words in movies
Phoebe: Oo! Is it for my birthday present?
Chandler: Phebes, it was your birthday, like, months ago.
Phoebe: Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special, and it just hasn't come yet?
Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.
Rachel: Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair. So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.
Chandler: It doesn't say that. Does it?
Ross: So, uh, why did you have to turn it down?
Phoebe: Okay! It's worth it, if it will get you moving. You haven't worked in months.
Rachel: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.
Rachel: Hey, how'd it go?
Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrowthe dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident!
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But lookI've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
[They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.]
Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.
Chandler: Yes, it is, at Office Max.
Joey: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over.... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"
Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?
Joey: Or... just get a card that has a poem already in it.
Phoebe: Well, it seems like there weren't any tears 'til you showed her the bill.
Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here.
Ross: No, I tried that. She says it has a weird smell.
Joey: So you're gonna have to do it in the mess!
Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her.
Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book!
Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe?
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
Joey: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. (Joey leaves, comes back in.) Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?
Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty.
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Rachel: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug!
Monica: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did.
Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together!
Chandler: Hey, how'd it go? How'd she like the gift?
Joey: Oh, man, she loved it! She's over there showing Monica and Rachel right now.
Chandler: No he didn't. [Moving it back.]
Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock.
Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.
Kathy: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, "This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese." Thanks. I love it. And I know how hard it must have been for you to find.
Monica: Yeah. Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, um, I couldn't sleep, thinking about it. So, uh, would it be okay if I cleaned it?
ROSS: They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have made it.
Chandler: Op, y'know what though, its kindve a girlie briefcase.
Phoebe: Open it up, let me see.
Rachel: You guys are gonna love meee! Okay, check it out, Thursday night, five tickets, Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys are coming with me. (theyre all silent and look away) Okay, I said that out loud right?
Phoebe: Ooh, God it looks bad.
Chandler: Well maybe you should put some ice on it.
Rachel: All right! Ross, do you think its easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Ross: Im telling you its totally unconstituional.
Chandler: When was the last time you saw her wear it?
The Director: (returning) Okay, Im afraid to say this, but lets pick it up where we left off.
chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.
Chandler: (lying) Yes, but if its any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it.
Joey: Yeah. Listen uh, Id prefer it if you didnt call me Joey. Since I dont know anyone here, I thought itd be cool to try out a cool work nickname.
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it, runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)
Rachel: Okay! (Grabs a knife and cuts it in half.) All right, pick a half.
Monica: No, its okay, not only did I get to go out with Chip Matthews, I got to dump Chip Matthews.
Robin: Y'know its that feeling you get, y'know?
Monica: So how does it look?
Ross: Okay, Jasmine, please, please dont. I love my girlfriend very much, and I want more than anything to just work it out with her. Okay?
Monica: I was probably waiting for it to open.
Chandler: Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.
Rachel: I know, its sick.
Monica: Why is it sick?
Kate: No, thats not it. So, youre a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Ross: Believe me, it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long.
Rachel: Huh, well maybe it uh, it changed.
Phoebe: No-no, oh, Im fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brothers throat!
Chandler: (Can't believe what he hears) Well, thank God your livelihood doesn't depend on it.
Chandler: Okay, okay, you got it!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, its just Monica and Chandler dancing to Wonderful Tonight on the Slowhand album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]
Monica: Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out. (hands them the poem)
Chandler: Yeah, I think it is!
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. Its my big fight scene coming up. (He looks over and Chandler and notices that hes asleep.)
Kathy: (sees its Joey) Oh.
Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! Hes complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.)
Joey: Ill get it. (Its Kathy.)
Tim: No, but it did! Didnt it?!
Chandler: Well Ive been playing it for like eight hours, itll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, theyre dirty words.
MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.
[Suddenly the door opens and Ross's mystery girl enters. I'll give you a hint to who it is: OH .MY .GAWD!! Uh-huh, it's Janice.]
