words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) Oh hey! How was your audition?
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Joey: Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: (to Monica and Phoebe) They loved me!
Joey: (on phone) Oh my God!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: They want me to be totally naked in the movie!
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is entering.]
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Joey: Hey, Im back!
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
Joey: So What?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: No. What?
Joey: Barmifsaed?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Yep.
Joey: Thats right.
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Joey: Unless what?
Joey: Like what?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering and Rachel is still planning.]
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Joey: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
Joey: Thank God!
Joey: Ah.
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Joey: Ow!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Joey: Delicious.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Joey: (desperate) What the hell are you doin'???
Joey: Yeah, he had a paper route.
Joey: No, I know, yeah I know we're great but Rach no... this... this can't happen!
Joey: Yeah! I'll see ya later! Yeah!
Joey: NO BIG DEAL!
(Joey falls backwards into the room)
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Joey: CURIOUS GEORGE (see link)! You know, the monkey, and the guy with the yellow hat!
Joey: (Realizes that he has forgotten all about the double date) Oh my God!
Ross: Joey, come on now, for me! Please, just-just try to focus your sexual energy on someone else.
Joey: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! (Joey picks him up in a firemans carry and carries him out.) Here we go.
Charlie: Uh, well... Joey and I broke up.
Chandler: And that would have made the official party line. (Joey nods) Monica and I are having a little financial trouble.
Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We dont need no stinkin badges!"
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do?
Joey: (using a laptop) Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or anything, so...
Rachel: Not Joey, no, I was just lusting after Chandler.
(He knocks on the girls door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesnt even realise it.)
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
[Joey enters holding a letter]
(Joey says nothing, but enters the room and kisses her. They are kissing passionately only to stop for a brief "oh" from Rachel. They continue their passionate kiss and Joey closes the door with his foot and it shuts in the camera's "face". And that's the end of the ninth season.)
Joey: I hate my friends. (They shake on it as if they just made a pact) Alright, look. There's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Joey: Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what he meant.
Chandler: She's cheating on Joey with Ross!
Joey: Ooh... I can't believe I'm kissing you. I'm kissing Rachel!
Phoebe: (whispering) Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!!
(Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.)
Joey: No! No! No Pheebs, Im not gonna yell at you. I just yknow, started thinking about you and David and I remember how bummed you were the first time he left. And I just Oh Pheebs, come here. (He hugs her.) Are you okay?
Monica: I can't believe this. Rachel and Joey?
Joey: Well, I only said that because of Ross, you know. Then I saw him kissing Charlie...
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
[Scene: A restaurant, Joey and Rachel are still hugging as a waiter walks by the table to talk to the annoying waiter from before who is watching.]
Ross: Okay, uhm... Hey, you guys seen Joey anywhere?
Joey: Oh my God, it's Ross. What are we gonna do?
Joey: No idea what it means.
Rachel: Yeah... (still looking to see where Joey went, and opens the door)
Ross: You know where Joey is?
Rachel: Yeah, sure... (looks outside into the corridor if Joey is there)
Rachel: Joey!
Joey: Is he gone?
Joey: Me too. Yeah, this place is great. I'm so happy for you guys. Although, you know, I hope you like fungus.
Joey: Right, of course. Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
Joey: Because... look, no one wants this to happen more than me, ok? (in a trembling voice) I have gone over this moment in my head a hundred times and not once did I ever say no! (sighs) I couldn't do it to Ross!
Joey: Well, he's with Charlie now.
Joey: Probably, yeah... I mean, maybe we should... hold off until we talk to Ross.
Joey: Yeah, I think that'd be best... So, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off...
Joey: I'm thinking about you...
Joey: Absolutely! He's not thinking about you.
Joey: What's wrong?
Joey: Let's forget about Ross...
Joey: Yeah... we really need to talk to Ross...
Charlie: So, did you talk to Joey?
Joey: I thought you didn't have secrets from Monica.
Joey: Look, does someone mind switching to sit with Charlie?
Joey: I understand...
Joey: I mean what kind of an actor, what kind of an actor cant even say, "Hmm, noodle soup?"
Ross: No, I'll do it. (he quickly grabs Joey's boarding pass and gives Joey his one.)
Joey: Great! Im finally getting into this sailing stuff.
Joey: Theres one lucky to-go cup of coffee.
Joey: Ooh...
Joey: Absolutely. But, were gonna stop by the hospital just to be sure, okay? Ill page Ross on the way. Come on.
Joey: I guess so. I'm just... really nervous.
(Ross gets up and gestures to Rachel, we cut to Joey and Rachel)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: Ross, Ross, Ross... It's okay.
Joey: Yeah... Now I have something...
Joey: You kissed.
Joey: I saw you.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh... uh... look... before you...
Joey: I am those things, yeah.
Joey: I can't think of anything.
Rachel: So you eh, you talked to Joey?
Joey: Dude!
Joey: Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.
Joey: (sees Rachel) Oh, uh, hey Rach. I uh, I was just coming over here to uh Oh wait, I dont have to lie to you, you dont live here anymore. Uh, Im eating their food. What are you doing?
(Rachel, Joey and Chandler pat him on his shoulders and walk off, together with Monica)
Joey: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why dont you tell us a little something about you Ross?
Joey: Im a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean whats more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Joey: I know; that just pushes them further and further apart.
Joey: Argh-argh!! (Catches the coat.) Ooh, soft. Is this mink?
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Yeah! Good night! (they give each other a small kiss on the mouth, and stare at each other for a while)
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's apartment. Joey enters.]
Joey: Stop saying good night.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, and Monica are all there as Chandler enters wearing glasses.]
Joey: Rach, he just saw us.
Joey: Okay fine! Im a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet. But the rest of me is good, Ill show ya!
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
Joey: Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn't expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay?
Joey: But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
Joey: Probably.
Joey: Ross?
Joey and Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: No, no, no!
Joey: No, no!
Joey: Yeah, but it did happen, so...