words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) Oh hey! How was your audition?
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Joey: Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: (to Monica and Phoebe) They loved me!
Joey: (on phone) Oh my God!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: They want me to be totally naked in the movie!
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is entering.]
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Joey: Hey, Im back!
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
Joey: So What?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: No. What?
Joey: Barmifsaed?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Yep.
Joey: Thats right.
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Joey: Unless what?
Joey: Like what?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering and Rachel is still planning.]
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Joey: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
Joey: Thank God!
Joey: Ah.
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Joey: Ow!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Joey: Delicious.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Chandler: Well, Kathys last boyfriend was Joey.
The Casting Director: Actually, that can't happen. Yeah because you all have such different looks, we're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben. So it'll be either you two (Points to Joey and Raymond) or you two. (Points to Kyle and Ben.) (Exits.)
Melanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I think I blacked out there for a minute!
Joey: How little are they? I mean, are they like scary little?
Joey: Uhh, do you mind sitting there. Im-Im saving this for my friend Ross.
Joey: Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a drink sounds great.
Joey: Thats crazy.
Joey: Well, how-how come?
Ross: Uh actually Joey, its the Cretasous period.
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it'snot really true, is it?
Joey: Whatever.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating dinner, Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: Thats okay, Im cool over here. Ill catch up with you later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading a cereal box as Ross enters wearing the red sweater.]
Joey: What?!
Joey: You could say: "Hey Kenny, how come you're not Britney Spears?" (looks at Ross matter-of-factly)
Joey: Alright, hey look, and this isn't over, because I really wanna know who...
Joey: Hey! Dont do the crime if you cant do the time.
Joey: I think I know that girl.
Joey: Yeah, thats what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh Look Janine I really want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. Its too girly.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: (to Kathy) Uhh, that was Joey. Hes running a little late, he says hes sorry.
Joey: Noooo!!
(They all turn and look away. Suddenly a loud bang sounds out and in slow motion Joey slowly throws his body over Ross. Gary is shocked at what he sees while Chandler is obviously hurt.)
Joey: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Joey: Yep! Grab a plate.
Joey: Oh yeah, whos playing?
Joey: Hey Mon! Want some pancakes?
Joey: All right Pheebs, stick out your plate!
Monica: Okay. (She does so and starts to walk towards Joey to receive her pancakes.)
JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]
Joey: Yeah, you hang in there Teddy!
Joey: Look its not that bad. So what, it blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
Joey (to Rachel): Dude, chill! (to Ross) Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn't plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie.
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Joey: I dont know, it smells good.
Joey: That would be Casey. Were going out tonight.
Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!
Joey: Come here.
Joey: Oh-ooh, thats the turn-on.
Joey: Oh yeah? (To Phoebe) Hi, Ken Adams, nice to meet you.
JOEY: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?
Joey: Hey!
Joey: No! Forget her, man! You dont need her, you dont need that!
Joey: You're kidding!
JOEY: Hey Erica, c'mon in.
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
Joey: And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You dont fire me, instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and theyll start listening to all the nice things Ive been saying about you.
Joey: Okay, for next time, what do you say?
JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed.
Joey: Whats ready?
Joey: Oh yeah!
Monica: Pretty much. (to Joey) So, what do you, what do you think of the floor?
Joey: I dont know, it looks the same.
Monica: Hey, Joey, could you pass the cheese?
Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.)
Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!"
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Joey: You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)
Joey: (entering) Hey-hey!
Joey: Oh I-I uh, found the keys and now Im just polishing her up.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are playing with the duck and the chick.]
Joey: Oh my God, you guys have no idea.
Joey: (goes over to Chandler) Hey buddy! Hows it going?
Joey: (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! (Listens) What gives you the right to (Listens) Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and opens the fridge.) Stupid guy on my phone.
[Scene: The Theatre, after the party. Joey is trying to comfort Kate.]
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Joey: No, no, it's not a girl, it's... a brand new Hugsy!
Joey: Definitely!
Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)
[Scene: Allesandros, continued from earlier. The other waiters are gone and Monica is confronting Joey about his not speaking up.]
Joey: All right!
Monica: Oh wait, Joey, you cant go like that! You stink!
Rachel: Heywhoa, slow down. (Gets a whiff of him) No, keep moving. (Joey runs off.) Wow!
Joey: (entering) Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
Joey: Guggly worm.
(Joey climbs up on the counter and starts looking at the top of the cabinets.)
[cut back to Chandler and Joeys.]
Joey: Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much to ya, Ill let you have her.
Joey: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?!?
Joey: Interesting.
JOEY: I just had a glass.
[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Joey: How ya doin?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah.
Charlton Heston: Joey, right?
Joey: Oh no-no-no, you dont understand
Joey: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Joey: Yes sir! Yes sir, Im-Im(he starts to leave)
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
Joey: Woo-hoo! All right! Yeah!
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chefs jacket? (sees theres a burn spot on it)
Joey: I dont wanna.
Joey: Yeah, all right. (Ross enters.)
[Time Lapse: the crowd has left and only Mona, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are still watching to see who will be able to move the others arm first. An event that has yet to happen.]