words in movies
Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) Ill go up there, Ill tell him to keep it down.
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, Ill show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didnt see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, Ill slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
All: Oh, I got it.
(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Monica: Its Joeys birthday.
Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.
Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, its supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.
Mr. Kaplan: Im not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.
Mr. Kaplan: (opening the closet door revealing that its full of tangled up hangers.) I need these hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) Youre welcome.
Rachel: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.
Rachel: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because its remotely related to the field theyre interested in.
Rachel: Its not funny, this is actually my job.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Monica: I know, hes too charming, but if you two start going out, then its just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and its a horrible shade of green.)
Rachel: Hi! So Im out having lunch at Monicas and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdales and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and hes gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Chandler: Well, my apartment isnt there anymore, because I drank it.
Monica: I mean, was it Gina?
Chandler: Veronica. Look, its got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Chandler: Its gotta be the first one.
Rachel: Oh yeah, whats it about?
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Rachel: I cant believe Mark didnt call. Its Sunday night, and he didnt call.
Monica: (to Ross) Honey, its not pushy, he gave her his home number.
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, its Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, dont you apologize. (listens) Yeah, Ill hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, its perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!
Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isnt even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if youre right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?
Chandler: Well, its, its yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?
Joeys Grandmother: Of course! Its her favorite.
Chandler: Would you just please....give me the receipt cause this is great. Its top notch.
Joeys Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and Im not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) Youre it! Now run and hide!
Mary-Theresa: Its no big deal. Chandler was just kissin me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought youd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Cookie: Ill do it.
Chandler: Youve got it. (he starts to look at his sisters, but he still doesnt know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Ross: Howd did it go?
Ross: Listen, Im ah, Im sorry Ive been so crazy and jealous and, its just that I like you a lot, so...
Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.
Ross: Maybe hes just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
Ross: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?
Joey: All right, thats it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
Monica: Y'know if its any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)
(We the guys knock on the door upstairs, and the guy answering it.)
Dr. Long: Youre about 80 percent effaced, so youre on your way. It still could last a little while longer. If youre anxious there are a few ways to help things along.
Joey: Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin ya. And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it!
Chandler: Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.
Estelle: What can I say? She nailed it.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
Ross: Okay, y'know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?
Joey: 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there.
Monica: No I dont know Chandler! Not anymore! Its like its like somethings changed.
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
Monica: I guess I wanted to keep it (Pause) as a souvenir.
Danny: Like it would help.
Rachel: (not sure what to do) Uh, it was very nice meeting you. (They continue to ignore her.)
Monica: (still talking to the woman) All right, Ill do it just this once! But you cant tell anybody!
Tim: Oh my God! It didnt remind you of
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Chandler: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day.
Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
Ross: Its like that everywhere, Joey! Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where you work the uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other chefs, right?
(Ross just stares at him until he figures it out.)
Rachel: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it.
Rachel: Oh no, I know I couldnt see it either at first, but its right umm (Starts to cry) Ross, I lost it again.
Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie.
Chandler: All right, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna get shot down. Any advice?
Rachel: Honey, honey, Im sorry, I know its our anniversary but I told you on the phone I dont have time to stop.
(They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.)
(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody walks downstairs to Central Perk. The camera goes inside the apartment again, and it pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)
Monica: This is where I thought the barca lounger could go! You see you could see the TV and its still walking distance to the kitchen.
Joey: Well, that's pretty good. But you might wanna tone it down a little.
Monica: Myself. Yknow for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realized it was weird.
Ross: Oh my God! You actually exchanged it!
Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Lipstick For Men!" It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he says seductively "Ichiban... Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko" and it ends. Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)
Phoebe: Dont be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Yknow? Mines gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
ROSS: Well for starters, you may want to light it and lose the spatula.
Janice: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!'
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its after Ross and Joeys talk with Frank, and Phoebes is finding out what happened.]
Ross: Oh, guys, this is fun, isn't it? You know? Just the four of us. Just hangin'.
Chandler: Yknow? So I was thinking that we could get one of those signs and hang it over our bed. Because, thats you and I together! Merge!
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
TERRY: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad, it's that she's so bad, she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.
Gunther: Well, we kissed. I-I-I didn't initiate the kiss, but-but I also didn't stop it, and I've been feeling guilty.
Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal?
Ross: Okay, it must just be me then.
Chandler: No. When it comes to sweets, hes surprisingly strict.
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
Joey: Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, (pats the bag) comes with a bag! (Exits.)
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Rachel: I dont know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much, and yknow it was always more crunchy than it was greasy.
Chandler: (angry) Funniest guy she's ever met! (to the door) I'm funny, right...? What do you know, you're a door... You just like knock-knock jokes... (laughs about himself, but then gets determined again) Save it for inside! (he enters)
JOEY: Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got.
Joey: What-what is it, what is it?
Monica: Oh, well dont take it to the same place you took the stereo, cause theyve had that thing for over a week.
Rachel: Or Carol! But theyre funny to kids and who is it hurting?!
Joey: Oh, ah, tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.
Joey: Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah!
Chandler: Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. (Smells it.) Yep.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is returning from his disastrous weekend. He throws his bag down and sits down on one of the leather chairs, but he sits on something and picks it up and throws it away.]
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Monica: I can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna have like a nephew.
Joey: Oh, uh, again. Can I make a special request: Can you bring everything as soon as it�s ready? Appetizers, entrees, we don�t care.
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
Phoebe: Oh hey hi, hes doing it. Hes breaking down the door. (The chair breaks in half.) Okay, were in. (She hangs up the phone.)
Rachel: No, the other thing. I really think its great they work things out.
Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the front of it.) Yeah. Thats the stuff. What do you think?
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Ross: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!
Monica: I got it!!
Allesandro: Hey! Im proud of that sauce, its delicious.
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?
Chandler: Oopsey, missed it!
Pete: Y'know what, dont be. This is not, dont be, cause its not so bad.
Joey: Look no, I-I know its bad, and I know its wrong. Okay? But-but its not like anythings ever gonna happen. Yknow? These-these are just feelings, theyre gonna go away.
JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?
Rachel: Ohh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! (She picks up the 2 pieces and looks at the stand.) Made in Mexico! Yes!! Ugh, who would buy this?! (Looks for a place to hide it and finds a wall sconce and drops the pieces into it and heads into the kitchen as the phone rings.)
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
Joey: What?! He got to do it at your first wedding!
Joshua: Oh yeah, yeah uh, its down the hall and uh, second door to your left.
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
MONICA: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.
Chandler: Oh, you get used to it.
Rachel: Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. Im just gonna throw it out, its probably just a bunch of shampoo and... (she opens the box and stops)
Rachel: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, The phone rings and Joey answers it.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentines Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.]
(Monica motions that it went right over Rachel's head.)
Ross: Well what is it? Is it a mole? (He moves closer to them, and they jump back.)
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey's phone rings and he answers it.]
Rachel: (entering) I didnt ask you to do it!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is showing off her new dollhouse. Its a huge dollhouse, that takes up the entire living room table.]
Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I dont want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)
Chandler: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?