words in movies
Phoebe: Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.)
Phoebe: Oh, it has a name?
Rachel: And I hope its not an inappropriate time to say this but, youre the best sex I ever had.
Rachel: Aw, its unbelievable! Wow! She is kicking so much! Oh, shes like umm oh whos that kind of annoying girl soccer player?
Chandler: Who says you cant get a nice punch bowl for under six bucks? Maybe we can take it back?
Monica: No, it doesnt say where it came from. Where would we return it?
Monica: Why dont we just find a place for it?
Monica: Oh, okay. Here, why dont you let me do it?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, I will do it. Honey, you have to learn to sit down and relax and let your husband take care of things once and awhile. (Tries the door.) Its locked, you have to help me. Why is it locked?
Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-youll let it go.
Chandler: Phoebe if it helps Alexandra has only been massaging Monica for like three years. (Phoebe rolls her eyes and walks away and Monica glares at him.) If! I said, "If it helps!" (Goes to the bedroom.)
Monica: Well its I mean Id justId be self-conscious. Youre my friend; Id be naked.
Monica: Okay, if it means that much to you
Phoebe: It does! How would you feel if you couldnt share your cooking? Or-or imagine how Ross would feel if he couldnt teach us about dragons.
Ross: What?! It is?! (He tries to quickly remove his gloves, but runs into trouble and finally throws them off of his hands like a hockey player in a fight and grabs Rachels belly.)
Rachel: Its not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
Ross: Hey, when-when was it kicking? What happened?
Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joeys room and he was sleeping
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Phoebe: Stating the obvious, but thank you. And its not weird is it.
Monica: Oh God Phoebe!! (Phoebe covers one ear.) Oh thats it! Thats it! Right there! Oh! (Tries to cover the other ear.) Ooooh-oooh-ooooh (Covers both ears and continues the massage with her elbows.)
Chandler: Monica has a secret closet and she wont let me see whats in it.
Joey: I dont know. Ooh, I bet its Richard.
Joey: Well off the top of my head uhh, maybe shes having her cake and eating it too. You being the cake and Richard being the too. Or!
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, dont worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
Rachel: Hmm, mild discomfort. So I take it youve had one of these Braxton thingies?
Ross: Your page said come to the hospital, what? What was it? What happened?
Joey: Oh hey, dont worry about it man. Dont worry about it, no big deal.
Ross: Yeah but still, I mean it shouldve been me. Im the dad.
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Monica: So umm, what do you say we make it a weekly appointment?
Phoebe: Yeah, and it really freaked me out! And after a while I even tried to hurt you and it just spurred you on.
Phoebe: Well not clients, lovers. But lets just yknow, try it again. Come back and-and well work through it.
Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!
Joey: Im on it! (Takes a bite out of the sandwich.)
Joey: Dude relax! It could happen to anyone.
Ross: Yeah? Not to you, because you know this stuff. I dont know any of it and Im the father. I wish Id be more involved yknow.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Ross: No I-I-I would love to be around for you and the baby. And we-we can just try it like on a temporary basis.
Rachel: I dont know. Is it crazy?
Ross: No! No its not. Joey, this is a smart idea.
Rachel: Okay, lets do it. Ill move in.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is pounding out the hinge pins on the closet door to get it open.]
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Monica: Well its just umm Im afraid you might mess it up.
Chandler: So Rachels all moved out huh? How are you taking it?
Joey: Well uh, I wanted to have a few beers, but uh, I got rid of those because Rachel couldnt stand the smell of them. But I have thrown back a lot of orange juice with calcium though. And uh, its a couple weeks past its expiration date, so its got a bit of a kick.
Phoebe: Thats it. Just relax.
Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there baby!
Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it! (She stops when she realizes what shes doing.) And now Im going to cover you back up, and umm were never doing this again.
Ross: You know, if it�s meant to be, I�ll guess it. Bye, bye.
Rachel: Alright! Let's just do it. Let's just go over there and see if she heard.
Phoebe: You got it! Ok. But not on the wine that you made, ok, because I just don't want to go back to the Emergency Room.
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Monica: Don't worry, after a while he'll tune it out.
Monica: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt?
Monica: I think I feel ok about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it.
Phoebe: (entering with Rachel) and I-I can't take it! Y'know? I'm just, always afraid one of them is gonna catch me with the other one. It's making me crazy.
Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)
Rachel: Oh thank you so much. (Picks up the guy's spirit level) Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game. (hands it to him)
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
Monica: Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachels reaction.) I think its great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, Im so happy for you!
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
Joey: (To Ross) Ill tell you about it later. Be cool.
Cliff: It doesnt happen to me either.
Ross: Why, why would you open it?
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Ross: What did it say?
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
(Monica seems to take it amiss)
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Monica: Alright heres something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Ross: Yeah, that's it?
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Joey: Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
Chandler: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
Joey: Tell me who it is.
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Ross: Yep, we got it, we got it. (To Charlie) Thank you so much.
Rachel: Oh! (pause) Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?
Monica: Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let's go.
Rachel: So uh I guess we should make it official huh?
Monica: Damn it!
Joey: No, he really said it.
Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
Monica: Oh. (Holds on to it.) (To herself) Youre not gettin it.
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Charlie: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
Charlie: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
Mike: Wanna make it more interesting?
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Phoebe: (picks up a coin from her bra) Monica, you call it.
Rachel: You know? Forget it!
Phoebe: Whe-where did he put it?!
Joey: I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.
Sally: It's hard isn't it? There's almost no time for a social life. I mean, where are you gonna meet someone?
Chandler: Honey, its 2:00 on a Wednesday and Im watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Monica: Oh, damn it!
Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...
Monica: I can't believe it! (pause) I lost!
Rachel: Come on Ross! Im miserable here! Come on! You started this, now you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me.
[as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat from behind and puts it on himself]
Ross: Its a little early to be drinkin.
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Monica: I'm on it!
Chandler: You got it!
Joey: No idea what it means.
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
Ginger: Ah well, its nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, Ill see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
Joey's voice, but she sees Ross: Seriously... What is it?
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
Ross: Stop it!
Monica: Check it out!
Monica: Don't you just love it?
Mike: Is it ok if I hug you now?
Phoebe: You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there.
Ross: Well, we-we havent said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people.
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Monica: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean whats more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Rachel: What? What is it?
Phoebe: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Rachel: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't...
Monica: Really? I don't really feel like it.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
Monica: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much.
Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute its not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!
Phoebe: Ok, well that's bad. But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean.
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Joey: Yeah, but it did happen, so...
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Phoebe: Oh, how does it work?