words in movies
Chandler: That is funny. It was also funny when I made it up.
(Rachel is looking at the magazine and laughing.)
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Dude, you have got to turn on Behind the Music. The band Heart is having a really tough time, and I think they may break up.
Chandler: What? No, I want to watch this. (He turns on the television and the screen is completely covered in snow). Did your cable go out?
Chandler: Joey, why is your cable out?
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Monica: Its wrong. You know what else is wrong? Phoebe picking Rachel.
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Monica: That is completely untrue. You think Im high maintenance? Okay, prove it. I want you to make a list and were going to go through it point by point!
Rachel: All right, wherever you wanna go is cool.
Chandler: So is your apron. Youre wearing it like a cape.
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too. Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse. First of all, the customer is always right. (Joey nods.) A smile goes a long way. (Joey smiles) And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachels, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Rachel and Monica enter.]
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is coming back from using the phone.]
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. Im sorry, that seat is taken.
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy I met at Christmas?
Chandler: So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steves doctors name is Doctor Muppy. So I said, Doctor Monkey? And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up. (He slams his feet up on the table to emphasize his point.)
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Chandler: Is not.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at a table and Phoebe is on the couch. Chandler and Monica can be seen outside, shes lecturing him, and pushes him inside. He then nods to Rachel, and is obviously counting off the seconds in his head and then Monica makes a grand enterance.]
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think Ive ever heard.
Phoebe: Wow! That is a bad audition.
Rachel: Joey, you cant let him get away with that. Ya know what, Im not going to let him get away with that. Im going to say something to himNo, I really shouldnt say anythingNo, I should say something to him. (Goes to the counter) Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him
(Phoebe gets up from the table, and while her back is turned, Rachel and Monica indicate via sign language that they each would have picked the other.)
Monica: Oh well, where is he?!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, the rest of the gang is lounging around.]
[Scene: The Doctors office, Dr. Zane is examining Phoebe as Frank and Alice watch.]
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?
Phil: With him? Youre is favourite, youre his guy!
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joeys premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]
Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! Thats like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, theres nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's beeper is going off]
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving her last cup of coffee.]
Billy: (to Joey) Hey, Im trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Monica: Oops! (Covers its eyes.) Yknow, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?
[Monica is visibly upset]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
(The gang is shocked.)
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought youd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
Phoebe: Ohh. What is this? (She sees a tissue covering something, and moves to remove it.)
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Monica: What?! What is it?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.
Chandler: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Im good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everythingare youare you perrr-perfect?!
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]
Ross: That is correct.
(She hangs up, closes her phone, turns around and puts it in her bag which is in the back of the car. While doing this and not looking at the road, she turns the steering wheel by accident, which makes the car swerve.)
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!
Rachel: (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?
(Rachel is shocked, and holds her arms out in disbelief.)
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I dont know, maybe its my wound.
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
Ross: What is Monicas biggest pet peeve?
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is arriving, late.]
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Monica: Oh my God! Thats Pete! But why is Bill huggin Pete?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are there. Monica is checking the messages.]
Rachel: I dont know. I dont know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I dont want to make. (Takes another sip of champagne and spits it back out) Somebody just take this away from me!!
Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
Phoebe: (angered by the rubbing) Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, yknow? And I got nauseous.
[Scene: Rosss Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Ross: No-no, we talked about it. We dont want to know. All we care about is that its happy and healthy.
Ross: Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?
Phoebe: Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.
Ross: Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and yknow what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in blue blazers, and I ask myself, "My God why?!" Now, I say we shed these-these coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. (He takes off his coat and throws it down.) Im Ross! Im divorced, and I have a kid!
Monica: Chip, is Chip Matthews.
PHOEBE: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Joey: (looks at a girl walk in) see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.]
Joey: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching Pete fight on TV. Monica is hiding in the kitchen, not watching.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Monica: He is right, isnt he?
Rachel: I hate when Ross is right!
The Museum Official: (on machine) Hi, this is Heldi from the Morgan Chase museum. Im calling for Monica Geller.
Monica: Is that all?
Monica: Ohh, how is he?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Rachel.]
[Scene: Rachels Bedroom, Ross is finishing up her make-up.]
[Scene: The beach house, Rachels bedroom. She is finishing up writing something as Ross walks through the door.]
The Casting Director: Is there a problem?
Rachel: What is she doing here?
[Scene: The Arena, after the fight. Monica is walking up to a defeated Pete.]
(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the game is about to begin.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing, with everyone else present.]
CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with pasta sauce]
Ross: Is that Mark?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! Is uh, is she gonna be all right?
[Scene: A street, Chip is walking Monica to his motorcycle.]
Chandler: What is it?
Ross: Althea is correct.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are eating, and Phoebe is preparing Ben's milk.]
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field.
Rachel: Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You never see Joanna again!
Chandler: Well, this is much better.
Chandler: No-no! This is my fiancee (Phoebe) and her heart was set on that ring. You dont want to break her heart now do you?
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...