words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Joey: You're in!
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Joey: Think it'll work?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that.
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.
Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
(Joey enters from the stairs.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
(Chandler goes into the apartment, while Joey checks his ticket and is embarrassed by his stupid mistake.)
Joey: yeah but she should remember sleeping with me I am very memorable, you guys know.
Joey: Oh, were supposed to just get him a ticket?! That guy is always mooching off of us!
Phoebe: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
[Scene: Another Waiting Room, Phoebe and Joey are trying to find out where the guy with the broken leg is.]
JOEY: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.
Joey: What? Yeah! Sure! Uh, look at the uh, the reason (Exhales slowly)Is it hot in here?
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
Joey: Catwoman, hands down.
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I told her about the time you got drunk and fell asleep with your head in the toilet.
Joey: (stands up, and throws his coat on the floor) Im Joey! Im an actor! I dont know squat about dinosaurs!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a paper as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Argh!
Joey: Well, I've been thinking about this whole commercial thing, y'know me going up against Ben, the two of us competing, and that can't lead to anything good. So, I think I'm just gonna step aside. I'm gonna tell them that I won't audition.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist)
Tag: Ms. Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you dont use the words old or downhill or (To Joey) they still look pretty damn good. (Joey smiles and everyone glares at him.)
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are still discussing Bobby and Dinas situation.]
Joey: I mean, this soap opera is a great gig, but... am I missing opportunities? You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor. I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies?
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler about the letter.]
JOEY: You want his yearbook?
Ross: Oh, that's right! (to Emma) Daddy and uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados, right?
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here?! Y'know?
Joey: I have an audition for this play and for some of it I have to speak French. Which, according to my résumé, I'm fluent in.
Joey: (looks at him suspiciously) But, ehm... you watched the tape?
Joey: Mike, 'attorney at law'!
Monica: Okay, so it doesnt involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Joey: Booo!!
Joey: Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.)
Rachel: Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it? (Joey smiles luridly) Oh forget it! (Ross enters.) Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
Joey: I did not know that! Thank you Monica. (Starts to leave) I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Rachel: Joey, get Amy's bags, she is moving out!
Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) theres gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) Thats unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
Phoebe: (coming back for Joey) No! (Grabs Joey and drags him away.)
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
Joey: Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man.
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
Joey: Oh my God, that's great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... (he uses the Thesaurus) "brainy, bright, clever", I love this thing! Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!!
Joey: Dude, come on! French it u-up!
(the scene starts.Joey enters and there's a girl wearing a wedding dress near a bed)
Joey: It's really gone?
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
Joey: Yeah. Sorry about that. (He walks away and knocks on the next door which is answered by a little girl.) Oh, hey little girl. Uhh, is-is your mommy, or sister, or babysitter by any chance a hot girl?
Chandler: Oh, okay, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
Katie: Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! (She punches Rachel.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler and Joey are there as Rachel returns from her interview.]
Ross: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today. Can you just keep an eye on Joey, make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Joey: No, I sat in the paint.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Joey: (shocked) Dah!! (Chandler motions for him to calm down.)
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Chandler is showing Rachel the ring.]
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) Thats all right. Hey you guys, you know whats going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, Im doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
Joey: Whoa-ho-ho! (He looks at Chandler, who gives him a come on look.) Yeah, okay.
Rachel: Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in the store! Hey, yknow what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.
Janine: No no no no, its potpourri. Youre supposed to smell it. (Joey takes a big whiff of the potpourri.)
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Joey: 46. Wow! Who's well educated now, Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?
Joey: So whats really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.
Monica: Well, because you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani (Joey makes a 'and-what’s-wrong-with-that' look). Hey, why don’t you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself!
JOEY: (sniffs his shirt.)� Oh yeah.� I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.
JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the dollar]
JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
[Scene: The street down the block from Central Perk, Joey has found the Porsche and is writing the note.]
(Joey takes the plastic container to his mouth and starts to drink. Most of the milk gushes from the bottle down his chin and over his clothes to the floor. He keeps "drinking" and all of a sudden he lifts it up and half the bottle of milk pours out in an instant. He then continues to drink the rest. He then puts the empty container down on the counter.)
Joey: Yknow-yknow what I really want?
Joey: Oh come on man, you can dance with my partner, shes real, uh, mellow!
[Scene: Chandler and Joeys Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Joey: I'd take you out for a romantic night. Some champagne, fancy dinner, feel you up on the carriage ride home...
Joey: Sweepin. Why? Turn you on?
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Joey are walking up the stairs.]
Joey: (thinking) Uhm... oh! Okay. You come with me, and you tell them that the house is haunted!
Joey: (speaking with his mouth full, enjoying his sandwich) What did they say?
Joey: In that case should I make sure it's on real good? (he does so, repeatedly tapping on her breast and stroking it)
(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)
Joey: Yeah, maybe its like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. (pats Ross on the butt)
(Cut to Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Ross storm in looking very unhappy)
Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin chips is like stretching.
Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing her checkbook as Joey enters from his room wearing a hockey helmet, gloves, and shin guards.]
Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Rachel: Ok, let’s work from the top down! (Joey nods, but then puzzled because he does not get it) Just work the bra, Joe!
(There's a lot of yelling and screaming coming from the hallway, and they get up to look at what's the noise all about. In the hallway, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe are having another wind-up animal race, yelling and screaming fanatically.)
JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that hes not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying mmm and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
Joey: I know I shouldve. (Makes quote marks again.) "Im sorry."