words in movies
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Monica: Its wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Rachel: All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.
Chandler: So is your apron. Youre wearing it like a cape.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is coming back from using the phone.]
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Chandler: Is not.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Phoebe: Wow! That is a bad audition.
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
[Scene: Outside Monas Apartment, Ross is knocking on the door.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Rachel: Oh thats not important. The point is, I reallyI think everythings gonna be okay.
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Monica: He is the man in the black dress.
[Scene: Mr. Zelners Office, Rachel is knocking on the door.]
Phoebe: Oh there it is.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is ordering something over the phone from a catalog.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Phoebe: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parents anniversary party?
Ross: You think?! God, I, ah, Im in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachels all like, I love you and, and lets work on this. And all I can think about is, What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say? when I tell her what I did.
Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
Ross: Aww that is so cool.
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
Phoebe: Everybody, this is Parker, Parker this is
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. Theres a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandlers door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Monica: Well, spring vacation is doing nice things with your grandparents. Spring break youre doing frat guys.
Monica: I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going to trust me with anything ever again!
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Aunt Lisa: Oh that is so sweet!
RACHEL: [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
[Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.]
Rachel: (taking a bite) Oh my God! That is so good!
Parker: Is something wrong?
Monica: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, yknow she had such a terrible childhood.
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Chandler: Yknow what would really help me through this tough time is choking something. Can I choke ya?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
Monica: How cool is this?! We know three down! Im touching three down! (She has her hand on his shoulder.)
Chandler: Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.
Chandler: Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you?
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Phoebe: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why (Looking down) youre burning in hell!!
Rachel: God she is unbelievable.
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica are talking about the baby, and Monica is rubbing Erica's tummy.]
[The next one is from Episode 507: The One Where Ross Moves In.]
CHANDLER: Yeah.� I feel so bad.� Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Chandler: Okay. Now all weve got to do is get rid of this chair.
Chandler: Wish it! (To the woman, Kathy, he likes) Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
[The next one is from Episode 619: The One With Joeys Fridge.]
Joey: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Joey: I couldnt help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesnt and Joey punches Ross. Gunther is amused.)
Aunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. (walks into kitchen) Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. (to Phoebe): Nice earrings.
Ross: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Monica: Okay, I-Im sorry. You and Joey, your both focusing on this uncomfortable thing, what you need to do is to change the subject. Next time you see him try to get him talking about something else.
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
(Ross is having a fit, about how calm Tommy is now)
[The next one is from Episode 605: The One With Joey's Porsche.]
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? Im her sister.
Monica: Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef.
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice anyway.)
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Joey: (glaring at her) Is there a problem?
(The gang is confused.)
(The gang is disappointed.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying to erase Chandlers dirty words while he looks on.]
[Scene: The Restaurant, dinner has ended and Phoebe and Rachel are talking. Dr. Green is not at the table.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are there. Rachel is reading everyones horoscope.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is watching Cujo while Joey returns from his date scaring Rachel.]
Phoebe: No. (Pause) Neither is mine.
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (on phone) Please! Please! Can you come? Its today at four.
Joey: This is embarrassing. (Looks it up.)
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Dina is at the craft services table getting some food as Joey walks up.]
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Monica: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
Monica: (Robin is speaking loudly again) I...
Joey: Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.
Monica: We are the hottest! Huh? No one is hotter than we are! You're the best.
Chandler: This game is kinda fun.
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
Phoebe: Really? Lee Majors is hot!
Monica: Okay, where is the Kat Stevens CD?
Rachel: Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own.
Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
Phoebe: Okay, this is from your friend at work.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah yknow, like warm up the crowd. Ask em where theyre from. Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. Im a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no one better! There is no one greater!
Ben: Sharing is good.
Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?
Chandler: This is the best game ever!!!
[Scene: Joeys Audition, Joey is being shown in.]
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]