words in movies
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Joey: What are you doing?
Joey: Why are you doing this?
Joey: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. Youve got to spread it out a little, you know. Havent you ever been unemployed?
Joey: Hey, dont get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Joey: Ohh, no, no. Were not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Joey: But, I love you.
Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Joey: And thats Wednesday. (He reclines in his chair.) Ohh.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Joey: So Pheebs, where are you doing all, your bell ringing?
[Scene: Estelle's (Joey's Agent) Office, Joey is there.]
Joey: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.
Joey: Shes a woman!
Joey: (Very discouraged) Okay, is there anything else?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
Joey: That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it!
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it!
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Joey: Really? You'd-you'd do that for me?!
Joey: Thanks!
Joey: Done!
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
Joey: It's not.
Joey: (disappointed) Oh.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Joey: Hey, how do you spell suspicious?
Joey: Because I think this character is going to be suspicious about stuff.
Joey: You're driving me crazy with that!
Joey: Dont stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot!
Joey: Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now.
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Joey: (jumping up) All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch?
Joey: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.
Joey: Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts.
Joey: Uh yeah, right here. (He punches his fist through the wall next to the door.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.]
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Joey: Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing.
Joey: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.
Ross: (To Chandler) And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. (To Joey) Now come on!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Joey: (To Chandler) I didn't finish my five pages.
Joey: Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work.
Joey: Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played.
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Joey: Come on look guys, don't fight.
Joey: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Joey: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
Joey: Yeah, wow, sorry Rach.
Joey: They're brother and sister!!!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is there as Chandler enters.]
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today!
Joey: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.)
Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Chandler: Could I be more sorry. (Looks at Joey.)
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Joey: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha!
Joey: (Reading the scene set up.) Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.
Rachel: Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick!
Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Joey: Oh. (Takes off the hat.) Sorry!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! Were dying out here!
Joey: How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate?
Chandler: Im right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now theres no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Joey: Okay.
Joey: (shocked) Has it been that long?!
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah Im just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent werent delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Joey: How?! When?!
(Joey thinks it over.)
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable!
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
Joey: Okay, see that blind guy right there? I'm gonna bash his head in later.
Ross: Oh and you know what, it will be even better tomorrow, because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey checking to see if they put chocolates on my pillow yet. (Someone knocks on the door, Ross goes to open and it's Joey, Rachel and Chandler).
Monica: Joey!
Joey: (nervously backing away) I-I-I-I did? (He puts a stool in front of her.)
Joey: Well I didn't tell them!
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
Joey: Many are scheduled to appear.
Joey: No.
Rachel: Joey!
Joey: They know you know.
Ross: (he rolls up his sleeve) Gimme the bottle. (Joey hands him the bottle and Ross squirts some on his arm.) Gimme the towel. (Joey gives him the towel and he wipes it off.)
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Joey: Ooh!
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
Joey: It's not my first time.
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?!
Joey: All right, lets get me back up there! (Holds out his picture.)
Joeys Date: You must be Rachel, Im Erin.
Joey: So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross are talking.]
Joey: Im sorry, I just I like things the way they are.
Joey: Okay. Can I squeeze your ass?
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: What? I dont get it.
Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! Thats good!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandlers new vows.]
Rachel: (shocked) You let Joey drive it?!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: So uh, whats your name?
Joey: Me too! Theres a game on Tuesday do you wanna go?
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: Pheebs!
Joey: Oh. (Laughs.) No! No wait, thats weird!
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Joey: Thats weird!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Joey: Thats kinda hot.
Joey: Yeah, I wouldnt know about that.
Joey: Youve seen my huge stack of porn right? (Phoebe nods.)
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didnt rip off any buttons.
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Joey: I gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, you just do it.
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Phoebe: Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00!
Joey: Hi I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
Joey: Listen, you know how uh, when youre wearing pants and you lean forward I check out your underwear?
Joey: Yeah! And-and things arent as smashed down as I thought they were gonna be.
Joey: The silk? Feels really good!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (He sits down next to her.)
Joey: Oh... food. No, sex. Food! Sex! Food! Se-I don't know! Good God, I don't know, I want girls on bread!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hm-mmm.
Ross: Ah. Joey youre-youre having lunch with my mom?
Joey: Nooo!
Joey: No!
Joey: No!
Joey: Yes!!
Joey: Oh no, Ill be done by then.
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Joey: I think you did.
Richard: Nice to meet you Joey.
Joey: I know! All right, Ill see you guys over there! Im off to fight the Nazis.
Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar!
Joey: Im doing my scenes with you?
Joey: Yeah! Me too. (He pats his pocket.)
Joey: Whoa!! Now look, dont be just blurtin stuff out. I want you to really think about your answers. Okay?
Joey: Uh Cookie?
Joey: (wiping his face) What?!
Joey: Is there anything we should know about the apartment?
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
(Joey wipes his eye.)
Joey: (wipes face) So what are we gonna do?! We have no reinforcements! No-no food!
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Joey: All right, it wont go down any further. Its stuck.
Joey: Hey! I am secure with my masculinity.
Joey: Oh sureAnd hey, dont get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys. I just I miss hanging out just-just us, yknow?