words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are on the couch as Joey enters.]
Phoebe: (To Joey) Oh hey! How was your audition?
Joey: Im sorry, do I know you?
Joey: Nothing, Im just practicing blowing you off because Im gonna be a big movie star!
Joey: Well, no not yet. But the audition went really good.
Joey: Oh, its this big budget period movie about these three Italian brothers who come to America around the turn of the century. Its really classy! Oh, and the director is supposed to be the next, next Martin Scorcese.
Joey: Yeah, theres this guy from Chicago whos supposed to be the next Martin Scorcese, all right? But then this guys right after him. (Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.) Hello!
Estelle: Joey! Its Estelle! I just talked to the casting people; they loved you!
Joey: (to Monica and Phoebe) They loved me!
Joey: (on phone) Oh my God!
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: They want me to be totally naked in the movie!
Joey: I know! My grandmothers gonna see this!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is entering.]
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Joey: Youre right. Maybe I shouldnt even go on the call back.
Joey: Well thats true. And I am only naked in one scene. Plus it sounds really great. My characters catholic and he falls in love with this Jewish girl. Who run away together and they get caught in this big rainstorm. So we go into this barn and undress each other and hold each other. Its really sweet and-and tender.
[Scene: A Casting Directors Office, Joey is entering for his callback.]
Joey: Hey, Im back!
The Casting Director: Hi-hi Joey.
Joey: Uh so, will-will I be reading the same scene again?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: And scene! Huh? Wasnt that fun? We did a little improv there. Yeah! Okay! So you-you-you-you were saying?
Joey: Wow! Sure! Thats great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as its handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.
Joey: So What?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: No. What?
Joey: Barmifsaed?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey is telling Monica what the casting director was trying to get too.]
Joey: Nope.
Joey: Yep.
Joey: Thats right.
Monica: Wow! Wow! And its definitely all gone? Theres nothing there to work with? (Joey glares at her.) What were you thinking?
Joey: I dont know! I really want this part! And they tell you no matter what you get asked at an audition you say yes. Like if-if they want you to ride a horse, you tell em you can! And just figure out how to do it later.
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Joey: I kn-I know! I know! Okay? And apparently tomorrow when I go in to meet the director I have to take off my clothes so that they can see what my body looks like.
Joey: I just have to call my agent and tell her I cant do the part. (Gets up for the phone.)
Joey: Unless what?
Joey: Like what?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering and Rachel is still planning.]
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Joey: And-and-and-and-and the toothpicks?
Joey: Thank God!
Joey: Ah.
Joey: Well maybe we just take that one away. (Picks it up and throws it away.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Joey: Ow!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: The fruit roll up.
Joey: Delicious.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We have a winner!
Joey: The Silly Putty! Its not so silly anymore!
[Scene: The casting directors office, Joey is there to show off to the director, so to speak.]
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
Joey: My whole familys from Naples!
The Casting Director: Joey, this is awkward part.
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are recovering from Ross's rebuke.]
Joey: (Happily) Yeah I did!
Chandler: Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up.
Joey: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, yknow? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.
Joey: Who knows?
Joey: Well, it involved Monica.
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, butcome on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
Monica: Who? Two divorces and Joey?!
Joey: Man, this is gonna be kinda weird.
Joey: And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and, and, and bite her!
Joey: Hey Pheebs! (To the guys) Hey!
Joey: Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., Im not leaving without you! Try routing your backup source through your primary CPU.
Joey: What? Chandler! Tell 'em!
Chandler: Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.
Joey: I'm tellin' ya that girl totally winked at me.
Joey: Yeah. I understand. I understand. (Pause) Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first!
Joey: You guys got anything to eat? I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Sandy are sitting at the kitchen counter. Joey is holding mr. Wigglemunch, and Sandy holds the Grumpus.]
Joey: Oh yeah, no problem.
Joey: Well this is noodle soup and uh, I've been working with tomato. But that's okay, no problem. No problem. Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: And I was tired from digging the huge hole!
Joey: Uh-oh.
Joey: (angrily) Ross!
Joey: Hi!
Ross: (entering, angrily) Joey!
