words in movies
Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people youve dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends dont do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the whos who of human crap. (Walks off)
Phoebe: Ugh! I dont know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janices ex-husband, thats like betraying Chandler.
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Janice: (entering) Yoo-hoo! Aaron Litman-Neurolic would like to say hello to his future bride.
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
(Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Heres a hint, OH MY GAWD!! Thats right, its Janice!)
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
Janice: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Yknow? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends dont really seem to care too much that youre leaving.
Janice: Ooh, that decides it then. I was on the fence. But knowing that you two would be our neighbors? Ah! now we have to get it! (Chandler and Monica are utterly shocked) Ellen, we're going to talk numbers. (Grabs Ellen by her elbow and pulls her outside)
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into her.]
Janice: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
Janice: Yeah, um, Im, Im leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandlers grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffeeahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Chandler: (to Janice) Dont look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
Janice: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!'
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
Janice: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me?
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what youre doing. Just raising her all alone.
Janice: Oh, Im sorry honey, Im so, so, (nasally) haaaaa! Im so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I cant breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Janice: So I'm asking you please, take a moment before you judge me.
Janice: (starting to cry) You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't think I can take another second of you whining!!
Chandler: Ill take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) Im gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-Ive got to give my marriage another chance.
Janices Voice: (singing) Youre look for laughable (She does the now patented Janice laugh.)
Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)
Ross: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
CHANDLER: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?
Janice: But I love my husband. And I know you love your wife. Now, I don't think we should get this house now.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table and are still trying to decide what to do about Janice.]
Ross: Look, I didn't lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.)
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Janice: What?
Janice: Ow!
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe itll take your mind off Janice, and if you dont play, everyone will be mad at you cause the teams wont be even. Come on.
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
Chandler: You remember Janice.
Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)
Janice: Im sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Chandler: Janice?
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Janice: Kiss me!
Janice: Just us.
Janice: Hi, Monica.
Rachel: Oh my god. Janice, hi!
Janice: Each.
Janice: I brought you something.
(Janice kisses him. Monica comes out for the newspaper.}
Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.
(Janice enters.)
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Chandler: Hi, Just Janice.
Janice: Hello, funny Valentine.
Janice: I had them made special.
Janice: That's fine.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
Janice: Happy Valentine's Day!
Janice: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever.... almost?
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Rosss foot instead.)
Janice: Barley? What kind of party serves barley?
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
JANICE: Oh, my, god.
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
ROSS: We'll give you Janice.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
JANICE: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
ROSS: You remember Janice, right?
PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice?
JANICE: Hey, it's everybody.
JANICE: Yes, I am.
Janice: Oh! Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (laughs) Oh! They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand).
Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.
JANICE: Helloo!!
Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine.
Ross: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? (Janice makes an agreeing sound.) So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice.
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.