words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
Joey: Ohh, Nothing.
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Joey: Like this. (Shrugs)
Joey: Sure! It flushes it.
Joey: Hey! (Sees Janice.) Ah!! (Janice screams in surprise.)
Joey: And there it is.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Joey: So what are you doing bringing her here?! Theres people here!
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Rachel: (entering, with Joey) Hey!
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Joey: (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Rachel: Its coming from Joey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Dude, youre not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Joey: Hey-hey, whats going on?
Joey: Thanks for telling me!
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Joey: Ross! (Laughs) Theyre gonna kill you!
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
(Ross turns and wants to attack Rachel, but Joey stops him.)
[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came to support Ross.]
Joey: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy (Points), and that guy (Points). And that oneDude! Theyre all huge!
Joey: Well, maybe thats because youre closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
Phoebe: Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Joey: I totally dont know what youre talking about.
Joey: No.
Ross: JOEY!!!!!!
Ross: Thanks. (When shes gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think Im dying. I really do.
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Joey: The Red Ross! Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Joey: Yeah, sure.
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
[Cut to Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
Joey: I say, 'I am there!' Cool! Aw, is Ross going to?
Joey: So! Things can go wrong! You dont know! What if he doesnt make it?!
Joey: Serious?
JOEY: No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.
Joey: No! All right, who-who makes up the questions?
(An old West style showdown starts with Joey and the Hombre Man staring each other down as the store guy slowly lets in the first customer while Joey and the Hombre Man get ready to draw. In slow motion they spot the customer, eye each other, draw, and as the customer walks into the middle Joey's bottle misfires but the Hombre Man spays it into the customer's eyes.)
JOEY: Hey, woah, let's go down there and get your hat back.
Joey: Hey Gunther, dont let that guy in here anymore! He just said Phoebes a porn star!
Chandler: (to Joey) My lighters in there! (points to the cab)
Joey: (entering) Rachels having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, Im a neurologist.
Joey: Itll be great for next weekend. I mean, (in an Irish accent) itll be grrreat.
JOEY: I'm sorry, it's the pigs. they're reluctant to get in the blankets!
Joey: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right.
Phoebe: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In factyes, (To Joey) Im, Im sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, Im-Im, Im gonna, Im gonna name the baby Chandler.
Joey: Tell us!
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
Joey: (to Billy) So youre the gynaecologist?
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and )
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are at the counter as Ross enters.]
(Chandler and Joey stare at each other in shock.)
Joey: All right, well start with apples.
Joey: Yeah. What are we getting?
Joey: (entering) Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you!
Chandler: (to Ross and Monica) What if Joey were president?
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Joey: (sees Kate) Oh-oh, hey-hey, Kate! Listen I want you to meet everybody. Everybody, this is Kate.
(Monica, Ross, Chandler, and Joey exit.)
Joey: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating at the counter as Joey enters.]
Joey: Dont you think I asked him that before he got in?!
Joey: Well, it doesnt matter what I would do.
Rachel: Joey, what-what are you doing going into my bedroom?!
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Monica: Yeah Joey shes Rachels got this really big work problem, and it is a head scratcher. Wow! (To Chandler) Yknow what, if were gonna make dinner were gonna have to leave. Yeah. (She and Chandler exit.)
Joey: Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah, y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight.
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
Joey: Well, safer. Y'know, I mean I never start reading The Shining, without making sure weve got plenty of room in the freezer, y'know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV as Joey and Kathy are laughing in Joey's bedroom. They get to be pretty loud so Chandler turns the TV way up.]
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Lipstick For Men!" It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he says seductively "Ichiban... Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko" and it ends. Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)
The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We cant stop filming just for you. Its not like its your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)
Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Rachel: (threatening Joey with a scrunchy): Step away from the crib, I have a weapon!
Joey: Check it out, hes winning! (to Monica) Petes winning!
Joey: No-o-o!!
Joey: This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasnt allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner!
Joey: That youre actually 50?
Joey: Well, I think we all learned something.
Joey: Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.
Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?
Joey: Hey, Bonnie had sex there!
Joey: No, its just my luggage.
Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Hey!!
Joey: No-no-no-no-no, it's-it's uh, you just uh, uh reminded me that uh, I need to do my stretches too. (Starts to stretch, groans painfully)
Joey: Hey-hey, check out the hat!
Joey: (to himself) And I ate the food, I had the fish, it was good, yeah. It was good, yeah...
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
Joey: Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, its like a law!
Joey: What?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, theyre finishing up dinner.]
Joey: Okay, all right.
(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.)
Joey: Fan out! Fan out!
Joey: All right, relax. Its just a shoe.
Joey: (jumping in triumph) OH YES!!!!!
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
Joey: Huh.
Joey: I know.
(Joey finally wakes up.)
Joey: Whats the matter, Pheebs?
Joey: What?!
Joey: Its not just the stuff he paid for, I mean its-its everything. Yknow? He read lines with me. He-he went with me on auditions when I was really nervous, and then he consoled me after I didnt get parts that I really wanted. You always believed in me man. Even, even when I didnt believe in myself.
Joey: Hey! I'm in, they're gonna let me audition!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joeys premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Joey: (to Ross) Wanna play strip poker for practice?
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
Joey: (even more abashed) A place to eat spaghetti.
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! (He drapes it around his shoulders.) Enh? All right, what do you think?
Joey: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Billy: (to Joey) Hey, Im trying to have a private conversation! Is that okay?!
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
Message: "Hi Joey, it's Jane Rogers can't wait for your party tonight" (Joey's upset and stops it)
Joey: Y'know what, hold on, let me go get Chandler. (gets up and leaves.)
Joey: Who-ah-ho.
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
Joey and Chandler: Gnight.
JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]
Joey: Uh, yeah but uh, (In Drakes voice) I may have said those things before but, I never truly meant them. Until now.
Joey: Oh no! No!! My hole!!
Joey: Well, theres really only one thing you can do.
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
Ross: Look, you guys, you guys should go. (Joey tries to say something, but Ross cuts him off.) No, Im, you, you planned this all out, and I dont want to ruin it, so you guys should just go.
Joey: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. (gets up)
Joey: Me too.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]