words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Ross: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joeys special romance magazines in there?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
(Joey nods his approval.)
Joey: I call it!!
Joey: Does calling it not mean anything anymore?!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.]
Joey: So, did you uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?
Joey: Well then let me do it!
Joey: No-no-no! Look, Ive been thinking about it. Im an actor right? So I wont get nervous talking in front of people.
Monica: Joey look its really sweet
Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I wont spit, and I wont stare at Monicas breasts! Yknow? Everyone knows Im an ass man!
Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it wont be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. Itll be me! And I swear Ill do a really good job. Plus, yknow I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me.
Joey: So I can do it?
Joey: All right!!! Okay!! All right! Okay-okay, I gotta get started on my speech! Oh, wait a minute, Internet ministers can still have sex right?
Joey: Okay.
Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! (Hes sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.]
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! (Holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his ordination.)
Joey: Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of porn out there!
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what Im going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it?
Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive."
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.]
Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember?
Chandler: No, not us (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.)
Joey: Oh. Okay. Ooh! Ooh! Okay, maybe Ill talk about London! Yknow when you two hooked up! Only, only I wont say hooked up. Ill say, "Began their beautiful journey "
Joey: " by doin it."
Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing yknow youre in the bathtub together and shes feeding you strawberries?
Joey: Yeah!! I call that London style.
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Yeah baby!
Joey: Oh.
Joey: Yeah baby!
Monica: (entering) Is Joey here?
(They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.)
Chandler: Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey! (Monica hides under the covers as Joey enters. Remember?)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh, dude Im so sorry!
Joey: Hey no-no-no-no! Its cool! Its cool! I-Ill only be a second, Im still with my brides maid, I justWhere are those condoms you brought?
Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandlers bag by getting as far away from Chandlers bed as possible.)
Joey: (pause) For just you?
Joey: Hey listen, why dont you come downstairs with me? Theres some really nice girls down there.
Joey: All right, here you go buddy. (He tosses him one.) Go nuts. (Exits.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Joey: Thats what that was?! Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me.
Joey: Oh (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadnt left you that last one? You two mightve never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! Its like it was in the stars!
Phoebe: (To Joey) What?!
Monica: Okay, fine but please dont be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted just sex. So, when I went to your room that night I was actually looking for Joey. (Joey smiles.)
Joey: Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby!
Chandler: (To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this?
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv(Shuts up on Monicas glare.)
Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?!
Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now Im a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings!
Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way youre doing this wedding now. Okay?
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Joey: This is crazy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.]
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Joey: No-hey-no! If you dont want me to do it, I except that. I dont care about that. I just I dont want you to be upset.
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Joey: What?
Joey: Really? I can do it?
Joey: Hey! (They hug.)
Joey: Well I dont know remember exactly but, its-its pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: So are guys doing okay?
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
[Scene: Monica and Joeys, Monica is cooking.]
(Joey, whose new diet is working out great, he looks like he only weighs 375 down from 420 enters from the bedroom.)
Fat Joey: Whats my little chef got for me tonight?
Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese!
Fat Joey: Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. (They kiss.) Okay.
(Joey sits down.)
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting Phoebe some coffee.]
Joey: Here you go.
Joey: Good for you!
Joey: Hey, hey.
Joey: Well, Ive been better. But, Im all right. So you like her huh?
Joey: Thanks.
Joey: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Joey: Well I had a great time! Learned how to bake, ate great food, thats the first A Ive gotten since seventh grade, and I didnt have to sleep with the teacher this time.
(Joey hugs Rosss neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?
Joey: (to Monica) We did?
Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks.
Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.
Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
Joey: What's wrong?
Joey: Oh. What?
Joey: Wait, wait, wait!
Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh.
Joey: So I guess you all saw it.
Joey: Ah! I'm an actor! I can memorize anything! Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy".
Joey: That one will.
Monica: (angry) Joey!
(Rachel and Joey hug, and Rachel turns to enter the apartment through the side window again. At that moment Joey tries to climb over the edge of the balcony.)
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
Joey: The balloon?
Joey: Nope, not that one.
Joey: Huh. But still Ross, youre worst day with two women, pretty much better than any other day! Yknow what I mean?
Ross: Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Joey: Oh, I will.
Joey: The bigger half.
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I dont want to go. Im having fun.
Joey: So youre playing a little Playstation, huh? Thats whack! Playstation is whack! Sup with the whack Playstation, sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?!
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]
All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.
Monica: Thanks. (Joeys still patting the burn spot) I think you got it!
[Inside Monica and Chandlers. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back.
[Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.]
Joey: But I-I-I cant stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. Im supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.
Rachel: Oh my God .Whats he gonna do now? I cant watch! (Drags Joey closer to her and cowers into his chest.) Oh. Seriously, how can you watch this? Arent you scared?
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!
Joey: Have you kissed her yet? Its awesome! I could do it forever! Yknow what? She-she kisses better than my mom cooks!
Joey: Hey, let's go look at it! (They both jump up.)
Joey: Look, I told ya, Im not going to any clinic! I dont have a problem, youre the one with the problem! You should go to a "Quit being a baby and leave me alone" clinic!
Joey: Uh, four.
Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?
Joey: All right, me neither! I was just testing you!
Charlie: Oh wait, Joey and I are supposed to have dinner (Looks at Joey).
Joey: Wow, that's, uh, dirty.
Joey: Hey, kids...
Joey: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if you don't want to play, we completely understand.
Joey: (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?
Ross: Oh, oh, we did say wed stop by this little thing Joeys roommate is having.
Phoebe: Why do you think, she's having so much fun living with Joey?
Ross: Joey, its worth finding out. I mean, if you really like her.
Monica: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.
Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth) Did I get it?
Joey: There y'go, kids.
Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)
(They start kissing again and when Joey grazes, she slaps him three times, on the hand, and on both cheeks)
Joey: You seen Sandy?
Joey: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.
Janine: Joey, you dont have to count down every time we kiss.
Joey: No you cant do that, where would the chick and the duck live?
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Joey: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.
Joey: C'mon, she's your mom!
Rachel: Hey Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on?
Joey: I think I left a donut up here.
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh thats where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachels trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
Joey: Yeah, o-o-o-o-okay anyway, I just wanted to say Im sorry. Here. (Hands him a cup.)
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Right. No big deal.
(Enter Joey)
Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy?
Joey: (shocked) Dah!! (Chandler motions for him to calm down.)
(Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment)
Joey: So are you gonna tell him?
Chandler: (goes towards Joey) You know that's not the reason Joe. (Joey hugs him and after, he takes something from the fridge and puts it in his mouth. He goes back to where he was standing before)
Joey: All right, all right maybe-maybe you should just ask her to leave.
[Scene: Joey's room: Joey is sitting on his bed reading DooL transcript when Rachel walks in]
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this?
[Scene: Joeys apartment, Joey is sitting at the counter as Chandler enters.]
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Monica: Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. He was talking about rules and right and wrong and
Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe itll take your mind off Janice, and if you dont play, everyone will be mad at you cause the teams wont be even. Come on.
Rachel: Just tell Joey that you watched the tape and you liked it, but your bosses didn't. Then that way, you're the good guy and they're the bad guys.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is struggling with the fridge. He finally gets it open and falls on the floor]
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Joey: Well, this-this-this was great. Didnt everybody have a great time?
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?