words in movies
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Chandler: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
Kathy: If you want it to be.
Phoebe: Well, its just that maternity clothes are so expensive.
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just (Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it) throw your purses at it.
Chandler: Yeah, its like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Joey: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Joey: Well okay, so then youre fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as its hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. Its when the heat goes away, thats when youre in trouble.
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Phoebe: Oh. (Joey flips the pancake and Phoebe catches it and throws it on her plate.)
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
(Its a really good-looking man, Joshua, that Rachel has an instant crush on. Well actually its Tate Donovan, so its not like shes really testing her acting skills.)
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasnt much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if youre willing, Im all yours.
Rachel: Oh-oh, sorry, its this way, its this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
Joshua: Its this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
Chandler: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
Kathy: Hi! (Kisses Chandler) Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?
Kathy: Its a good play, isnt it?
Chandler: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
Rachel: Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.
Joey: I dont know, it smells good.
Monica: Yeah, its just something I picked up.
Rachel: Well, it was just something Josh said about v-necks, but you had to be there.
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Phoebe: Yeah, I dont need it.
Monica: All right then, when Im done with this place, its gonna be ten times better than that place!
Chandler: I confronted her, and she didnt deny it! (Pause) I dont live here! (Goes back into his apartment and they all follow him.)
Monica: Nah, I got it.
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. Its just so frustrating!
Rachel: Really? It doesnt seem desperate?
Phoebe: Thousands of times!! That doesnt make me sound too good does it?
Rachel: I dont even know how I would go about it.
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
Joey: Absolutely! And if it doesnt, can I get the extra ticket?
Rachel: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. (She puts her arm in his and checks how they would look as a couple.) Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. (Pause) Umm, so you like it?
Joshua: I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think Im gonna wear it home.
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Rachel: He didnt turn me down! Hes at the game isnt he? I got the date, Im just not on it!
Monica: (entering) Okay, its ready. Come on.
(She has cleaned it, completely redecorated it, removed the carpet, and polished the floor.)
Joey: I dont know, it looks the same.
Joey: Howd it go?
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Chandler: I knew it!
Ross: Uhh, it was fun. We, we just had coffee.
Monica: Ill take care of it.
Rachel: How did it go?
(Theres a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Chandler: Okay! (They hug.) I was gonna wait til uh, it was official yknow? But I got so excited I just had to tell you guys because youre my best friends.
Rachel: Well it stupid, unfair question!
Rachel: No its not!
Joey: But it is our apartment!
Rachel: Will you stop calling it your apartment!
Monica: What is it?!
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Knicks season opener tonight. I thought maybe you guys would come over and watch it.
Chandler: What?! What-what is it?!
Guru Saj: Oh sure, we should see resultsWhoa!! Clearly not the way to go!! (quickly wipes it off)
Chandler: Oh no, now its not gonna make any sense!
Ross: No! No! It would be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you still in that place?
Joey: Im sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and its either this or a bathrobe! Look, whats more important, the way Im dressed or me being with you on your special day?
Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it.
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
(Janice starts to breath into it and sucks in the reciept, and then spits it out.)
Joey (to Rachel): Dude, chill! (to Ross) Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie.
Rachel: Ohhhhhh, look its the roller blades.
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Joey: Because its faster.
Joey: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over.... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"
Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think its okay to be that guy.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Joey: (climbing out of the hole) What?! What?!! What is it?!
Guru Saj: Well its gone.
Mr. Geller: I didnt even have a chance to act as though Im okay with it!
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
Phoebe: (laughs harder) You make it so funny.
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as Im sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, Im sorry! (To Elizabeth) Its unbelievable!
Joey: (examining it) Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year. (Monica drops the sandwich)
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Rachel: Okay. (they both look into the camera, and Ross waves.) Hi Emma. Well, your first birthday is over, and it was really...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is opening the door, but Chandler has the chain on it.]
Rachel: Sure. You got it. Great!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
Ross: It was no big deal. We-we said that the rumor was that umm you had both male and female reproductive parts.
Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and its sooo close.
Ross: No, I missed and hit the door. But, it opened really hard!
Joey: Well, it doesnt matter what I would do.
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Frank Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments, 'cause before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.
Monica: Its only been a couple of hours, so just give it some time.
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Phoebe: (gasps) White Plains. Oh, it sounds like such a magical place.
Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking its alive and attacking him.)
PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.
Chandler: It just doesnt feel like were breaking up.
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
Ross: All right, Ill do it.
Phoebe: It kicked! I think the baby kicked!
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Rachel: Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That isthats greatthat is really great-great news. (Pause) Yknow cause the whole not being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.
MONICA: How can I not do it? I have $127 in the bank.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
Monica: Its 9:30 in the morning!
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Rachel: Well, hey! How about right above the TV? (Points to the spot where her famous French poster is hanging). That way, it will be the first thing that you see when you walk in the door!
Joey: No-no, its uh, its Heston.
Rachel: Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just made out. And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it was the best gossip shed heard all year.
Phoebe: Well, if you think it will help.
Chandler: I fear a jury will see it the same way!
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.
Chandler: Yeah, but I bet it works.
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
Chandler: Ooh! Yes! Okay! Heres what we do, we-we forget it happened.
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Rachel: (entering) I cant believe it! He still hasnt called.
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chefs jacket? (sees theres a burn spot on it)
Chandler: Stop it! Youre killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Emily: Good night, it was very nice to meet you all. (Storms out.)
(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
Rachel: Yeah, but that was different. Yknow? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think its weird.
Rachel: Theres been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that Im not free tonight. So
(Rachel shows Ross the definition on the dictionary, giving him a smug look; then she squints at the dictionary, as though unsure what to make out of it)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is once again being dragged in by Ross so he that he can try to manipulate the situation so that its best for Ross, not necessarily whats best for Monica and Chandler.]
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. Youre 18, okay, shes 44, when youre 36, shes gonna be 88.
Joey: And there it is.
(Chandler has moved forward and is now underneath the couch as it heads up the first set of stairs.)
Chandler: Hey, come on, its not your fault.
Phoebe: (doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
Chandler: But I do know that its some time tomorrow.
Rachel: Its coming from Joey!
JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Rachel: Ooh, I was soo nervous about that letter. But the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know?
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put (realises) Oh my God! Its in the quiche! Oh My God!
Phoebe: I know but its so hard! Nothing rhymes with your stupid name!