Joey: (sitting back down) Was the chord at least right
Joey: Hmm, noodle soup.
Joey: Oh, what did I say?
Joey: Okay.
Joey: (opening bedroom door) Hey, that coupon expires, you know.
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Okay, fine, so now what, I just pull it off?
Joey: Wait-whoa-whoa, you lost me.
Joey: What you do mean?
The Casting Director: (entering) Okay, Raymond, Joey you're up.
Joey: Mornin'. (The Hombre man ignores him) I said, mornin'.
Joey: Yeah, I-I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men, thats all. I mean, come on, its just a little wax.
(She goes over to the snack table, and Joey quickly runs over and pours her a cup of coffee.)
Joey: Yeah, I uh weighted like 27 pounds when I was born so
Joey: Yeah, it is! You wouldnt have lost the ring, right? Yknow what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man.
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel is fixing Joey up with some new clothes.]
Joey: Wow Pheebs, you speak Italian?
Joey: (in pain) Doesn't work... (he falls down on on his knees with his head on the floor)
Joey: Yknow what? Why dont you just give us our souvenirs and get the hell out of here?
Joey: Oh umm, my big scene is coming up. Big scene coming up.
Joey: Soon, soon, I'm gonna be on soon. There I am! (Points to the screen, of course it isn't him.)
Joey: (walking past) True story! (Goes and sits down.)
Joey: (smiling) Oh, they cut me out of the show.
Joey: Thats right, its all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! (Steps into the apartment and Chandler closes the door.) (Joey struts over to the candy and starts eating it.)
Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
Joey: Oh, its great! Its a great place to just kinda, sit, hang around, drink a few beers, eat some chips. (He says that as he sits, hangs around, drinks a beer, and eats a chip.)
Grandma Tribbiani: (Something in Italian to Joey.)
Joey: No-no-no, that-that's me, that's me.
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Ross: So does-does Joey know youre moving?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Joey: Is it the shampoo? Its guava.
Grandma Tribbiani: Joey!
Phoebe: Hey, you guys, listen, this weekend we're all gonna go to Las Vegas to surprise Joey! Including me!! You wanna go?!
Joey: Well, may I ask for one example?
Joey: Hey! A dog! Hi! Who, you got to admit, looks a lot like Jane.
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
Joey: oh, I didn't know you liked French fries. Help yourself! What's mine is yours. (Sarah reaches over and takes a few fries)
Joey: Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in.
Joey: That's right!
JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
Grandma Tribbiani: Oh Joey!
Joey: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow! Its been a long time since I had (tries to do the math in his head, but cant) 327 + 238 dollars!"
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
Joey: Oh, yeah, good idea.
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Monica are sitting on the couch as Ross is up getting some coffee.]
Joey: Ooh, Ross, look! Look! (Points behind Ross.)
Joey and Ross: Yeah!!
Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.)
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
Joey: Hey, I tell you what. Lets you and me go out and have some fun. Huh? Whatever you want. Come on!
Rachel: I am so proud of Joey, I can't believe he's going to be on Law & Order!
Joey: Yeah, yeah. I've got tons of stuff I could do. I'm gonna hit the beach, go swimming...
Joey: Yeah, okay.
Joey: Yep!
Joey: Are you thinking about Monica?
Joey: Did I say you could smell it?!
Joey: That's great. Listen, wouldn't it be great though if I got to play Ben's dad?
Joey: Yeah, what's that like?
Joey: Okay, imagine the best sex you've ever had.
Joey: Oh what? Like your Mr. Cop!
Joey: (Checks to see if shes drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, lets get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) Im gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
Joey: Uh-uh nothing. I-I-I-I didn't want you to touch me cause I'm -I'm all sweaty from the workout. I better hit the shower. (Goes into the bathroom and comes back out quickly) Oh my God!
Joey: Oh yeah? (Puts the hat on.) If youre gonna make me choose between you and the hat? I choose the hat.
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Ross: Sure! Oh, and Joeys got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Joey: Is everything okay?
Ross: Uh-huh. Thank Joey!
Joey: (To Ross) You okay man?
Joey: Hi.
Phoebe: My God, Joey!
Joey: Yeah, I didn't know that.