words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is in the kitchen as Joey enters from his bedroom.]
Joey: Morning, roomie!
Joey: Fifth day's a charm.
Rachel: Oh, Joey, it's so great to be back here. I gotta tell you, you're making it so easy on me and Emma.
Joey: Hey, it's great having you back. You know, stay as long as you want, and when does she stop crying all night?
Joey: She's probably exhausted from all that adorable screaming she did last night.
Joey: No, hey, it's been great.
Joey: Yeah. And look, I just want you to know that with Rachel staying here and everything, all my feelings from before are totally over, okay? And even if they weren't, when you accidentally walk in on a woman using a breast pump...
Joey: Wow! So, how are you?
Joey: Really?
Joey: Well, actually it...
Joey: Wow, really?
Joey: Sure, I know lots of girls.
Joey: Ooh, names?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Joey (checks the refrigerator): Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots... Ooh! Strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.
Joey: I'm fine, I'm fine, it's just, it's just weird what's happening with her and Ross. You know, yesterday he asked me to fix him up with somebody.
Joey: Why are they doing this?
Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?
Joey: I know, I know. And when they moved back in together, I figured y'know, that's where things were headed.
Joey: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.
Joey: Yeah, because it is slim pickings. I had this date last night: Yuck! But we should probably keep it down; she's still in the bedroom.
Joey: I know; that just pushes them further and further apart.
Joey: Ooh, that's a great plan!
Joey: Shhh! Not so loud, we don't wanna wake up, uh...
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: All right! Who is he?
Joey (gives a thumbs up sign): Okay, okay. Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.
Joey: She's this really boring woman. She's a teacher!
Joey: Yeah, yeah, she's really into history and foreign movies... And oh, oh, she loves puzzles. Huh? Come on, who loves puzzles?
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!
Joey: Oh my god, you're right!
Joey: She even reads for pleasure!
Joey: What? I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: I met her at the library. I went in to pee.
Joey: Well, okay, I'll - I'll just call her and tell her the date's cancelled, and find him somebody else.
Joey: Ooh...I hear that's bad.
Joey: Ah, yes, The Plan! (Laughs loudly again, but he sounds more like Santa Claus.)
Joey: Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there. Phoebe's cell phone rings.]
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Joey: Oh, great, pretty soon they'll be back together.
(They run to the bedroom and close the door carefully just as Joey enters.)
Joey: Hello?
(Emma starts making noises, and Joey walks over to her playpen.)
Joey: Emma? Hey! Hi!
Joey: How are ya? How are ya? Where are your babysitters, huh? Why's the bedroom door closed?
Joey: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!
(Joey and Chandler enter with Emma.)
Monica (to Joey): Why the hell did you take her?
Joey: Because you two were having sex!
Joey: Don't you lie to me! I could tell by Chandler's hair. (To Chandler.) You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
Joey: Hey! It is unacceptable that you two would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.
(Joey starts to leave.)
Monica: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!
Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless...
Joey: Unless you name your firstborn child Joey.
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
Joey: (BEAT) (Laughs.) You almost had me.
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Joey: Uh-huh.
Joey: It's easy, you just walk in on them having sex.
(Joey does the "plan-laugh.")
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at them, look at them, they're really bonding.
(Rachel and Ross turn around and look at Phoebe and Joey with puzzled expressions on their faces.)
Joey: Where?
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross and Joey are sitting at a table for four. The waiter is pouring water in their glasses.]
Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?
Joey: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?
Joey: We've been stood up. (sniffles) And we want our free crab cakes.
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Joey: Hot?
Joey: Will you let the lady talk?!
Joey: Uh, well he did not get sick somewhere in there and it was immediately found and properly cleaned up!
Joey: Im gonna be an uncle! Come here! (He joins the hug.)
Chandler: And Joey.
Joey: Yeah!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are now sitting in the living room.]
Joey: Yeah, me too. (He flips up his armrest in disgust.)
Joey: So you uh, nervous about getting married?
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: Uh, that-thats-thats me!
Joey: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.
Joey: Why-why would she go in the bedroom?
Joey: Why not? Youll feel better! Ill feel better, and you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes.
Joey: Its a grand tradition!
Joey: Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?
Joey: In a minute!
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
Joey: You do it!
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
Joey: I miss this.
Joey: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.
Joey: I dont want to. You do it!
Joey: No, I-I miss hanging out with you.
Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) Ill be right back.
Joey: Hey! Its your bachelor party.
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Joey: I didnt look at it. Stupid babys head was blocking most of it.
Joey: No theyre not! Theyre ugly and stupid and delicious!
Joey: What?!
Joey: Phoebe!
Joey: She is?
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is helping Joey with his tie.]
Joey: No there wont! I promise I will finish that turkey!
Joey: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. (Thinks about it.) Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
Joey: Hey, so where are my parents gonna be?
Joey: (To Monica) Who the hell is this guy?
(Joey enters eating potato chips.)
Joey: Oh hey!
Monica: (to Will) Joey.
Janine: Hey Joey, I got some beer for you.
Rachel: Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.
Joey: Whoa, I didnt know we could date your sister!
Joey: What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel. Mail. Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole.
Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
Joey: (quietly) Oh. How-how big is that?
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Joey: (To Rachel) Its like me when I was born.
Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard!
Joey: That hot girl from their wedding?
Joey: (To Monica) Seriously, who is this guy?
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Rachel: Dont!! (Joey backs away frightened.) (To Jill) Honey, what are you doing here?!
Rachel: Joey stop staring! Theres nothing there! Its not true!
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Joey: Wait, well, where did you get it from?!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day, and its just a crush, thats all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, "it was cuckoo!" Everythings going to be fine. Its just a crush.
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
Joey: No just, nobody press on my stomach.
Joey: Not now! These are my Thanksgiving pants!
Monica: Well Joey, were all were all very proud of you.
Phoebe: Joey! Those are my maternity pants!
Joey: (entering, wearing the maternity pants from earlier) All right wheres that turkey!
(Joey notices Monica has gotten a pie.)
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
Joey: All right, well finish your coffee; lets go.
Joey: Here. (Gives her the coins) Now I only owe you $49.50.
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Joey: Okay, so will you meet with her?
Joey: Oh hey Rach, listenHi!
Joey: She took em!
Joey: Whoaheywh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
[Cut to Central Perk, same as before Joey is entering.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Joey are playing Rock em, Sock em Robots.]
Joey: All right now All right, youre all set up. Youre good to go. Just hit record. All right?
Joey: Why would you ruin it, who was that hurtin'?
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey has brought Dina to meet with Rachel.]
Joey: My little sister Dina!
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im hardly a
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel is about to enter her apartment with Dina to tell Joey the news.]
Rachel: Joey theres something that you should know. Dina?
Joey: Is that a sandwich?!
Joey: (angrily) What?!
Joey: Yeah bye-bye! (Exits and comes back in still holding the lotion.) Hey! So just a light layer?
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Joey: Oh-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!
Joey: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something?
Rachel: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
Joey: Rach, I gotta say...if you weren't here wondering if these guys were gay I don't know if I could do this!