words in movies
[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]
JOEY: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? I decorated it myself.
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
JOEY: Art.
JOEY: Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it makes me wanna pee.
JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
JOEY: Right, I go-, I got it.
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
JOEY: No no no, behind it.
JOEY: That's right, I have a phone in here.
MONICA: Joey, promise me something.
JOEY: Yeah.
JOEY: Hello.
JOEY: Hey!
JOEY: Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.
JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
JOEY: Oh, well great.
JOEY: Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind Chandler] Was that the oven timer?
JOEY: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
JOEY: Hey, hey, they're runnin'
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
JOEY: I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have like, time alone with my thoughts but, ya know, it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
JOEY: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: You know it's funny you should mention that 'cause I was thinkin'... what's with the boxes?
EDDIE: Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.
JOEY: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?
JOEY: Wow.
JOEY: Oh, now it's a spare room?
JOEY: Well I uh, got what I came for. [puts on moose hat] I'll uh, I'll see you guys.
JOEY: Yeah, yeah he is. [leaves]
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
EDDIE: Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?
JOEY: Eddie.
JOEY: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] Where's the mail?
JOEY: You don't keep it over here on this table any more?
JOEY: Huh.
JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
JOEY: So how you two gettin' along?
JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
JOEY: Hey, this isn't about juice anymore, alright man.
JOEY: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?
JOEY: Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally. You like one better than the other and I wanna know which.
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
MONICA: Joey.
JOEY: [sings] It may not be a bed of roses.
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
Joey: I can't! It-it's stuck!
Joey: It's never gonna happen.
Joey: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Yknow what goes good with that?
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Joey: Great, I'm finished! In fact, I just dropped it off at the agency.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.]
[Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.]
Joey: Listen also were uh, were watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
Joey: Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.
Chandler: Yes! Two thousand dollars exactly! How do you know that! (Joey begins writing a cheque)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Im so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see youre play. I swear youre play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. Youre play is the next play is the next play Im gonna see.
Joey: I guess I'm done.
Joey: Dude, youre not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Joey: Sorry! Sorry.
Joey: Ah, Gunther, I cant pay for this right now because Im not working, so Ive had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin for stuff.
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Hey!
JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot. [Chadler pushes him out the door by the face.]
The Cooking Teacher: Okay Joey, youre up next. (Tries one of his cookies.) This are good! This is amazing! You get an A!
Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!
Joey: (pointing) It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha!
Chandler and Joey: Ohhh.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandlers.]
Joey: Hey, you dont even live here anymore! What are you doing answering my phone? I have my machine!
Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (pause) Ill never get to be a best man!
Joey: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?
Joey: Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that!
(Monica, Joey, and Chandler all shake their heads.)
JOEY: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
Joey: I cant believe youre not picking me.
Joey: Oh man! They-they just redid my make-up!
Joey: Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.)
Joey: (grabs it) Thanks.
Joey: Oh, its Rosss bachelor party.
Joey: Are you strippers?
JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel are there, as Phoebe enters with her date.]
Joey: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everythings gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones!
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!! (makes the cut it motion with his hands)
Joey: You got it.
Joey: Oh, I chose not to hear that.
Joey: Yeah?
JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)
Joey: Yeah!
(Joey smiles at them. Rachel looks annoyed)
Joey: Yeah. Ill let you play with my duck.
Joey: Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around.
Joey: The ring is gone!
Joey: (looking through a deck of cards) Aww, man, he took the five of spades!! Oh, no-no-no, here it is!
Joey: Of course!! (Shrugs.)
Joey: Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus!
(Chandler silently pleads with Joey to cover for them.)
Joey: Hey
Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. Its Joey. Theres a hooker over here and we thought maybe youd know something about it.
[Scene: The Sleep Clinic, Joey is having trouble staying awake.]
Joey: Okay, maybe hes not his best friend, but
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is trying to figure out what to do.]
Joey: So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, thats nice!
(He hear a duck start quacking, and see it waddle into the living room from the bathroom. Joey wants to know whats with the duck.)
Rachel: Well Joey, youll probably get it. But you should probably your-your gracious loser face. Yknow when like the cameras are on you and you wanna look disappointed but also that your colleague deserved to win. Yknow? So its sorta like (Does it, youll have to see it.)
Joey: Oh, I do. (Gives her the Joey-love look.) How you doin?
Joey: What are you gonna do? Youre gonna fire me?
Monica: So, is Joey gonna stop snoring?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there. Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a blank canvas.
Joey: If anything should happen to him
The Salesman: So, heres somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: Really?
Joey: (entering, interrupting Rachel) Hey! I got great news!
The Salesman: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!
JOEY: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not doin' it just to ride in the cool car?
Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
Joey: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?
Joey: London baby!
Joey: I know. Ross is getting married.
Joey: She was nothing compared to you.
Joey: (louder) London baby!!
Joey: Bye, Pheebs!
Joey: More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm?! (Rachel just looks at him.) I didnt say raspberry before did I? All right just-just tell me Rach, just tell me!
Joey: Come on! Do something!
Joey: You bet I do! I just ah, wasnt listening then, thats all.
Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are getting ready to rehearse the play.]
Joey: Really? To what?
Joey: Good enough to get fired.