words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters]
RACHEL: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
JOEY: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.
JOEY: Yeah, there's just one thing that might be kind've a problem. See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy.
JOEY: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
JOEY: I did do it, I'm a professional.
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
JOEY: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
JOEY: Come on, I need your help here.
JOEY: You see this, this is a friend.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
MONICA: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.
JOEY: Yeah, that makes sense. (looks at Ross)
ROSS: Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
JOEY: Come on, Chandler, I want this part soo much. (Chandler ignores him) Just one kiss, I won't tell anyone.
CHANDLER: Joey, no means no!
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
JOEY: Oh, Richard's here. I should run down say bye to him (runs out)
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
JOEY: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.
JOEY: Aw, man I'm sorry (starts rubbing Chandler's shoulder). This must be very tough for ya, huh (and starts comfroting him looking for a kiss).
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into his room)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are there waiting for Chandler's cyberchick to arrive]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
ROSS: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
Joey: Well hey-hey if she needs any idea for costumes, she could be a bikini model, or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader huhOoh-ooh, Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw MassacreNo-no-no! Slutty Leatherface.
ROSS: [to Joey] Ssshh.
Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didnt you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Joey: Oh my God. (Still in shock when his mobile rings, he picks it up) Hello?
Rachel: Oh! Ow! (Joey motions, "You see what I mean?!")
Joey: (very excited) A TV as if it appears from nowhere! Thats the dream! Man, how did you afford this stuff?
Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler towards the Abbey.)
Wayne: Joey, Joey, I-I-Ill g-get you your job back if you help me out.
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is coaching his student.]
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbs.
Joey: (More to himself than anyone else) So stupid, ordering cheesecake, trying to be healthy. (pushes it aside)
Joey: Wow! Maybe uh, maybe you and I ought to get to know each other a little better.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is examining the injury to Rosita while Rachel is apologizing to him.]
Joey: Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney?
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
Ross: (excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) Id like a Wicked Wango card!
Joeys Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.
JOEY: I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..subcranial hematoma. Perhaps we can discuss this over coffee.
Joey: (interrupting her) Can you tell me how this happened?
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Joey: (drinking a beer) Look at this clown! Just because hes got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. (Yelling) Get out of the way jackass! (To Rachel) Who names their boat Coast Guard anyway?
Joey: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)
Joey: (sitting in a chair) Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline, can you believe it? Nobody won.
Joey: Look, I'll get new headshot taken, all right, so I want to get my eyebrows shaped
[Scene: Joeys. Joey is laying on his recliner, depressed, and the dog is laying on the footrest.]
Joey: Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Joey: Hey Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk. (To Dirk) Dirk, this is my good friend Ross. (Ross and Dirk shake hands)
Joey: What, are you crazy? You havent beaten me once since my injury plagued 97 season. It would be easier if you just give me your money.
Joey: (thinks) (quietly) G-sharp.
Joey: Oh! Hey, somebody left their keys. (Looks at them) Ooohh, to a Porsche! {Transcribers note: Oh come on! Who would leave the keys to their Porsche behind? If I had a Porsche, Id have the keys surgically attached to my hand!} Hey Gunther, these yours?
Joey: (in a baby voice) Oh no, were you upset? Did you lose sleep?
Joey: Hey! Its my fashion girls! (They dont react.) Whats wrong?
Joey: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didnt get it, did I?
Phoebe: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime, and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights. (to Joey) Hey, how do you sleep at night?
Joey: Oh that's mine too! (Grabs it and Ross looks at him.) I'm Italian!
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
Joey: Yes I do! And were gonna go out, were gonna have a good time, and take your mind off of childbirth and c-sections and-and giant baby heads stretching out
Phoebe: Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins. So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
Joey: Come on Pheebs! I cant take this anymore! Let-let me make it up to you. Huh? (Starts singing.) Ground control to Major Tom. Commencing countdown, engines on. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on!
