words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Joey: How is it you?
Monica: See, now this is why I keep notepads everywhere.
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Phoebe: That is unfair. I'll call her and tell her it was totally my fault.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Ross: There's my boy! Here's my boy! And here's his Barbi (Ben is holding a Barbi doll) What's ah, what's my boy doing with a Barbi?
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Monica: There it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's beeper is going off]
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Monica: That is never good.
Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into her.]
Janice: Where is this party?
Janice: Who's party is it?
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
Rachel: Yeah, it is.
Rachel: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Monica: Is that that couple on the first floor? Because we should get a baby before them. Yeah! That guy tried to sell me drugs. (Laura looks shocked)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
[The next one is from Episode 706: The One With The Nap Partners.]
[Scene: The Funeral Home, continued from earlier. Phoebe is returning after looking for her father.]
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Ross: Come here (Removes Emma's hat) Oh! There she is! Hi!
(The door opens, and there is Gladys, still in her frame though. Joey panics and moves frantically, screaming. Then there is laughing, and the painting is lowered. It was Rachel holding Gladys.)
Ross: Woha! Wait... What are we doing? What we have is too important to mess it up over some girl. I mean, we can get laid anytime we want.
Ross: Take from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name.
RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok?
[Scene: Ross and Emilys room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his head in Monicas lap and his feet on Chandlers lap. Monica and Chandler are both still awake and depressed.]
Rachel: Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows (points at her own to emphasize the word) shaped to do this alright? Do you understand how important that is in our world?
[Scene: The rest stop, the gang is still stuck, Chandler is kneeling at the rear bumper.]
Ross: Oh, not another one! Oh my G... And this is moisturiser. It's even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?
PHOEBE: Sparkly. So, wow, this is pretty wonerful, huh. Mr. major capades guy. I, I remember when you were just, like, King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice is Nice.
Monica: Good! Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you are doing it wrong.
Chandler: (blocks the door) No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!! You can't come in here! R-r-r-r-Ross is naked.
Rachel: Oh yeah, I'm jealous. "Oh Gavin, please, please look at my ass". (Gavin starts looking) Stop looking at my ass! I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate, ok? This is a work environment, she's your subordinate.
[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.]
Joey: Oh, just er... you know, looking around. But you know what? This house... is great.
Phoebe: (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is (She walks into Monica and Chandlers.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel are at the playground with Emma. Rachel in putting her back in the stroller and Ross is tending to his wound]
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: (still skeptical) Oh, and how is Allison?
Chandler: I think this is the first time in our marriage that I've felt like the more attractive one.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Monica: The woman from the museum called and said that there was a cancellation and that we could move up our wedding and Chandler heard! (Phoebe gasps.) I know! How bad is this?!
Mr. Geller: Wait, how do you zoom out? (zooms out and we see an extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich) There she is.
Monica: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
[Scene: Stings Apartment, Phoebe has come to talk about Jack and is waiting for Stings wife, Trudie Styler, to enter.]
Janine: Well, I don't think there is anything to do. I mean I think you're really sweet, but I'm just not interested in you like that.
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang...
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
Rachel: I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!
Rachel: Oh God I just can not imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesnt show up!
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
Chandler: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]
Chandler: Oh, hey, when she gets here, is it ok if I introduce you two as "my wife" and "the woman who's carrying my child"? (she's not amused) No? Divorce?
Monica: Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case?
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, a scene is being shot where Dina and Fredrick are celebrating Jessicas horrible accident by drinking champagne.]
Ross: I know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.
Monica: Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were so, a long time.
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Rachel: What? This-this, no, oh no, no-no-no, this is notthats-thats not what it is. See, see, okay, I work in fashion, see and-and, this is a real dress actually. Its-its, theyre-theyre wearing it in Milan, so part of my job is too wear the clothes, and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdales, so And obviously in uh, in-in this case, (She grabs a pen and paper) I am going to report back, "USA not ready."
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Ross: Well I I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! (The girls all laugh.) What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass! (The laugh harder.)
Mrs. Waltham: This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. (Ross looks frustrated. She begins to scream at her husband.) Will you say something, Steven?! Please!!!
Ross: Oh great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you.
JOEY: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
Monica: Oh my god. We're trying to get pregnant so he's probably starting to freak out about the fact that my body is going to change.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.]
Margha: (coming over) The game is over, we eat now?
Rachel: Oh, I have to go pee. Apparently this baby thinks that my bladder is a squeeze toy. (Goes to the bathroom.)
Ross: Yeah, why is it staring at me? I think it knows Im talking about it. (Rachel starts to peek at the file) Dont-dont youWhWhaHey!!
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating hes coming to pick up Monica for a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]
Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I’m just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
TV Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.]
Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldnt go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.)
Rachel: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is no tissue, no tuschy. (Phoebe laughs and gets out.) Well, if everybodys going. (She gets out and starts to close the door.)
Monica: Youre right, youre right I shouldnt freak out. Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!
Amanda: (announces more to herself than anyone else) Wow, my flat is twice this size!
ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Amy: You know what? When I moved in here I thought: This is gonna be so great. Just us sisters, back together again like when we were kids, except without that stupid Jill... Oh! Who has gotten fat by the way...
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: What...? That's not you! Life is good again! Ride 'em cowgirl!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Rachel: Oh no Ross! This is not good, we have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit. (He sits) You have got to get over this Joey thing, okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?
Monica: (Runs out to the hallway) Chandler, wait. It goes: Old job, (Raises her hand) new job, (Raises her hand really high) you. This is just something I have to do.
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
Chandler: Is it me, or have the greetings gone downhill around here?
Ross: Yes, her molecular epidemiology paper is due tomorrow.
Phoebe: Hey, dont call him that! His name is Spackel Back Harry!
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
Phoebe: well you not what you should feel terrible about, this could have been my serious guy he was sweet and smart and funny. Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]
Ross: No I didn't, and you want to know why? Because your ex-boyfriend is still in love with you.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]
[Scene: The Semi-Private Labor Room, Ross is returning to find another couple has taken the place of Marc and Julie.]
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.
Rachel: (Disgustedly she goes and tries to pick up the couch. Much to her amazement, she is successful.) Oh. Oh! I can do it!
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.
Phoebe: Okay, look at him. Look at those strong hands. Oh what I wouldnt give to be that can of (looks closer to see what Jack is drinking) condensed milk.
Conan: (to Courtney) You-youve worn a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is good. (Gunther leaves, hurt) Well, I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.