words in movies
[Scene: Rifts Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You, Joey and Chandler are there.]
Joey: Theres the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Joey: No, no... how come you are working here?
Chandler and Joey: No, no, no!
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
Joey: Im sayin I see a difference.
Joey: I dont care. Phoebes Phoebe. Ursulas... hot!
(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Not from where I was standin.
(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.)
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Joey: She is so hot!
Joey: Pheebs?
Joey: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, shed be there.
Joey: Cool, thanks.
(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.)
Joey: Hey.
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Joey: Oh, no no no. Its for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Joey: Yep. Ice Capades.
Joey: I dont know. I like her, you know. Shes different. Theres uh, somethin about her.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Joey: Okay... Well maybe now Im not okay with it not being okay.
(Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.)
Joey: Out.
Joey: (Spreading his arms wide) Yes.
(Joey nods his head.)
Joey: Well, not that its any of your business, but, no, we havent, okay?
(Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns back.)
Joey: You meant sex, right?
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joeys shirts.)
Joey: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: Yeah. Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about the three of us?
Joey: Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
Joey: Umm, no. No best friend, no. Just a lot of close friends.
Joey: Hi. Im Joey Tribbiani; Im here to audition for (Groans) man.
Joey: (reads it) Oh, I cant believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, yknow? And it wouldnt matter. Now I gotta be careful?!
Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
Joey: Closeness-shmoshness! There was three of us for crying out loud!
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
JOEY: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
Joey: Oh, hi, I'm Joey. My stupid friends are buying this house. Who are you?
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Im sorry, youre right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh!
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Joey: I cant! I-I dont have any other clothes here.
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Joey: Wow! I cant believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar!
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean were gonna have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his shoulders.)
Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...
Joey: What the heck is that?
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Joey: (opening the door wearing nothing but a sock, and holding a dart board over the `Little General.') Hey! (Chandler turns down the TV) Now, we're not actually gonna be sleeping in her, but do you mind?
Joey: No-no hey buddy, please let me dance with that girl, I really like her and I think I have a shot.
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]
Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching Joey pace nervously as Rachel enters.]
Joey: Ill be playing Drake Remorays twin brother, Stryker!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Joey: Thats not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow Im not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Joey: Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
Joey: I know! Im sorry! The guys drunk, they wont let me go until we get this.
All: Nooo!! (Joey quickly stops nodding his head.)
Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy. It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.
Joey: Correct! Theres a possible backwards bonus!
[The next one is from Episode 204: The One With Phoebes Husband, when everyone including Julie is watching Joey in his porno.]
Joey: Check it out!! Jam crackers!
Joey: Ah-ah-ah! Were doing this! Okay, now you got me my first set of head shots. Right, how much were those?
Joey: Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little til they get there?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
Janine: Well they said I should bring someone. (To Joey) Do you wanna be my dance partner?
(Joey sits down and changes the channel, and we see two people making out.)
Joey: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandlers eyes!
Ross: (takes a drink) Damn, this coffees cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.)
(Hes still spitting and Joey holds his script in front of his face.)
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Joey: (to Charlie) Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... (aside to Rachel)... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.]
Joey: Oh, I-I think Im gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
Ross: Hey, wait! Wait-wait-wait! Joey, did you propose to her?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Joey: Oh wow Wayne, its not really something you can teach yknow? Its pretty much something youre born with if you(Off Chandlers look)You-you can teach it! Ill show you right how to do it.
Joey: Almost cried huh? Hear that Chandler? Almost cried!
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
(They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)
Joey: No! But y'know, I'm an actor, I'll act cool.
Joey: (sitting at his table) Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh! (mimes opening a door with his own keys, Phoebe looks at him in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" way.)
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Joey: Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be?
Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesnt, and the dog goes running off.) Well, youre cute, but youre not too smart!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, Ive got you, me, and Chandler and Im gonna invite Gunther cause, well, weve been talking about this pretty loud.
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
Joey: She didn't have a birthday while we were going out.
Chandler: So ah, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.
Joey: Hey, its gonna be all right.
JOEY: [dials the phone] It's a woman.
Joey: Hey, Ive done plays before. Im a serious actor.
Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. Its like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Joey: Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.
Monica: (to Joey) I'll pick you up at eleven. So glad you're coming.
Joey: I knew that! (They all look at him) I sooo didnt know that, but you should see your faces.
Joey: Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him..
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is entering and arguing baseball with Erin. Phoebe and Rachel are already there.]
Ross: So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That theres nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?!
Joey: Yeah, its for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. Its a very important issue in this months Playboy. Im sure you all read about it.
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?