words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is sitting in the living room and Phoebe is standing in the kitchen as the phone rings.]
[Cut to Las Vegas, Joey is on the phone and wearing his gladiator costume.]
Phoebe: Sure! Where is it?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Is that Joey?! (She nods yes) Let me talk to him!
Joey: No! (She nods no to Chandler) Because he didn't believe in my movie! Which is a big mistake because it is real! Real!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering.]
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
Chandler: Okay this is great, but Joey said he didn't want any of us out there.
Ross: Is that supposed to be an insult?
Phoebe: So, so far is this trip to Vegas better or worse than the trip to London?
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is coming out of the bathroom after a shower wearing only her bath robe, walks into the kitchen, and opens the fridge. As she bends over to grab a bottle of wine, her robe falls open (Damn this network primetime programming, we didn't see anything!) and she quickly closes it again. But then realizes she didn't have to do that. So she closes the fridge and stands next to the table, thinks about it for a little while and ]
Ross: (in his head) Oh my God! That's Rachel naked! I can't look at that! I am looking at this. (Looks back at his book.) Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokesUnless she wants me to be looking at that. She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her. What kind of game is she playing? I think maybe someone's lonely tonight. Oh-ho, Dr. Geller! Stop it! You're being silly! Or, am I?
[Cut back to Monica and Rachel's apartment, Rachel is singing along with a song and dancing while facing the big picture window. Y'know, I think I'd pay real good money to be on the other side of that window!]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the scene is continued from where we left off before the break.]
Ross: So do I. (Slowly walks in.) Okay Rach, before anything happens (He takes off his coat) I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules. (Turns back to face her.) This is just about tonight. I don't to go through with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us." (Rachel's confused) Okay? I just want this to be (Kicks off his left shoe) about what it is! (Kicks off the other one.)
Rachel: And um, what-what is that Ross?
Phoebe: Hey you guys wait! Guys! (Catches up to them.) This place is so much better than London! Okay? This lady dressed like Cleopatra gave me a coupon, 99 cent steak and lobster dinner. Huh!
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Guys! Please! Come on! Come on! This is obviously just a big misunderstanding.
Monica: No it is not!
Rachel: (taking off her sweater) Okay umm, Ross? I'm-I'm really warm, so I'm going to be taking off my sweater. Now, I'm just letting you know that this is not an invitation to the physical act of love.
Ross: Is that so?
Chandler: (interrupting in the nick of time) Joey, I uh! I can't believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
[Scene: The casino bar, Phoebe and Monica are sitting at the bar, while Wayne Newton's signature song Danke Schoen is playing in the background.]
Monica: I can't believe this! This is like the worst night ever!
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
[Cut to the casino, Monica is walking through it past the craps table when she notices a chip on the floor. She picks it up and heads to the table.]
[Time lapse, Ross is drinking something and decides to get Rachel again.]
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Joey is approaching one of the blackjack tables on his quest to make enough money for his movie.]
[Cut to Chandler's room, Joey is relaying to Chandler his amazing discovery.]
Joey: This is Vegas man! People will pay to see freaky stuff! Okay, how much would you pay to see this hand (Holds up his left hand) twice? Huh?
(Joey starts to leave to embark on his genius moneymaking scheme, but is freaked out slightly when as he goes to open the door, there's a mysterious knock. He calms himself down and opens the door to reveal Phoebe.)
Phoebe: I wonder where she is. That is so weird.
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Chandler is looking for Monica while Tom Jones's signature song is playing in the background (Getting the theme yet? Tom Jones, Wayne Newton, casinos They're in Vegas people! Catch up!) It's Not Unusual, y'know, "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone! It's not unusual to have fun with anyone! But when I see you hanging about with anyone, it's not unusual to see me cry! I wanna die." Well, while that's playing he spots Monica playing craps and in victory hug the guy next to her. Chandler turns and walks out.]
[Scene: That same plane cabin, Ross is working on a crossword puzzle and Rachel is asleep against his shoulder. She shifts a little bit and Ross suddenly gets an idea. An evil idea when he looks at his pen. Then we have a little time lapse, the plane has landed and everyone is disembarking. The flight attendant is saying bye-bye to everyone.]
Ross: I think the check in is that way. (Points)
Ross: Rach! Wait! The men's room is that way. (Points in the other direction. Rachel hits him with her purse and heads for the ladies room.)
