words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Rachel: Come on Joey!!!
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Joey: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.
Joey: (thinks) I don't know.
Joey: I don't know.
Joey: (thinks) I don't know.
Joey: Ohh, I know one thing!
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
Joey: Hey Ross!
Joey: (eyeing the flattened scone) Anybody gonna eat that?
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Chandler: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at bigger rocks. (He starts to leave and stops an entering Rachel.) Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?
Rachel: Oh umm, y'know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Joey: Really?
Joey: Oh. Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff.
Joey: All right, let's go Pheebs.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
Joey: Maybe we should check the trash chute.
Joey: That's right, he almost could. Which is exactly how I got stuck there.
Joey: (snaps his fingers) He hooked up! He hooked up with someone.
Joey: He hooked up!! Tell us about her!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, continued from earlier.]
Joey: All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.
Joey: Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head!
Joey: Damnit Phoebe!!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Joey: Judge rules, no violation.
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: What?!
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Joey: Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]
Joey: (entering) Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here?
Joey: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]
Monica: (entering) Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel!
(Joey enters.)
Joey: Umm, hi.
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
(Joey looks at Ross with a horrified look on his face.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is reading a magazine as Ross hands him a beer.]
Ross: Obviously not to Joey.
Joey: (pause) What?
Joey: (pause) What?
Joey: Im tellin ya, he hasnt moved since this morning.
Rachel: Okay, but taking care of a drunk, naked woman seems like a job for Joey.
Joey: Yeah, and not put us in the middle.
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an optionwhat's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
Joey: What-whats so funny?
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?
Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right?
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you know this way sounds good too.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Its like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Joey: What is the big deal? Its not like were exclusive.
Wayne: It can do this. (He moves C.H.E.E.S.E.s arm close to Joeys special area and he jumps back.)
JOEY: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals.
Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
Ross and Joey: No.
Charlie: Hum, so, I started to say you something earlier, hum... (pause) There was another reason I realized it was time to end it with Joey. I kind of realized I... was starting to have feelings... for someone else.
Joey: B-bye Janice. So when ya' dumpin' her.
Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like?
Joey: I dont know, maybe I cant. I mean, maybe theres something wrong with me.
Joey: Well, I want it!
Joey: (to Ross) Why cant I find that?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Phoebe: (to Joey) Youre Franks best man?!
Joey: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.
Rachel: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?
[Scene: The Philly, Chandler and Joey are talking to Chloe.]
Joey: Yeah, its this great part, this boxer named Nick. And Im so, so right for it, y'know, hes just like me. Except hes a boxer, and has an evil twin.
Joey: I couldnt help it, there love is so pure.
Janice: I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.
Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my When is Joey gonna be home?
Ross: (shaking head) Oh Joey, Joey! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together.
Joey: Sure! As long as they dont find out you can keep whatever you want! And I want you to have it.
Joey: Hey!
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
Joey: Every night!!
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.
Joey: Rach, its, its ah, its not that we dont want to, really. (quietly) Are we talking models in their underwear?
Joey: oh why don't you fly out there and surprise him.
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
Joey: So the ah, plays pretty great, huh?
Chandler: Wow!! Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Joey: Oh uh, can I give you a hand?
Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Yknow? The only problem is, Carls acting is (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.)
Joey: Yeah, that was real.
Joey: Then you hold on to it!!
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?
(Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot)
Joey: Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
Joey: It does in mine!
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
[Joey walks back inside just as Rosss dance is finishing.]
Joey: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought youd be out partying with Gandel-worf.
Joey: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit.
Joey: Hey!!! Oww!! And Im bleeding.
Joey: Okay. Im Chandler (makes a growling/gurgling sound at the end and the girls laugh.)
Joey: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact Homo-sapien, is that why there extinct?
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Joey: (holding an empty tissue box) Wheres all the tissues?! (Throws the box down in disgust.)
Joey: Oh. (realises) Ohh. Ohh, youre out of your mind.
(Joey enters.)
Phoebe: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's... he's just...
Joey: I know! I know! And Im going to talk to them about it. They mean so much to me. They Theyre like my family. If you guys are gonna be fighting all the time, I-I I dont think we can be together. It just, it just cant work. It cant. (Starts to break up) Im very upset.
Joey: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.
Joey: Hey, listen you ah....
Joey: Ah, Kate?
Joey: ...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
The Director: (to Joey) Very nice. Very nice. (he walks away)
[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is sleeping on the couch, Ross is gone, the rest of them can finally emerge from their cell. They all wave good bye, and start to walk quietly out, as Monica goes and puts a blanket on Rachel. Joey starts walking all hunched over and bobbing his shoulders as he goes.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Joey: Oh, and Mississ-Pete is?
Joey: (yelling from bathroom) Hey, does somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles.
Joey: Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what its like to be you?
Joey: You ah, you forgot your shoes.
Joey: Better?
Joey: I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but
Joey: Oh, forget about it. She rocks!
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Joey: Hey, Kate!
Joey: Oh, hey! Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: Listen, I ah, went to that restaurant that you were talking about last week...
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: All right.
Monica, Ross, and Joey: (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.
Joey: (looks at her, shocked) What?!
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Joey: Get out of here, really?!
Joey: Excellent! Lets play Bamboozled! Chandler, youll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?
Joey: Oh, it was great! I mean we walked all around the village. We went to this ice cream place, split a milkshake, 70/30 but still And guess what, Im thinking about taking her upstate to one of those bed and breakfasts.
Joey: Calm down, do you want this unit or not?