words in movies
[Scene: Chandler's office in Tulsa.�� His assistant is showing him photographs.]
JO LYNN: This kitty is Mittens and this one is Fitzhugh, and this little guy in the cat condo is Jinkies.
CHANDLER: But hey, it's courtside.� The cheerleaders are going to be right in fr. . . (Pause)� That's not the way to convince you.
MONICA: Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.� Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult.� Tell him that what little time we have is precious.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross is in the living room covering Emma.� Rachel enters wearing a sexy dress.]
ROSS: I don't know.� But, you know, we, we have a lot in common, you know.� He plays piano; I played keyboards in college.� He's been divorced; I have some experience in that area.
ROSS: You know, I, I used to, ah, play keyboards in college.
CHANDLER: Because I didn't know how to tell him that I couldn't go to the Knicks game.� So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa.
JOEY: What are you . ..� (He sees her in her negligee.)� Why are you dressed like that?
MONICA: Oh, because, um . . .� well, Chandler's going to be home in a couple of days.� So, I thought I would, you know, practice the art of seduction.
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny.� I've been, ah, practicing the art of seduction myself.� (He raises his hands in front of himself, sticks out his behind, and wiggles it.)� Hi ya.
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
CHANDLER: (writhes as if in agony) All right, look.� Just stay there.� I'm coming home.
JOEY: Okay.� Great.� I'll see you when you get here.� I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
RACHEL: Oh my God.� I can't believe you live in that building.� My grandmother lives in that building.� Ida Green?� No sense of personal space?� Kind of smells like chicken?� Looks like a potato.
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
(Ross, inside the door, releases a sign of relief.� Back in the hall, Mike's cell phone rings.)
PHOEBE: Well, you have to go back in.
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
MONICA: There's no man in here.� How dare you accuse me of that.� (She slaps Chandler.)
CHANDLER: (thinks, then turns to Monica) I climb down the fire escape and you can't put that in the closet?
CHANDLER: I'm sorry.� I, I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted to spend the night with Monica and I, I didn't know . . .� I didn't think you'd understand.
JOEY: What? You think I'm too dumb to understand that a husband needs to be with his wife?� Huh?� Do you think I'm like, "Duh."� (He strikes himself in the head with the bat.� He stands dazed for a moment.)
ROSS: (pauses, then crunches up the note and stuffs it in his pocket.)� Never mind.
Rachel: (looks at Ross and then at Amy again in disbelief) What?
Joey: (Shocked) Oh! Well that's it! He's the last one to go. I'm locking you guys in. (turns the bolts of the door, thereby locking it)
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's. Joey is in the kitchen and the telephone rings.]
Rachel: You put holes in my baby's ears!
Monica: Tell them I'm a chef in a big New York restaurant!
Phoebe: It's in the cake, isn't it?
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Mona: Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and yknow take it all in.
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
(A blonde woman walks in. Supposedly Amanda)
Joey: That's great! Hey, can you cast me in it?
Joey: I can do that! (in a deeper voice) "Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things or... professing. I like to use..." Oh, what's the product?
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Rachel: I'm sorry, this sounds like something I'm never gonna be interested in.
Monica: No. I dont think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.
Monica: Just go get some! (Kisses him.) Go! (She runs to hide in the bathroom.)
Monica: No, that landed in your food!
Chandler:(In a sarcastic "of course not"!-tone) No!
Estelle: The thing is its kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesnt know he might be fired. Its the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Ross: Excuse me, I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby with the rash came in after me.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Phoebe: Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it. Or maybe there is some place for her in your bedroom?
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh... (Chandler hits his own head) you're an amazing woman, and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable. Of course the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help!
Ross: Ok well, I would like to do a dig in the painted desert.
Benjamin: Like I tried to tell you in the interview Ross, this grant is not based on your knowledge of pretty useless trivia.
Rachel: Yeah but, my assistant Tag does sit-ups in the office during lunch. Ohh! I could just spread him on a cracker.
