words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
Joey: I cant tell you that, no.
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, Ill show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didnt see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, Ill slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....
Monica: Its Joeys birthday.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Joey: I dont know, Chandler is supposed to be passin em around...
Joey: Chandler!
Joey: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey: No, only for sex.
Joeys Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look almost identical)
Joey: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!
Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joeys sisters.
Chandler: Hi Joeys sisters!
Joeys Sisters: Oh!!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joeys sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thats not the worst part.
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, hes actually going to kill you dead.
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Ross: Hey, Joey.
Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)
Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.
Joey: Mary-Angela.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Why dont you ask Chandler, cause hes the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin over Janice by groping my sister.
Joey: Really? Thats great! You and my sister, sittin in a tree.
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, cause my Grandma doesnt know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Joey: Shes right in there. (motions to the living room)
(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joeys sisters, all wearing red.)
Joeys Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, theyre finishing up dinner.]
Joeys Grandmother: No! I did!
Joeys Grandmother: Of course! Its her favorite.
Joeys Grandmother: More of Grandmas teramisu.
Joeys Grandmother: That dies with me.
Joeys Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
Joeys Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Joeys Sister: Finally, I thought wed never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)
Joeys Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.
Joeys Sister: No, Im Mary-Theresa.
Mary-Angela: Joey!!!
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Dont Joey! Joey!
Joey: Whats goin on?
Joey: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?
Chandler: I wasnt sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joeys sisters gasp) Look, Im sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Joeys Sister: I say, punch him Joey.
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought youd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Joey: No! No! No! No, Im not going to punch Chandler.
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Joey: All right.
Joey: Cookie, now you can punch him!
Joey: All right, thats it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
Joey: Oh, thats, thats ah, one of the old ones, hes just taking it to the back.
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but dont you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Joey: (interrupting her) Hey! Don't worry about it! It was fine! I ended up having the best time with Rachel! I just felt bad for you, stuck in that room, working on Ross's speech... (pulls a face)
Phoebe-Estelle: It’s a little coincidental, but believable. (Joey nods in agreement). Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t get you an audition for that TV movie.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Chandler: Joeys gonna be thrilled! He was hoping youd come by as a slutty nurse.
Joey: No, come on Ross! (He grabs his bag so he cant leave) Look, Ross, we have to get past this.
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Monica: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out!
Joey: I didn't have to tell you that!! I'm stupider than Jane Rogers!!
Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.
Joey: (obviously cold) Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are dining.]
Joey: I mean, she should be with someone like... Ross! You know what I mean, he uses all those big words too! Man, smart people are dull!
Joey: I had a donut. (Chandler nods.)
Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joeys co-workers, walks by with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesnt look very fulfilled.
Joey: Well, Im sorry. I thought parents were coming! Yknow? Your parents are comin! Chandlers parents are comin! Rosss parents are comin!
Joey: Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, Im gonna say a word and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
Phoebe: Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are living here and Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle when Rachel opens the door causing the door knob to hit his hand.]
Joey: What?
Joey: The what?
Joey: Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what?
Joey: Who?
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]
Joey: Its not that far! Just drop!
Joey: Im not wrong! I wish I was. Im sorry. Bet that barium enema doesnt sound so bad now, huh?
Joey: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!
Joey: Really? Thanks.
Joey: (unconfidently) O K.
JOEY: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?
Joey: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing.
Joey: Yeah, I can dance, y'know. (starts to dance really, really, really badly)
Joey: (reading) The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty...
Joey: Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?
Joey: Whoa, I'm not done.
Joey: Done.
Joey: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.
Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! (Throws them out and closes the door.) (To Cecilia) I-I am so sorry. I
JOEY: Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying "let's go here, let's go there". Like we can afford to go here and there.
Joey: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater.
Joey: Three tickets to today's Rangers game!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.]
Joey: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)
Monica: Wait a minute, just because he paid for your head shots youre gonna take him? Joey, I dont think youre comprehending just how slutty this dress is!
Joey: What?!
Joey: Heeey!
Joey: So, does that mean the audition is off?
[Scene: Joey's dance audition, Joey is warming up.]
Joey: Hey, imagine if I never got fired off Days Of Our Lives! (Closes his eyes to do so.) Oh-hey, theres Carol again!
Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!
Joey: Get out your checkbook, mister.
Joey: (raises his hand) I don't! No, I wanna live with the super-hot Australian dancer.
Joey: Bye. (does the jazz hands)
Joey: People, people, people.
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Joey: I know, it was the best I could get out of them.
JOEY: Yeah, that makes sense. (looks at Ross)
Joey: (hesitates for a moment)Yeah Connecticut...Not West Virginia.
Joey: Thats the title! Yeah! Yknow they really lucked out that the initials spell cheese.
Chandler: Again, let's journey back... As I recall what Rachel said, was she had never notice the shape of your skull before. And Joey... Well, Joey didn't realise that there was anything different.
[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
Joey: Cool.
Joey: Hey.
Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)
Joey: All right, you got it.
Joey: Okay.
Joey: I discovered Im able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue.
Joey: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.
(Joey comes out of the bathroom reading a newspaper)
Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.
CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
Joey: These little women. Wow!
Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!
Joey: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmothers cab, but y'know what, Ill stay.
Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...
Joey: Duh, where've you been?
Robert: (to Joey) Hey!
(Joey recoils and gasps in horror.)
Joey: Then why would you say that?!
Joey: Beth, Beth dies?
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.]
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)Thats not food...No, I dont, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I cant even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...
Joey: (to Chandler and Monica) Hey, does anybody else feel bad about Ross?
Rachel: Joey?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Beth is really, really sick.
Joey: (bends down to see and the cactus pricks him in the ass) AWCH! That's why.
JOEY: 'Cause it's always somethin', you know, like Monica's new job, or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.
Joey: (To Rachel) Well look, hey, it's all your fault!
Chandler: (to Joey) Well hes probably mad after you called him this morning to borrow his goggles.
Ross: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.
Joey: Oh yeah. If you ah, move your hamper, you see what color the tile used to be. (Monica gasps) Yeah.