words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
Phoebe: (holding a lure) So now, what is this now?
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Rachel: Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Uhh, well lets see. (Grabs his hand.) Youre aboutwell uh, this one is large. And this one(Grabs the other hand.)
Mr. Waltham: I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from Londonwell Shropshire really but yknowwell shes about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if youd like to keep her company this evening?
Joshua: Kidding! (Rachel is relived) Im gonna get there early, but Im going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
Chandler: Yknow, I cant believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on Im never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Rachel: Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!
Ross: You want me to take some girl Ive never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
Rachel: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "Im Rachel Greep! Im Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in.
Rachel: What? Who the hell is Emily(realises) noooo!!
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is just arriving for his scene.]
Joey: (trying to act like hes not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
Joey: Yknow, I can see why you think that, but ah, actually, you know who I think it is?
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didnt call. I mean youd think hed be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Phoebe: You should! How is she?
[Scene: Silvercup studios, Joey is taking a shower in Charlton Hestons dressing room. Heston enters the room, Joey panics, and walks over to the shower and confronts Joey about the use of his shower.]
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Monica: Yknow, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) Itd, itd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Phoebe: Oh! What is that? What is that?
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Ross: Emily is incredible. I mean there-there are no words to describe it, I mean the whole weekend was like a dream. (Sees Rachel coming back from the bathroom.) Oh! And you! Rach!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, its a dream sequence, this isnt cable.]
Chandler: What do you want from me, Ive never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, Im sorry you cant stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandlers back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, Ive got to wake up!
Phoebe: Who? Who is it?
Ross: What did you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!
Rachel: All right, look, heres the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, Ill invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Phoebe: Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that this is your red sweater.
Monica: Yeah. What is that?
Rachel: Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Phoebe: Go Charlie! But my point is, ok so she dated them but she also broke up with them. Maybe she's looking to, you know, slum it with some average Joe Phd.
Monica: Wow! That is a great picture!
Tag: So whose is it?
Ross: He is so weird.
(Joey looks at him, Phoebe tries not to smile, and Chandler is shocked.)
Phoebe: She is so amazing! You have no idea.
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
Monica: Now you think I wouldn't enjoy that, because it is so fake, (Laughs) but I still do.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Ross: I think I might know what this is about.
Joey: Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.
Joey: Yeah, I dont think thats what it is.
<Everyone is shocked and Monica faints and Ross catches her>
Richard: (still spitting) The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony!
Joey: What the hell is that?
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Carol is setting a romantic dinner for Susan as there is a knock on the door.]
Rachel: Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay? I mean you can as involved as you want. (Ross nods.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is about to debut Hotel Monica (formerly known as Rachels Room) to Phoebe and Rachel.]
RACHEL: This is how I would hold a football.
Monica: Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!
Ross: Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her.
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is on the phone and Phoebe is watching him.]
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
Chandler: What else is new?
[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Kims waiting for it. The door opens and Rachel is inside.]
Ross: I'm sorry, Chandler but this, this is really important to me.
Rachel: Oh no Dr. Long, please come in. This is Ross, he is the father.
Rachel: Wow. There it is, I see it.
Ross: Yep, and you know what other holiday is coming up?
Phoebe: Also uhm... I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.
Joey: I dont see the baby. Where is it?
Monica: Yeah, can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call.
Monica: This is different! Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Rachel: What is?
Bitsy: Is he really?
Ross: Yknow what?! It doesnt matter! It doesnt matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!
[Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.]
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
Kristen: Umm, this is great wine.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Ross enters.]
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
[Inside Monica and Chandlers. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
Joey: All right! Thanks! Youre the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
Phoebe: All right well lets see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boatThis is hard!
Ross: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Is Ross still here?
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?
Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back. (Exhales strongly through his nose and Joey just glares at him.) Look! What is so great about that sandwich?
Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there, Rachel is serving brownies.]
Phoebe: Oh, Greg and Jenny yuck! (Angrily) Hi Greg, Im Chandler this is Monica. Hi Monica, this is Jenny. Hi Jenny. Hi Greg.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Rachel: Really? Wow, this is so much better than I
Rachel: Oh does it matter?! All that matters is that you look so handsome.
Chandler: Jenny! That is so Jenny!
MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
Announcer: Presenting the award for Favorite Supporting Actress is Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. (Applause as Joey angrily walks to the podium and eyes the trophy.)
[Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
Chandler: Shh! It is a family name!
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, she is frantically working and is handing two finished dishes to a waitress.]
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Is it serious?
Dr. Drake Ramoray: What is it?
Joey: This is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash, Kash, Rachel.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is getting coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Ross: My doctoral dissertation is in the library at school, I went to see it, and there were students makin babies right in the middle of the Paleontology section!
Rachel: Phoebe is gonna be Monicas maid of honor!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.]
[Cut to Rosss second wedding reception, Joey has just told him the band is ready with Rachel looking on.]
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
[Scene: The airport, the Yemen Express counter, Chandler is still trying to get rid of Janice.]
Joey: Thats not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.
Bob: I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks Im not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler?
Rachel: Yeah. Why? Is that weird for you?
Joey: Hey Kash. Uh hey-hey this is Ross. Ross, this is Kash.
Joey: Dude! What is going on?!
Chandler: Just for a few seconds, so I can know what it is... Please?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming home. As we walks through the door, and without looking up, he goes to throw his keys on the foosball table, only, its gone and the keys it the floor. He then looks up at an empty apartment; everything is gone except for the entertainment center and that ceramic dog. Even the food in the fridge!]
Joey: Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel?
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is waiting for Tim who enters.]
Bob: I want to talk to that bastard, see what his problem is.
Tim: I got your page, is everything okay?
[Joey enters with his new roommate who is played by none other than Elle MacPherson.]
Ross: Guess whose middle name is Muriel.
Ross: Huh, whats fish hooking... (Joey sticks his finger in Rosss mouth and pulls on his cheek, y'know like when you hook a fish.) (to Joey, sarcastic) Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste?