words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: (nodding knowingly) Now youre thinking you gotta sleep with him.
Joey: Me too.
Joey: Oh man! (Hits Chandler)
Joey: Hey Ross listen Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend!
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
(The dry cleaner finishes with the customer in front of Joey and they approach the counter.)
Joey: Hey! So Im back.
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
Joey: Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh? (Walks away)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey is trying to get his picture up again.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! So, did you watch the tape of my show?
Joey: All right, lets get me back up there! (Holds out his picture.)
Joey: WhatBut you saw the show!
Joey: Dry cleaners?
Joey: Okay! Okay, look! You-you-you got Harrison Ford up there!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
Joey: Oh you should, its great.
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey has brought in a bunch of laundry in another attempt to get his picture on the wall, but the dry cleaner isnt working right now. Instead, a beautiful woman is working.]
Joey: Uh yeah, where-wheres the guy who decides whos pictures go up on the wall?
Joey: Oh, youre kidding me! All-all right, well make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani stopped by to drop off all of these clothes. Okay? Im an actor; Im kinda getting my picture up there on the wall.
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
Phoebe: Oh! Here it is! (Noticing it next to the door.) Ooh, Joey! Why did you sign it, "Son of a bitch?" (Son of a bitch is written across the entire picture.)
Joey: I didnt do that! Who wouldve done that?!
Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-IHey! I did not go out with your wife! (The same woman from before enters.) Okay? I went out with her! (Points at her.)
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: Im gonna go tell Joey that (laughs) that youre back. I was really worried about you. (Exits.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is going up to the counter.]
Joey: Hey Gunther.
Joey: Oh uh, well I just came in for a cup of coffee to go.
Joey: No! No, I quit a long time ago. (Pause) Did I forget to you that one? Im sorry.
Joey: Great! (Takes his coffee and leaves.)
Joey: (joining in, in his sleep) Joey. Joey. Joey. Joey! Joey!!
Joey: Yknow Terry, I-I dont really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot.
[Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.]
Joey: (proudly) Oh, you should here me.
Chandler: Are you kidding me?! Joey. Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey!!
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Joey: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.
Joey: Ohhh, yeah!
Joey: Thanks man. Did you hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And, and it's good, you know, 'cause, 'cause now you have a reason to come visit.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
(Joey starts humming Here Come the Bride.)
Joey: Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here.
Joey: You cant do anything!
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
[Scene: The Medical Research office, Joey is there with Carl in the waiting room. Two identical twins come out and both wave by at the same time.]
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
Joey/Drake: How can I? Knowing I'll never hold you in my arms again, or touch your skin, or feel your lips, knowing I'll never make love to you? How can I accept that... I can never kiss you again when it's all I can do not to kiss you right now.
Joey: Hey, it's not like it sounds.
Joey: Yeah, well
Joey: look I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses
Joey: Yeah, Rach, I think youre handling that really well.
Joey and Chandler: What?!
Joey: (trying to act like hes not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
Joey: I got it. (catches the ball)
Joey: What?!
Joey: Joey Tribbiani.
Rachel: But Joey, I dont think Ross wants me to move into his apartment and disrupt his life like that. I mean(Ross turns to her with wishful eyes.)Or he does.
Joey: It's Joey.
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joeys. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Rachel: (yelling) Joey, there is a reason that Emma loves that stupid penguin so much (Joey covers Hugsy's ears) Oh don't cover its ears! (stops yelling) It's because it reminds her of her uncle Joey!
Joey: It's easy, you just walk in on them having sex.
JOEY: What are these, like famous chickens?
Joey: Well, suppose until the babys born I laid off it. No extra animals would die, you-youd just be eating my animals.
(Joey does so, and they both start dancing. Treeger tries to spin Joey, but ends up throwing him into the door.)
Rachel: All right, look you guys... Look, we appreciate all the advice, but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it...
Joey: Everybodys doing stuff!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Hey!
Monica: (She gives Joey a you-are-so-stupid-look) Ok, ten.
Joey: Yeah. Yeah.
Joey: Yeah we are!
Joey: We could get that Everest video though.
Joey: No-no, its uh, its Heston.
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
Joey: I can't! It-it's stuck!
Joey: It's never gonna happen.
Joey: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Yknow what goes good with that?
Rachel: Ok! (whispering) Joey is having a secret Days Of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you!
Joey: Great, I'm finished! In fact, I just dropped it off at the agency.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still working on the door.]
[Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.]
Joey: Listen also were uh, were watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
Joey: Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl.
Chandler: Yes! Two thousand dollars exactly! How do you know that! (Joey begins writing a cheque)
Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The auditions not til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody told me! (Listens) Whod you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: Im so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see youre play. I swear youre play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. Youre play is the next play is the next play Im gonna see.
Joey: I guess I'm done.
Joey: Dude, youre not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Joey: Sorry! Sorry.
Joey: Ah, Gunther, I cant pay for this right now because Im not working, so Ive had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, payin for stuff.
Chandler: Sure, and Joey; do not let Ross look at any of the maps or the globe in your apartment.
Joey: Hey!
JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot. [Chadler pushes him out the door by the face.]
The Cooking Teacher: Okay Joey, youre up next. (Tries one of his cookies.) This are good! This is amazing! You get an A!
Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!
Joey: (pointing) It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha!
Chandler and Joey: Ohhh.
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandlers.]
Joey: Hey, you dont even live here anymore! What are you doing answering my phone? I have my machine!
Jane: (from the answering machine) Hi Joey it's Jane Rogers, can't wait for your party tonight. Listen, I forgot your address, can you give me a call? Thanks, bye.
Rachel: Ooh! You guys are so lucky you are here with people, you known it's such a romantic place. That's all, I just wish I could (looks at Joey who is at the check in desk) share that with a guy.
(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
Joey: Hey!
Joey: (pause) Ill never get to be a best man!
Joey: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?
Joey: Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that!
(Monica, Joey, and Chandler all shake their heads.)
JOEY: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
Joey: I cant believe youre not picking me.
Joey: Oh man! They-they just redid my make-up!
Joey: Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.)
Joey: (grabs it) Thanks.
Joey: Oh, its Rosss bachelor party.
Joey: Are you strippers?
JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Rachel are there, as Phoebe enters with her date.]
Joey: Okay Rach-Rach-Rach look at me, look at me, everythings gonna be fine, trust me. Okay. Take my hand. Here we go. (Rachel grabs his hand.) Oww crushing bones!
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!! (makes the cut it motion with his hands)
Joey: You got it.
Joey: Oh, I chose not to hear that.
Joey: Yeah?
JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!
Joey: Oh. Maybe. But hey I know how I can find out. Were going to a New Years Eve party, right? So at midnight, I can kiss her. And if she kisses me back, great! Yknow? But if she says Dude, what the hell are you doing? I can say It wasnt me, it was New Years!
(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a mermaid complete with breasts.)