words in movies
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Chandler: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
Kathy: If you want it to be.
Phoebe: Well, its just that maternity clothes are so expensive.
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just (Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it) throw your purses at it.
Chandler: Yeah, its like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Chandler: Im totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then theyre gonna go to their cast parties and hes gonna try to undermine me. Y'know itll be like, "So wheres your boyfriend, whats-his-name, Chester?" And shell go, "No-no-no, its Chandler." And hell go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Joey: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Joey: Well okay, so then youre fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as its hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. Its when the heat goes away, thats when youre in trouble.
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Phoebe: Oh. (Joey flips the pancake and Phoebe catches it and throws it on her plate.)
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
(Its a really good-looking man, Joshua, that Rachel has an instant crush on. Well actually its Tate Donovan, so its not like shes really testing her acting skills.)
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasnt much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if youre willing, Im all yours.
Rachel: Oh-oh, sorry, its this way, its this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
Joshua: Its this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
Chandler: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
Kathy: Hi! (Kisses Chandler) Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?
Kathy: Its a good play, isnt it?
Chandler: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
Rachel: Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.
Joey: I dont know, it smells good.
Monica: Yeah, its just something I picked up.
Rachel: Well, it was just something Josh said about v-necks, but you had to be there.
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Phoebe: Yeah, I dont need it.
Monica: All right then, when Im done with this place, its gonna be ten times better than that place!
Chandler: I confronted her, and she didnt deny it! (Pause) I dont live here! (Goes back into his apartment and they all follow him.)
Monica: Nah, I got it.
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. Its just so frustrating!
Rachel: Really? It doesnt seem desperate?
Phoebe: Thousands of times!! That doesnt make me sound too good does it?
Rachel: I dont even know how I would go about it.
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
Joey: Absolutely! And if it doesnt, can I get the extra ticket?
Rachel: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. (She puts her arm in his and checks how they would look as a couple.) Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. (Pause) Umm, so you like it?
Joshua: I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think Im gonna wear it home.
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Rachel: He didnt turn me down! Hes at the game isnt he? I got the date, Im just not on it!
Monica: (entering) Okay, its ready. Come on.
(She has cleaned it, completely redecorated it, removed the carpet, and polished the floor.)
Joey: I dont know, it looks the same.
Joey: Howd it go?
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Rachel: Well, now, wait. Now Im all freaked out. Come on, you guys will watch it with me.
Rachel: Oh, its so sad they never had a chance to meet.
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
Rachel: Okay. (Opens the card and reads it.) Happy birthday Grandma! Its better to be over the hill (starting to cry) then buried under it. (Breaks down as everyone glares at them.) All our love Monica and Chandler. (Crying) Thats funny, yeah!
Ross: Hate him? I No, I dont hate him. (Pause) Its just its Rachel, yknow?
Monica: I will prove it to you! Okay? About a week ago I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch. Now when she comes back I will find it and show you that stain!
Joey: Well, I think its ridiculous that you havent had sex in three and a half months.
Rachel: Oh hey! Hey Ross! Hey hows it, hows it going with you and Mona? Are you guys still together?
Chandler: Cheese, its smelly. You must smell a lot of the time too.
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Chandler: Is it made of cheese?
Ross: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.
Ross: Hey, whatever it is, I am sure it has happened to me. Yknow, actually onceonce I got dumped during sex.
Rachel: Oh my God! Really?! Can I see it?
Joey: Yknow what? Dont worry about it, you still got me and Phoebe.
Joey: Does it really matter?
Rachel: Wow! Wow. Wow. Wow, it is hot in here.
[Scene: Rachels old room. Its pretty much empty except for a few boxes against the walls. Ross and Chandler enter.]
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Rachel: No, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste.
Chandler: (interrupting him) We didnt play it!!
Rachel: (thinking) Hmm maybe it starts with how she gets pregnant.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
Ross: Great! Great. Then I mustve left it at Monas. I knew it!
Rachel: Well just ask Mona to give it back!
Ross: (entering) Hey! Has anyone seen my shirt? Its a button down, like a, like a faded salmon?
(Joey quickly tries to hide Hugsy by throwing it over his head.)
Ross: That was in high school! Its not like it was binding forever.
Ross: Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing.
Rachel: Yeah its umm Yeah its uh It-its yknowIts nothing.
Rachel: I know I told you, its a really big problem.
Joey: Oh hey! You got my parents gift! (Holds it up.)
Guy: Oh, its you. I see you everywhere. Im Jim, Jim Nelson.
Mona's Date: Oh, its okay.
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
Kim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on!
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I justI didn't know what it was!
Mona's Date: Its awfully pink. (Ross mouths, "Its salmon!")
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Jim: It aint no thing, Im wild too.
Phoebe: Oh stop it.
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it aint gonna happen!
Jim: Im sorry. Im staring. Its just that you have the most beautiful eyes.
Joey: Lets just say I took care of it.
Mr. Zelner: Oh I think its best that I speak first.
Phoebe: Oh there it is.
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldnt believe it either" gesture.]
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Monica are walking down it.]
Monica: Alright, you know what? Thats it. Youve had your chance.
Guy: Im sorry, its just that youre so incredibly beautiful.
Monica: I'll get it. (On phone.) Hello. (Listens.) Hi Emily! (Listens.) Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. (She hands the phone to Ross.)
JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.
Joey: Hey youre right. Yeah, its kinda been like us again a little bit.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: Its a dog.
Ross: Ezel? Ezel? Ezel? (Looks it up in his book.)
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
Monica: Its out on the island. Its in Massapequa.
Rachel: Its not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
Chandler: Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good youre here! All right, I figured it out. Im gonna take two tables of eight, Im gonna add your parents, and Im gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Monica: Its just that, its so much.
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
Rachel: Open it! Open it! Open it!
Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
Man: Where did you have it?
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If youre going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!
Phoebe: Then you better do it now.
Phoebe: Are you sure it wasnt an oyster?
Phoebe: Oh look its Parker!
Phoebe: I cant. I cant believe I have plans, I cant. Can you do it tomorrow night though?
Parker: Look! Its the bunny hop!
Phoebe: Oooh I love it!
Ross: Oh, no, Mom, its just Monica this year.
Mrs. Geller: Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasnt it interesting, Jack?
Rachel: No! No! No! No its not! No its not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we dont have the (Looks desperately for something different.) We dont have the that lamp! And-and that screen is yknow, on the other side.
Rachel: All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but Im telling you
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Rachel: Ross, it just wouldnt have been feasible.
Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price.
Ross: I know, I know it was stupid.
Rachel: It was really fun being married to you tonight.
Rachel: I will think about it.
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?
Rachel: Okay, you go do it! Ill come back to that set! Ill meet more actors! Ill meet em all!
Joey: Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
Ross: I uh I dont know. I mean I I honestly didnt watch it.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!