words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's office in Tulsa.�� His assistant is showing him photographs.]
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
MONICA: Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.� Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult.� Tell him that what little time we have is precious.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross is in the living room covering Emma.� Rachel enters wearing a sexy dress.]
ROSS: I don't know.� But, you know, we, we have a lot in common, you know.� He plays piano; I played keyboards in college.� He's been divorced; I have some experience in that area.
ROSS: You know, I, I used to, ah, play keyboards in college.
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
JOEY: What are you . ..� (He sees her in her negligee.)� Why are you dressed like that?
MONICA: Oh, because, um . . .� well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days.� So, I thought I would, you know, practice the art of seduction.
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
CHANDLER: (writhes as if in agony) All right, look.� Just stay there.� I'm coming home.
JOEY: Okay.� Great.� I'll see you when you get here.� I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
RACHEL: Oh my God.� I can't believe you live in that building.� My grandmother lives in that building.� Ida Green?� No sense of personal space?� Kind of smells like chicken?� Looks like a potato.
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
(Ross, inside the door, releases a sign of relief.� Back in the hall, Mike's cell phone rings.)
PHOEBE: Well, you have to go back in.
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
MONICA: There's no man in here.� How dare you accuse me of that.� (She slaps Chandler.)
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
Ross: About about sex? (Joey looks at him confused) That I hadnt had sex in months?
Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks.
RACHEL: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything.
Joey: Oh, it was a lot of fun right up until Chandler got a finger in the eye!
Chandler: No, no, no-no-no. I smoked for years, then I quit. Right now, I can�t remember why. (to everyone:) You�re not allowed to smoke in this office. Not right?
Ross: Thats right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film that Batman film he was in.
Joey: (placing Hugsy back in the crib) There you go sweetie... (to Emma) This isn't over.
Monica: Alright, wait a second, why would Ross tell everyone in your class that you are as... (reads from the screen) "gay as the day is long"?
Phoebe: Yes. Definitely! Yes! Let's live in an apartment that we both live in! (Hugs him.)
Monica: What are you, animals? It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon!
Monica: I'll go in there.
Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; thats not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why dont we, why dont we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone.
Rachel: Joey, Emma's right here! You promised not to bring girls home in the middle of the day anymore.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment: Ross is doing something on his laptop when Chandler walks in]
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one. Ah, its says so in the script! Y'know ah, I-I dont know why my character likes you either, I mean it says in the script here that youre a bitch.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couch, holding hands, while Phoebe puts milk in her coffee.]
Mike: It's just my first marriage was, you know such a disaster. I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Joey: How do you think I got him in the first place?
Monica: Great. So the ball is in his court?
Chandler: Yeah, right here in my pocket. (Pats his pocket. Phoebe smiles, goes over to hug him, and removes the ring from his pocket.) Pheebs?
Joey: Nah, its okay. Right, Gunther? (Winks at him as if theyre in on a secret together.)
Ross: (coming in) I'm dead and no one cares?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there as Monica enters with the local paper that has the engagement picture in it.]
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Joey: Seriously, Ross, you don't want in on this?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Ross: Oh oh, we think Emma is about to start talking so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen]
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
Monica: Fine. (Brenda comes in to use the bathroom and adjusts her pink bra strap on the way.) Shes wearing my bra!
Monica: You know what, Ross? I'm gonna throw in 50 bucks for you.
Rachel: I dont know, you thought See you Saturday was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.
Chandler: Ok, so now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Chandler: Thats funny, this conversations how I got the bullet hole in my head.
Rachel: You wanna go in the bedroom? Its a little more comfortable.
Rachel: Ooh, you guys, it starts in like 20 minutes.
Phoebe: Ok, well, are all the tickets in the bowl?
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross: I can't believe this, I thought we were all in this together!
Monica: Hey, you just got in 5 minutes ago!
Joey: (in pain) Oh!
Ross: Wow! How'd you get in there?
Phoebe: ...teen! (throws in a ten-dollar bill)
Chandler: well, well, well it must be five in Tulsa because it's six o clock IN NY.C!
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Chandler: (in a mournful voice) Please, come in.
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?
Ross: Ok, use it in a sentence.
(Joey comes in from the back of the coffee house)
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandlers, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Chandler: Oh yknow, Ive been living here a while and Ive never seen whats inside that closet. What is, what is in there?
Joey: (talking to a pineapple in his hand) God, you're beautiful...why are we fighting this?You know you want it to happen as much as I do.
Steve: Chandler, you were the strongest person in the program. We're offering you the position of junior copywriter.
Rachel: Y'know what else is really great about him, oh, what is the word for the adult that doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Actress/Olivia: Drake! What are you doing in here?
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
[Time lapse: Phoebe in front of restaurant again]
Monica: I swear I didnt know she was a hooker! I mean whDid you let her smoke in here?
Joey: Yep. I just, I just watched her sleep for like hours, just breathing in and breathing out. And then I knew she was dreaming cause, cause her eyes keep going like this. (He closes his eyes and moves them around, kinda like hes been processed by the devil, or something.)
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says )
Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that Im real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school
Ross: Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
Rachel: Ok, well this is like that...in no way. I had a...I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.
Joey: Yeah! (Monica goes in the bedroom.) Yknow, she could use a little (Whistles that she needs to do what theyre doing.) (Something happens on the game.) Oh nice shot!!! (They all cheer.)
(Phoebe comes in)
Monica: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.
Ross: There's something new in the bowl.
[Scene: In front of Monica's restaurant. Phoebe is playing]
Chandler: Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Rachel walks in]
Ross: Well I have to. Okay? If I dont, theyll take the class away from me. And I already put it in my family newsletter.
Phoebe: I cant. I cant. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was Okay, bye Pheebs gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun Ive ever had in like all my lives.
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Ross: (he picks up the ball) What do you think you learnt how to do in the last two minutes?? (he enters another room)
(Joey and Rachel continue to look at each other in silence for a while)
Joey: Monica and I were talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross?
Monica: In the hall.
[Scene: In the hall]
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
(a woman walks in)
[Scene: Phoebe is in central-perk with Joey telling him what Ross said t her at the beginning.]
Ross: Oh, ha, I wrote that in one minute.
[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]
Monica: Joey, put that down! (the phone rings) Oh my God! It's Pete. Okay, get out!! How the hell do you answer a video-phone! (steps in front of it, and automatically answers it)
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
Joey: (sounds tired) Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, Ive attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, lets take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, its a koondis!
Sonia: We'll get to the wax in a minute. First I want to tweeze some of the strays, ok? This may sting just a little bit...
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
[Scene: Chandler in the theater]
Monica: No! But because he thought I was to faaaaa . (Chandler emerges, without flushing by the way.) And every time I think about it, it makes me feel as bad as I did in fifth grade! Yknow, I-I really think that you should apologize to Julie.
(She storms into his apartment to find him with a towel around his shoulders, a bowl on his head, and Phoebe with scissors in her hand.)
Chandler: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably...
(Chandler walks in)
(Joey motions for Rachel to lean in. She does so.)