Joey: My identical hand twin! The person whose hands are exactly like mine! This thing is a gold mine!
[Scene: The craps table, Monica is on a big roll.]
Monica: Really! (They hug and kiss) All right? Let's forget about this going home stuff and celebrate our anniversary. (She picks up his suitcase.) Okay, this is empty.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
Rachel: Ross, no! There is no way I am leaving this room looking like this!
Ross: Look, just because some idiot drew on your face doesn't mean you shouldn't have any fun! Okay? And besides, hey-hey-hey no one is even gonna look at you. Okay? This is Vegas! Hello! There are tons of other freaks here! (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) There are tons of freaks here. No other. No. Come on! No one will notice, I swear!
Ross: Oh, hey y'know, they-they really overcharge you for that stuff. (Rachel glares at him.) But who cares?! Because it's all on me! (Rachel reaches into the fridge and pulls out two handfuls of those mini booze bottles.) (Watching her.) That is, one big drink!
[Scene: The casino, Phoebe is playing on a slot machine. Suddenly the lurker sticks her head around the aisle of slot machines.]
[Scene: The Men's room, Joey is entering and sees his hand twin washing his hands.]
Joey: (stopping him) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-whoa! We could have our own show! Y'know we could clap our hands together people will love it! Huh? And-and-and I wrote a song for us! (Singing, to the tune of This Land is Your Land) This hand is your hand! This hand is my hand! Oh wait, that's your hand! No wait, it's my hand!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's room, Ross is drinking a beer while Rachel is examining herself in the mirror.]
Ross: (does so) Oohh, 23. (Rachel looks at him.) Which is what we play to at this casino! You win 10 dollars! (Holds out a ten.)
[Scene: The Craps Table, Monica is still on her roll, only this time Chandler's with her and she has a huge crowd of people around.]
Monica: Pick a number! That is your only job!
Chandler: Here it is! Here it is!
(Cue up the music as they move in and kiss. This time I think it's Perry Como, but I'm not sure. It's Everybody loves somebody, sometime! Everybody falls in love somehow! Something in your kiss, just told me, my sometime, is now!)
[Scene: The slot machines, Phoebe is still feeding quarters into the one-armed bandit as the lurker peeks over the top of the machines.]
Joey: Look-look-look you guys, I need some help! Okay? Someone is going to have to convince my hand twin to cooperate!
[Cut to the casino, a very drunk and doodled on Rachel is walking arm in arm with an equally drunk and doodled on Ross are walking through the casino and greeting people on their way through. Ross has some whiskers and his nose colored in, along with his name on his forehead.]
[Scene: The slot machines, we see some guy not having any luck. Both Phoebe and the Lurker are lurking him and each stick their heads around the corner at different times This is all set to that Pink Panther song. Finally the guy gives up and walks past the lurker's position, thus giving her the advantage. She scurries in and quickly drops a coin in the slot before Phoebe gets there. Phoebe arrives slightly later and pulls the arm just after the lurker deposits the coin and wins.]
The Lurker: (to the guard) Excuse me, sir! This lady played my quarter, this is my money. (Motions to the jackpot.)
The Security Guard: (To Phoebe) Is that true miss?
[Scene: A blackjack table, Joey is moving in to try and get his hand twin (who's dealing) to join him in his evil plot to rule the world! "Join me, and together we'll rule the universe as father and son!" (Sorry, I had a little Star Wars creep in thereOoh, I have a big spoiler for The Phantom Menace, Yoda lives at the end! Ha-ha, spoiled it! Now you don't have to see it!)]
Phoebe: (entering and sitting down at the table.) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I'm a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? (Looks down) Ooh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must've left it in conference room B.
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
[Scene: Outside Monas Apartment, Ross is knocking on the door.]
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Rachel: Oh thats not important. The point is, I reallyI think everythings gonna be okay.
Chandler: I wish there was an easier way for us to have a child but I don't think there is one.
Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!
Monica: He is the man in the black dress.
[Scene: Mr. Zelners Office, Rachel is knocking on the door.]
Phoebe: Oh there it is.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is ordering something over the phone from a catalog.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Phoebe: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parents anniversary party?
