words in movies
Rachel: Who wrote it?
Ross: Its a girl! Anyway, it wouit wouldnt matter. Okay? Because Im a teacher and shes a student.
Ross: No, but it is frowned upon.
Joey: Oh, well think of it like this, when youre 90
Ross: I know when Im 90 shell be like 80 and it wont seem like such a big difference.
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Monica: Its Chandlers way of pretending he didnt take mime.
Phoebe: Oh my God! How bad was it?
Rachel: Well, he didnt say, but it was a fire. Im guessing not very good. Come on, we gotta go!
Burt: (another professor) Wow! It looks like you were very generous with your grades this semester! (Ross frantically starts to change some as a female student, Elizabeth, approaches.)
Elizabeth: Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. Youre a teacher. Im a student. But would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?
Elizabeth: (checks her grade) Oh, yknow what? Forget it, you already gave me an A.
Monica: Oh well, its not so bad.
Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
Phoebe: Oh, its bad. Its really bad. The only thing in there that isnt burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
Rachel: Everythings ruined. My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue sweater. (Hold it up.)
Rachel: Fine! Im sorry for your loss! (Hands it back to her.)
Phoebe: Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Oh my God! I did it! Its me! Its me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house!
Chandler: God, its great to catch up! I cant believe how long its been!
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! Im back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, well do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Joey: Hey listen, so whens-whens my audition? I mean I know its Thursday, but what time?
Chandler: (To Joey) We didnt get to the audition. Im gonna take her to coffee and then well do it then.
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I havent talked to her in ten years! You cant just call up somebody you havent talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, yknow? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Monica: Youre right, Im sorry. Its not like youre yknow, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
Rachel: Oh my God! It sure didnt look this way when I lived here.
Rachel: Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no ones fault Pheebs. Okay? It was an accident.
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Elizabeth: Oh please! It was such a big class! You never even noticed me!
Elizabeth: Yes you did! What was it?
Ross: Umm, its Cutie McPretty.
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-Im having a great time! Yknow how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but its not. I mean its not at all.
Phoebe: Yeah I know, it was my candle. My candle!
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. Its looks like a curling iron.
Fireman #2: It couldve been a hair straightener.
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (Its the same location as before.) AndHey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in its spot.)
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Monica: Well you let me know if you can, because yknow I can bake a pie to cover it.
Phoebe: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hello? (Listens) Oh yes, one minute please. (To Phoebe) Its for you. Its the fire inspector.
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Monica: So its okay to date a student.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically its-its not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean whats more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday?
Chandler: I couldnt do it.
Joey: You couldnt do it?!
Chandler: (breaking up) Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. Ill see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
Monica: Hey! Hows it goin?
Monica: Yes it has! I made cookies!
(Monica leaves and Phoebe closes the door behind her and tries to lock it.)
Phoebe: That doesnt lock does it?
Joey: No thats all right. Dont worry about it.
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
Ross: Thats right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, were dating. And you may frown upon that, but were not gonna hide it anymore.
Burt: Theyre gonna fire you! You cant date a student! Its against the rules.
Rachel: I love it at Joeys!
Joey: Oh, very funny. I dont know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesnt say anything until Joey figures it out.) You got me the audition?! Lets hug it up! (They hug.)
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Elizabeth: For what its worth I did appreciate you standing up for me. It felt really nice. It kinda made me like you even more.
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we cant date. Its against the rules. Its forbidden.
Elizabeth: Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, its really hot.
Ross: Well I-I-I dont care how hot it is its-its uh, its wrong.
Elizabeth: Stop it! (She starts to get all worked up.)
Ross: (feeling it too) No! No! Its wrong! Its-its-its naughty. Its taboo.
Chandler: Its Thursday! How was the audition?!
Rachel: Oh thank you so much. (Picks up the guy's spirit level) Oh oh wait! You forgot your erm...Your game. (hands it to him)
Chandler: Yeah, that's the same as "it has something to do with wind".
Monica: This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to her again? I mean I know its weird, its awkward, but you gotta at least try.
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
Monica: Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.
Joey: Oh no-no, no-no I love living with you. It just seems that if youre gonna have a roommate, yknow it might as well be the father.
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachels reaction.) I think its great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, Im so happy for you!
Ross: Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didnt go well but it really did go well?
Joey: (To Ross) Ill tell you about it later. Be cool.
Cliff: It doesnt happen to me either.
Ross: Why, why would you open it?
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Ross: What did it say?
