words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
Joey: Ohh, Nothing.
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Joey: Like this. (Shrugs)
Joey: Sure! It flushes it.
Joey: Hey! (Sees Janice.) Ah!! (Janice screams in surprise.)
Joey: And there it is.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Joey: So what are you doing bringing her here?! Theres people here!
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Rachel: (entering, with Joey) Hey!
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Joey: (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Rachel: Its coming from Joey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Dude, youre not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Joey: Hey-hey, whats going on?
Joey: Thanks for telling me!
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Joey: Ross! (Laughs) Theyre gonna kill you!
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
(Ross turns and wants to attack Rachel, but Joey stops him.)
[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came to support Ross.]
Joey: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy (Points), and that guy (Points). And that oneDude! Theyre all huge!
Joey: Well, maybe thats because youre closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
Phoebe: Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Joey: I totally dont know what youre talking about.
Joey: No.
Ross: JOEY!!!!!!
Ross: Thanks. (When shes gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think Im dying. I really do.
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Joey: The Red Ross! Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Joey: Yeah, sure.
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
[Cut to Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
Joey: Yeah, youre roommate is a soap opera star.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Joey: A woman in a mans body.
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.)
Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin!
Joey: So yknow Ross its funny cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married?
Joey: Yeah, but uh, I dont want to be up too late, so uh, Ill have a decaf.
Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monicas gonna be here any minute!
Joey: But it hurts my Joeys Apple.
(Joey walks away and Mr. and Mrs. Geller walk up. Mr. Geller is wearing this ancient velvet tuxedo.)
(Phoebe turns and looks at Monica, while Joey frantically motions to Chandler to help him out.)
Joey: Well actually
Woman: (To Joey) Is this yours?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
Joey: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Yknow? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. Its all about turnover.
Joey: Yep. (Starts for Monicas room, but Chandler stops him.)
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
Joey: Now that youre a couple, we dont get two presents from you guys?
Joey: So youve just married the one time then?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Ross, and Chandler are watching Phoebe polish the daisies on her bike outside.]
Rachel: Ooh... oooh... (pause) (Rachel is all bah-jiggity about Joey) oh, ah... (pause) (to Monica) Can I ask you a question?
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, Im talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
Joey: Uh-huh look, the only reason I can over here was to settle things between us! Okay? Youve done a lot for me and my career, I wanted to pay you back so I took you to the premiere but you missed it! Okay, so how much do I owe you?
Joey: Ah. Hm. (To Kathy) Wanna go to bed?
Joey: Will you quit hoggin it!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Rachel: Joey! It is an auction! You dont guess, you buy!
Joey: Yeah!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Tag are making out on the couch.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) Okay quick, help me get this off! (Motions to her top.)
Joey: Like what?
Joey: Monicas chicken parm! Ill take care of it. (He picks up the phone) Hey Mr. Treeger, its Joey Tribbiani. Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandlers apartment. Its an emergency. (Listens) Uhh, gas leak! Yeah oh, and bring garlic bread. (Hangs up.)
Joey: Oh, I dont know Pheebs. Itll be okay.
Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy Im getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?
[Cut outside, Joey is catching up with Phoebe.]
(Joey starts to walk away, but stops.)
Rachel: Hey Joey, can I
Joey: Okay! (Runs off downstairs.)
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Oh, come on Rach! My turn just started!
Joey: Oh. Okay. Hey, can I ride this outside?
Phoebe: No, no, no! Don't call her! You wait for her to call you (Joey considers it)
Joey: (laughs that one off) Yeah. So uh Ross, well nowwhy did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?
Joey: No.
Joey: (entering, excited) Hey!
Joey: Nice.
Joey: And-and-and not only that, Im gettin a new brain!!
Joey: Dude, you soooo need this car.
Joey: Uh Cecilia Monroe, she plays Jessica Lockhart.
Rachel: Okay, come onJoey, Ill buy you a new one! All right? Well go down to the store right now and well-well get you a new chair.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is pouring Rachel some coffee.]
Joey: (quietly) My chair heels itself.
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joeys nose, causing it to bleed.)
Joey: Say what?
Joey: Umm
Joey: Oh uh, one of the writers.
Joey: Oh anyway, I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you are.
Joey: (quickly) I dont know. Why? Did you hear something?
Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Joey: Okay.
Joey: (whispers to Phoebe and Rachel) Hey, thank you so much. (They both exit.)
Joey and Ross: No. No.
Joey: (watching the discussion) Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?
Joey: (interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)
[Phoebe slams on the breaks. Joey and Rachel are thrown forward into the pillows in their laps.]
Joey: Im so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show.
Joey: See you in 2003. (She walks away.)
Joey: Joey.
(She turns her head away and when shes not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and mouths, "No, Im not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and then stop smiling.)
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh thats great! Oh thank you so much!
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!
Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, Hey, the bell doesnt dismiss you, I dismiss you.
Joey: Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?!
Rachel: Thats right Joey, the chair angel came in and heeled your chair. (She sits down in the chair.)
Joey: I said name one!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and hes been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.]
Joey: (impressed) Wow!
Joey: Like-like what?
Joey: (sitting up again) Guys! Guys!! You gotta let me nap! Ugh, Im gonna get cranky!
Joey: Oh hey come on, dont-dont-dont do this! Umm, look let-let me tell you something, okay? Now when I watch you do a scene, Im thinking, "Boy, she-she is a great actress!" (Shes not buying it.) Uh but-but, I am also thinking, "She is hot!"
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (He puts his hands on her face and they kiss.)
(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)
Joey: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this. (Does this intense look where it looks like he's smelling a fart.)
(Ross smiles and holds up his hand for a high-five, but he has forgotten about his burnt hands. He gasps in pain as Joey grabs his hand.)
Joey: Monkey lover!
Joey: Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (shrugs) Sure. Yep.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I noticed that! Is that cause shes so passionate?
Joey: That uh, that is my roommate Rachel.
(Rachel stops dead in her tracks when she sees whom Joey is with.)
Joey: Okay, bye-bye.
Joey: Oh uh, I dont know the boat way to say this, but uh never!
Joey: They sent me todays script! They never send the script!
Joey: That sketch you mentioned? Might it have looked a little something like this? (He shows her what hes been drawing.)
Joey: Well no, Im just in a coma. This must mean I have lines! (Realizes what that means.) Oh
Joey: When do you think we lost her?