Ross: Well, she wore it all Christmas day, and then uh
Joeys Grandmother: Of course! Its her favorite.
Phoebe: Yeah, its for our catering business!
Monica: All right, umm, were not gonna really keep it this way though.
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Rachel: Howd it go with Pete?!
Chandler: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. Ill do it.
Joey: Sometimes I get in here just to get away from it! Hey, a nickel!!
Rachel: (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.
Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Monica: (answering it) Who is it?
Guru Saj: Well, relax. If it makes you feel better, Ive attended some of the finest medical schools in Central America. Well then, lets take a look at this skin abnormality of yours. (motions to the table) Come on, have a seat. (looks at it) Eeh, huh. As I suspected, its a koondis!
Phoebe: Oh, its incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.
Joanna: I thought it went very well.
Allesandro: Its Allesandro, from Allesandros.
Monica: So, howd the lasagne go over? (listens) Really?! Good. So you owe me three pretty things. (listens) Yeah, Ive been thinking a lot about you too. (listens) I know. Its hard this whole platonic thing. (listens) Its a word!
Emily: Really?! Well, thats just lovely, isnt it? I mustve missed your call, even though I didnt leave the flat all day.
Ross: Its not like we dont know how to party!!
Rachel: Ohh, its gonna be so great! Im gonna get to help decide what we sell, Im gonna have an office with walls and everything. (turns to Monica) Im gonna have walls!
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]
Monica: That's what it says here. Flight 421, leaves at 8:40, Newark airport.
Ross: Wh-why?! Why-why-why would it, why would it be weird?
Chandler: Im sorry. Youre not easy-going, but youre passionate, and thats good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that Im pretty good about making you feel better about that. And thats good too. So, they can say that youre high maintenance, but its okay, because I like maintaining you.
Monica: Yeah, y'know I-I made a commitment to you. Yknow what, itd be, itd be fun.
ROSS: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?
Monica: (entering) Okay, its ready. Come on.
RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you.
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Monica: Can you believe it? I finally get to run my own kitchen!
Joey: No, its okay, but if Im Marge, my breasts are coming out my back.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey enters carrying a tub of ice cream. He sets it on the table, takes off his jacket and struggles with the drawer. It cannot be opened.]
Phoebe: I just felt so bad, missing this. So I just slipped him a little something, you know. As long as I'm back in five or six hours, it will be alright.
Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.
Joey: Sure I can, standard shotgun rules, Im sight of the room and I called it.
Chandler: All right look, Im changing it to 50 bucks, or your best offer.
[Scene: A hallway in an apartment building. Phoebe is knocks on a door and it opens.]
CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign.
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Joey: Check the freezer. If theres none in there, then were probably out. Are you just getting in from work? Its late.
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
Ross: Mona? (Theres no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the key to open the door and enter Monas apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt, where would I be? (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
Joey: Its still a tiny bit on fire there.
Julio: Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it?
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Chandler: Its a big company, I dontif youI
Chandler: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. Its too nice.
Rachel: Its not dumb. But, maybe its okay that youre not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? (Ross looks confused) I mean its like, I-I-I like that youre not involved in that part of my life.
Chandler: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
MONICA: So, I'll get candles and my mom's lace tablecloth, and since it's Rachel's birthday, I mean, we want it to be special, I thought I'd poach a salmon.
The Waiter: No, its really good.
[Scene: The train, its pulling into a station.]
Kathy: Well, I could cut it.
Ross: No, no, thats funny. But maybe its time to move on, let it go, yknow? Stop it! Besides, Rachel is going out with Elizabeths father, so ah, hes much older than she is. Looks like Im not the only one interested in fossils, huh?
Monica: Thanks. (Joeys still patting the burn spot) I think you got it!
Chandler: Hes not gonna make it, hes stuck in Chicago.
Monica: We just want you to think it through.
Chandler: Because its flattering! (Shivers harder) Come on Monica! Come on Monica! (He goes inside.)