words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is showing Ross, Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe his engagement ring again.]
Ross: God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!
Chandler: It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant. Im going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast Im just gonna propose.
Rachel: Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica? Chandler?
Monica: Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this relationship going?
Ross: Uh-uhWow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it doesnt really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, Im the one dating Elizabeth, not you!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is practicing proposing.]
Chandler: Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a surprise and shes gonna know.
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Rachel: Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.
Phoebe: No, I know what a silent is I meant, whats going on with your hair?
Rachel: Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) Hes the head of my department.
Rachel: Well, yknow I-I dont know where he is.
[Scene: Elizabeths Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it. Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.]
{Transcribers Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named in the credits, but not in this scene. So Im just gonna guess since it doesnt matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got it right or not?)}
Ross: Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, its supposed to be excellent. The director is the same
(They start lobbing the balloons in. Ross desperately tries to get out of the line of fire but is struck in the back. The girls all retreat to relative safety behind the couch.)
Ross: (screaming) Everybody put their balloons down!!! (There is a temporary cease fire.) Now this is a nice suit!! (Shows everyone where he was hit.)
[Scene: The Charity Event, Mr. Thompson is announcing the winners of the silent auction.]
Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.
Rachel: Joey! It is an auction! You dont guess, you buy!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his pockets until he finds what hes looking for and sighs in relief.]
Chandler: (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (Its a butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.)
Chandler: Yes! Yes! Im good! Are you good? Are you good? Is everythingare youare you perrr-perfect?!
Chandler: Yes! Im fine. In fact Ive been fine for a long time now and I think, the reason is you.
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Matire'd: (motioning to the empty table next to Monica and Chandlers) Or if you prefer, this table is available.
Rachel: How is you drinking helping the kids?
Phoebe: Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.
Joey: Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth?
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Rachel: I know. Okay. (Whispering and thinking.) Okay. Okay. All right. All right, this is what were gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and we are just gonna let them buy it, and then youre just gonna pay the difference.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.]
Ross: Yknow, maybe she is too young for me. Yknow, when I was over there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I dont know what to do.
Ross: Okay umm, bad stuff. Well, Im-Im 12 years older than she is.
Monica: Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didnt you?!
Joey: Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one.
Joey: (To Phoebe) Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four.
Phoebe: Its a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type thingy shes wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.) Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?
Joey: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?
Rachel: Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000.
Rachel: Y-Yeah! What-what is your wifes name?
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.]
Phoebe: Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand! (Chandler is frantically trying to wave them off.)
Chandler: This is terrible. What am I going to do?
Chandler: Thats right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage is the last thing on my mind.
Joey: Hey, being you is finally gonna pay off! (They give each other fives.)
[Scene: Outside of Elizabeths dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with her and we can hear his thoughts.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is looking out the window and Joey is sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Richard: Well yeah, Im sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna have kids with you.
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Monica: Ohhh! What are you doing to me?! Oh look, I-I Im sorry but umm, this-this-this-this is not going to happen.
Monica: Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in fact, Im the one thats making him wait!
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is bringing Phoebe some coffee.]
Chandler: Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Lets take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs dont mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and thats just an ordinary pig not even a pig thats good at sports!
Chandler: If marriage worked, Id be all for it. But do you know what the divorce rate in this country is? 97%.
Monica: Oh my God! Then-then-then what are we even doing?! What is this?!
Chandler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of strategy? Why dont you put down your copy of The Rules huh mantrap?!
Phoebe: Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to seal the deal.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, is practicing his slipknots as Monica enters.]
Joey: This is for my boat, pretty cool huh?
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Monica: Is that some kind of boat talk?
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the dinosaurs.]
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Monica: (entering) Chandler is such an idiot!
Richard: Who is it?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is reading as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Okay, this kind of back talk is not gonna fly when were married!
Phoebe: All right well lets see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a boatThis is hard!
Joey: This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel!
Rachel: Okay, yknow what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right here, this is what were gonna do! Im gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so) and Im gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one! And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
Monica: I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-ups apartment! Yknow, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!
Monica: Fair? Please dont even talk to me about fair! Fair wouldve been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair wouldve been Chandler wanting to marry me now! Believe me, nothing about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Monica: Nothing. (She backs away a little bit but is still in his arms and looks up at his eyes.) I dont knUmm. I dont know. Umm
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Chandler: Where is she? Im not scared of you! (Averts his eyes and walks in.)
Chandler: Yknow what? I cant believe this! Do you know what you did? My girlfriend is out there thinking things over! You made my girlfriend think!!
