words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Joey: Instead of...?
Joey: Never had that dream.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Joey: Ohh.
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
Joey: Who's Paul?
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Joey: Which goes where?
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
Joey: You got screwed.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Joey: Shut up!
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Joey: Congratulations.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Joey: Fine! (Pause) Now, whered we land on those pancakes? (She chases him out the door as his date emerges from the bathroom.)
Joey: Morning! Hey, hows my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)
Joey: How can you say that?! The Mets have no closer!
Joey: (stunned and turned on) Yeah. WhyYeah, that would work for ya
Joey: (gets up) All right. Don't look at my list, Ross, 'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she wont recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and Ill be uh, Mr. Wong.
Joey: Oh right!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Yeah me too, all night.
Joey: Oh yeah? All right, lets do it tonight.
Joey: Oh yeah-yeah, the lobster.
Phoebe: Okay! I justI didnt know that you are a lesbian. (Joey smiles and nods lewdly.)
Rachel: Hey Joey, can I ask you something?
Joey: Oh my God! You did too? It totally freaked me out, what was that?!
Joey: No-no! Im fine. Its just Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that youve known for a while and then suddenly suddenly see them a different way?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey is on his hot date and theyre not speaking right now.]
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya.
Joey: (incredulous) Alone?!
Joey: Oh uh, okay. Yeah.
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler is trying to get Joeys money back from Ross.]
Joey: Oh uh, it didnt work out.
Cecilia: (running out to Joey) That was so wonderful! (Hugs him) Ohh, I think that youre a better Jessica than I ever was!
Joey: Oh sure, yeah, why not? (Sits on the arm of the chair.)
Joey: All right, I know! I know. Yeah, itll be okay.
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you dont feel that now. It was crazy! Youre fine. Youre better than fine! You are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everythings normal! Shes just your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel.
(Joey enters dragging a guy.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]
Joey: (thinking) Hey, its your girlfriend, Rachel!
Joey: Well, neither.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but thats different. I mean, there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?
(As Joey goes to the bathroom, Corporate Phoebe enters. Shes wearing a business suit and carrying a briefcase.)
Joey: Oh my God!
Joey: This is impossible Monica, why dont you just pick all 15? (Hands back the paper.)
JOEY: (pause) Yeah, you could go to the game with me, ah, even though I know you said you couldn't.� But then you lied to me and tricked me and gave me a bump on the head.
JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the feeling that she was sort of... coming on to me. And I definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if I would have sent the Little General in.
Joey: Yeah! I totally forgot I'm supposed to be there. I can't believe I forgot. I usually write stuff like this on my arm.
(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesnt, and they fumble around for a little bit.)
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Joey: Aw-awww!
Monica: Its Joey!
Phoebe: Really?! Joey?! You dont say.
Joey: Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but thats much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?
Monica: Not Chandler, just Joey.
Joey: A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you wouldnt schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!
Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.
Joey: Whaaat?
Joey: Hey. Well, whats up?
Phoebe: Umm, Joey, I know.
Joey: What?
[Scene: Rachel and Joeys, Joey is sitting on his recliner as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: What am I going to do? You know, and I keep, I keep trying to get rid of these feelings, yknow? I stayed up all last night and made a list of everything I dont like about her. You want to hear it?
Joey: Oh my God. You do?
Joey: Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
Joey: You think?
Joey: Not really.
Joey: "Whered you grow up," its so simple!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
Joey: Why?
Joey: (entering the bathroom) What are you guys doing in here?
Joey: (from outside the bathroom) Hello?
Phoebe: Hi, Bubbles. Manly. Well, I just thought I would drop by and let you know how it went with Joey.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Joey nods: Yeah.
Joey: (thinking) I love you.
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)
Joey: Terrified. (But for a totally different reason.)
Joey: (slowly turning and glaring at her) Shes not even cold yet!
Joey: Oh, I love you too.
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im so happy things worked out for us that were having this baby together. I love you so much.
Joey: What? Whats going on?
Joey: Really?!
Joey: Oh my, oh my God!
Joey: Oh thats amazing. (Drops the sheet.)
Rachel: (bursts into the room) Joey! Joey!
(Joey starts to get up but stops.)
Joey: I cant look at you right now! (Exits and slams the door behind him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Rachel are there as Ross enters.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Youre not gonna use the pay phone to call work, are ya?
Joey: I know! I know! Come on, please-please you guys, dont-dont be mad. Im sure she just, she just said that stuff because she was nervous and you guys are like my best friends! Yknow? And it was our first date! Plus, shes really sick!
Joey: Hey Ross! The babys kicking!
Rachel: Last night! I just felt it and I went into Joeys room and he was sleeping
(Joey and Ross enter causing Chandler to quickly hide the brochure behind his back.)
Joey: Why not?
Joey: I dont know. Ooh, I bet its Richard.
Joey: Oh hey whoa-whoa, dont worry. Okay. When my sisters were pregnant they got every weird feeling in the book, it was always nothing.
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that thats exactly it. Youre right. Yeah.
Joey: Hey! So?
Joey: Maybe. So this is the living room huh? Ooh, it's pretty dark. (starts feeling around him like he's in a completely dark room, touching Chandler, who backs out and hits him)
Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.)
Joey: So but everything is normal.
Joey: You sure?!
(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)
Joey: Calm?! I wasnt calm! Ive never been more scared in all my life!
Joey: Well what do I know?! Im not a doctor!
Joey: (seeing Ross) Oh hey-hey!
Ross: Hi. (They shake hands.) Its nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I dont anymore.
Joey: Okay. Now youre gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story.