obviously overheard the conversation.)
Joey: (in agony) aaw-ahhh-aaahhh STOP! STOP! I'm worried about damaging my head.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form. (motions for the next person in line)
Judge: Now if you were two involved in a serious relationship, that really creates a problem.
Rachel: Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am somewhat comfortable.
(Joey's eyes double in size)
Monica: I dont believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Joey: Oh, yeah, sure, easy for you, you're young. Me, I'm set in my ways.
(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of that?)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (they all stare at each other)
Rachel: The job is in Paris. (we see Ross stare in disbelief)
Rachel: It's in Paris.
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
Joey: No idea! But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear".
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe's reading a newspaper. Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
2nd Customer: It was. The duck in particular was superb.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
[Scene: Joey’s apartment. He’s there and Phoebe comes in.]
Emily: She said, "If Im not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Ursula: No, I umm, I read about her in Moms suicide note.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. He walks in reading his mail, and plays back his messages on the answering machine]
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Ross: That's great! So you're staying in New York!
Chandler: (speaking as in pain) They're never coming down now.
Chandler: Yknow what you should do, just toss em in the shedder and claim you never got em.
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them.
Joey: (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory) Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, Im Joey, we havent met.
Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.
Joey: Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second.
Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there?
Monica: Rachel used to live in that room.
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party.
Mr. Geller: Have a seat son. (You can see Mr. Geller sitting closer to the door as Chandler walks over and sits in his lap.) Hey!! (Chandler quickly jumps off and sits next to him with a shocked expression on his face.)
Monica: Oh no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here.
Ross: Hey you know what? You know what? To avoid this little thing in the future, let's just say, you and me, never having sex again.
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel bursts in.]
Erica: (in pain) Ooh! Are you sure?
Rachel: Oh you're not. You're not gonna get in the middle of anything, don't worry about Ross really, really.(She hears the noise of the key in the lock) Oh! Hide! That's Ross! Hide! Hide!
Mischa: (to Monica) And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my dog,. In seven languages.
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
Monica: She doesn't have a stomach-ache. She's in labor!
Monica: You'll be fine. Nah, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.
Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!
Monica: I... I'm sorry, who should be along in a what now?
Chandler: Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!
Erica: Twins actually run in my family.
Sandy: (In a puppet voice) So you see Wigglemunch, that's why it's important to shaaaaaaare...
(Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.)
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Phoebe: You can drink a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?
Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
Chandler: Yeah, I think that's wrong, but there's a Connect the Dots in here for you later. (To Monica) Hey, how about maroon?
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)