words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Rachel: Bye. (Ross exits.) Ahhh (Silence) So this is fun, huh?
Rachel: Water it is.
Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.
Ben: Sharing is good.
Monica: That is true.
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Phoebe: What is it?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old (She is waving her hand up and down her face. Shes thinking about the pencil mark.)
Ross: I was barefoot. Now tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him right?
Phoebe: Its amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called?
Joey: Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of porn out there!
Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.)
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Rachel: Id love that. I would loooove (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little...
Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why Ive come here to talk to you okay?
Phoebe: I feel like my face is swelling. (To Monica) Is my face swelling?
Monica: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby!
Chandler: See Joe, not that thats not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Yknow, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us!
Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy that I was Rosss mom.
[Cut to London, Chandlers hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, theres a knock on the door.]
Monica: (entering) Is Joey here?
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e (Notices that the TV is turned off.)
Monica: Noo!! The point is that is was you that was there that night! It is you that I am marrying! It is you that I feel in love with!
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.)
Joey: This is crazy.
Phoebe: I know! Robin is so gay!
[Scene: Carol and Susans, Rachel is talking with Ben.]
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Ross: Hey Im sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-Ive got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, Fun Aunt Rachel, so
Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) Thats great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?!
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
(Joey, whose new diet is working out great, he looks like he only weighs 375 down from 420 enters from the bedroom.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting Phoebe some coffee.]
Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) Thats it! Im out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief!
Rachel: This is Bonnie? (to Phoebe) This is Bonnie? (to Bonnie) Youre Bonnie?
Rachel: (looks in the window) Ohh, well, this is just perfect!
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Ross: None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me! That�s not the point. Ok? The point is you...you are the oneWho moved on and didn�t tell anyone!
Chandler: (to his co-workers) What is with him?
Monica: God Ross, what is that?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as Ross enters, walking very confidently.]
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Ross: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble.
Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.
(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV as Joey and Kathy are laughing in Joey's bedroom. They get to be pretty loud so Chandler turns the TV way up.]
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Ross: Hey Emma. Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries to stop him).
Rachel: (to him) Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?
Mrs. Geller: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, your like, freaking me out here.
RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours.
CHANDLER: Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it.
Frank: Well, you see, the-the thing is, we-we only got, we kinda have one shot to make it right.
Rachel: That is so cool.
Chandler: Why is that so funny?
JOEY: Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Chloe: But my apartment is so...
Phoebe Sr: Well, yes, its kindve an unusual house. It has umm, three beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
Monica: Oh well, where is he?!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, the rest of the gang is lounging around.]
[Scene: The Doctors office, Dr. Zane is examining Phoebe as Frank and Alice watch.]
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?
Phil: With him? Youre is favourite, youre his guy!
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am *so* bad at this.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joeys premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]
Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! Thats like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, theres nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's beeper is going off]
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving her last cup of coffee.]
Billy: (to Joey) Hey, Im trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Monica: Oops! (Covers its eyes.) Yknow, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?
[Monica is visibly upset]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
(The gang is shocked.)
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought youd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Ross: Oh, is it? Is it? Look, when Monica and I were kids, we had a dog named Rover. And, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs. So Monica and her friend Phyllis take away the dog. And that was the last time we ever saw him. Don't you see? This is just like that. Only with a few details changed.
Phoebe: Ohh. What is this? (She sees a tissue covering something, and moves to remove it.)
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Monica: What?! What is it?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the living room.]
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.
Chandler: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.]
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Im good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everythingare youare you perrr-perfect?!
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is finishing up a song.]
Ross: That is correct.
(She hangs up, closes her phone, turns around and puts it in her bag which is in the back of the car. While doing this and not looking at the road, she turns the steering wheel by accident, which makes the car swerve.)
Ross: You've really crossed the line here, but that's okay, it's ok 'cause I'm on my way to buy some Photoshop software and a stack of gay porn. That's right! Your coming out is about to get real graphic.
Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!
Rachel: (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?
(Rachel is shocked, and holds her arms out in disbelief.)
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I dont know, maybe its my wound.
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
Ross: What is Monicas biggest pet peeve?
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is arriving, late.]
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Monica: Oh my God! Thats Pete! But why is Bill huggin Pete?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are there. Monica is checking the messages.]
Rachel: I dont know. I dont know how I feel. This is all happening so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I dont want to make. (Takes another sip of champagne and spits it back out) Somebody just take this away from me!!
Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
Phoebe: (angered by the rubbing) Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, yknow? And I got nauseous.
[Scene: Rosss Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Ross: No-no, we talked about it. We dont want to know. All we care about is that its happy and healthy.
Ross: Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?
Phoebe: Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.
Ross: Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and yknow what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in blue blazers, and I ask myself, "My God why?!" Now, I say we shed these-these coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. (He takes off his coat and throws it down.) Im Ross! Im divorced, and I have a kid!
Monica: Chip, is Chip Matthews.
PHOEBE: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
Chandler: Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?
Joey: (looks at a girl walk in) see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her?
[Scene: Backstage at Joeys play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.]
Joey: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching Pete fight on TV. Monica is hiding in the kitchen, not watching.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
Rachel: (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler) Joanna.
Monica: He is right, isnt he?
Rachel: I hate when Ross is right!