words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's office in Tulsa.�� His assistant is showing him photographs.]
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
MONICA: Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.� Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult.� Tell him that what little time we have is precious.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross is in the living room covering Emma.� Rachel enters wearing a sexy dress.]
ROSS: I don't know.� But, you know, we, we have a lot in common, you know.� He plays piano; I played keyboards in college.� He's been divorced; I have some experience in that area.
ROSS: You know, I, I used to, ah, play keyboards in college.
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
JOEY: What are you . ..� (He sees her in her negligee.)� Why are you dressed like that?
MONICA: Oh, because, um . . .� well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days.� So, I thought I would, you know, practice the art of seduction.
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
CHANDLER: (writhes as if in agony) All right, look.� Just stay there.� I'm coming home.
JOEY: Okay.� Great.� I'll see you when you get here.� I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
RACHEL: Oh my God.� I can't believe you live in that building.� My grandmother lives in that building.� Ida Green?� No sense of personal space?� Kind of smells like chicken?� Looks like a potato.
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
(Ross, inside the door, releases a sign of relief.� Back in the hall, Mike's cell phone rings.)
PHOEBE: Well, you have to go back in.
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
MONICA: There's no man in here.� How dare you accuse me of that.� (She slaps Chandler.)
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
Ross: Ugh. Well, were just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, were gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there you go up to the roof and you let me in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
[The next one is from Episode 204: The One With Phoebes Husband, when everyone including Julie is watching Joey in his porno.]
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
Rachel: My due date is in one week!
Ross: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Joey: Either eat it, or be in it.
Ross: Ah, mustve been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store.
Rachel: Uh, put your elbow in it.
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
Ross: Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay? (Rachel bursts in carrying two boxes and Ross jumps up.) Rachel!
Eric: And we were both in the Peace Corps.
(Robert walks away and the guys all start laughing in front of Phoebe.)
Ross: Of course! Uh yeah, she and I would talk all the time in-in (Rachel pokes her head in and starts to look around) the laundry room. (Pushes Rachel out of the way.)
Phoebe: I know. Its just yknow usually when youre, when youre done with the pregnant thing, yknow, then you get to do the mom thing. Im gonna be yknow, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Ross: (grabbing the car) Okay! Okay! Okay! (He gets in, but into the back seat.)
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Monica: Star in a movie.
Monica: Oh look, the pool tables free. Rack em up. Ill be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Rachel: (thinking) Youre going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, youre going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)
Monica: Shes in the bathroom.
Rachel: In a minute!!!
Ross: Yknow what? The doctor will be in soon, why dont we not speak until then.
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Ross: Actually that-thats not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Yknow, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriends a lesbian. (Leaves.)
Ross: Always a great way to get in a mans pants.
Ross: All right! (Checking his watch) Yes!! From home to the hospital in under seven minutes! We did it!!
(Phoebe and Monica walk in from getting some coffee.)
<Joey nods in agreement>
[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]
Rachel: Oh, thank you so much for coming. Ross, get in here!
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)Diet Coke.
Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that.
[Scene: The Hallway Outside Rosss Apartment, Ross is walking towards his apartment and sees Rachel sitting in front of the door.]
(They run off in search of a bed.)
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Ross: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.
Phoebe: Oh yay! Great! Okay, what room number is he in?
Nurse: Hes in room 816.
PHOEBE: Bye you. [Ryan's cab drives off. As Phoebe is going back in, she sees the Central Perk sign in the window and laughs.]
Joey: (looks in the window) Hes not really my type.
Phoebe: Wait a second, or maybe you can go in first.
Ross: (in a high pitched voice) Monica!
Rachel: Okay, well then bring her in.
Ross: Uh well umm were just not in that place, yknow? But were very excited about this.
Monica: We could, or we can have sex in it.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, theyre brining in yet another woman.]
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Chandler and Monica are entering to see if they in fact did hear Janice.]
Janice: (laughs) Look how nervous he gets! We havent slept together in years! (Laughs again.)
Joey: Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella.
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Janice is being moved to the delivery room and is screaming in pain.]
CHAN: Guess who's back in show business.
Ross: (stopping him) Okay! Okay! Okay. Im sorry. Please, please, you were in Western Europe and?
Joey: Hey, Im not interested in her sweater! Its whats underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who Im going out with?
Phoebe: Cliff, do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here in your room?
Cliff: Is this the same spoon that was in my cast? (Smells it.)
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
Dr. Long: Okay, the next contraction should be in about twenty seconds.
Ross: Oh, come in.
Eric: Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and its not like me to do something so impulsive, but shes just so perfect, and we have so much in common.
Phoebe: Can we come in?
Ross: Well then wed be in a lot of trouble, you dont know where any countries are. (Rachel glares at him.) Okay. (He goes over to the desk followed by Rachel.) Uh, say would you umm Would you mind checking again to see if any umm, private rooms may have (Handing her some money) opened up?
Rachel: Oh, Im fine. (Gasps in pain as she sits down.)
Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club?
Phoebe: Is she in there?
Amanda: (In a fake British accent) It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! (gives her coat to Monica as well) Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs (at which point she grabs both Phoebe and Monica's hands and places them both on her stomach) I don't exercise at all! (she pulls them down to sit.) Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married!
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Rachel is in bed as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Wait. Before we go in, I just want you to know I love you. I had a great time on our honeymoon, and I cant wait to go in there and spend the rest of our life together.
Evil Bitch: Shes in labor! You like that you sick son of a bitch!
Ross: Not just Janice, Janice in labor, contracting and everything.
Chandler: I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
Ross: Hey! Oh, Im so glad you guys are here. Ive been dying to tell someone what happened in the Paleontology department today.
Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand
Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school.
Phoebe: Embryossss? As in, "More than one?"
Monica: I dont see him. Hey! Maybe hes in the sugar bowl! (Opens the sugar bowl) Joey? Nope! (Closes the sugar bowl and they both laugh.)
Later in the day.
Phoebe: Although he does play with himself in his sleep.
Rachel: Okay sweetie, you can do it. Just open up and put it in your mouth.
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.
Phoebe: Huh, I might be losing interest in this.
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Chandler: Look, we cant stay in here forever.
Cliff: Oh my God! Thats the doctor who was in my room before!
Joshua: Huh. (She starts brushing the lint off and checking him out in the mirror.) Yeah?
Lydia: Arent you in my Popular Culture class?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
The Director: Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a terrible play! Ill see you in the morning. (exits)
Phoebe: All right, all right, well just do our best. Okay? So lets say Im the interviewer and Im meeting you for the first time. Okay. "Hi! Come on in, Im uh, Regina Philange."
Chandler: Hardest thing Ive ever done in my life.
Ross: In the closet.
Monica: Nothing. (She backs away a little bit but is still in his arms and looks up at his eyes.) I dont knUmm. I dont know. Umm
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.