Chandler: Well, it didn't say "This is a virus"!!
(Monica seems to take it amiss)
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Monica: Alright heres something, it says to try holding the baby close to your body and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
Joey: You know what it is? It's a nice place but I gotta see I don't know if I see myself living here. Oh, oh, oh, let me see... (Joey sits down on the couch, mimes opening a can and puts his hand down his pants) Yeah, I could see it.
Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Joey: Its London, baby! All right, the hotels here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go No. I know. (Sets the map down.) Im gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut.
Ross: Yeah, that's it?
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Joey: Kate Miller it is. (he picks up the Kate Miller badge and sticks it on Rachel's breast)
Chandler: Wow, it seems serious. What seems to be the problem, Ashley Judd?
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
Joey: Tell me who it is.
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Ross: Yep, we got it, we got it. (To Charlie) Thank you so much.
Rachel: Oh! (pause) Ok. Ok, you really wanna know who it is?
Monica: Oh my God, he's gonna do it now. Please, I cannot watch this, let's go.
Rachel: So uh I guess we should make it official huh?
Monica: Damn it!
Joey: No, he really said it.
Man with a bow tie: (shaking hands with Ross) I thought... it was wonderful!
Monica: Oh. (Holds on to it.) (To herself) Youre not gettin it.
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Charlie: Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun!
Charlie: ... is it weird that it's not with each other?
Mike: Wanna make it more interesting?
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Phoebe: (picks up a coin from her bra) Monica, you call it.
Rachel: You know? Forget it!
Phoebe: Whe-where did he put it?!
Joey: I'll do it!! It'll get the casserole stink off of mine.
Sally: It's hard isn't it? There's almost no time for a social life. I mean, where are you gonna meet someone?
Chandler: Honey, its 2:00 on a Wednesday and Im watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Monica: Oh, damn it!
Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...
Monica: I can't believe it! (pause) I lost!
Rachel: Come on Ross! Im miserable here! Come on! You started this, now you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me.
[as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat from behind and puts it on himself]
Ross: Its a little early to be drinkin.
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Monica: I'm on it!
Chandler: You got it!
Joey: No idea what it means.
Charlie: It's just that... I don't understand it... I mean, Phoebe likes Joey and then she comes here to buy a dress to impress another guy...?
Ginger: Ah well, its nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, Ill see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)
Joey's voice, but she sees Ross: Seriously... What is it?
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
Ross: Stop it!
Monica: Check it out!
Monica: Don't you just love it?
Mike: Is it ok if I hug you now?
Phoebe: You know what, we're gonna have sex. Let's just leave it there.
Ross: Well, we-we havent said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people.
Chandler: She doesnt know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I cant even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Monica: Honey, if you know it through a wall, you know it too well!
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
Rachel: What? What is it?
Phoebe: Damn it woman, pull yourself together! Have some pride, for the love of God.
Ross: (Thinking it over) Sure! (Takes one) Hey, I just found out, I get Ben for the holidays this year.
Rachel: Okay, that sounds fair. It just means that once again we can't...
Monica: Really? I don't really feel like it.
Eric: Just seeing her brought it all back. All the lies, the way she used me. I just I got so angry just looking at her (Looks at Phoebe) face.
Monica: Okay, I just don't get why you like it so much.
Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute its not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!
Phoebe: Ok, well that's bad. But don't you think it might be different with someone else? Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean.
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Joey: Yeah, but it did happen, so...
Chandler: No, its not! When I looked at the other ring I could see Monicas face when I gave it to her, yknow? And I could see her saying yes. When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring! Unless I look at it really closely and then I can see my own eye. (Does so and laughs.) Look, this is the most important thing Im gonna do in my life. I wanna make sure its perfect.
Phoebe: Oh, how does it work?
Monica: That's not really how it works.
Chandler: Thanks, its ah, Gaelic, for Thy turkeys done. So ah, Im gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.
Mike: (popping by, smiling) You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!
Frank Jr.: Sometimes I think that.. Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it, it's too horrible. No.
Phoebe: Okay. (Monica closes the door, gets the guitar, and then hands it out.)
Phoebe: Theres a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) Theres a reset button! My God! Why didnt I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!
Rachel: Well, I... you know, I-I-I don't know what to say... I mean, I never thought of you as a guy who needed his men to be men. You know, 'cause I gotta tell you Ross, it not like you just came in from branding cattle.
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Owen: You wanna see it?
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
Chandler: Honey, its not the bath I enjoy, its the wet, naked lady.