words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.)
Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?
Rachel: (freaks) Ross! Stop it! Come on!
Rachel: Just stop it! Come on!
Phoebe: Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay?
Monica: Well, it just seems that
Chandler: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?
Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.
Phoebe: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas.
Joey: Monica. Oh huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.
[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]
Monica: (looks at it more closely) Oh that's an eye removal machine.
Rachel: (really excited) Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! (He took out that thing they use to look at people's retinas and looked at Rachel's when she was shaking his hand causing her to flinch and scream at him.)
Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!
Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Joey: You got it!
Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.)
Ross: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!
Ross: Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?
Ross: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Monica: Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? Whom! Whom! Sometimes it's who!
Rachel: Eh! Stop it!
Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Monica: Okay! All right! Let's do it!
Rachel: Well, well, you said it was practice!
Rachel: (as she's being dragged) What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it! (Monica drags her totally onto the floor and on her back.)
Monica: I am going I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)
Rachel: Monica! Stop it!
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?
Phoebe: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
Monica: (answering it) Hello?
Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
(As she moves to get it, Monica yells )
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
Rachel: What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God!
Mona's Date: Oh, its okay.
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
Kim: Forget it Rachel! We're both so proud of how well you're doing. I'm not gonna let you blow it. In fact, if I catch you with a cigarette, you're fired. So go on, get out of here! Go on, I don't want you breathing this stuff! Go on!
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I justI didn't know what it was!
Mona's Date: Its awfully pink. (Ross mouths, "Its salmon!")
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Jim: It aint no thing, Im wild too.
Phoebe: Oh stop it.
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it aint gonna happen!
Jim: Im sorry. Im staring. Its just that you have the most beautiful eyes.
Joey: Lets just say I took care of it.
Mr. Zelner: Oh I think its best that I speak first.
Phoebe: Oh there it is.
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldnt believe it either" gesture.]
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Monica are walking down it.]
Monica: Alright, you know what? Thats it. Youve had your chance.
Guy: Im sorry, its just that youre so incredibly beautiful.
Monica: I'll get it. (On phone.) Hello. (Listens.) Hi Emily! (Listens.) Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. (She hands the phone to Ross.)
JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.
Joey: Hey youre right. Yeah, its kinda been like us again a little bit.
Rachel: Ok, that's it! Just give'em to me! I'll split them up! (she tries to snatch the bowl from Joey's hands but she can't, so she pinches his nipple and she manages to take it)
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Chandler: Its a dog.
Ross: Ezel? Ezel? Ezel? (Looks it up in his book.)
Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so shed know I was okay.
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, its after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
Monica: Its out on the island. Its in Massapequa.
Rachel: Its not kicking right now. Although we would love to see you do (Mimics him) that again.
Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it.
Chandler: Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good youre here! All right, I figured it out. Im gonna take two tables of eight, Im gonna add your parents, and Im gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Monica: Its just that, its so much.
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
Rachel: Open it! Open it! Open it!
Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding.
Man: Where did you have it?
Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If youre going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!
Phoebe: Then you better do it now.
Phoebe: Are you sure it wasnt an oyster?
Phoebe: Oh look its Parker!
Phoebe: I cant. I cant believe I have plans, I cant. Can you do it tomorrow night though?
Parker: Look! Its the bunny hop!
Phoebe: Oooh I love it!
Ross: Oh, no, Mom, its just Monica this year.
Mrs. Geller: Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasnt it interesting, Jack?
Rachel: No! No! No! No its not! No its not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we dont have the (Looks desperately for something different.) We dont have the that lamp! And-and that screen is yknow, on the other side.
Rachel: All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but Im telling you
Rachel: Yeah, I admit it. I have a crush on you, and uh, and, and I know that's crazy because we work together, and-and nothing could ever happen, and the last thing I want to do is-is to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable. Which is why it would be really great if you said something right about now.
Rachel: Ross, it just wouldnt have been feasible.
Chandler: I did. (Looks at his still deformed hand) But it came at a price.
Ross: I know, I know it was stupid.
Rachel: It was really fun being married to you tonight.
Rachel: I will think about it.
Monica: Okay thats it. I give up. At mom and dads 40th anniversary, youre the one giving the speech.
Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?
Rachel: Okay, you go do it! Ill come back to that set! Ill meet more actors! Ill meet em all!
Joey: Oh, not at all. Happy to do it.
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
Ross: I uh I dont know. I mean I I honestly didnt watch it.
Rachel: (with the sticks in her hands) Um... (She goes to the tarantula-cage and puts the sticks into it) Done!
Joey: Well, there are so many things, its hard to pick just one.
Phoebe: I know! You see it is stuff like this which is why (Looking down) youre burning in hell!!
Ross: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game.
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Joey: Oh! Maybe its because Im on television. Im an actor on Days of Our Lives.
Monica: Y'know what, dont tell us. Well just wait until Chandler gets home, (to Phoebe) because itll be more fun that way.
CHANDLER: Yeah.� I feel so bad.� Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Joey: I cant! Yknow? You guys dont know what its like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Monica: All right guys stop it. Rachel, were very sorry that is a very insensitive thing for us to do. And yknow what? Let us make it up to you, we have two really great guys for you.
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.
Chandler: Wish it! (To the woman, Kathy, he likes) Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?
Joey: I like it.
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Phoebe: I just talked him into it, dont tell me I have to do you too. The puppet master gets tired people.
Rachel: Oh! Yay! Look! Theres a piece that doesnt have floor on it!
Joey: It was so stupid, I said some stuff in an interview that I shouldnt have said. But believe me, thats not gonna happen today.
MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
Monica: All right, look Im just gonna unplug it.
The Interviewer: How do you spell that? So we can get it right.
The Interviewer: So it seems like you have a lot of friends, who would you say is your best friend?
The Interviewer: Great! Well, it was nice meeting all of you.
Joey: I couldnt help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesnt and Joey punches Ross. Gunther is amused.)
Joey: No thats all right. Dont worry about it.
Joey: Rach! Hey! Its fine! Youre at Joeys!
Chandler: It hurts me. It physically hurts me.
Joey: Why would I return it? I love this bag!
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, its absolutely state of the art.
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. Thats what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
Joey: Yknow, when we talked about face to face, I dont think we thought it all the way through.
Monica: Oh come on, its only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire?
Ross: It really was.
Joey: Its not what you said. Its the way you said it Oh My God, Im a woman!!!
Phoebe: Thats good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.
Rachel: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Yknow? And its probably really hard for you to be alone right now.