words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Joey: You're in!
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Joey: Think it'll work?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that.
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.
Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
(Joey enters from the stairs.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
Monica: Joey hes not even thinking about going after Rachel!
<Joey is walking around looking worried. >
Joeys Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look almost identical)
Joey: Oh what then? Kick me?
Joey: Hey.
JOEY: [in a fake voice] Uhh, hello Miss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye. [hangs up]
Joey: Well, I think its ridiculous that you havent had sex in three and a half months.
Joey: Yeah, I thought you knew that.
Phoebe: Of course we can. Congratulations. (they hug, but Joey shakes his head.) Yay! (she gestures Joey to come and join in) Joey...
Joey: But what if uhand Im not saying she will beBut
Joey: Are you sure?
Joey: Hey thanks.
Joey: Okay thats the green stuff talkin.
[Scene: Outside Ross and Rachel's, Joey walks up to knock on the door, but stops.]
Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you, never tell anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not likin ice cream.
Rachel: Joey? Whats up?
Joey: All right, here we go. (He grabs them and starts to pull them out of the apartment.)
Monica: I just talked to Joey, I justI want to see how you were.
Joey: Oh okay, okay! One more push! One more push! Come on honey, were almost there! Were almost there!
Chandler: Get there faster! (Joey gasps and finally understands...)
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are having dinner.]
Joey: Uh-huh, long time.
(A waiter runs over interrupting Joey.)
Joey: But over the past few weeks
Joey: Uh How long have we known each other?
Joey: Im not quite sure.
Joey: Im falling in love with you.
Joey: Actually uh, could you give us a second?
Rachel: Joey.
Joey: Yknow what? Dont worry about it, you still got me and Phoebe.
Rachel: Joey, Joey I love you so much, but I
Joey: Does it really matter?
Joey: Okay look Rach, I know this is a lot. You dont have to say anything. You-you uh, you take as much time as you need. (Long pause as Rachel says nothing.) Okay, you gotta say something!
Joey: Sure!
Rachel: Oh Joey honey I dont I dont want to lose
Joey: Oh no-no Rach, please, dont be sorry. Okay? Dont be sorry. (They hug again.) Yknow I was only kidding you.
Joey: But. (Hangs his head down.)
Rachel: Is Joey here?
Rachel: Joey? Are you in there?
Monica: Joey, you have to talk to her!
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel walks up the stairs and knocks on Joeys door.]
Joey: (hearing Rachel and jumping up with his plate) Oh God! Thats Rachel!
(Camera goes to Joey. The clock is at 20 sec. The word "Legislature" appears. He looks at it blank faced and his eyes shift between Henrietta and his screen)
Joey: I cant! Yknow? You guys dont know what its like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Monica: (To Joey) Okay, did you hear that?
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Joey: Hey happy Thanksgiving.. Pheebs! <motions her to come over>
Joey: All right so, so what do I do?
Joey: This is how much we pay for electric?!!!
Rachel: Thank you doctor. (Dr. Long exits.) (To Joey) Oh thank you for being so nice and calm.
Joey: I still cant believe they took away my key. You trust me with yours.
Joey: Hi.
Joey: Hey.
(Joey enters.)
Joey: I.. I.. I need a good lie.
JOEY: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
Joey: Okay. (Clears throat) Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe
Joey: I saw this movie once where there was a door and no one knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open millions and millions and millions of bugs came pouring out and they feasted on human flesh. Yknow it wouldnt kill ya to respect your wifes privacy! (He walks away and into his apartment and looks the door.) Stupid closet full of bugs!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Uh I really dont know what to tell you Rach, I really dont. I mean, maybe Joey can help you out with your, with your big work problem.
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: Thats crazy!
Joey: What he wants to buy your baby?!
Joey: Oh hey! You got my parents gift! (Holds it up.)
Joey: Okay, how did this even happen?
JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.
Joey: I do not.
Joey: No, no, no I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today.
Joey: And of course, crotchless panties.
Joey: Okay, heres a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I dont think any of them are gonna work out.
Joey: Thats your move? Boy Rach, youre lucky youre hot.
Rachel: No! No, no-no-no Joey he doesnt want to buy my baby! I made that up!
Joey: Lets just say I took care of it.
Joey: What?! Why?!
Joey: You lied to me!
Joey: And you couldnt think of anything else?!
Rachel: Well, she told me too! (Points to Monica and Joey glares at her.)
Joey: Im not telling, youll have to see it on TV!
Joey: And-and theres no danger to her and the baby?
(For the first time we see that the woman Ross is talking too is in fact the hot girl that Joey is looking for. She just kinda stares at him.)
Joey: So? What-what-what happened?
Joey: I know. I know.
Rachel: Joey, Im really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things
Joey: Hey youre right. Yeah, its kinda been like us again a little bit.
Joey: What?! Oh my-oh my God!
JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.
Joey: So, whos the guy?
Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do?
Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Joey: But you called me 'Bert'!? That's our code word for danger!
Joey: Hey!
(Ross, Joey, and Rachel enter)
Joey: All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but its like enough!
Joey: Oh great, that'd be great. Thank you.
Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks>
Joey: I have to go to the bathroom too, but I dont want him complimenting my thing.
Joey: I know