words in movies
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Monica: Its wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Rachel: All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.
Chandler: So is your apron. Youre wearing it like a cape.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is coming back from using the phone.]
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Chandler: Is not.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Phoebe: Wow! That is a bad audition.
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
(Ross is shocked.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Monica: Son of a gun, it is!
Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?
Chandler: Oh dont forget, my office holiday party is tonight. (They go into the apartment.)
Ross: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.
Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?
Chandler: Her name is Erica.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is performing, his music hasnt improved.]
Joey: This is so cool!
It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see One of them wont do it, but the second one will set you free Tell all your hate and anger, its time to say good-bye And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I work for die! La, la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
[Scene: The street right in front of Central Perk. Phoebe's cab is there. Ross and Phoebe run over and jump in.]
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
[Scene: New York City Department of Correction, Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)
Phoebe: Damn, that window is clean.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds.]
(Monica turns around and is about to leave when she steps on something.)
Joey: Because its all tainted with your betrayal. From now on this apartment is empty for me! And Im not happy about you either. (The bread maker dings) Oh, and just so you know, I made that bread for you. (Joey walks into his bedroom and slams the door.)
[Scene: The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass.]
(Monica is standing by the crib, and she's looking at her babies.)
Rachel: Phoebe? Is everything okay?
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Chandler walks in with a friend of his while Monica is putting fruit in a bowl.]
Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?
Rachel: This is ridiculous! I...
Air stewardess: There is no Philange!
Passenger #1: But she is sometimes.
(She notices that everybody is leaving.)
Monica: Alright. My job here is done.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Ross: Where is she?
Phoebe: There she is!
Ross: Okay, the thing is..
Passenger #1: We're all getting off. There is no Philange!
Chandler: Wow, this is weird.
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica enter. Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for support.]
Benjamin: Certainly. Very well. And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday?
(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)
Ross: This is it. Unless we're on a break.
Rachel: Okay. You and me, alright? This is it.
Phoebe: So, I guess this is it.
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
Rachel: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do.
Waiter: Hah, sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight
[Scene: Rachels bedroom; Rachel is awoken by a man singing in the next apartment.]
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. Is that annoying? And speaking about being selfish in bed, hows Whitney?
Phoebe: Oh! Alright. Well I think the reason people laugh is becuase it's a play on the word roomy.
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
Chandler: It still wouldnt be clean. (Rachel makes an Eww, disgusting! face) All I want is my freedom.
Sarah: (laughing) No. If I can't have your clams, you can't have my dessert. This is a two way street.
Chandler: Oh, so thats why the priest threw holy water on me. (theres no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Phoebe: Wow! Oh you can just imagine that this is where (Shes opening and closing the drawers) they kept all the stuff to make their potions.
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
Phoebe: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa (starts crying)
Ross: He is saving your butt, ah, unless of course Im stepping on some toes here, in which case I can just mosey on, Ive got plenty of people to help on the Interstate.
Rachel: Oh my God! I can not believe that! I mean I dont really like it when Ross goes out with anyone, but my sister isnt that like incest or something?! Oh my God, and theyre gonna have sex! Oh! Oh no what if he marries her too?! Oh this is just terrible, this is just terrible. And I cant stop it! I cantI dont own Ross! Yknow? And Jill, she should be able to do whatever it is that she wants to do! And oh my God, I cant believe Ross is marrying my little sister, this terrible. Oh my God, this is just the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I cant wait! This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I cant believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents!
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...
Monica: Ok worse case scenario is...we borrow some money from my parents.
Joey: Oh, were supposed to just get him a ticket?! That guy is always mooching off of us!
Joey: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason (Exhales slowly)Is it hot in here?
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Im so sorry to barge in on your Valentines, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebe is on the phone to the motor club.]
Chandler: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. (Winks in a spy-type manner.)
Chandler: That was a celebration of life. Alright, look, I�m not gonna do this. Alright, is this really the way you want a baby to be conceived?
[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch writing when Chandler enters to make his brief cameo.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Monica: Are you kidding?! I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade! This is likeOh my, this is like my second favorite game!
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Chandler: He said...he said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself! Without any outside help whatsoever.
[Scene: Central Perk. Charlie is sitting on the couch and Ross enters.]
Chandler: Tomorrow night is good. Tomorrow night is good, but uh, yknow what? Why put off something till tomorrow that you can do right now? (Laughs) Eldad come here! (He stands up from the next table.)
[Scene: Cole-Geddes Casting Agency, Joey is there on his audition and thinking about that 2,000 bucks for the twins study.]
Joey: (he goes out calling her) Don't move! Don't go! I need you! My audition is tomorrow! Shah blue blah! Me lah peeh! Ombrah! (he gives up). Pooh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
The Museum Official: (on phone) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller. I want to let her know that there was a cancellation and if shes still interested in having the Bing-Geller wedding at our facility, it is available (Chandler runs to answer the phone.)
Rachel: Ill tell ya who should be embarrassed! Its you guys! Come on! This is ridiculous! Thank you very much, but I do not need you to get me a date!
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.
Ross: No, no, thats funny. But maybe its time to move on, let it go, yknow? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeths father, so ah, hes much older than she is. Looks like Im not the only one interested in fossils, huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering carry a large box, Monica is mopping the ceiling.]
Assistant: You've got to face the red light. When the red light goes on the spraying is about to start so close your eyes. When the spraying stops, count to five. Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks then turn around so we can get your back. Got it?
Ross: (calming down) Yeah, I know. I mean, no, youre right. Yeah I guess Ill let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.
Chandler: Now, there is a dress laid out on your bed. (Monica stumbles on the steps.) Okay, (catches her) youre doing great. Youre doing great. Youre doing fine.
Rachel: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andie McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
Rachel: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! BecauseI'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want menot important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. (She starts for the door.) (Stops) Your decision.
Phoebe: Yeah! As long as it's free! Food here is ridiculously over-p...
Nancy: She is kidding, but don't ever disagree with her again. Okay, now I'm kidding!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are standing in the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
Gate attendant #2: Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.
Ross: Yknow, maybe she is too young for me. Yknow, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I dont know what to do.
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Ross is helping with the packing, Phoebe and Mike are also there.]
Mr Zelner: This may surprise you, but re-hiring fired employees, is not my main job.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone except Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a magazine.]
Rachel: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out!
Phoebe Sr: But umm, youre right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, (pause) ahh, (pause) okay. Im your mother.
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?
[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.]