words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, everyone is there as Joey enters happily.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Listen, do you guys think I have a chance with Janine?
Joey: Well all right then, I guess I shouldnt get to excited about the fact (excitedly) that I just kissed her!
Joey: Oh we kissed it up real nice.
Joey: I came over here to tell you guys.
(Joey nods yes, but suddenly realizes what he did and runs out of the apartment and back to his place.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.]
Joey: Okay. (They kiss.)
Joey: Okay. (They kiss.)
Joey: Okay, Im all right, okay, but hey, could you just leave your lips? (She kisses him on the cheek and starts to leave.)
Joey: Have you kissed her yet? Its awesome! I could do it forever! Yknow what? She-she kisses better than my mom cooks!
Joey: I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed!
Joey: (indignant) I was tired!
Joey: Hey! I made that for her!
Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Joey: And Chandler I cant believe I let you pay for this one. (They hug and he whispers in his ear.) Thanks man.
Joey: Oh, but hey look, at least let us bring the wine.
Monica: Joey, you dont have too!
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
Joey: See ya tomorrow!
[Cut to Joey and Janines.]
Joey: What?
Joey: What-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Joey: Blah?!
Joey: Uh, theyre like my best friends. Are you saying we cant hang out with them? Cause that would kinda be a problem.
Joey: I guess.
Joey: If you want, Ill sell my friends and use the money to buy you presents.
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey is pacing around as Chandler and Monica enter.]
Joey: Hi!
Joey: Thanks. Thanks, but uh actually its just gonna be me again tonight.
Joey: Oh, shes uh-uh really sick.
Joey: Yeah, shes been in there all day (Points to her room), uh high fever, a nose problem Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm!
Janine: (entering from her room) Monica! Chandler! Im really-really sorry about tonight. I dont know if Joey told you; I just couldnt get out of going to this play. Im sorry. Have a great time.
Joey: Kay!
[Scene: Joey and Janines, continued from earlier.]
Joey: No-no, she really is sick!
Joey: Uh, yknow, starve a fever, go to a play for a cold.
Monica: Joey! Why is Janine not coming over for dinner?!
Joey: Well uh, she didnt want to hang out with you guys two nights in a row. Im so sorry.
Joey: Because she uh, she-she thinks that you are blah and that you, Monica, are too loud.
Joey: I know! I know! Come on, please-please you guys, dont-dont be mad. Im sure she just, she just said that stuff because she was nervous and you guys are like my best friends! Yknow? And it was our first date! Plus, shes really sick!
Joey: I know, but dont you think the sick thing is way better than the play thing?
Joey: Come on you guys, come on please-please just give her another chance, huh? Shell come around I promise.
Joey: (shouting) I can hear you!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: So uh, what are you guys doing?
Joey: Look, come on you guys, you said you were gonna try! All right look, I came over here to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.
Joey: Ha-ha, very funnyLook! I dont know what to do! I really want you guys to get along. Just please come to the movie with us. I mean you owe me!
Joey: Thats right! I helped you guys out a lot in the start of your relationship. Huh? I helped you guys sneak around for like six months, and I looked like an idiot! And I was humiliated. And I only made 200 dollars!
Joey: You dont think I know that!
[Scene: The hallway, Joey, Janine, Monica, and Chandler are returning from their second date.]
Joey: Well, this-this-this was great. Didnt everybody have a great time?
Joey: Oh well then, good night!
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Joey: See? Eh, wasnt that fun?
Joey: All right! All right! Enough! Enough! Enough!! Enough! (To Chandler and Monica) You two go home! I-I-I gotta talk to Janine! (They start to leave.)
Joey: All right, uh, weve got a little bit of a problem here. These people are my friends; you cant treat them that way.
Joey: I know! I know! And Im going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They Theyre like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I I dont think we can be together. It just, it just cant work. It cant. (Starts to break up) Im very upset.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! That would be very helpful! Yeah. (He opens the door for her and she exits into the hallway.)
Monica: Well, I know that would make Joey happy, so, I would like that too.
(Joey and Chandler both come into the hallway.)
Joey: Yeah uh, what am I gonna do?
Joey: Yeah! (They head downstairs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Monica are there as Joey enters.]
Joey: How ya doin?
Joey: Pretty much, yeah.
Joey: Well, when its not right, you know it.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah. Ill be all right.
Joey: What?
Joey: (laughing hysterically) Youre right! That did cheer me up!
Joey: Hey no-no-no-no! Its cool! Its cool! I-Ill only be a second, Im still with my brides maid, I justWhere are those condoms you brought?
Joey: It's a... It's a "welcome home" sign for the baby.
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
Joey: Now, wait a second! You make food and robots?
