words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Joey are there as Phoebe enters.]
Joey: (nodding knowingly) Now youre thinking you gotta sleep with him.
Joey: Me too.
Joey: Oh man! (Hits Chandler)
Joey: Hey Ross listen Chandler got you out of going to the lesbian sandwich museum this weekend!
[Scene: A Dry Cleaners, Joey is there with Phoebe and is trying to get his picture put back amongst the other celebrities hanging on the walls.]
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
(The dry cleaner finishes with the customer in front of Joey and they approach the counter.)
Joey: Hey! So Im back.
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
Joey: Oh well, its not on TV yet.
Joey: Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh? (Walks away)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey is trying to get his picture up again.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! So, did you watch the tape of my show?
Joey: All right, lets get me back up there! (Holds out his picture.)
Joey: WhatBut you saw the show!
Joey: Dry cleaners?
Joey: Okay! Okay, look! You-you-you got Harrison Ford up there!
Joey: Okay well that may be true. But, in-in okay, Air Force One the Russians were terrorists! And evil! And plus he kills a bunch of them! That-that-thats offensive to Russians.
Joey: Oh you should, its great.
(The Dry Cleaner stares at him and Joey retreats.)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey has brought in a bunch of laundry in another attempt to get his picture on the wall, but the dry cleaner isnt working right now. Instead, a beautiful woman is working.]
Joey: Uh yeah, where-wheres the guy who decides whos pictures go up on the wall?
Joey: Oh, youre kidding me! All-all right, well make sure you tell him that Joey Tribbiani stopped by to drop off all of these clothes. Okay? Im an actor; Im kinda getting my picture up there on the wall.
Joey: Oh really? Well, maybe you and I go out for drinks? (Pause) Youre the other one right? (She thinks about it for a second and nods yes.)
[Scene: The Dry Cleaners, Joey and Phoebe are entering to see if his picture is on the wall.]
Phoebe: Oh! Here it is! (Noticing it next to the door.) Ooh, Joey! Why did you sign it, "Son of a bitch?" (Son of a bitch is written across the entire picture.)
Joey: I didnt do that! Who wouldve done that?!
Phoebe: Joey!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, I-IHey! I did not go out with your wife! (The same woman from before enters.) Okay? I went out with her! (Points at her.)
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: Im gonna go tell Joey that (laughs) that youre back. I was really worried about you. (Exits.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is going up to the counter.]
Joey: Hey Gunther.
Joey: Oh uh, well I just came in for a cup of coffee to go.
Joey: No! No, I quit a long time ago. (Pause) Did I forget to you that one? Im sorry.
Joey: Great! (Takes his coffee and leaves.)
Joey: Uh me? Gay? No! No. No, but I have a number of close friends who are. (Chandler and Ross look at each other.)
Joey: Thanks, you are such a good friend. And this is so weird.
Joey: That's right I am! (Opens drawer and rummages through it. Rachel enters)
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
(He leaves, and this girl grabs Joey and starts dancing really wild.)
Monica: (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up and keeps throwing the ball.)
Chandler: Because you (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasnt broke a chair, is me!
Joey: Interesting. all right I'll go out with her again and try to get past it (reaches for the chips) OH SALT BLOATY!
Joey: Excellent. The shrew in particular was exclusive.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Joey: (thinking he's kidding) Ok, Ross! It's... It's fun, yeah! No, I-I play Doctor Drake Ramoray.
Chandler: Youre arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is not Joey!!
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Joey: Thank you! Alright, let me see how I'm gonna start... "Dear baby adoption decider people..."
Joey: Oh, so youre playing Adrienne, huh?
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters.]
Monica: Nooo! (Giggles) Okay. (She tries to pull herself up by Rachel and Joeys doorknob, but the door opens and she almost falls into the their apartment. She manages to catch herself.) Whoa! (Stands up, unsteadily) Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning (whispering) thirty. (Giggles.) So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. (Pause) I wanna puke on you later!
Joey: So youve been sittin around here all mornin?
Joey: Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now were like totally crazy about each other!
Joey: (entering) Hey uh Monica, I cant remember. Did we say we were gonna meet here or at the movies?
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. Ive got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe dont know what hes talking about.) Yknow, Red Ross!
Joey: Joey. (They shake hands.) Hey Jake, do you like the Knicks?
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you know what? I was thinking... since you wrote a song, maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents! Phoebe: So you’re gonna... hit on her?
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
JOEY: You got all that from saline solution?
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: I'm gonna get the lasagna.
Joey: All right, thats it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
(Rachel gets up, and Joey tries to get up, but halfway up he sits down again.)
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'
Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. Thats it, were done for the day.
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Joey: Yeah-yeah right. Thats okay. Thats fine. Thats uh, pretty much what I was expecting. So uh, its no big deal. All right? I think Im gonna go. (Stands up.)
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) Its been six months! Its not funny!
Joey: (turns around very fast) I like although!
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
Joey: Yeah, here we are. Uhh I I think Im falling in love with you.
Joey: Look, Ross look, Im on board about this totally honesty thing, I am, just not about stuff thats gonna get you in trouble.
Joey: Hey, for what its worth, with Rachel I dont think youll ever be just (Makes quote marks.) "anybody."
Janice: Well umm, I thought I was going to go back to my apartment but then I just felt I couldnt really be alone tonight. (Joey walks into view of the open door behind Janice, sees her, gets a terrified look on his face, and flees in horror.) I was wondering if I could maybe stay here with you, just I really feel that I need to be with family.
Rachel: Oh no Ross! This is not good, we have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit. (He sits) You have got to get over this Joey thing, okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
Phoebe: Hey! Joey! (They all head over to him, he spots them coming and panics.) Hey! Hey!! Wow! (She hugs him.)
Joey: Oh, were having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.)
Joey: So what does that mean? Are you guys getting back together?
(Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table)
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Rachel: Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters from the kitchen.]
Joey: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.
Joey: Okay. Have a benefit.
Chandler: You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room do you?
Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.
Joey: (to Charlie) I think I've been recognized, this happens all the time!
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Joey: That's great! Hey, can you cast me in it?
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego.
Joey: (looks at the ground and at Ross) I dont know Ross! I-I tell you what, lets flip to see who does it, okay? You-you call it in the air, all right?
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
Joey: What do you mean? Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?
Joey: I should know that. Lets see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Joey: Huh. Interesting. Now there are obstacles. Hot nanny and me against the world. This is the kind of stuff great novels are made of.
[cut to Joeys bedroom, Joey and Kate are emerging from under the covers.]
Joey: (hurrying over) Okay! Okay, youre yelling again! See that?
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Joey: So, what, you think I'm just gonna sleep with her and never call her again and things are gonna get uncomfortable? (thinks about it) Yeah, sounds about right.
Joey: Yes I am! Again so simple!
Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Joey: (long pause and he twitches a bit) You're a pain in my ass, Geller!
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Joey nods his head questioningly and Rachel nods no.)
Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Joey: I promise. And that means, never having to give a reason. (Phoebe stops herself from laughing and leaves)
Joey: Well if its free food, how come youre charging me for it?
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
(Joey totally agrees with this statement and kicks his feet up.)
Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid!
Rachel: Excuse me! (and she walks back to Joey, who is still looking very impressed about what Ross said to him. Rachel looks at him and hits him.) You didn't tell him, did you?
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Joey: Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
JOEY: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don't get that uh, we don't have as much money as you.
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!
Joey: You got a little bored?
Joey: Yeah but we wont be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.
Monica: Hey Joey, Chandler sold a story to Archie Comics!
Joey: No, but its okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Ross and Joey: Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Absolutely.