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and pinches Joeys nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because hes now forced to actually hold his breath.)
(The camera cuts to Wayne whos busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)
Joey: (sits down next to Ross) First of all, Utah? Dude, you can't just make stuff up!
Joey: Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys this is, this is Kates understudy, Lauren.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Joey: Oh, .. uh... uh... pass. (Next word: "Rotunda") Pass. (Next word: "Filibuster" stares at it a moment) Pass. (Henrietta is looking very confused) (Next word: "Addendum" 4 seconds remaining) Okay, the little thing that hangs down at the back of your throat.
Joey: Noo!! Ive had the best day ever! Dude, check this out!
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
Joey: Yeah, I got too excited!
Joey: Well, she graduated from high school!
Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Touch it, it's really bumpy! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting).
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Chandler: Joey, its been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
JOEY: 'Cause he has a strong suspicion that you dropped the ball on the Lender project.
Joey: (warily) Who called here? Did she sound blond? Huh? Did-did-did she have an accent? I gotta make a call! (Starts to leave) I shoulda never walked into that Sunglass Hut!
Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...' (Rachel comes into the room behind them)
Joey: Oh yeah? (opens up the center and takes out the stereo) If I cant, Ill knock five bucks off the price off the unit.
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach.
Joey: (gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.)
Ross: Well, Chandlers my oldest friend, but Joeys myNo! Ah! (points at Rachel)
Director: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. (to Joey) Show 'em how it's done. (to the pianist) Count it off.
(Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls over)
(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and glares at him.)
Joey: (simulating an echo) Ten, ten.., nine, nine, nine...., eight, eight, eight... (Chandler hits him in the back of the head) Okay, Blast off!
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
Joey: (to Gene) I know it could be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities but... relax, I'm just like you! (pause) Only better looking and richer.
Joey: You are dogged man! I totally fit!
Joey: Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday?
Joey: Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I? (Rachel pauses as she thinks.)
Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Joey: Yeah but its too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can.
Joey: She's my biggest fan. Yeah, she's the only one in the family that's believed in me.
Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa!
Joey: You don't wanna see what I just saw! (at this moment Monica comes home, and sees Chandler flat on his back on the floor and Joey pinning him down)
[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]
Joey: Seriously, good game though. Good game. (He tries to congratulate them, but they pull away.) (To Chandler) What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!
Joey: NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! Hey! Hey, we'll be fine! Li... hey, like you said: no big deal!
Joey: No! She had the ring on, she seemed so excited, and then she took her breast out.
Joey: Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges.
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
Joey: There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone!
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
Joey: Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.
Joey: Hello! (Listens.) Oh yeah! (To Chandler) It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references. (To the apartment manager.) Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on the couch as Joey enters strutting.]
Joey: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
[Scene: A Theatre, Joey is arriving to rehearse the play hes in.]
Joey: (stomps on the footrest which pops Ross up into a sitting position) The trail from the woman you did it with to the woman you hope never finds out who did it! (slapping his hands with each word) You always have to think about the trail!
Joey: All right, look, you got to help me out, ok? Look, I have the magic marker, I want you to fill in the skinny one soI don�t look stupid for my pictures.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
Joey: Yeah well thats because uh I stayed in my room. Yeah, you dont want to look in my hamper.
Joey: Yeah, three days on the lake without a shower. Plus! I fell in that big tub of worms at the bait stand! Hey, how-hows he doing?
Joey: I know. It was so cool when I was up there before. Me and Jim Belushi would just be crackin up about something Then I get fired off of Days Of Our Lives and he takes me down. Now hes just laughing at me. Look at him, that smug Belushi bastard, Ill
Joey: (voice-over) Oh-oh! And then Rosss new girlfriend, Bonnie, shows up and Rachel convinced her to save her head. And then Ross and Rachel kiss, and now Ross has to choose between Rachel and the bald girl and I dont know what happened there either...
Joey: Oh comelook, when I was a kid my dads company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasnt in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that!