words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there, Joey enters wearing an old looking hat.]
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
JOEY: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.
JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
JOEY: Anybody want a croan.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey is there.]
JOEY: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything?
ESTELLE: Joey, look at me, look at me. Do I have lipstick on my teeth?
JOEY: No, can we get back to me?
JOEY: Alright. Cab driver number two?
JOEY: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab?
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
JOEY: I'm sorry. See ya.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Ross enter.]
JOEY: What is it?
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.
JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
JOEY: Oh my God.
JOEY: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.
JOEY: Ahh.
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
JOEY: What?
JOEY: That's a two line part.
ROSS: Joey, you owe $1100 at I Love Lucite.
JOEY: So what.
JOEY: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental and condescending and pedantic.
JOEY: Yeah.
JOEY: Well knock it off, you're supposed to be my friend.
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
JOEY: Look, I don't wanna hear this right now.
JOEY: Well don't just say.
JOEY: Ok.
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to order.]
JOEY: Hey Gunther, let me get a lemonade to go.
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
JOEY: I fell down an elevator shaft.
JOEY: What?
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
JOEY: What?
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching movers take all his stuff away.]
JOEY: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last supper, Judas is a little loose.
JOEY: They're takin all my stuff back. I guess you were right.
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
JOEY: Thanks Ross.
JOEY: I went.
JOEY: I didn't get it.
JOEY: What?
JOEY: Huh?
JOEY: [movers removing a glass parrot] Oh, not my parrot.
JOEY: I can't watch this.
JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
JOEY: Hello.
JOEY: I know I would.
JOEY: Hey no problem.
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
JOEY: A little foos?
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
Joey: (To a co-worker) Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. (A customer walks by.) Bijan for men? (The customer ignores him, and Joey starts to chase him) Bijan for men?!
CHANDLER: Hear me out woman.� I'll go down the fire escape.� Then, I'll wait for a while.� Then, when I come up the stairs, it'll be just like I just got back from Tulsa.� Then, Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
Joey: I-I think everybodys pretending they dont hear you. Anyway, look, I dont know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, Im telling you, he will sit in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I saved you seat.
Joey: Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? (He's holding the fake credit cards that come with the bag.)
Joey: Yeah, shes been in there all day (Points to her room), uh high fever, a nose problem Phlegm! Phlegm! Phlegm-phlegm-phlegm!
Joey: (voice-over) ...and he couldnt let it go, and... I dont really know what happened with that either.
Joey: The ones that got me the Porsche! Will you keep up! (Chandler wipes his forehead with a baby wipe, that might have been used. He drops it disgustedly.) But I figured, if-if people keep seeing me just standing there, theyre gonna start to think that I dont own it. So I figured Ill wash it. Right? Monica, you got a bucket and some soap I can borrow?
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
CHANDLER: (hushed) No, no, no, no, no.� Joey can't know that I'm here.
Ross: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! (Kisses her.) Hi Joey. (Hugs him.) And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. (Laughs.) I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. (He squeezes her hand.) Come, please come in. Come in.
Joey: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. (Points it out.)
(He moves Rosss coat to get the tissues and the engagement ring box Mrs. Geller gave him falls out of the pocket it was inside. Joey goes to one knee, picks up the box, opens it, and sees that its an engagement ring.)
Joey: Right! And when is that due?
Joey: From now on, its gonna be Joey and Ross, best friends. (They shake hands.) Okay! Were gonna be the new Joey and Chandler.
Ross: Joey, I did not break this! Okay? (He opens the freezer and smells inside and recoils in disgust.) That has been broken for a while.
Joey: That was a great scene! And-and-and that slap looks so real! How do you do that?
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, lets poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, were approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, cause my Grandma doesnt know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Joey: You got to go on a ride along?!
Chandler: (excited) Guys, guys, I've got great news! Guess what Joey: Uh, ah, Monica's pregnant?! Monica: (shocked) Really? (She looks around, suddenly embarrassed) Let's get past the moment. Phoebe: What's your news? Chandler: Thank you. I got a job in advertising. (Everybody cheers) Monica: (hugging Chandler) Oh, honey, that's incredible! Phoebe: (inquisitive) Gosh, what's the pay like? (Everybody stares at her indignantly) Oh, come on people (defending) come on, now, if I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most! (She looks at Joey) Hey Joey! (Joey winks at her) Chandler: Actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Joey: Oh, that's cool. We have interns at 'Days Of Our Lives'. Chandler: Right. So, it'll be the same except less sex with you. (Joey nods) Ross: So, uh, what kinda stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Chandler: Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. Phoebe: (enthusiastic) That's great. Chandler: Yeah, I mean, there's probably gonna be some ground work which will probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating (At the same time, Gunther puts down a cup of coffee in front of Chandler) Chandler: (grinning awkwardly) Humiliating and noble! (Gunther shoots a nasty look at him while leaving) Ross: You know, if I didn't already have a job, I think, I would have been really good in advertising. Monica: Ross, you did not come up with "got milk?" Ross: Yes, I did, I did! (He turns to Joey, disappointed) I should have written it down!
Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dads cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....
[Scene: Back at the restaurant with Joey and Sarah. Joey is holding Sarah's hands]
Joey: Oh my God, Im sorry, Im being so rude. (Turns to Rachel.) Rachel, would like a soda or something? Because Chandler would run right out and get it.
Joey: Aww man! I cant believe I locked myself out again! (He knocks on the door.)
Joey: Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour?
Joey: Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something?
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey! You cant leave Joey! You agreed to buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna kill me!
Joey: No maam.
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think Im partly at fault. You see, I didnt, I didnt tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so yknow lets just face it, thats just kindling! So I think its better that I stay at Joeys.
Joey: Err... I just figured it out! You know, I mean you're not working and the economy is bad.
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Joey: Thanks for everything Estelle. Bye. (Hangs up and reads the phone display) "out of area". Boy, I'll say.
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
Joey: Oh yeah, he looked like a real lumberjack in those pink laceys.
Joey: Maybe! (To Bobby) Well! Well so-so uh, what kind of music does Numb NutsOh forget it! I cant!
Joey: Well I got stuff going on in here (Rubbing his belly) if you wanna feel.
Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
Phoebe: Okay, you have 19 questions left. Use them wisely. (Joey groans.) Come on Joey! You cant win if you dont ask any (sees that hes asleep) QUESTIONS!!!
Joey: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh.
Joey: Oh, I'd love to, but I gotta get up so early the next day and so, you know me, work comes first
Joey: Ahaha, he might as well just give us the points.
Joey: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. (He downs the glass of juice in one swig.) I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.
Joey: Holden McGroin.
Joey: (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised.
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! Youre at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Joey: You're fine, ok? But everyone else acts like an idiot around famous people!
Joey: (starting to cry) I gotta go check something over here. (He walks away so that they cant see him cry.)
Joey: We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again.
Joey: Well, I'm justif the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]
Joey: Dahhhhh!! (Ross has a puzzled look on his face.) No! Noooo!! (Storms off.)
Chandler: Well, she's just so much fun with Joey, I just assumed, she'd still be living with him.
Joey: (Touches the back of his head and licks his fingers) Oh man! I thought I got it all!
Joey: Oh, then pass. (Next word: "Joint session", but time's up, Joey acts very disappointed)
Joey: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.'
Rachel: Oh! Believe you me! I am going to bring this cake back, I don't even want it in my home... (Turns towards the cake and sees Joey trying to take a piece and yells at him) Joey, don't touch it!!
Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third.
Joey: Big fat goalie.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]
Joey: Of course hes gonna have his Uncle Joey!
Joey: (To Ross in the kitchen) All right, it's another commercial; I still haven't told her!
Joey: All right, thats it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
Joey: (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
(Monica, Phoebe and Joey release their wind-up toys.)
JOEY: (sniffing the air and then Monica.)� Why do I smell men's cologne?
Joey: I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!
Joey: Fine. (looks around, then focuses on Monica)
Joey: Psss, that is whack!
Joey: (having difficulty admitting it) Yeah, maybe.
Ross: (to Joey) It's ok, because they have to get it out of their system, okay (back to Mon and Chan), but you're going to realize, this is the only place, you wanna be.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica is throwing a party. Joey is talking to Ross about the bad audition he just had while pouring booze onto a snow cone.]
Joey: I hate Pottery Barn too. They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed!
[Scene: Joeys Bedroom, Joey is having a dream about Rachel giving birth with him as the father.]
Joey: U-U-Um, I think there's been an oversight.
Joey: Uhh, are you saying that you're not entirely happy about this?
JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.
Joey: Yeah, this slow roasted salmon, just how slow are we talkin here?
Joey: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!'
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Joey: (pointing at himself) Celebrity.
Joey: See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.
Joey: (To Mary Ellen) You're leaving too?
Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah Ill take that.
Joey: Come on, quite yankin' me.
<Everyone is looking around and at Joey with looks of 'what?' on their faces>
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Guys! Please! Come on! Come on! This is obviously just a big misunderstanding.
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shops signa large steaming cup of coffee.)
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Rachel: Yes. Hi, Id like to order a pizza. Okay, can I ask you a question? Is-is the cute blond guy delivering tonight? Very Ambercrombie & Fitch. (Joey enters.) Ill call you back.
(Joey starts trying to undo her bra, but it won’t go.The elastic band snaps back, hurting Rachel.)