Ross: You think?! God, I, ah, Im in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachels all like, I love you and, and lets work on this. And all I can think about is, What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say? when I tell her what I did.
Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?
Ross: Aww that is so cool.
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
Phoebe: Everybody, this is Parker, Parker this is
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. Theres a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandlers door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Monica: Well, spring vacation is doing nice things with your grandparents. Spring break youre doing frat guys.
Monica: I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going to trust me with anything ever again!
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Aunt Lisa: Oh that is so sweet!
RACHEL: [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
[Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.]
Rachel: (taking a bite) Oh my God! That is so good!
Parker: Is something wrong?
Monica: This is so bizarre. I guess it kinda makes sense though, yknow she had such a terrible childhood.
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Chandler: Yknow what would really help me through this tough time is choking something. Can I choke ya?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.� Chandler is seated in the chair and Monica stands behind the sofa.]
Monica: How cool is this?! We know three down! Im touching three down! (She has her hand on his shoulder.)
Chandler: Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.
Chandler: Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you?
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Phoebe: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why (Looking down) youre burning in hell!!
Rachel: God she is unbelievable.
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.
[Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica are talking about the baby, and Monica is rubbing Erica's tummy.]
[The next one is from Episode 507: The One Where Ross Moves In.]
CHANDLER: Yeah.� I feel so bad.� Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Chandler: Okay. Now all weve got to do is get rid of this chair.
Chandler: Wish it! (To the woman, Kathy, he likes) Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
[The next one is from Episode 619: The One With Joeys Fridge.]
Joey: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?
Rachel: (interrupting him) Hi! Im gal pal Rachel Green, and if you want the dirt, Im the one you come too. This might be Joeys baby (rubbing her stomach), who knows? Im just kiddingSeriously, (leans into the cassette recorder Shelley is using) gal pal Rachel Green.
Joey: I couldnt help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesnt and Joey punches Ross. Gunther is amused.)
Aunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. (walks into kitchen) Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. (to Phoebe): Nice earrings.
Ross: Uh no, no just-just that he is a great guy.
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Monica: Okay, I-Im sorry. You and Joey, your both focusing on this uncomfortable thing, what you need to do is to change the subject. Next time you see him try to get him talking about something else.
[The next one is from Episode 722: The One With Chandlers Dad.]
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
(Ross is having a fit, about how calm Tommy is now)
[The next one is from Episode 605: The One With Joey's Porsche.]
Woman: Hi, is Rachel here? Im her sister.
Monica: Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef.
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice anyway.)
Rachel: This is Chandler. (Points at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Joey: (glaring at her) Is there a problem?
(The gang is confused.)
(The gang is disappointed.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying to erase Chandlers dirty words while he looks on.]
[Scene: The Restaurant, dinner has ended and Phoebe and Rachel are talking. Dr. Green is not at the table.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are there. Rachel is reading everyones horoscope.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is watching Cujo while Joey returns from his date scaring Rachel.]
Phoebe: No. (Pause) Neither is mine.
Rachel: So my mother is not coming to my baby shower?!
Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh my God, my ass is sweating! (on phone) Please! Please! Can you come? Its today at four.
Joey: This is embarrassing. (Looks it up.)
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Dina is at the craft services table getting some food as Joey walks up.]
Joey: No! Hey no! This is wrong you guys! Phoebes our friend! Well, Im not gonna watch it!
Monica: You ordered a stripper for the shower?! That is totally inappropriate!
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
Monica: (Robin is speaking loudly again) I...
Joey: Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.
Monica: We are the hottest! Huh? No one is hotter than we are! You're the best.
Chandler: This game is kinda fun.
[The next one is from Episode 417: The One With The Free Porn, Chandler and Joey are lamenting the fact that every beautiful woman they see doesnt want to have sex right then and there like in porn.]
Phoebe: Really? Lee Majors is hot!
Monica: Okay, where is the Kat Stevens CD?
Rachel: Oh yeah. Okay, see mom, the truth is I can do this on my own.
Monica: Rachel, listen to your mother. She is very smart.
Phoebe: Okay, this is from your friend at work.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah yknow, like warm up the crowd. Ask em where theyre from. Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. Im a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no one better! There is no one greater!
Ben: Sharing is good.
Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?
Chandler: This is the best game ever!!!
[Scene: Joeys Audition, Joey is being shown in.]
Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]