words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's office in Tulsa.�� His assistant is showing him photographs.]
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
MONICA: Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.� Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult.� Tell him that what little time we have is precious.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross is in the living room covering Emma.� Rachel enters wearing a sexy dress.]
ROSS: I don't know.� But, you know, we, we have a lot in common, you know.� He plays piano; I played keyboards in college.� He's been divorced; I have some experience in that area.
ROSS: You know, I, I used to, ah, play keyboards in college.
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
JOEY: What are you . ..� (He sees her in her negligee.)� Why are you dressed like that?
MONICA: Oh, because, um . . .� well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days.� So, I thought I would, you know, practice the art of seduction.
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
CHANDLER: (writhes as if in agony) All right, look.� Just stay there.� I'm coming home.
JOEY: Okay.� Great.� I'll see you when you get here.� I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
RACHEL: Oh my God.� I can't believe you live in that building.� My grandmother lives in that building.� Ida Green?� No sense of personal space?� Kind of smells like chicken?� Looks like a potato.
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
(Ross, inside the door, releases a sign of relief.� Back in the hall, Mike's cell phone rings.)
PHOEBE: Well, you have to go back in.
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
MONICA: There's no man in here.� How dare you accuse me of that.� (She slaps Chandler.)
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
MONICA: Put all my money in me.
Phoebe: Yeah, Ive discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh womens names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
Rachel: Whoa!! Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What time did your little friend leave? (Ross cant answer that) Oh my God. She was there? She was still there? She was in there, when I was in there?!
RACHEL: Ohh, what is in that?
Ross: Come on Rach, you cant even eat alone in a restaurant.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
(The others have been taking all this in.)
JOEY: [in the voice] Hard to say.
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.]
Ross: Yeah, didn�t I mention that? Yeah, I mean, we haven�t being going out for too long, but rather there is thisamazing connection between us. I-I mean, in fact just before you came in she called me her boyfriend. I thought it wasa little too soon, but it was also, you know, it was kinda nice.
PHOEBE: Ok, I'm in the book.
Mike: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.
[They leave. As they're walking out, the bullies are walking in.]
[they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
CHANDLER: Ok. [reaches in his pocket]
Rachel: Hey! Wait a minute! That was different! I did those things because I was in love with you!
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Phoebe: Yeah! Lets do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?
EDDIE: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like a chip chick.
Molly: There is a man behind your curtain. I have a mace in my purse.
Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace
MRS. GREENE: Oh, I missed you kids. Well, should I put my coat in the bedroom?
[Scene: Later on in the hallway between the apartments. Chandler is showing people to the parties.]
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
Bitsy: She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his. (Mike walks in) Oh, hello dear...
[Back in Chandler and Joey's party]
[Back in Monica's party]
[Back in Monica's party]
Monica: Yknow, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue.
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey and the Hombre man are facing off in Joey's section.]
Monica: Okay! Okay! We can take a hint! (They start to leave but run into Phoebe with her guy in tow.) (To Phoebe) What are you doing here?!
RACHEL: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, 'Where the hell is my lily, you wuss?' OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a tattoo. [she bends over and bears her tattoo right when Ross returns]
Monica: Okay, we're gonna start in the kitchen. Plates get put into plate protectors and stacked ten to a box. The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it?
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
Phoebe: Come, sit. (He's hesitant.) Sit. (Still hesitating.) Sit! (He sits on the arm of the couch.) Umm, all righty, before we get started I justI need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay.
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Carol: I cant speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
JOEY: Oh, I'm gettin' heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.
Phoebe: (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! Shes not your cousin!
JANITOR: Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.
[they both pour in packets of cappucino mix]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
Joey: I'm gonna do it. (He downs the juice in one swig again.)
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in her bedroom.]
Monica: Because hell know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear thats dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, youre a genius!
Frank Jr.: Alright, alright, alright. Remember what we talked about. When we're in a public place, there are certain rules.
PHOEBE: Come in.
Joey: A little more, a little more. (she stuffs some more down his pants and Joey's assesses the how many there already are in there.) A little more... All right. Okay, all right, let's do this.
Ross: (to the guard) Dont sweat it, Ive got this section covered. Yeah, in fact Ive got this little baby (Turns on a mini-flashlight) to shine in peoples eye(The guard walks away)Okay, see you later.
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
Phoebe: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.
Chandler: I like it in the stern. (Realizes what he just said.) of the boat. (The phone rings, and he answers it.) (on phone) Hello.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]
Rachel: Oh, I dont know. Well maybe its just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I dont know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
[Later, Phoebe is on the phone, theyre all still trapped in Monicas bedroom.]
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Chandler: She's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.
(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)
ROSS: Is this what you had in mind?
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
TRAINER: In human terms, I'd say Cybill Shepard.
Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.
Mike: Great! Come on in! (Mike kisses her on the cheek. A butler walks in and takes Phoebe's coat.)
RICHARD: Honey, you are in it.
MONICA: Yeah, am I in it?
(Now Joey also wants to listen, and wants to press his ears against the door, which has a big mirror on it, he hesitates seeing himself in the mirror, but still puts his ear against it. We move again to Rachel's room.)
MRS. GELLER: So Jack, you ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
Ross: You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment, I look over here and you guys... are just having dinner or... watching TV or something, but... it makes me feel better. And now when I look over, who am I gonna see? The Gottliebs, the Yangs? They don't make me feel so good. (Joey pats Ross on his back)
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please(He catches something important in the zipper and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
Chandler: Well, maybe you can get in on a beauty scholarship.
Mike: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes.
Rachel: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics.
Rachel: But you have it right there in that file? You could tell us whether its a boy or a girl? Dayton or Sandrine? Phoebe or Phoebo?
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
PHOEBE: She wants to meet you in person.
[Later, Ross and Rachel are sitting in the kitchen.]
[Cut to a hospital room set on the Days of Our Lives stage. Two nurses are standing next to a bed with a man whose face is completely covered in bandages and reading his chart.]
Chandler: (sarcastically) Yes were all in here and we would love for you to join us!
RACHEL: (to Ross) She you in the parking lot.
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
Rachel: On Melanie Griffith in "Working girl". I think what you want is over here.
MONICA: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.
Rachel: No, it's been three nights in a row.
Ross: Hey, can I, can I get in on that? Because Im kinda hungry myself.
Chandler: If you wanna give Joey a Christmas present that disrupts the entire building, why not get him something a little bit more subtle, like a wrecking ball, or a vile of small pox to release in the hallway?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard and Monica are in bed.]
ROSS: What? Let me see. [climbs up in the other adjoining stall]
MR. GELLER: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm just saying.
Chandler: Aww, we were worried about you! Hm. I guess I better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh?
Rachel: You remember not having sex in high school, right?