words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is eating breakfast as Chandler comes out of his bedroom, ripping his coat in the process.]
Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.
Joey: Look, were not throwing it out! I built this thing with my own hands!
Joey: All right. But, youre gonna have to tell them. (He opens the cabinet to reveal the chick and the duck living inside with Christmas lights and a disco ball as decorations.)
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!
Joey: Looks good, uh?
Chandler: (reading the ad) Stunning entertainment center. Fine, (pause) fine Italian craftsmanship. (Joey is very proud of himself)
Joey: Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!
Joey: What kind of profit is that?! And you call yourself an accountant.
Joey: Oh. What do you do?
Joey: What? Whats wrong?
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
Joey: (to Chandler) Dude, Phoebes mom has got a huge peni...
Joey: Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I dont think any of them are gonna work out.
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are showing a couple of guys (Tony and Peter) the entertainment center.]
Joey: Pretty nice?
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
Joey: (to Peter) Good for you!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross are there.]
Joey: (looking at the flyer) Yeah-eah! 200 dollar reward, split five ways!!
[Scene: Central Perk, the same scene is continued from before the break. With Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, about your mom...
Joey: (pause) Hows that going?
Joey: Thats so sweet. (pause) Im gonna get some coffee. (gets up and leaves)
Monica: (sliding into Joeys place on the couch to try and talk to Phoebe) Huh? Whatd ya say Joe? Ill be right there. (gets up and joins Joey)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is showing off the entertainment center.]
Joey: This is the unit for you my friend. Sturdy construction, tons of storage compartments, some big enough to fit a grown man.
Joey: Oh yeah! I got in there myself once. My roommate bet me five bucks that I couldnt, and then he stuck a board through the handles that locked me in. Yeah. It was funny til I started feeling like I was in a coffin.
Joey: Oh yeah? (opens up the center and takes out the stereo) If I cant, Ill knock five bucks off the price off the unit.
Joey: Okay. (he gets in the unit and closes the door) See?! I told ya!
Joey: Sometimes I get in here just to get away from it! Hey, a nickel!!
Joey: (still trapped in the entertainment center) WHAT?!!
Joey: Yeah...
Joey: (getting out) Awww, man! He promised he wouldnt take the chairs!!
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Joey: (looking through a deck of cards) Aww, man, he took the five of spades!! Oh, no-no-no, here it is!
Chandler: Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!!
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: Thats a good call. Right.
Chandler: Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, wed really appreciate it. (Joey nods in agreement)
Joey: Dude, you dont have to brag! We got nothing here!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler have trading the entertainment center for the canoe. Joey is sitting in the bow, staring off into space as to envision his future full of possibilities. Chandler is sitting at the stern, staring into space and is looking at an uncertain future.]
Joey: Thatll be $3.85.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Joey: (still singing) " Amy! Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: Yeah, not it here it isnt.
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
Joey: But it really
Joey: Damnit! (Storms off.)
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Joey: (singing) "Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Joey: (overhearing them) Oh-ho, and mine!
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Joey: So, youd hire me, right?
Joey: See? Eh, wasnt that fun?
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Chandler: Joey
Monica: Joey we know you steal our food.
(Joey offers them some potato chips.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Joey: Yeah you got 5 years left!
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
Joey: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
Joey: Movies?
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Joey: (laughs) I dont think so.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Joey: Sort of
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that hed better come up here and apologize. Ill see you later. (Starts to leave)
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Nice!
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
Joey: You do?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Joey: Oh I am!
Joey: You forget how many great songs Heart had.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Monica: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Joey: (not impressed) Wow!!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Really?
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Joey: Oh right great! Welcome aboard!
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Joey: Well youre whippin so slow! Cant you do it any faster?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Monica: (getting up) Joey!
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Joey: (shaking Rachels hand) Hi!
Joey: (turning and whispering to Monica) Shes not crazy is she?
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
Joey: What?
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.