words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Joey: I cant believe she would say that too you.
Joey: (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Joey: Oh-ooh-ooh! Yknow whats a good visual aide?
Joey: Why not?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Joey: Hey! Any good mail?
Joey: Ooh, its probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, Im kinda .
Joey: Hmm thats weird. I dont remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.
Joey: Let me see that!
Joey: (reads it) Oh, I cant believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, yknow? And it wouldnt matter. Now I gotta be careful?!
Joey: All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. Im gonna go see my agent.
Joey: (mocks him, in a whiney voice) look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
Joey: (entering) Hey Estelle, listen
Estelle: Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!
Joey: What are you talkin about? I never left you! Youve always been my agent!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance.
Joey: Why?
Joey: Bastard!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Joey: What?!
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Joey: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I dont want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, Im thinking Ill probably start with that laser eye surgery too.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Oh Joeys got a really bad hernia, but thats nothing a little laser eye surgery wont fix!
Joey: Look, Im telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married With Children always used to do.) it doesnt hurt that bad.
Joey: Sure, now Im scared.
Joey: Yeah, but I dont wanna die!
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Joey: Exactly.
Joey: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didnt get it, did I?
Joey: Yeah, okay. (Leaves)
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
Joey: Hi. Im Joey Tribbiani; Im here to audition for (Groans) man.
Joey: Yes!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Joey: (barely audible through the pain) Thank you.
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
Joey: (to the director) Hiya!
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," thats your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, lets do this.
(Joey lies down on the gurney.)
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
Joey: Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?
Joey: Okay. (Starts screaming.)
Joey: (he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey!
Phoebe: Were just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.
Joey: (entering, with Dina) Here she is! Future fashion superstar!
Joey: You cuddled.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Wha-
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Joey: Oh yeah!
Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
(Joey enters with his dad)
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I dont know anything about technology! I cant even use Chandlers computer except to find porn! And-and thats only cause its right there when you turn it on!
Joey: Since then?!
Ross: Okay, Joey, you know what? You have to go for it. How often does this happen to you, huh? You owe it to yourself. (Walks towards the door until )
Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]
Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Dr. Long: (To Joey) Uh, if you have any questions, heres some information on Braxton-Hicks. (Hands Joey a pamphlet.) Oh and by the way, you did the right thing by bringing her in. Youre gonna make a wonderful father.
Joey: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you?
Joey: Night, you guys.
Joey: I'm Joey Tribbiani.
[Scene: Joey and Janines, Joey is pacing around as Chandler and Monica enter.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, is the one where Rachel screwed up the desert and Ross and Joey are trying to enjoy it.]
Joey: Yeah, yeah, and then Adrian, she maybe she could wrap her legs around his waist.
Joey: What's the matter with Rog?
Joey: No you won't.
Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!
Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni
(The group does the same horrible dance that Joey did earlier in the show, except they're all out of sync and they do the jazz hands at the end.)
Joey: (To Rachel) Hey, I was pretty close. (She just glares at him.) Uhh, so bad news. Umm, I cant buy the boat, I dont have any money.
Joey: No.
Joey: You really think so?
Joey: She was nothing compared to you.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?
Rachel: Okay Bobby, why dont we just come over here and let them have a little moment. (Drags Bobby away from Joey and Dina.)
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!
Joey: Hey! Terry.
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?
Joey: Hold on, you-you knew?
Joey: Oww! Big ring!
Joey: I didn't know that! Well, what a pretty last name!
Joey: I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am.
Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!
Joey: I'm...happy...for you?
Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.
Joey: With this ring? (Her engagement ring.) No contest.
Ross: So Joey, you okay?
Joey: -Peaches?
Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!
Monica: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?!
Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies.
Monica: Hello, Joey.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on?
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Joey: Nope-op! I insist! (He hugs Chandler again and whispers to him.) You get the wine right?
Joey: You're in!
[Scene: Chandler's hotel room, he's sitting there with Joey who's talking about his helmet and running his hand through that feathery thing at the top.]
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right?
Joey: Think it'll work?
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
Joey: Ma! What're you doing here?
Joey: Ok, I may not have treated your friends well in the past, but I have grown up a lot, really. Honest, Rach?
Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Joey: Exellent dream score.
(Joey enters from the stairs.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
(Joey now enters the room through the door, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are following him.)
Joey: Sure I do. (holding up his own dessert) Coule?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a Joey Special, two pizzas.]
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
Joey: Hey, (in the Joey voice) how you doin?
JOEY: No, no, no.� When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are going to be at the Wizzards-Knicks game . . .� courtside!
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Joey: Oh my God! I didn�t feel a thing ! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles aroundthat sadistic bitch at the saloon
Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else!
Joey: (on the other end at a pay phone) Hey, its me. Listen Casey and I were on our way back and had a little car trouble.
Joey: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
(They leave as Ross stares in awe at Joey.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.
Joey: Thank you.
Joey: So what're you going to do?
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey! Joey said no autographs! But if she's gettting one, then I want one too: To Monica. And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love".
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Monica: (faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! Its good!
Rachel: Joey no, this is wrong! You have to take it back, okay? You dont want to win an award this way. Youre very talented. And someday youre gonna win one of these for real and that one is gonna mean something.
JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.
Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.