words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) Oh hey! How was your audition?
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Joey: Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: (to Monica and Phoebe) They loved me!
Joey: (on phone) Oh my God!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: They want me to be totally naked in the movie!
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is entering.]
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Joey: Hey, Im back!
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
Joey: So What?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: No. What?
Joey: Barmifsaed?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Yep.
Joey: Thats right.
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Joey: Unless what?
Joey: Like what?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering and Rachel is still planning.]
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Joey: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
Joey: Thank God!
Joey: Ah.
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Joey: Ow!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Joey: Delicious.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Joey: Come on! Look just-just telllet her know that you really want them to be there. Lets not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Joey: Hot?
Joey: Will you let the lady talk?!
Joey: Uh, well he did not get sick somewhere in there and it was immediately found and properly cleaned up!
Joey: Im gonna be an uncle! Come here! (He joins the hug.)
Chandler: And Joey.
Joey: Yeah!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are now sitting in the living room.]
Joey: Yeah, me too. (He flips up his armrest in disgust.)
Joey: So you uh, nervous about getting married?
Joey: Uh, that-thats-thats me!
Joey: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.
Joey: Why-why would she go in the bedroom?
Joey: Why not? Youll feel better! Ill feel better, and you know you want to. I can see it in your eyes.
Joey: Its a grand tradition!
Joey: Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?
Joey: In a minute!
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him whats on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
Joey: You do it!
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
Joey: I miss this.
Joey: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.
Joey: I dont want to. You do it!
Joey: No, I-I miss hanging out with you.
Joey: You shut up! (To Phoebe and Rachel) I love arguing with her. (To Erin) Ill be right back.
Joey: Hey! Its your bachelor party.
Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasnt heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandlers parents again!
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time!
Joey: I didnt look at it. Stupid babys head was blocking most of it.
Joey: No theyre not! Theyre ugly and stupid and delicious!
Joey: What?!
Joey: Phoebe!
Joey: She is?
Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is helping Joey with his tie.]
Joey: No there wont! I promise I will finish that turkey!
Joey: Well, you're way sounds a lot better than mine. (Thinks about it.) Yeah. Yeah! It's not that I'm a bad actor
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
Joey: Hey, so where are my parents gonna be?
Joey: (To Monica) Who the hell is this guy?
(Joey enters eating potato chips.)
Joey: Oh hey!
Monica: (to Will) Joey.
Janine: Hey Joey, I got some beer for you.
Rachel: Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.
Joey: Whoa, I didnt know we could date your sister!
Joey: What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel. Mail. Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole.
Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
Joey: No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!
Joey: (quietly) Oh. How-how big is that?
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Joey: (To Rachel) Its like me when I was born.
Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard!
Joey: That hot girl from their wedding?
Joey: (To Monica) Seriously, who is this guy?
Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.)
Rachel: Dont!! (Joey backs away frightened.) (To Jill) Honey, what are you doing here?!
Rachel: Joey stop staring! Theres nothing there! Its not true!
Joey: You are my Everest.
Monica: Joey, you dont have to finish that.
Joey: Wait, well, where did you get it from?!
Joey: Yes! Yes!! And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay, youve had the chance to cheat, and with me, but you didnt. And thats what this ring stands for.
Chandler: Oh no-no Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day, and its just a crush, thats all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, "it was cuckoo!" Everythings going to be fine. Its just a crush.
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
Joey: No just, nobody press on my stomach.
Joey: Not now! These are my Thanksgiving pants!
Monica: Well Joey, were all were all very proud of you.
Phoebe: Joey! Those are my maternity pants!
Joey: (entering, wearing the maternity pants from earlier) All right wheres that turkey!
(Joey notices Monica has gotten a pie.)
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
Joey: All right, well finish your coffee; lets go.
Joey: Here. (Gives her the coins) Now I only owe you $49.50.
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Joey: Okay, so will you meet with her?
Joey: Oh hey Rach, listenHi!
Joey: She took em!
Joey: Whoaheywh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie?
[Cut to Central Perk, same as before Joey is entering.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe and Joey are playing Rock em, Sock em Robots.]
Joey: All right now All right, youre all set up. Youre good to go. Just hit record. All right?
Joey: Why would you ruin it, who was that hurtin'?
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey has brought Dina to meet with Rachel.]
Joey: My little sister Dina!
Rachel: Oh Joey, Im hardly a
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel is about to enter her apartment with Dina to tell Joey the news.]
Rachel: Joey theres something that you should know. Dina?
Joey: Is that a sandwich?!
Joey: (angrily) What?!
Joey: Yeah bye-bye! (Exits and comes back in still holding the lotion.) Hey! So just a light layer?
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Joey: Oh-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!
Joey: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something?
Rachel: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me.
Joey: Rach, I gotta say...if you weren't here wondering if these guys were gay I don't know if I could do this!
Joey: Dont interrupt me when Im talkin to God! Now where were we? Oh right, okay. Do you Dina, take this man