words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: (nodding knowingly) Now youre thinking you gotta sleep with him.
Joey: Me too.
Joey: Oh man! (Hits Chandler)
Joey: Hey Ross listen Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend!
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
(The dry cleaner finishes with the customer in front of Joey and they approach the counter.)
Joey: Hey! So Im back.
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
Joey: Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh? (Walks away)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey is trying to get his picture up again.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! So, did you watch the tape of my show?
Joey: All right, lets get me back up there! (Holds out his picture.)
Joey: WhatBut you saw the show!
Joey: Dry cleaners?
Joey: Okay! Okay, look! You-you-you got Harrison Ford up there!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
Joey: Oh you should, its great.
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey has brought in a bunch of laundry in another attempt to get his picture on the wall, but the dry cleaner isnt working right now. Instead, a beautiful woman is working.]
Joey: Uh yeah, where-wheres the guy who decides whos pictures go up on the wall?
Joey: Oh, youre kidding me! All-all right, well make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani stopped by to drop off all of these clothes. Okay? Im an actor; Im kinda getting my picture up there on the wall.
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
Phoebe: Oh! Here it is! (Noticing it next to the door.) Ooh, Joey! Why did you sign it, "Son of a bitch?" (Son of a bitch is written across the entire picture.)
Joey: I didnt do that! Who wouldve done that?!
Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-IHey! I did not go out with your wife! (The same woman from before enters.) Okay? I went out with her! (Points at her.)
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: Im gonna go tell Joey that (laughs) that youre back. I was really worried about you. (Exits.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is going up to the counter.]
Joey: Hey Gunther.
Joey: Oh uh, well I just came in for a cup of coffee to go.
Joey: No! No, I quit a long time ago. (Pause) Did I forget to you that one? Im sorry.
Joey: Great! (Takes his coffee and leaves.)
Joey: Thatll be $3.85.
Joey: Its been a while, huh? Wow, its funny these halls look smaller then they used to.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is giving the bill to the same beautiful woman from before.]
Joey: (still singing) " Amy! Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: Yeah, not it here it isnt.
Joey: Or! You can just, yknow (He walks up close to whisper in Rosss ear and when he gets there he pushes Ross into the fridge.)
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
Joey: But it really
Joey: Damnit! (Storms off.)
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Joey: (singing) "Happy birthday to you!"
Joey: What? No-no its her birthday!
Joey: (overhearing them) Oh-ho, and mine!
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Joey: So, youd hire me, right?
Joey: See? Eh, wasnt that fun?
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Chandler: Joey
Monica: Joey we know you steal our food.
(Joey offers them some potato chips.)
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Joey: Yeah you got 5 years left!
Joey: You wanna make it 6?!
Joey: No, no, no! My talents as an actor!
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman
[Monica and Chandler make What was that? gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachels old room.]
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
Joey: Movies?
Joey: Oh, youre Phoebes fan!
Joey: (laughs) I dont think so.
Joey: Whoa, hey, maybe I'll go down there with ya and see if I can get an audition to play the dad. I mean who better to play Ben's father than his godfather.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Chandler, Chandler, yknow what we should do? You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses.
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Joey: Sort of
Joey: (holds up the movie) Phoebes a porn star!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, y'know in Roman times this was more than just a hat.
Joey: We cant watch that! I mean thats Phoebe!
Joey: Ha-ha, very funny. I dont know what to do! Yknow? Holy crud!
(Ross continues to climb down. He puts his other foot further down on Joeys torso, but that doesnt work very well and hes forced to wrap his legs around Joey. Which then forces Joey to get a nice and close view of Rosss crotch.)
Joey: Cause I only have one quarter, and I think my time is about to(he stops talking suddenly)
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that hed better come up here and apologize. Ill see you later. (Starts to leave)
Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened!
Monica: Oh Joey, look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
[They gang all lean back to listen better, and this starts another series of flashbacks. The first one is from Episode 214: The One With The Prom Video, Rachel has just found the bracelet that Joey gave Chandler, which is after he bought one to replace it.]
Joey: Aww, you guys are so cute!
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh no, not you too!
Joey: Nice!
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
Joey: You do?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesnt answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
Chandler: Oh, its not important? Its not important?! If it wasnt for a brides maid youd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me!
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
[Cut to Joey and Janines, theyre entering.]
Joey: Oh I am!
Joey: You forget how many great songs Heart had.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Monica: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.
Joey: (To Ross) What is the matter with you?!
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Phoebe: Who are you kidding? (To Joey) You just find some guy off the street for me? Oh God! This is humiliating!
Joey: (not impressed) Wow!!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Really?
Monica: Joey just hired Chandler to be his assistant!
Joey: Thats great! That would be great! Lets do that!
Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter) It was right here, where is it?
Joey: Oh right great! Welcome aboard!
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Joey: Well youre whippin so slow! Cant you do it any faster?
Joey: Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he didnt think big enough to fit a grown man!
Monica: (getting up) Joey!
Ross: Sometimes, you should come over (Joey returns from the bathroom) sometime! Ill play you one of my other
Joey: (shaking Rachels hand) Hi!
Joey: (turning and whispering to Monica) Shes not crazy is she?
(Rachel just stands there staring at Joey and Charlie in silence. After a while, Ross turns around and sees them.)
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
[Scene: The street, Joey is messing with a car cover and still wearing the Porsche stuff. This guy playing street football catches a pass next to the car cover Joey is fooling around with.]
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Joey: (To Rachel) So uh, how you doin?
Joey: What?
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Joey: (holding up the Queen of Clubs) Is that your card? (He winks and smiles.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.