words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Joey: Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?!
Rachel: Oh my God, who is it?! (Phoebe rolls her eyes.)
Phoebe: Okay, okay. Its James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my baby.
Phoebe: It is.
Rachel: Oh! (They smile and the picture is taken.) Oh by the way?
Rachel: Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.
[Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.]
Monica: Oh that is so sweet!
Monica: Well, the good news is, I dont think anyones looking at us.
Phoebe: Yeah. Thats fine. Thats fair. Is it Tag?
Phoebe: Is it Ross? Its Ross isnt itOh my God, its Joey!
[Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table hes at and sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.]
Mrs. Bing: Dennis is a dear old friend and a fantastic lover.
Mrs. Bing: Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new Broadway show.
[Time lapse. The band is finishing another song.]
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
Monica: This is so huge.
Monica: Of course not nothing is. Between me and you
Monica: Well, theres a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize shes not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?
Phoebe: Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer, but he said he would leave her for me. And I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?" James Brolin said
Rachel: I dont know. I dont know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I dont want to make. (Takes another sip of champagne and spits it back out) Somebody just take this away from me!!
Monica: Oh, wait a minute! Whos is the father?!
Phoebe: See? This is why you register.
Ross: Oh great! (They get up to dance and Ross is interrupted by a little girl.)
Ross: Yeah? Hop on. (They start dancing and Mona sits down.) Is the pretty lady looking?
[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]
[Joey walks back inside just as Rosss dance is finishing.]
Joey: (clinks his glass) Id like to propose a toast. To Monica and Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) Im sorry. And-and some scared memoriesWhoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized Ill always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!
[Time Lapse, the interrupted song is finishing.]
Mona: So, is it my turn now?
Joey: Oh, see thats where youre wrong. Whatever it is I can do it. And if didnt see it up there, just-just try me.
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.
Rachel: Thanks. (Crying) God this is so stupid! (Pause) How could I be upset over something I never had? Its negative?
[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and Mona is looking on concerned.]
Mona: That is so sweet!
Rachel: Oh God! This is silly, Im gonna see you in a couple of hours! (They hug again.)
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
Rachel: (entering) Well! Is everybody else having just the best time?!
(Sarah enters the room again, and stops when she sees her dessert is missing. Joey has emptied her plate, and has a chocolate covered mouth, just like a kid.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Ursula: He is? Why?
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbianI don't think we need a third...
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.
Chandler: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?
Nurse: Excuse me... This hospital is for people!
Ross: No-no, this is my collection of fossil samples.
Chandler: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. (Monica laughs.) Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.
(Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.]
[Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his office.]
Rachel: (laughs and pushes the chair back in) Yeah, well, y'know umm No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!
Phoebe: Is he alright?
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Joey is holding a deck of cards out to Chandler.]
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
Chandler: (To Rachel) Eldad is much more cooperative! And he can dance! (To Eldad) You dance for Rachel!
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
Phoebe: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Chandler: Actually, in Oklahoma smoking is legal in all commune areas and offices with fewer than fifteen people.
Monica: It's not ok to do it in a doctor's office but it is ok to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Phoebe: (entering) Everbody this is Frank! This is my half-brother Frank.
The Cooking Teacher: (To Monica) Oh! Something smells good over at Monicas station! (She tries Monicas fettuccini.) Oh my God! This is absolutely amazing! Youve never made this before?
Joey: Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?
Rachel: Oh my God!! Ohh, that is it! Im leaving! You are just a horrible person!
Phoebe: Yeah, she turned you into this-this-this untrusting, crazy, jealous, sycophant. (They all look at her.) All right, so I dont know what sycophant means, but the rest is right.
Frank: (entering with his fianc�e Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc�e, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song as the gang looks on.]
(Ross is visibly upset.)
Monica: Thats better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it except all I did was think about it.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]
Phoebe: (reading): Your Visa bill is huge!
Rachel: Thank you. (He goes to leave.) Hey-hey umm, uh, is there, is there any such thing as an annulment shower?
ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant againThat isI tell ya, that is a tricky one!
Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
Ross: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Monica: What is it?
Rachel: Honey see, it doesnt mean that I dont love you. Because I do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work its-its for me y'know, Im out there, on my own, and Im doing it and its scary but I love it, because its mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is dusting. She comes to the table, lifts all the magazines and wipes under them, then just puts them down again. Monica bursts in, obviously drunk.]
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.]
Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Monica: Joey, I think you should consider something a little less risky. I mean, I think in this market, real estate is your best investment.The Fed. just lowered the rates and the interest on your mortgage is totally deductible. (looks at Chandler) That's right, I know some stuff!
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...
Cashier: I can tell you work out. (Ross is please and Rachel looks at him confused.) A paleontologist who works out, youre like Indiana Jones. (Rachel has a disbelieving look on her face.)
Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?
Phoebe: I lost a whole year! I cant believe it! This is so unfair!
Teacher: Lights please? And thats having a baby. Next week is our final class.
Phoebe: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.
Ross: I just Bamboozled Chandler! (Flexes in victory while everyone stares at him.) Which is not uh sexual thing. That was a quick shower.
Monica: What is it?
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. Im watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I dont know what the big deal is. Im man enough to play this sport.
Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?
Monica: Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.]
Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Ross: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.
[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Rachel: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too..
[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.
Phoebe: So how is this for our big double date tonight? (She is all dressed up)
Rachel: Oh sure it is!
Monica: God, Ross is on a date with your sister! How weird is that?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy enters.]
Phoebe: I dont believe you! That is brilliant! And Monica has no idea?
Mindy: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in the city.
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.]
Rachel: Okay. (She tilts her head back and squeezes the eyedropper. The only problem is, it's not over her eye.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.]
Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]