words in movies
Joey: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. Youve got to spread it out a little, you know. Havent you ever been unemployed?
Joey: Ohh, no, no. Were not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Phoebe: Ohh, you and your ways. (She shakes the bell at him and sits down.) Since its Christmastime. Im going to be one of those people collection donations.
Estelle: What can I say? She nailed it.
Phoebe: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.
Joey: That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it!
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
(Ross just stares at him until he figures it out.)
Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it!
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Ross: I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do.
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
(Chandler runs out the door and closes it behind him. After a short pause the door opens and Chandler comes rushing back through, grabs Monica, kisses her good-bye, and heads back out.)
(Chandler makes it into the bowl.)
Joey: (jumping up) All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch?
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Danny: Like it would help.
Rachel: (not sure what to do) Uh, it was very nice meeting you. (They continue to ignore her.)
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Phoebe: Does it look like an ashtray?
Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal?
Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Danny: Oh, damn! I got it on my pants.
Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.)
Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! (The guy starts to walk away with a hurt look on his face.) And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! (Her boss and a co-worker walk up.) Hi Bob! (The same old lady from before walks bye.) (To the old lady.) I thought I told you to get outta here!
[Scene: Danny's apartment, there's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Rachel: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it.
Rachel: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of
Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
Chandler: No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted.
Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Monica: It's my new perfume. Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it?
Frank: No, your a masseuse, its cool, Im not a cop.
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
Ross: Hey! Its 42-21!
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, Ill pitch it to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break.
MONICA: It doesn't go with any of my stuff.
PHOEBE: I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you.
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Joey: No can do amigo. No, I didn't use the computer. Felt more personal to hand-write it. (Chandler and Monica look even more shocked)
Chandler: I think its necessary. (Backs away anyhow.)
(It starts snowing.)
Chandler: Well, you dont you have Captain Hook explain it to her.
Chandler: (thinks about it) Yeah?
Rachel: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't.
Ross: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand.
GUNTHER: Oh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Gunther: Its all right. Sweetheart.
Monica: I cant do it! (Ross falls into Monicas room)
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Roy: Yeah, yeah, yeah... This is so weird. I mean, you never know when it's gonna be your last dance. And I didn't even get a chance to finish it.
(They both enter the apartment again, where Amanda is "dancing" for Chandler, but she's really terrible at it)
Joey: Hey listen, so whens-whens my audition? I mean I know its Thursday, but what time?
Student: I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Frank Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!
Ross: Oh Pheebs, thats great. It doesnt count.
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
Rachel: I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five dollars. (throws it in)
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
Monica: Youre right, Im sorry. Its not like youre yknow, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...
Monica: They baked it. I cant take this anymore. Im gonna call a meeting tonight, Im gonna fire you tonight.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Guy: Looks good. Ill take it.
Guy: Its-its-its almost dead!
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, its been twelve years.
Frank Jr.: You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe. There's just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two's great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I've got no more hands to protect my area! There's three of them, Phoebe, three!
Monica: (she reaches out for it and stops) Oh God! I gotta go! (runs out)
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, thats why you didnt want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I cant believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
Phoebe: Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, yknow? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days?
Joey: AH HAH! I DID IT! HA HA! Alright... (He takes a box out, about to close fridge, then thinks.) Better take all I can carry. Who knows when i'll be able to get in here again!
[Scene: Joey and now Rachel's apartment, Joey has the fridge pulled out away from the wall and is in the process of pulling off the cooling grate behind it.]
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
All: Oh, I got it.
Monica: Its Joeys birthday.
(In frustration, Joey kicks the table, breaking it.)
Rachel: Oh! I have your key. Here you go. (Hands it to Monica.)
Rachel: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?
Rachel: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out...
Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.
Joey: (interrupting her) Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech... (pulls a face)
Monica: Ohh, Im so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean its really, its made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse!
Joey: All right, Im sorry. Rach IRach Im sorry. Okay? Im sorry! Maybe I can make up for it by, taking you roughly in the barn. (Giggles.)
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
Chandler: All right, so who do you got it narrowed down to?
Chandler: Its like Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Rachel: Oh yeah, whats it about?
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Lady: Well, we already have one offer on it, and I think the lady upstairs is goning to make another one.
Rachel: (looking at her truffle) Look at it, isnt it beautiful?
(At this point, Buffay, the Vampire Layer and Nasforatool start to get it on. Of course, since this is network TV, we can only see the reactions of the gang to the film playing off screen.)
GIRL 1: Is it true they have beer?
EDDIE: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like a chip chick.
Monica: Is it something youd be interested in?
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Ross: Hey! Its starting to snow.
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
Phoebe: Its mostly just photographs of lesbian love scenes interspersed with video games and free sandwiches.
Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there; Phoebe recites the last verse of a poem to Joey. This poem is known as "The Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore, but it seems that it's rather "Account of a visit from St. Nicholas" by Henry Livingston.]
Chandler: (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys.
ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
Rachel: Oh, okay see I thought, I thought you meant how much was it when it was new, yknow like back then.
Chandler: Veronica. Look, its got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Joey: Its not that far! Just drop!
Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you.
Ross: Hey, I can handle it! All right?
Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Yknow? The only problem is, Carls acting is (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
Monica: Oh, then you do know it. (pause) So um what kind of things do you write about?
Joey: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing.
(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, OK, serious poker.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm... (she picks up this bug and it starts to play the theme from Love Story)
Rachel: All right Ross!! I get it!!
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
Ross: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?