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
Rachel: Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress.
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
Carl: (sticking his head back in) Hey, uh can I get a little piece of that cake?
Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is!
(they shake hands the way friends would. There's a muffin on the table, and Ross breaks off a piece and wants to put it in his mouth.)
Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-youll let it go.
Rachel: Hi! Emma will be up in a minute!
Ross: (sarcastic) And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie!
(He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.)
[That's all folks, no teaser; just the big cliffhanger for season 6. Yes, there will be a season 6, and it'll start again in September. Have a good summer everyone!]
Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it’s in the diaper bag.
Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I dont want to forget this moment! Its like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.)
Joey: Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin?
Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in.
Monica: I'm gonna miss this hand! Okay I know it's a lot to ask, but oh my God Chandler, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Monica: Why dont you phase it out? Yeah, fade the accent out and people will think youre, yknow, that youre adjusting to life in America.
Parker: Isnt this the most incredible fight youve ever had in your entire life?
Joey: Well, you wouldn't let me in, so I thought you were in trouble.
Rachel: Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Amy: Oh, I can’t, honey. I’m gonna go get my eyebrows shaped. (points at her eyebrows) I am not happy. (to Joey who has a pizza box in his hands) Oh... sure you wanna eat that?
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. Shes almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Rachel: Irrational, huh? All right, well, I’ll remember that the next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.]
Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands)
Monica: So, do you guys wanna come and eat dinner at the restaurant sometime in the next few weeks?
Ross: She's putting words in your mouth!
Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths!
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
Monica: This dinner is gonna be so great! In your face, last year "me"!
Chandler: Okay, well we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us? The people that care about you?
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Ross: No, no, no. Don't do that! I want you to look her in the eyes, and tell her the truth.
Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I dont have too! It tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
Joey: So we'll leave before it's over, we'll be back in time.
Ross: Well, I know the other day in the coffeehouse you were caught up in the whole soccer mom thing? but is that really you? I mean can you honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?
Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups!
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah, and I have a time share in the Pocanos with Flipper.
Joey: Hmm thats weird. I dont remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.
Phoebe: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier!
Monica: (gasps) Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!
[time lapse – they are still in the hall]
Ross: Well, let's just go in there and face them.
Rachel: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
MONICA: Ya know, my party is fun. I mean, maybe it's a little quieter, less obvious sorta fun but, you know, if people would just give it a chance... [volleyball hits her in the head from behind]
Rachel: (gasps) Oh, I just remembered. We do have something to eat. Monica put something in our oven this morning.
Dr. Rhodes: He's good with rear things, bring him in too.
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fianc�e Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Monica: Okay, weve been out here for two hours and we havent seen any stupid comets. Can we go now? I mean, Chandlers getting chilly. (She walks over to where Chandler is bundled up in a big coat and shivering.)
Joey: No seriously... I'm really wedged in here.
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Joey: Yknow I dont think you should be talking at all in there! I think youve got to much thinking to do to be talking and making jokes!
Phoebe: Just a sec., we're kind in the middle of something here.
Monica: There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us!
Rachel: To Monica and Chandler... and that knocked up girl in Ohio.
Monica: And a lot could still get in our way.
Phoebe: Hey, you know what, I've never had a one-year anniversary before, so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy pants, and... I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry and we're gonna have sex in a public rest room.
Rachel: Oh, you're gonna love this cake. I got it from a bakery in New Jersey, Corino’s.
PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
Agency guy: Please, make yourself comfortable and I will back in a moment with Erica.
Phoebe: Or you could stick a fork in an apple!
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
Ross: (concluding his speech)... in a very real way we can bring the Mesozoic era into the 21st century. (pauses) Thank you!
Phoebe: Congratulations! I didnt want to say anything in front of Joey cause I didnt know if he knew yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm not going in first. I bet that vein on Monica's forehead is popping like crazy.