words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
Joey: I cant tell you that, no.
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, Ill show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didnt see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, Ill slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....
Monica: Its Joeys birthday.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, its Joeys party.]
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Joey: I dont know, Chandler is supposed to be passin em around...
Joey: Chandler!
Joey: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey: No, only for sex.
Joeys Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look almost identical)
Joey: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!
Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joeys sisters.
Chandler: Hi Joeys sisters!
Joeys Sisters: Oh!!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, its a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why cant we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joeys sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joeys sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, thats not the worst part.
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, hes actually going to kill you dead.
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Ross: Hey, Joey.
Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)
Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.
Joey: Mary-Angela.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Why dont you ask Chandler, cause hes the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin over Janice by groping my sister.
Joey: Really? Thats great! You and my sister, sittin in a tree.
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, cause my Grandma doesnt know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Joey: Shes right in there. (motions to the living room)
(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joeys sisters, all wearing red.)
Joeys Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, theyre finishing up dinner.]
Joeys Grandmother: No! I did!
Joeys Grandmother: Of course! Its her favorite.
Joeys Grandmother: More of Grandmas teramisu.
Joeys Grandmother: That dies with me.
Joeys Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
Joeys Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.
[Cut to the hall, Joeys sister runs up and grabs Chandlers butt.]
Joeys Sister: Finally, I thought wed never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)
Joeys Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.
Joeys Sister: No, Im Mary-Theresa.
Mary-Angela: Joey!!!
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Dont Joey! Joey!
Joey: Whats goin on?
Joey: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?
Chandler: I wasnt sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joeys sisters gasp) Look, Im sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Joeys Sister: I say, punch him Joey.
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brothers not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought youd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, youre my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Joey: No! No! No! No, Im not going to punch Chandler.
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Joey: All right.
Joey: Cookie, now you can punch him!
Joey: All right, thats it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
Chandler: Well, of course I do! My good friend Joey over here. (Pats Joeys arm, Joey pats Chandlers shoulder, and Chandler motions for Joey to say the same about him.)
Joey: Umm, do you see anyoh, Vaseline?
Joey: Nice!
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Ohh, no, no. Were not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Chandler: (to Joey) He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
Joey: (answering phone) Hello?
Joey: Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there.
Joey: Well, that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt.
Joey: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
Joey: Ross? You okay?
Rachel: How about you guys? (Points to Phoebe and Joey.)
Rachel: (entering) Joey, do you have a minute?
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
JOEY: And what did he say?
Joey: Hey Robert, could you ah, ha, pass me those cookies?
Joey: Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!
Joey: What-what is it, what is it?
Joey: I'm not listening to you!
Joey: Hey, Pheebs?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there to apologize to Phoebe.]
Joey: Oh, ah, tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.
Joey: Umm?
Rachel: Hey, uh, Joey?
Joey: Now? You want me to go over there now?
Joey: I might know something.
Joey: Do you know something?
Joey: I can't tell you what I know.
Joey: What's the thing you know?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are lamenting about how they kicked Ross out.]
Joey: Okay, fine.
Joey: Well I guess I shouldve thought about my wife and kids before I talked back to chef Geller!
Joey: You don't know!
Joey: Ohh, great! Oh hey, listen Ross, thanks for being so cool about this.
Joey and Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Yeah, I know!!!!
Joey: Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.
Joey: (gasps) YOU KNOW!!!!
Joey: Monica and Rachel made out. (Giggles like a schoolboy and Monica glares at him.)
Joey: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.
Joey: I don't know.
Rachel: Come on Joey!!!
Joey: (thinks) I don't know.
Joey: Ohh, I know one thing!
JOEY: Oh, Richard's here. I should run down say bye to him (runs out)
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Joey: Hey Ross!
Joey: (thinks) I don't know.
Joey: Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
Joey: Will you calm down, hes just a human guy.
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
Chandler: (to Joey) Noo!! I dont care! Im not, Im not gonna playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!
Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the front of it.) Yeah. Thats the stuff. What do you think?
Joey: Really?
Joey: Greens? Im a Tribbiani! And Tribbianis quit!
Joey: All right, let's go Pheebs.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Janice are returning from their DAY OF FUN!]
Joey: Howdy partner!
JOEY: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
Joey: Look, Im telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married With Children always used to do.) it doesnt hurt that bad.
Joey: Look no, I-I know its bad, and I know its wrong. Okay? But-but its not like anythings ever gonna happen. Yknow? These-these are just feelings, theyre gonna go away.
Joey: Oh no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Joey: Damnit Phoebe!!
Joey: Judge rules, no violation.
Joey: What?! He got to do it at your first wedding!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: What?!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.
Joey: Dont answer that.
Janice: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, we've got to do something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my idea: you and me spending some quality time together.
Joey: Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good idea?
Joey: Yeah! Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.
Monica: (entering) Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel!
Joey: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.
Ross: Still I could tell. She was into me. (Joey rolls his eyes.) Well, why dont you set us up?
[Scene: Treegers apartment, Joey knocks and Mr. Treeger opens the door.]
(Joey enters.)
Joey: Umm, hi.
Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh I thI thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Yknow? Hes uh, hes a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
Joey: Yeah well, maybe you should go back! Okay? Rachel moves in, and before you know it youre right where you dont want to be! Back together!
Joey: All right.
Joey: Great! Thanks, Rach!
Joey: Pheebs! Sorry!
Joey: Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio Valentes.
Joey: (hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.) It wasnt that good.
Joey: (entering) Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here?
Joey: Are you all right?
Joey: Pheebs, I'm so sorry.
Joey: All right, then you'd better show me some of that too then.
Rachel: Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?
Joey: Really? A purse?
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey Ive ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Joey: All right, let's do it! 5 hour flight with Charlie, have a couple of drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes naturally.
JOEY: Hey, hey, they're runnin'
Joey: Hey!