words in movies
Phoebe: (overdoing it) Oh my God!!
Ross: Okay, maybe it wasnt my best decision. But I just couldnt face another failed marriage.
Ross: Rach, come on, if you think about it, its actually kinda funny. (He laughs, and he laughs alone.) Okay, maybe its best not to think about it.
Joey: Theres a lost and found? (Gunther sets the box up on the table.) My shoe! (Grabs it out of the box.)
Monica: Dont worry about it Phoebe, well absolutely do it.
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna pass. Cause I was kinda iffy when it was puppies.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on! Itll give us great practice for when(realizes what shes about to say and changes)people with babies come to visit.
Joey: Yeah, its not mine.
Joey: Yeah, its (looks up and sees the woman) mine.
Woman: I bet its fast.
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
(Phoebe laughs, then stops to think about it. Ross enters.)
Rachel: (deadpan) Oh look who it is, my husband. The apple of my eye.
Monica: Pheebs, hows it going?
Phoebe: (rapidly) Im doing okay. I think its going well. Do you think theyre having fun? Am I talking to fast?
Monica: Nope, sound like me. Pheebs, its going great. Look at Chandler with little baby girl Chandler.
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
Monica: I know. But umm, one time there was this really dirty car in front of the building, so I washed it.
Joey: Okay, take it easy.
Joey: Really? Oh uh, oh just give me five more minutes with it.
The Porsche Owner: But its my car!
Joey: Yeah, but its my wax.
Chandler: (entering) Check it out! Check it out! When the babies wake up, they can meet Krog! (He holds up this Xena-like warrior action figure.)
Monica: Oh its so cute. I wonder what age it is when you stop being able to put both legs over your head.
Chandler: (entering) All right. (Clears throat) I thought about it and maybe youre right. Maybe Krog is not a safe toy.
Chandler: Well, I was trying to prove that I was right. Yknow? And it turns out I was wrong. And now its lodged in my throat. (Mimics a cat trying to cough up a hairball.) (He does it again.)
Monica: Damnit! Yknow this whole time we were concentrating on watching the babies and, and no one was watching Chandler! (He does it again.)
Judge: Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Joey: No. No, I just uh, I just loved the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.
Chandler: Ahh, I think it just moved. Its really poking me.
Monica: All right, thats it, were going to the emergency room.
Phoebe: But no, because a doctor wont be able to help him, its just gonna yknow naturally pass through his system in like seven years.
Phoebe: Im pretty sure its gun.
Joey: Hey! Its Porsche!! (Hes right yknow.)
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Time Lapse, the babies are finally asleep. Good for Phoebe! The only problem is, Monicas apartment looks like a tornado, a hurricane, a swarm of locusts, fire, brimstone, hail, and giant man-eating, radioactive ants have torn the place apart. Needless to say, its messy enough to cause Monica to die of shock right away. Parents with small children know what Im talking about.]
Phoebe: I did it! I took care of the babies all by myself!
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Ross: So then if-ifI mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.
Rachel: Yeah, dont push it though.
Rachel: I know. I always thought if you and I got married, it would be the one that stuck. And it wouldnt be a secret, and we wouldnt have our wedding dinner at Pizza Hut. (They both laugh.)
Rachel: No, it was on the house, it was, it was a newlywed special.
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
Joey: No thats not it. They let me keep my key the last time they were out of town.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmothers. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, Im 87 year old woman, whos afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Joey: Yeah, it seemed pretty important.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no! Its a surprise, but its gonna be tricky thought because she said she was gonna be pretty busy at work for a while.
Phoebe: (To Joey) Maybe its something you ate?
Ross: Why? What-what else could it be?
Joey: Yeah, I dont think thats what it is.
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But lookI've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
Joey: Uh, really good. Really good. Yeah, I should be ready to kill myself any day now. (Chandler returns with a bobby pin and hands it to Joey.) Wow, you sure found that quick. (He tries the pin in the lock.) I justI wish I didnt feel this way about Rachel anymore, yknow? I wish things could go back to normal. I mean, I love living with her and God, helping out with the baby is just amazing, but now I think I think Ross feels left out. Yknow? When I had to take Rachel to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father. God You shouldve seen the look on Rosss face. (Pause) By the way, I have no idea what Im doing here. For all I know Im just locking it more. Oh hey, did you try opening it with a credit card?
CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)
Ross: Fine, yknow what, thats it. From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man.
[We close with a bunch of scenes where they screw up and make weird noises. It finishes with.]
[Scene: Carol and Susans, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.]
Monica: No! (Pause) Are you doing it?! I dont hear anything! Come on!
Monica: How did you know that?! (Runs to yell at Joeys apartment.) Joey! Chandler!! Its time!
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
Rachel: Wow. There it is, I see it.
Rachel: I cant see it!
Rachel: I dont see it!
Rachel: Oh. Oh, its beautiful. I see it now.
Rachel: No, I dont see it!
Ross: Sweetie thats it.
