words in movies
Phoebe: Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.)
Phoebe: Oh, it has a name?
Rachel: And I hope its not an inappropriate time to say this but, youre the best sex I ever had.
Rachel: Aw, its unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, shes like umm oh whos that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
Chandler: Who says you cant get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back?
Monica: No, it doesnt say where it came from. Where would we return it?
Monica: Why dont we just find a place for it?
Monica: Oh, okay. Here, why dont you let me do it?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-youll let it go.
Chandler: Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. (Phoebe rolls her eyes and walks away and Monica glares at him.) If! I said, "If it helps!" (Goes to the bedroom.)
Monica: Well its I mean Id justId be self-conscious. Youre my friend; Id be naked.
Monica: Okay, if it means that much to you
Phoebe: It does! How would you feel if you couldnt share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldnt teach us about dragons.
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Rachel: Its not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
Ross: Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened?
Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joeys room and he was sleeping
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she wont let me see whats in it.
Joey: I dont know. Ooh, I bet its Richard.
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe shes having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, dont worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
Rachel: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it youve had one of these Braxton thingies?
Ross: Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened?
Joey: Oh hey, dont worry about it man. Dont worry about it, no big deal.
Ross: Yeah but still, I mean it shouldve been me. Im the dad.
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Monica: So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?
Phoebe: Yeah, and it really freaked me out! And after a while I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on.
Phoebe: Well not clients, lovers. But lets just yknow, try it again. Come back and-and well work through it.
Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!
Joey: Im on it! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.)
Joey: Dude relax! It could happen to anyone.
Ross: Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I dont know any of it and Im the father. I wish Id be more involved yknow.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Ross: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis.
Rachel: I dont know. Is it crazy?
Ross: No! No its not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
Rachel: Okay, lets do it. Ill move in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is pounding out the hinge pins on the closet door to get it open.]
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Monica: Well its just umm Im afraid you might mess it up.
Chandler: So Rachels all moved out huh? How are you taking it?
Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldnt stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, its a couple weeks past its expiration date, so its got a bit of a kick.
Phoebe: Thats it. Just relax.
Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there baby!
Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it! (She stops when she realizes what shes doing.) And now Im going to cover you back up, and umm were never doing this again.
Ross: Its nothing, I just gave her a hug.
Ross: (grabs back his cookie) It was a hug!
Joey: Well, thank you. So, can we play 20 Questions now? Ive got a really good one! Ive been thinking about it since Kansas.
Chandler: Who was it?
Chandler: So, thats it?
Chandler: Alright look, if it means that much to you, a may be able to get on more with the big boobs. But the giant ass and the big clown feet?
Chandler: Well this is great! Ill give you a call! We should do it again sometime!
Rachel: I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)
Phoebe: No, Joey! You borrowed my cab; you have to drive it back.
(They pause to think about it.)
Phoebe: Oh, this is it. This whats gonna kill me.
Rachel: Ross, hey you know what might make it less boring?
Chandler: Thats the way I did it til I was 19.
Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on the door. He goes over and opens it.]
Monica: Im fine! I just, Im thinking how much its an end of era.
Ross: Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?!
Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.
Ross: Uh, yknow what? Ill tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principals office wearing nothing but a catchers mitt!
Ross: ....right? Right? I mean its pretty unbelievable y'know, I mean they just took off, took off without even looking back. Y'know I dont, I dont need them, huh, Ive got you guys now as friends, you and Susan.
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
ROSS: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha big.
Phoebe: No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.
Joshua: Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.
[The final one is from Episode 607: The One Where Phoebe Runs, Joey has been trying to repel Janice and sees its not working to his liking so hes confronting her about the sexual tension.]
Monica: This doesnt mean anything, does it?
Monica: Okay, come on, do it one more time!
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?
Chandler: Now, is that never talking about it again?!
Joey: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids.
Monica: It doesnt say that!
