words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Joey: You're in!
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Joey: Think it'll work?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that.
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.
Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
(Joey enters from the stairs.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me, (He unwraps the sandwich and holds it out for Chandler) here.
Joey: Hey, so how is it?
Joey: Sure, May...tember.
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Joey: Okay, relationship, boy this could take a while.
Joey: You, you want me to help you with that?
Joey: Occupation? Dinosaurs.
[Scene: The Hospital, Joey is sitting in the lobby as Ross enters.]
Joey: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.
Joey: Its pretty, Okay date of birth?
Joey: But you two were supposed to be together.
[This starts a series of flashbacks; the first one is from Episode 106: The One With The Butt, Joey is in a play called Freud!.]
Joey: Wow.
Joey: So?
Joey: Really?
Joey: And youre Okay with that?
Rachel: What do you get? (She throws her pom-poms to Joey and Phoebe and performs a cartwheel.) Emily!! (Tries to do another one.) EmilWhoa!! (She falls in Chandlers room.) Okay! So thats me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum! (Gunthers the only one that claps.)
Joey: (makes quote marks) "Thanks."
Ross: Hey there you go! (Smiles because Joey used it correctly)
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
[Scene: The New School, Joey and Monica are walking down a hallway.]
Ross: Ah I had a little thing with Joey, if you think this is bad you should see him.
Joey: No! No! I cant! You gotta get me out of it! Ive got plans! (Spits.) Important plans! (Spits on the Ps.)
Joey: Hey OK great, what would you do if I did this? (Swings to punch Chandler, he moves and he ends up punching Ross, knocking him off the stool. Ross then gets up and just stares at Joey.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are sitting at one of the high tables.]
Joey: I couldnt help it! When a fist comes at your face, you duck! Look! (He goes to punch Ross, expecting him to duck, but he doesnt and Joey punches Ross. Gunther is amused.)
Joey: How long do you have to go for?
Joey: A year?!
Joey: (Laughs)
Joey: Uhuh.
Joey: Here you are (Hands Rachel a cup of coffee)
Joey: (Laughs)
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: (Laughs)
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Joey: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah, so you found someone for me. You didn't forget?
Joey: No.
Joey: Mike.
Joey: MIKE!!!
Joey: (Checks him out) Okay! (Walks over to his table and sits down with him)
Joey: Okay, look...
Joey: Hey and look he brought flowers. Thanks Ross, but Im really more of a candy guy. (Laughs.)
Joey: (Laughs) From school.
Joey: What? That's the kinda thing you usually run by me.
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Joey: Oh, oh! Maybe we can lure them out. You know any birdcalls?
Joey: What?!
Phoebe: Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
Joey: Good night!
Joey: (Walks In)
Joey: Look at this. My two best friends!
Joey: (Pause) Sorry. (Raises his hand in shame.)
Joey: Huh. Okay. (Awkward silence.) So uh, I think Im gonna take off.
Joey: He had to board.
Monica: Joey?
Joey: Okay, bye. (He hangs up the phone.)
Joey raises his hand: Uh.. who has to die for me to get her?
[Cut to Central Perk, to the theme from The Dick Van Dyke show Joey runs into Central Perk carrying a stack of Soap Opera Digests and falls on the step. He does bounce right back up making it all that much funnier.]
Monica:: hey Joey
Chandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.
Joey: how come?
(Monica goes to the back and Joey looks at the girl)
Joey: (turns round) gesundheit
Joey: hot not hot (she turns around) Hot!
Joey: didn't till just now.
Joey: Alright, alright, hey yknow fair is fair, (he pretends to wash his hands) if youre right, youre right, what can I say, but hey oh no! (He throws water on the guys pants)
Joey: that would've been better, I'll try that Hi I'm Joey.
Joey: really, great, did I actually ask you?
Joey: So, were walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, Hey, lets go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes, remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, Nah, lets just hang out at your place. Well, that was a nice move dumb ass.
Joey: Hey! Great, youre home! Guess what Phoebe got me for Christmas! (Starts drumming.)
Joey: Chandler, she doesn't understand a word of English.
[Scene: The Fire Escape, Joey and Ross have reached the last landing. Joey is tugging on the ladder that extends to the ground, but it wont budge.]
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Joey: (Laughs) Poophack... (Laughs)
Joey: Yeah he's lying. He looked down.
Joey: (getting worried) Bite me?
Joey: (enters) Hey
Joey: Damnit! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore!?
Joey: listen to this... I went out with this girl last night and half way through our date I realized I already slept with her.
Joey: Sure, if you cared enough to call it first.
Joey: and who's fault is that.
(Chandler and Joey look at her, and then look back at him. They dive for Ross's hand to see what he had, and he tries to stop them from looking.)
Monica:: Joey, Joey.
Joey: What?
<Joey looks to Phoebe and she nods in agreement>
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
Joey: He seemed like a stand up guy. Oh, and hes not into anything weird sexually.
Joey: Uh huh, sure, yeah. How can you not remember me?
Joey: How could you not remember that we slept together?
Joey: I dunno!
Monica: It's not just the drum noise. Every five minutes, Joey throws his sticks in the air, and I have to hear, "Oh my eye! Oh god, my eye!" I mean, it is so annoying.
Joey: Thursday? But that�s Halloween.
(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachels, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open the door to find the duck.]
Joey: I know, u-uch.