words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is in the kitchen as Joey enters from his bedroom.]
Joey: Morning, roomie!
Joey: Fifth day's a charm.
Rachel: Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.
Joey: Hey, it's great having you back. You know, stay as long as you want, and when does she stop crying all night?
Joey: She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.
Joey: No, hey, it's been great.
Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
Joey: Wow! So, how are you?
Joey: Really?
Joey: Well, actually it...
Joey: Wow, really?
Joey: Sure, I know lots of girls.
Joey: Ooh, names?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Joey (checks the refrigerator): Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots... Ooh! Strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.
Joey: I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.
Joey: Why are they doing this?
Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?
Joey: I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.
Joey: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.
Joey: Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.
Joey: I know; that just pushes them further and further apart.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Joey: Shhh! Not so loud, we don't wanna wake up, uh...
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: All right! Who is he?
Joey (gives a thumbs up sign): Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Joey: Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!
Joey: Oh my god, you're right!
Joey: She even reads for pleasure!
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: I met her at the library. I went in to pee.
Joey: Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.
Joey: Ooh...I hear that's bad.
Joey: Ah, yes, The Plan! (Laughs loudly again, but he sounds more like Santa Claus.)
Joey: Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there. Phoebe's cell phone rings.]
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Joey: Oh, great, pretty soon they'll be back together.
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
Joey: Hello?
(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)
Joey: Emma? Hey! Hi!
Joey: How are ya? How are ya? Where are your babysitters, huh? Why's the bedroom door closed?
Joey: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
Joey: Because you two were having sex!
Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
(Joey starts to leave.)
Monica: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!
Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless...
Joey: Unless you name your firstborn child Joey.
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Joey: Uh-huh.
Joey: It's easy, you just walk in on them having sex.
(Joey does the "plan-laugh.")
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.
(Rachel and Ross turn around and look at Phoebe and Joey with puzzled expressions on their faces.)
Joey: Where?
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?
Joey: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?
Joey: We've been stood up. (sniffles) And we want our free crab cakes.
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey! Where have you been?
Joey: Uh, I think hes in Rachels room. See ya. (Exits.)
Joey: Well, you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you?
Joey: Picture? What picture?
Joey: All right.
Joey: Hey, Im with you. He even asked me if I thought youd go out with him.
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
Joey: You know youve been spitting on me?!
Joey: (wiping face) Wow! Didnt know that.
Joey: Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! (Reading from the script) Picture? What picture? (He pauses then spits) Eh?
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
Joey: Great scene yeah?
Joey: Thanks a lot.
Joey: What picture?!
Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You dont want to lose that.
Joey: Oh, Im-Im not working tomorrow.
The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Heres your call sheet for tomorrow.
Joey: (onscreen) "I thought I knew who the enemy was, but it was you all along."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
Joey: Im having surgery!
JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.
Joey: Transplant.
Joey: Hair transplant.
Joey: Its not on my head.
Joey: Yes you are!
Joey: Are you drunk?
Joey: Hey, yknow you could always visit him.
Joey: (to the dog) Cmere. Hey. Cmere. Thats Rachel. Shes the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with youwe love her. But we cant have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? Youre a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be.
Joey: Hey Rach, listen I was thinkin uh, Im gonna have an extra room over at my place
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is eating breakfast as Rachel enters having just woken up.]
Joey: All right, All right, let's just get this out in the open okay? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly there's a vibe going on between us. But, we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road.
Joey: Thank you. Thank you.
(Joey and Richard both wipe their faces and are given towels.)
Joey: Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just uh, just stand up straight. (Does so.) Take a couple deep breaths. (Does so.) Look confident. (Does so as Rachel opens the door and startles him.)
Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? Its going terribly slowly.
Joey: Damnit!
Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?
Joey: Im still on the set!
(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)
Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!
Joey: What?
Joey: We have to find the rest of the platoon!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Joey: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... (realises) Wait a minute... This says Monica... (looks around) And this is Richard's apartment... (realises some more)
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I cant do it, theyre all like-like laughing at me.
Joey: Yeah! You you were wonderful.
Joey: Thats what you told me.
Joey: So I got your car, its right outside.
Richard: Is that my ass? (Hes looking at Joeys.)
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Joey: (smiling) I don't know. This little, old lady lives for my career. When they dumped me off of Days of Our Lives she almost died.
Joey: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. Im the chick and Chandler is the duck.
Chandler: Are you Joey?
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
JOEY: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.
Joey: Chandler?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels bathroom, Joey and Monica are admiring the new floor.]
Joey: Yeah you do!
Joey: Francette? What is she? A couch?
Joey: Yeah, and there wont be a relationship left to rebuild.
Joey: This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel!
(Joey agrees and heads to take them off.)
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
[Scene: The Days of Our Lives producers office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.]
Joey: But youre still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out today. (Shows him the paper.)
Joey: Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face!! I'm all right! I'm all right!Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK(He tries to avoid the tweezers) Dammit! Woman!! How Hoooow!
Matthew: Hey Joey! The camera hit our wall!
Joey: (To Phoebe) Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four.
Donny: O-kay... Henrietta, you didn't get all the points you needed, so that means Gene, you are going to the winners circle to try for ten thousand dollars! (Gene is clapping his hands looking very happy and so is Joey) And you're gonna be going there with Joey Tribbiani (Both of their smiles fade away instantly)
Joey: Pheebs! Check it out! Check it out! Check it out! Check it out! (Hands her one.)
Joey: Nope, got it and I got yours (Pointing to Jack) too.
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Joey: Oh! Ooh-ooh!
JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
Joey: Mornin
Joey: I dont want them to move to a Volvo dealership!
Joey: (cracking up) Nope, you lost me.
Joey: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. (Chandler pours some juice in a glass.) You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.
[Reset, Joey is about to pour more booze on.]
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
Joey: Yeah, thats one naked hooker!
Joey: Nothin.
(Ross and Joey both reach down and pull up their pants.)
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
Joey: No, don't be sorry. I don't need it anymore. I found my identical hand twin!
Monica: Joey?
Joey: Look at this! A millionaire's checkbook.
JOEY: See, didn't I tell ya these pillows would be a good idea?
Joey: Sure! Whats up? (He grabs a plate and proceeds to load it with a huge pile of scrambled eggs. Chandler just stares at him and Joey reluctantly gives him a spoonful.)
Joey: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
Joey: Youre still a tiny bit on fire there!