Rachel: Hi! I got you some coffee. To, uh (She looks for a place to set it on his messy desk and he clears a spot for her to set it down.) fair enough. So! Do you got anything for me?
Rachel: (answering it) Hello?
Phoebe: No its not great. No, shes coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
Phoebe: That's weird. (Pause.) I bet they're doing it.
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
Chandler: So, you heard it, you repeated it, so that must mean you wrote it.
Joey: I could use a challenge! Its getting pretty easy.
Rachel: Late thirties? Oh come on you guys! Is it just me? Am I overreacting to this?
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think hes such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that youre with Ross okay and imagine that youre kissing him. And youre-youre running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross its some kind of grease, itsuck! Hah?
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it no! Thats not fair! Yknow I cant resist that beautiful voice!
Joey: Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it.
Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
Monica: Dont worry about it Phoebe, well absolutely do it.
Joey: Yeah, its not mine.
Joey: Yeah, its (looks up and sees the woman) mine.
Ross: Yeah, like I could lose it.
Monica: Yes it is. You see I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you?
(Joey spins the bottle and it lands on Emily.)
Woman: I bet its fast.
(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)
Monica: Okay. Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?
Monica: Pheebs, hows it going?
Joey: " by doin it."
Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.
Joey: Yeah, just a crush! Thats all this is! Its a crush! Im Joey; I dont get deep feelings.
David: Ahh! Sh(Beep)it that hurt!
Joey: Okay, take it easy.
Joey: Really? Oh uh, oh just give me five more minutes with it.
Joey: Yeah, but its my wax.
Joey: Its Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.
Rachel: What? Maybe I put it in here (she opens her bag). Oh, oh, it's not in there! Oh, no! I must have packed it in one of these boxes!
Rachel: Its not funny, this is actually my job.
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
Rachel: And he didn't want you guys to know about it but I came over here to tell you!!
Rachel: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird.
Mrs. Waltham: Were very sad that it didnt work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think youre absolutely delicious.
Monica: Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!
Mr. Treeger:: Huh, I wouldve thought it was the other way around.
Monica: Sweetie, with you its gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great, cause you-you guys are in love.
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time. (When she finishes talking, a note is pushed from under Monica's and Chandler's door, into the hall. Ross picks it up and reads it out loud)
Ross: No, look, uh. You are upset about your father and you're feeling vulnerable and I just don't feel it would be right, I'd feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.
The Porsche Owner: But its my car!
Ross: Yeah, well it came to about $112, but what the hell, just call it an even 110?
Monica: All right, thats it, were going to the emergency room.
Rachel: No, its all right. I got nice boobs. (Phoebe and Monica nod there heads in agreement.)
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Rachel: Okay! (She goes and gets her surprise and when she returns with it, Ross stares in shock.) Check it out!
Ross: I'll do it. Hey, whatever you need me to do, I'm your man. (He starts to sit down on the bed. There's one problem though, he's about two feet to the left of it. Needless to say, he misses and falls on his butt.) (Looking up at Joey.) Whoa-oh-whoa! Are you, are you okay?
Joey: Hey! Its Porsche!! (Hes right yknow.)
Rachel: What? What, do you mean you're not feeling well? What do you have? Is it Rubella? Because don't go near Emma, she has not had that shot.
Phoebe: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!
Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
Ross: Oh, come on it's only three blocks! And-and, it's not very heavy, try it! Come on! Come on!
Chandler: So I guess its just uh, you and me then.
Joey: Ohh, no, no. Were not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Rachel: Yeah, dont push it though.
(She goes in, and sees Jason without his shirt. It turns out that he has a great body too, and is at a loss for words.)
Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office!
Joey: (looking at it) Oh my God!!
Chandler: Its not charity, Joe
Joey: (onscreen) "I thought I knew who the enemy was, but it was you all along."
Monica: Its not your birthday.
Chandler: Okay, here is the phone bill. (Hands it to Joey.)
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
Ross (on the verge of tears): I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Joey: Ooh, its probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, Im kinda .