Eric: Eric. (They shake hands and hes squinting. And, no, its not me.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there and Rachel is arranging a bouquet of flowers, pricks her finger on a thorn, throws the bouquet over her head, and those you who are quicker than some already know that Monica is the one who catches it.]
Rachel: (to the flight attendant who appears in record time. It was only seconds after Rachel pushed the call button was she there. Once again, more proof that TV isn't real, IRL she would've been waiting for the rest of the flight and by then Ross's pants would be dry.) Hi!
Ross: Yes lets. Yknow what? Uh, its-its not important. What is important is that, is that were having a baby. And its notDoesnt matter who came on to who.
Ross: Yknow what? Yknow what? Rachel, just-just drop it.
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Ross: No, I mean its okay, I mean, theyre-theyre my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
Ross: Really? Well then tell it to me.
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! Im right. I'm right. Am I right?
Rachel: How did it go with Erin?
Joey: Im not feeling it.
Joey: Hey! Look, if it didnt work its because you didnt tell it right! Show me how you did it.
Ross: Its been six months! Im always hot!
Helena: Before we go on with the show, I just want to say to the bride and groom how lucky they are to have found each other. In every life, a little rain must fall. Fortunately, in my life (Four guys wearing rubber boots, shorts, hats, and nothing else carrying umbrellas run onto the stage.) (Singing) Its raining men!
Burt: Theyre gonna fire you! You cant date a student! Its against the rules.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, his massage client is on the table and Ross is reluctantly starting his massage. He spreads some lotion in his hands, and doesnt like it.]
Gunther: We dont give anything away unless its someones birthday.
Chandler: Well maybe it was all of your questions.
Chandler: I'm not gonna watch it... I don't NEED to watch it... I mean, what good could possibly come from watching? (sighs) Well, we know I'm gonna watch it. (Chandler moves to put the tape in the VCR and Joey enters the apartment)
Rachel: Thank you. (She sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.) What? (They all yell again.) You dont want to see this do you?
Phoebe: It will be in a minute. Listen, Tim youre a really great guy.
Phoebe: No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it.
Ross: Forget it, shes destroying it.
Chandler: Hey, no way! Come on, this is you guys, call her and work it out.
Rachel: I wanna see it.
Ross: Look, I didnt want to rush into anything. And it seemed like she didnt want to either. But I dont, I dont understand how any of this happened! What? Did she find the ring in my jacket, assume that I was going to propose, throw it on, and-and just start telling people?
Ross: I dont want people to see it for your sake.
Gert: Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it.
Ross: (on tape) You didnt do it?
Joey: Hey Monica its Joey. Listen uh, Phoebe and I smell gas comin from your apartment.
Ross: (To Chandler) All right! All right! All right! (To Joey) We are fixing it.
Chandler: Did you do it on our invitations?!
Rachel: You think it looked amazing?
Rachel: Yeah, it would be really weird.
Rachel: It was an amazing night.
Ross: It was. It was an amazing night.
Rachel: Oh, make it stop!
Rachel: Have to make it stop!!
Rachel: Make it stop!!
Rachel: Oh does it matter?! All that matters is that you look so handsome.
Phoebe: Well, its no pesto.
Phoebe: I made it myself.
Chandler: I had to! Okay, imagine you were married... and you found a tape of your wife in another guys' apartment... Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Chandler: Shh! It is a family name!
Dr. Drake Ramoray: What is it?
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Is it serious?
MR. GELLER: [enters with his bat] Found it.
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
Ross: Yes it is too slutty! (Joey slams the door before Rachel could hear the entire sentence.)
Ross: There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasnt so scary, was it?
Ross: No! No! Of course it didnt mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, yknow, because-because it was you
Joey: What? You werent in it.
Chandler: It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made it, shoot right out.
Joey: No thats not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when youre 90 youll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Phoebe: Love it!
CHAN: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine-down, Knights in White Satin was sung by the Doody Blues.
Chandler: Bob? Ooh, working here with us? Everyday? Yeah, I dont know if he has what it takes.
Chandler: I think its best sir.
Monica: All right. The super couldnt figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldnt figure out what it did. Ive had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Chandler: Good morning everyone, it�s nice to see our team together for the first time. Now, before we get started, are there any questions? (colleague raises hand) Yes, Ken is it?
Chandler: Allright, I'm gonna watch it... I mean look, it's probably not even what I think it is... And even if it is... It can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head... (laughs nervously) Can it?
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
Monica: So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know theyre going at it right on the bathroom floor.
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Joey: Its no Ukrainian film.
Joey: Well, I was thinking that itd probably be okay because Ross hasnt gone out with Rachel in five years!
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it.)
(Chandler opens the door and Monica sneaks up on it. They go inside.)
Tim: Its because Im with you.
Chandler: Then you're gonna have to watch it for me.
Ross: No, its not what I want either. I mean I-I cant force myself to fall in love with her again now.
Chandler: Just for a few seconds, so I can know what it is... Please?
Joey: I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.
Ross: No but ahh! How much easier would it be if it were?
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]
Ross: Ah, he didnt uh, take it so well?