words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Joey: I cant believe she would say that too you.
Joey: (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Joey: Oh-ooh-ooh! Yknow whats a good visual aide?
Joey: Why not?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Joey: Hey! Any good mail?
Joey: Ooh, its probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, Im kinda .
Joey: Hmm thats weird. I dont remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.
Joey: Let me see that!
Joey: (reads it) Oh, I cant believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, yknow? And it wouldnt matter. Now I gotta be careful?!
Joey: All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. Im gonna go see my agent.
Joey: (mocks him, in a whiney voice) look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
Joey: (entering) Hey Estelle, listen
Estelle: Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!
Joey: What are you talkin about? I never left you! Youve always been my agent!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance.
Joey: Why?
Joey: Bastard!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Joey: What?!
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Joey: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I dont want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, Im thinking Ill probably start with that laser eye surgery too.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Oh Joeys got a really bad hernia, but thats nothing a little laser eye surgery wont fix!
Joey: Look, Im telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married With Children always used to do.) it doesnt hurt that bad.
Joey: Sure, now Im scared.
Joey: Yeah, but I dont wanna die!
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Joey: Exactly.
Joey: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didnt get it, did I?
Joey: Yeah, okay. (Leaves)
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
Joey: Hi. Im Joey Tribbiani; Im here to audition for (Groans) man.
Joey: Yes!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Joey: (barely audible through the pain) Thank you.
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
Joey: (to the director) Hiya!
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," thats your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, lets do this.
(Joey lies down on the gurney.)
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
Joey: Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?
Joey: Okay. (Starts screaming.)
Joey: (he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey!
Phoebe: Were just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.
Mr. Thompson: Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani!!
Joey: This sucks man! The last night youre here and I lose the two most important things in my life, the foosball table and $500.
Joey: Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.
Joey: Boyfriend?
Joey: Oh hi!
Joey: I dont know! Charity?
Rachel: Joey! Joey, good one! (Mr. Thompson starts to laugh.)
Joey: Im Joey. (They shake hands.)
(Now they kiss passionately... and then Ross enters with Emma. They freeze, pull away and look at Ross who looks like he just can't believe what he's seeing. Joey straightens his shirt, and Rachel says I'm so-oo sorry, and presses her breasts together, just like Joey did before.)
Joey: Okay.
(After hes left, Rachel stops laughing and glares at Joey again.)
Joey: So uh listen, I think Im gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)
Joey: Okay umm, I just came by to tell you that I want to have dinner with you tonight. Thats all.
Joey: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! (Pause) What is it again?
Joey: Yknow whats more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Yknow whats even more generous than that?!!
{Transcribers Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out The One Where Joey Moves Out.}
(Joey does the 232 divided by 13 bad news look.)
Joey: Got it! (He picks up a lamp.) So
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your shoes gone.
Joey: Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?
Rachel: (To Joey) Okay. Okay. (Shushes him.)
Joey: Are you kidding me?! Shes gonna this boat!
Joey: You-you have to pay that! Its not just a guess.
Joey: Oooooh
Rachel: (To Joey) What?! What?!
Rachel: But Joey you dont have $20,000!
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: All that stuff you just said? I want that!
Joey: Oh my God, youre back!
Joey: No way! Its mine!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are having dinner.]
Joey: (acting sad) NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore... (and closes the door behind him)
Joey: Glove salesman!
Joey: That guys still doing that?!
Joey: We didnt ruin it!
Joey: What?! Noooo (Phoebe gasps.)
[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table as Joey approaches.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I dont have that kind of money!
Joey: (laughs) Yeah, Big Brother.
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. Theyre like, theyre like a family, and if, I dont know, theres chance they could make that work, I know I wouldnt want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
(Theres a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)
Joey: Okay. Yeah. Listen would you uh, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
Joey: Hey uh, have you guys scene Chandler?
[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are sitting at their table.]
Joey: Oh.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel approaching table one.]
Phoebe: Joey.
Rachel: Joey?!
Joey: (happily) What do you need?
Joey: Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go? (The lamp hes holding.)
Rachel: Come on, Joey, I did it and it was fine.
Joey: Hey Monica!
Joey: Whoa-whoa, whats the matter?! Talk to the captain!
Joey: Maybe thats the problem.
Joey: Well, you know Chandler.
Joey: Maybe you changed?
Joey: This is for my boat, pretty cool huh?
Joey: There are?
Joey: Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.
Joey: Thats so sweet. (pause) Im gonna get some coffee. (gets up and leaves)
Joey: Chandler loves marriage!!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Ross is still doing his list. Rachel and Joey are feeding the dog as the phone rings.]
Joey: You got that from what I said?!
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, Ill grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
A Tourist: (To Joey) Would you mind doing a picture with us?
Rachel: Phoebe?! Wait abut-but she just, she said that Joey was her backup.
Rachel: Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey made a deal!
Joey: Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!
Joey: Where the hell have you been?!
Joey: I know!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: I know! They suck!!
Joey: Okay.
Joey: It wasnt my ring! It fell out of Rosss jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: No we werent!
Joey: Pick me!!
Gunther: (handing Joey the bill) Here you go.
Joey: Okay thats fair.
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: (reading) Joey! (Pause) We should just switch.
Rachel: Yes, okay, oh, by the way, I just gotta say, I think it's really nice of you that even after you've moved, you still keep storing that stuff for Joey!
Joey: Uhh, Chandler's not here.
Joey: Are you bachelors?
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Woman: (the same one from before approaches) Hi Joey.
Joey: Yeah, youre great! Okay, lets take it from
Joey: Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.) Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.
Joey: (quietly) Ive got Ben.
Joey: Like you wouldnt believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Joey: Dude!
Joey: Woo-hoo!!
Joey: Shes gone.
Joey: I am so sorry man.
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: North route!
Joey: That's it? You're-you're gonna let me do this?! This-this is my career we're talking about here!
Carol: Joey, Ross is gonna be here any second, would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room?
MONICA: Joey that is horriable.