words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) Oh hey! How was your audition?
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Joey: Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: (to Monica and Phoebe) They loved me!
Joey: (on phone) Oh my God!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: They want me to be totally naked in the movie!
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is entering.]
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Joey: Hey, Im back!
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
Joey: So What?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: No. What?
Joey: Barmifsaed?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Yep.
Joey: Thats right.
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Joey: Unless what?
Joey: Like what?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering and Rachel is still planning.]
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Joey: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
Joey: Thank God!
Joey: Ah.
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Joey: Ow!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Joey: Delicious.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin?
Joey: (grunting) Oh my How much do you weigh Ross?!
Rachel: I love it at Joeys!
Chandler: (To Joey) So, you busy Thursday?
Joey: Here you go.
Joey: Yeah.
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Ah, yeah, he's so adorable, God, he's just so much fun, Joey is the best, I'm glad you're having so much fun here. (She turns around, about to leave)
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: So?
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
Ross: Oh, whatever. (Laughs and gives Joey the thumbs up heading back to his apartment. Joey follows him)
Joey: Great! Roomie!
Joey: Yeah! Well, now that you brought it up, our fridge is broken. We have to get a new one. Now, I checked around and your half is $400. Thanks a lot.
Joey: All right, now you know that the ATM will only lets you take out 300 at a time, Ill take a check for the other hundred.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Rachel enters.]
Joey: Well, where was I? (Takes a sip of the coffee.)
Joey: Oh, Im sorry. Thank you Chandler.
Joey: Ooh! So close.
Joey: Good for you!
Joey: Thanks! I've been working out. Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters?
Joey: Hey-hey come on you guys, give him a break. Ross, seriously, hows it going with her?
Joey: Thanks! (Looks at it.) Yeah, theres pulp in that. (Hands it back.)
Joey: (browsing the tissues) Let me see if I approve any of these clowns. This guy wears a rug (discards one). This guy's Canadian (discards another). And this guy is in a cult, ok, and it costs you 5,000$ to get to level three and I don't feel any different.
Chandler: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? (Joey gives him a thumbs up) No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Monica: No, Chandlers still in Phase One, and Joeys that thing you smell.
Joey: Huh.
Donny Osmond: Yeah! Welcome, it is Soap Opera week here on Pyramid, let's meet our contestants. First, Gene Lester is a database specialist, he's gonna be playing with "Days of Our Life's" star Joey Tribbiani! (Joey's amazed at the place and he keeps looking around till he realizes the audience is applauding him)
Joey: (pause) Give me $400!
Joey: Not anymore. So anyway, how do you want to pay me?
Joey: No! No! No! For my new fridgeour new fridge!
Joey: Yeah, that was a disappointment...(pause) Oh, hey!D'you want to come down to the set and tell me if I'm doing ok?
Chandler: Joey, I saw you push him!
Joey: Im not talking to you! You broke my fridge!
Monica: Joey, why dont you put them in the lost and found?
Joey: (pause) You pushed him!
Joey: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?
Joey: Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it.
Joey: Yeah, you've been avoiding her ever since we started going out. Look, I made an effort to like Janice, now I think it's your turn to make an effort to like Kathy by going out to dinner with us. Right?
Rachel: So Joey I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding, do you need one?
Joey: Really?!
Joey: Call it even?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Joey: Sure! I was there! Spring Break 81! Woo-hoo!
Monica: Joey! Why is Janine not coming over for dinner?!
Joey: Thats ridiculous! Im not a "Star," just a regular famous actor.
JOEY: Is he gonna be ok?
Joey: Food? Uh-huh gimme! (She hands him the paper.)
Joey: Oh yeah, I definitely know her.
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
(Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a touchdown. His team all celebrates the touchdown.)
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: No! I wont leave you!
Joey: What?
Joey: No youre not! Not to me!
Joey: Yeah, I thought I was pretty good too.
Joey: Ahh, to be 13 again.
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Chandler: (To Joey) So uh, whats this thing youre auditioning for?
Joey: Well, dont get your hopes up, because probably not gonna happen.
Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what theyre gonna say.)
Joey: You really think so?
Rachel: Joey, what are you talking about? Youre a terrific actor.
Joey: (entering) Pheebs! There you are! Okay, you broke my fridge; you owe me 400 bucks!
Joey: Wow! Uh okay, well uh (He gets up, opens a drawer, and pulls out the ring.)
Joey: Well, its always nice to meet the fans.
Joey: All right well, Im outta here. Wish me luck.
Joey: Yeah, whatever. (Exits.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching Joeys debut on Days.]
Joey: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing". What is it?
Joey: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Joey: (jumping up) All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch?
Phoebe: (tremendously overacting) Fine! Ill do it without you! (Joey gives her thumbs up) I dont need you or anybody else! Im gonna make it on my own! (Joey closes the door to his bedroom.) Youll see!! Youll all see!!
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Joey: (to Carl) Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!! (Carl does so.)
Joey: Yeah, did I fool ya?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]
Joey: Oh yeah, I added three.
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Joey: Yeah, like you could find something as sophisticated as this.
Joey: The allergy guy got the part! Thanks!
Joey's Look-A-Like: Im Joey! How are you doin?!
Joey: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.
Joey: Over the line?! You-youre-youre so far past the line, that you-you cant even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Ross: Fine, yknow what, thats it. From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man.
Joey: What?!! Thats even worse!!
Joey: I dont know! But its the same!
Joey: Name one!
Joey: Im just so nervous! Yknow? The callback isnt until tomorrow at five. I feel like my head is going to explode!
[Cut back to Joey and Rachels apartment.]
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) And the drinks are on me!
Ross: Sure, because women never like Joey. Yknow, I think hes a virgin.
Joey: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnies free tonight?
Joey: Oh, oh, I got it! Pete-Chicago.
Joey: Oh, here I am, here's my big scene!