words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
Joey: Ohh, Nothing.
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Joey: Like this. (Shrugs)
Joey: Sure! It flushes it.
Joey: Hey! (Sees Janice.) Ah!! (Janice screams in surprise.)
Joey: And there it is.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After its closed) I cant stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Joey: So what are you doing bringing her here?! Theres people here!
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) Im tellin ya!
Rachel: (entering, with Joey) Hey!
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Joey: (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Monica: Yeah, well, Im using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises its Joey.)
Rachel: Its coming from Joey!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Dude, youre not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Joey: Hey-hey, whats going on?
Joey: Thanks for telling me!
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I cant believe you said youd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Joey: Ross! (Laughs) Theyre gonna kill you!
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
(Ross turns and wants to attack Rachel, but Joey stops him.)
[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came to support Ross.]
Joey: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy (Points), and that guy (Points). And that oneDude! Theyre all huge!
Joey: Well, maybe thats because youre closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
Phoebe: Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Joey: I totally dont know what youre talking about.
Joey: No.
Ross: JOEY!!!!!!
Ross: Thanks. (When shes gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think Im dying. I really do.
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, youre gonna be Dead Ross!
Joey: The Red Ross! Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Joey: Yeah, sure.
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
[Cut to Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
Joey: Im sorry, I just I like things the way they are.
Joey: Okay. Can I squeeze your ass?
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: What? I dont get it.
Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! Thats good!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandlers new vows.]
Rachel: (shocked) You let Joey drive it?!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: So uh, whats your name?
Joey: Me too! Theres a game on Tuesday do you wanna go?
[Scene: Ross's apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]
Joey: Uh, Entertainment Tonight. [Cut to Chandler] Yeah, okay so, good talking to ya and don't come out here. All right. (Hangs up the phone and poses for that picture.)
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: Pheebs!
Joey: Oh. (Laughs.) No! No wait, thats weird!
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay uh, we have narrowed it down to Raymond, Ben, Kyle, and Joey. The rest of you, thank you very much.
Joey: Thats weird!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Joey enters.]
Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Joey: Thats kinda hot.
Joey: Yeah, I wouldnt know about that.
Joey: Youve seen my huge stack of porn right? (Phoebe nods.)
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didnt rip off any buttons.
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Joey: I gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, you just do it.
[Scene: Richard's apartment. There's a knock on the door.The listing agent opens the door for Chandler and Joey.]
Phoebe: Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00!
Joey: Hi I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
Joey: Listen, you know how uh, when youre wearing pants and you lean forward I check out your underwear?
Joey: Yeah! And-and things arent as smashed down as I thought they were gonna be.
Joey: The silk? Feels really good!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (He sits down next to her.)
Joey: Oh... food. No, sex. Food! Sex! Food! Se-I don't know! Good God, I don't know, I want girls on bread!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hm-mmm.
Ross: Ah. Joey youre-youre having lunch with my mom?
Joey: Nooo!
Joey: No!
Joey: No!
Joey: Yes!!
Joey: Oh no, Ill be done by then.
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) Were engaged!!!
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
Joey: Uhh, because I'm shooting a scene right now. Yeah, I uh, I play a gladiator. Uh, y'know what? Hold-hold on a second. (To no one in particular) Can we cut? Yeah, my-my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
Joey: I think you did.
Richard: Nice to meet you Joey.
Joey: I know! All right, Ill see you guys over there! Im off to fight the Nazis.
Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar!
Joey: Im doing my scenes with you?
Joey: Yeah! Me too. (He pats his pocket.)
Joey: Whoa!! Now look, dont be just blurtin stuff out. I want you to really think about your answers. Okay?
Joey: Uh Cookie?
Joey: (wiping his face) What?!
Joey: Is there anything we should know about the apartment?
The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong?
(Joey wipes his eye.)
Joey: (wipes face) So what are we gonna do?! We have no reinforcements! No-no food!
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Joey: All right, it wont go down any further. Its stuck.
Joey: Hey! I am secure with my masculinity.
Joey: Oh sureAnd hey, dont get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys. I just I miss hanging out just-just us, yknow?
Joey: Damn! I am good at Cups!
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey! Where have you been?
Joey: Uh, I think hes in Rachels room. See ya. (Exits.)
Joey: Well, you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you?
Joey: Picture? What picture?
Joey: All right.
Joey: Hey, Im with you. He even asked me if I thought youd go out with him.
Joey: Look, Chandler I dont think us getting our asses kicked is a solution. Okay? Just go and find Monica!
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
Joey: You know youve been spitting on me?!
Joey: (wiping face) Wow! Didnt know that.
Joey: Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! (Reading from the script) Picture? What picture? (He pauses then spits) Eh?
Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (Hes holding a script.)
Joey: Great scene yeah?
Joey: Thanks a lot.
Joey: What picture?!
Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You dont want to lose that.
Joey: Oh, Im-Im not working tomorrow.
The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Heres your call sheet for tomorrow.
Joey: (onscreen) "I thought I knew who the enemy was, but it was you all along."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
Joey: Im having surgery!
JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.
Joey: Transplant.
Joey: Hair transplant.
Joey: Its not on my head.
Joey: Yes you are!
Joey: Are you drunk?
Joey: Hey, yknow you could always visit him.
Joey: (to the dog) Cmere. Hey. Cmere. Thats Rachel. Shes the one who used to live here. Might as well be honest with youwe love her. But we cant have her. I really miss her. Well, hey, you understand, right? Youre a guy. (thinks about it and picks up the dog and looks) Well, you used to be.
Joey: Hey Rach, listen I was thinkin uh, Im gonna have an extra room over at my place
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is eating breakfast as Rachel enters having just woken up.]