Chandler: It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this isnt fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because we are meant for each other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna propose tonight.
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if youll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Rachel: Ohhh, this is the least jealous Ive ever been!
Phoebe: Oh no wait no, this is wrong! Ross isnt here!
[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]
Chandler: (He is now in the box, in their living room.) Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Rachel: So now, what exactly is the point of the box?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe about Mark, as Gunther eavesdrops behind them.]
Kate: Happy?! Is that what Im supposed to be Vic? Happy?
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Monica: Thank you. Come meet my friends. This is uh, Phoebe.
Monica: All right everybody, this turkey is ready!
Ross: (His voice is altered to sound like a computer.) Electrifying. (He plays the sound of a ticking clock.) Emphatic time-time-time
Rachel: Would you stop?! What is the matter with you?!
Ross: (grabbing the necklace) The necklace I got you was gold, this one is silver.
Phoebe: That is so great! Oh, I... (sees that a parked car near them has caught on fire) Oh my God!
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
Kathy: Well, Im still sorry. Is he here?
[Cut to Central Perk, the entire gang is there.]
Chandler: Man, this is
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, the gang is all there watching Chandler.]
Kathy: No, but this wonder broom is amazing!
Young Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When Youre Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]
Ross: Ohh, man! Chicago, is sooo lucky!
Monica: (answering it) Who is it?
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
Joey: Well, there is one way. His windows open, I say, we poke him.
[Scene: The Philly, With or Without You is playing. (Which is the same song Ross played for Rachel in TOW the List.)]
Monica: See? This is exactly why Im making this candy. We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors.
Chandler: (sitting down on the couch) I-kea! This is comfortable.
Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug).
Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.
Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.
Joey: He said that he wasnt gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what hes gonna do is have you evictedIll see you later.
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
Rachel: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what?
Rachel: Oh, hi Mrs. Lynch! Is Joanna in already?
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]
Amanda: Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
Chandler: Well, I dont really know what that is, but lets!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is working on a new song.]
Monica: You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is over seven pounds. (Phoebe isnt interested.) I bet you it has hair. (Shes still not interested.) I bet you its a girl.
Vince: (running over) Whoa! Hey-hey! Whats going on here? Who is this guy?
[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]
Joey: Im just so nervous! Yknow? The callback isnt until tomorrow at five. I feel like my head is going to explode!
Danny: (returning, with a friend) Rachel, this is my friend Tom. (To Tom) This is the girl I told you about.
Chandler: Well this is great. Yknow, those cameras were the only thing that was gonna cheer Monica up today, shes really depressed.
Ross: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is there.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is working as Monica enters.]
Ross: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins now! What is Joeys favorite food?
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is eating some cheese.]
JOEY: Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man?
Ross: Hey! (Rachel is shocked) Hi Bonnie!
Rachel: What?! Chandler, what is the matter with you?!
[Scene: Allesandros, Monica is cooking.]
Chandler: So there is no good time to ask that question.
Joey: (sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. Im so glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.
The Conductor: Last stop, Montreal. This stop is Montreal.
Rachel: Hey, wait a minute! That is my sock!
Rachel: Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair. So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.]
[Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.]
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]
Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!"
Phoebe: Im telling you hes dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
(The gang is stunned.)
Rachel: Oh, Chandler that is so nice.
Monica: Then what is it?
Ross: That is really nice lying! No way is that the reason!
Monica: Y'know what, Ive got to walk out of here right now, cause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I dont think I could do it again.
[Scene: The museum, Joey is giving a tour to a bunch of school kids.]
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
Tour Guide: Thats just the way it is.
Chandler: (Slightly panicky) Yeah, but what if it's not? What if there is a reason why we can't have a baby?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating dinner, Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Monica: Yknow all my friends think this is weird.
Ross: Thats okay, Im cool over here. Ill catch up with you later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)
[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her hands.]
Matress King: (on TV) Despair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. Im so depressed Im going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! Im going medieval on prices!
Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?
Ross: (waking up) What? (notices that there is now a beautiful woman sitting next to him)
Joey: But it is our apartment!
Rachel: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I-I got a crisis.
Monica: What is it?!
Chandler: What?! What-what is it?!
Ross: That is one good looking man!
[Scene: Central Perk, Malcom is giving Phoebe all of his spy stuff]
MRS GREEN: I do. You didn't love Barry. And I've never seen you this happy. I look at you and I think, oh, this is what I want.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.]
Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Erica enter, Chandler is in the kitchen.]
Joey: (to Ross) That-that is a good trick.
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.