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Joey: (To Ross) I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Joey: Maybe I could give thanks for you shuttin up, eh?
Joey: Okay, so thats another five hundred. Five hundred and five hundred, thats (Pauses to figure it out.)
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-IHey! I did not go out with your wife! (The same woman from before enters.) Okay? I went out with her! (Points at her.)
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Monica: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War? (Joey is pissed)
Joey: Yeah! I'm fine! Thanks! (He starts to leave, but gets an idea and stops.) Hey Rach, how you doin'?
Joey: Right over there! Right there! Look-look-look!
Joey: Oh, just er... you know, looking around. But you know what? This house... is great.
Phoebe: (To Joey) How could you pick up a hitchhiker?! He could be a rape(She holds her hand in front of the hitchhikers face), a rapist or a killer or something!
Joey: (still very puzzled) Oh, yeah... of course... yeah... it's a stuffed animal... you know... it's for kids... not for adults... I know that!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are sitting at the table eating dinner and not talking. Ross and Rachel are outside cuddling on the balcony.]
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?
Joey: I dont want to drive all the way back by myself, I get so lonely. (Gets an idea.) Ohooh! How about you come with me?
Gene: (irritable) Sure. (Joey gets even more nervous)
Joey: (still skeptical) Oh, and how is Allison?
(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then its Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then its Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and its concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping its wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)
Paul: Joey! (Goes over and hugs Joey and picks him off of his feet.)
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Rachel: (to everybody) All right, let’s get this party started, huh? Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform a little something for us.
Joey: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so were good.
Monica: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Joey: I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes!!
Joey: Oh, ‘They are warm, nice, people with big hearts’.
The Salesman: (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house?
Joey: Well, I guess youre right. Maybe, maybe Ill take her down to the incinerator. Its gonna be so said, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesnt come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) Shes heeled!
Joey: Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it again. The waiter leaves.) Yknow what Pheebs?
Joey: No! You dont want to wreck it, you dont want to go to fast!
Joey: Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh? (Walks away)
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Joey: Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. (Chandler and Ross look at each other.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Joey: That's right I am! (Opens drawer and rummages through it. Rachel enters)
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
(He leaves, and this girl grabs Joey and starts dancing really wild.)
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Joey: Interesting. all right I'll go out with her again and try to get past it (reaches for the chips) OH SALT BLOATY!
Joey: Excellent. The shrew in particular was exclusive.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Joey: (thinking he's kidding) Ok, Ross! It's... It's fun, yeah! No, I-I play Doctor Drake Ramoray.
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Joey: Thank you! Alright, let me see how I'm gonna start... "Dear baby adoption decider people..."
Joey: Oh, so youre playing Adrienne, huh?
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters.]
Monica: Nooo! (Giggles) Okay. (She tries to pull herself up by Rachel and Joeys doorknob, but the door opens and she almost falls into the their apartment. She manages to catch herself.) Whoa! (Stands up, unsteadily) Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning (whispering) thirty. (Giggles.) So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. (Pause) I wanna puke on you later!
Joey: So youve been sittin around here all mornin?
Joey: Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now were like totally crazy about each other!
Joey: (entering) Hey uh Monica, I cant remember. Did we say we were gonna meet here or at the movies?
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Joey: Joey. (They shake hands.) Hey Jake, do you like the Knicks?
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you know what? I was thinking... since you wrote a song, maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents! Phoebe: So you’re gonna... hit on her?
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
JOEY: You got all that from saline solution?
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: I'm gonna get the lasagna.
Joey: All right, thats it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
(Rachel gets up, and Joey tries to get up, but halfway up he sits down again.)
Monica: Im gonna go tell Joey that (laughs) that youre back. I was really worried about you. (Exits.)
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'
Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. Thats it, were done for the day.
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Joey: Yeah-yeah right. Thats okay. Thats fine. Thats uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, its no big deal. All right? I think Im gonna go. (Stands up.)
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Joey: (turns around very fast) I like although!
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
Joey: Yeah, here we are. Uhh I I think Im falling in love with you.
Joey: Look, Ross look, Im on board about this totally honesty thing, I am, just not about stuff thats gonna get you in trouble.
Joey: Hey, for what its worth, with Rachel I dont think youll ever be just (Makes quote marks.) "anybody."
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Rachel: Oh no Ross! This is not good, we have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit. (He sits) You have got to get over this Joey thing, okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
Phoebe: Hey! Joey! (They all head over to him, he spots them coming and panics.) Hey! Hey!! Wow! (She hugs him.)
Joey: Oh, were having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.)
Joey: So what does that mean? Are you guys getting back together?
(Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table)
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Rachel: Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters from the kitchen.]
Joey: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
Joey: Okay. Have a benefit.
Chandler: You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room do you?