words in movies
Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Joey is talking about the wonder that is the thong.]
Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
Ross: I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever.
Ross: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says ) Oh no.
Phoebe: Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Phoebe is entering.]
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey bastedOh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
Monica: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!
Chandler: Arghhhhhh!! (Joey turns around to taunt him, but Chandler is in the doorway and Joey is facing the kitchen.)
Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
Ross: Oh, this is Monica.
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
(Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)
(Rachel wanders into the kitchen where Monica is making Chandler's dinner.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
[Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]
Chandler: I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry.
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Mrs. Geller is cooking and Rachel, post nose job, is helping her.]
Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
(They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.)
Ross: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!
Monica: What?! What is it?
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
The Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
Monica: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]
Chandler: This is not going to work.
[Scene: The Western front during World War I, Phoebe, in yet another past life, is once again a nurse tending to yet another dying soldier. But this time she's doing it with a French accent.]
French Phoebe: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! (A shell explodes outside next to the tent and when the smoke clears, Phoebe still has her arm.) Whew! (Her arm falls off and starts pumping out blood.) This is getting ridiculous uh!
[The next flashback is from The One Where Eddie Moves In. It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living together anymore. All By Myself is playing in the background.]
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler this is (Goes and picks up the sandwich) the greatest sandwich in the world!
Chandler: (asking a man leaning against the wall) What is going on?
Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!
Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God I didnt know you guys would be here! And the good news is you didnt believe in soul mates. So
Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
Phoebe: Hey. Guess what! My landlord just called and my apartment is gonna get ready soon, so I guess I'll be moving out.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I dont even like Chandler.
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebes identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Rachel: Okay, well this is all very impressive Hilda, um I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did I do? Was this okay?
(Joey is intrigued.)
Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
Ross: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!
Joey: Which, is the new plan!
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is pouring Rachel coffee.]
(Ross is stunned.)
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Don: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any?
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is awoken by the singing guy.]
Joey: (entering) Hey. (Ross turns to see who it is, and seeing its Joey he just ignores him and turns back around.) Ross, I know youre pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.
Emily: Its not the pants. Its you that is backwards. And if, and if you dont understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldnt get married at all! (She storms out.)
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
Cecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. (Joey is nodding.) You try.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out.]
Frank: It's not that weird, is it?
[Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney is dancing in the fat suit and after shaking her groove thing sits down in exhaustion.]
[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.) Hey, Joey?
Monica: I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream.]
Phoebe: I know, it is.
Amy: Wait, this is important! Can Ella wait? (Rachel goes to Emma)
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse. Rachel is entering the living room from her bedroom as Monica enters.]
Voice: (on phone) Hey! Hey! Hey! This is 92.3, WXRK, K-Rock for our $1,000 daily challenge.
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
Phoebe: What is that?
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Carol: (screaming at Ross) Oh, what do you know? No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?"
Ross: yes, yeah I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship, but you should know she is so much fun, a wonderful person please don't blow her off.
Ross: (feeling the fabric) Wow, this is really soft (he looks the price). Three hundred and fifty dollars?
The Cute Guy: Wow! Uh, this is kind of embarrassing. I was actually coming over to talk to your friend.
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.]
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
[Cut to Monicas restaurant kitchen, its the episode where Joey is working as a waiter at Monicas restaurant. Joey is patting her breast from when she set it on fire.]
[Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is still watching the porn as Chandler enters.]
Ross: I dont think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?
[Scene: Ross and Emilys planned wedding place, Monica is dragging Emily in.]
Ross: Ill be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol, Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.
Rachel: Let me uh, let me ask you something, do wedding vows mean squat to you people?! And why is it that the second we tell you were going out of town, bamn there you are in bed with the neighbors dog walker?!
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)
Joey: Do uh, do you got any beer? All-all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left. I dont
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Rachel: Oh my gosh! Oh wow! Oh, I know what this is! (Shes holding an item with a large suction cup connected to a yellow plastic box, with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellow part.) Wait a minute. That cant be right. Is that a beer bong for a baby?
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
Ross: Oh that is so great! That's
Chandler: Hey, there he is! There he is!
Joey: What?! What good is that gonna do anybody?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still looking out the window as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life Im doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life Im doing something that Im actually good at. I mean. if you dont get that...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Chandler: Why is there jelly on your shoe?
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Chandler: See that is the problem with invisible dentists.
Joey: Monica? What time is it?
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
Rachel: Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, shes gonna love me.
Ticket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to tell Rachel about Emily's ultimatum again.]
Joey: (leaving Central Perk and seeing Monica laying on top of Rachel who is moaning in pain.) Oh my.
Ross: You're nose is bleeding!
Chandler: Oh, that's ok.I'll just try and reschedule. (on the phone) "Hi, this is Chandler Bing. I made a reservation there and I need to change it (pause) Oh, what do you mean it's not refundable? Can I just come some other time? (pause) Oh, can't you make an exception?"
Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Ross: is for me not to see you anymore.
Monica: Ohh, this is soo amazing! I cant believe my brothers getting married! And in London! Its so romantic!
Ross: Rachel, this is your apartment.
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
Ross: I can't believe this is happening.
Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Chandler: Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend, I just-I just screwed up!