words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are all there as Phoebe enters dejectedly.]
Joey: I cant believe she would say that too you.
Joey: (interrupting him) Uh Ross! Are there uh, are there naked chicks on that piece of paper?
Joey: Well, Ive just never seen a guy stare so hard at a piece of paper that didnt have naked chicks on it.
Ross: Ohh! Okay! Okay. (Resumes reading word for word from the card) "There are three (pauses and looks at Joey) primary theories concerning sediment flow rate. (Pauses and darts his eyes between Chandler and Rachel.) (Rachel starts laughing) Each of these theories (glances at Phoebe) can be further subcategorized (glances at Chandler) into "
Joey: Oh-ooh-ooh! Yknow whats a good visual aide?
Joey: Why not?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is playing that string game with the two hands and the weird crossing patterns as Chandler enters with the mail.]
Joey: Hey! Any good mail?
Joey: Ooh, its probably a residual check, hey can you open it for me, Im kinda .
Joey: Hmm thats weird. I dont remember being in a move called benefits lapsed.
Joey: Let me see that!
Joey: (reads it) Oh, I cant believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, yknow? And it wouldnt matter. Now I gotta be careful?!
Joey: All right well, I guess I gotta go get a job. Im gonna go see my agent.
Joey: (mocks him, in a whiney voice) look both ways before you cross the street. (Turns and walks headlong into the closed door.)
Ross: I knew all I had to do was let the material speak for itself. Everyones all, "Ross you have to be funny and sexy." Well, I proved them wrong! And now, Im gonna pass the news onto Joey and Chandler.
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Theatrical Agency, Joey is there to see his agent.]
Joey: (entering) Hey Estelle, listen
Estelle: Well! Well! Well! Joey Tribbiani! So you came back huh? They think they can do better but they all come crawling back to Estelle!
Joey: What are you talkin about? I never left you! Youve always been my agent!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Estelle, you gotta get me some work. I-I lost my health insurance.
Joey: Why?
Joey: Bastard!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: (in obvious pain) Hey! So Estelle lined up a bunch of auditions for me tomorrow and Ill have my health insurance back in no time.
Joey: What?!
Joey: Nothing! Well, I-I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights before, then I uh passed out and uh, havent been able to stand up since. But um, I dont think its anything serious.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.)
Joey: Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading on the couch while Joey, still suffering from his hernia, is returning with coffee for them both. After a series of grunts and groans he manages to painfully walk back from the counter, sit down, and slide Chandler his coffee.]
Chandler: Hey, will you grab me a cruller? (Joey starts to groan and get up.) Sit down! Will you go to the hospital?!
Joey: Dude! Hernia operations cost like, a lot probably. Besides its getting darker and more painful, that means its healing.
Joey: Thank you, but it would take me forever to pay you that money back and I dont want that hanging over my head. Okay? Besides, as soon as my insurance kicks in I can get all the free operations I want! Yeah, Im thinking Ill probably start with that laser eye surgery too.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Oh Joeys got a really bad hernia, but thats nothing a little laser eye surgery wont fix!
Joey: Look, Im telling you if I put my hand on my stomach right here (He puts his hand down his pants, like Al Bundy on Married With Children always used to do.) it doesnt hurt that bad.
Joey: Sure, now Im scared.
Joey: Yeah, but I dont wanna die!
[Scene: Casting Director #1s office, Joey is on his first audition. His partner is an 8-year-old boy.]
Joey: (in a gravely, painful voice) Okay. "Hey, Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you."
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, no problem, Ill justhold on one second. (He turns around and puts his hand in his pants and groans in relief.) (In a relaxed voice.) "Hey Timmy, Ive got a surprise for you!"
(Joey pulls his hand out and reverts back to intense pain.)
[Scene: Casting Director #2s office, Joey is on his second audition. This one is for Purina One Dog Chow, an actual item. Please note the gratuitous product placement.]
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Joey: Exactly.
Joey: Or, I could just point to it! Huh? Blah, blah, blah, Purina One, point to a bag today. (She just looks at him.) I didnt get it, did I?
Joey: Yeah, okay. (Leaves)
[Scene: Casting Director #3s office, Joey is entering.]
Joey: Hi. Im Joey Tribbiani; Im here to audition for (Groans) man.
Joey: Yes!
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey has won the part of dying man and is now able to play the role he was injured for. Chandler is helping to carry him in.]
Joey: (barely audible through the pain) Thank you.
Joey: Yeah! And hey, thanks for coming with me. And thanks again for helping me take a shower.
Joey: (to the director) Hiya!
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Joey: Hi Alex! (to the director) And uh, as you can see my hands are not in my pants. (Holds them both up.)
The Director: Okay. (to Alex) All right uh, Alex now when Joey says his line, "Take good care of your Momma son," thats your cue to cry. Got it? (Alex nods yes.) All right, lets do this.
(Joey lies down on the gurney.)
Joey: "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex just looks at him and the director motions for him to continue so he tries it again.) "Take could care of your Momma son." (Alex does nothing.) "Come on son! Your Mommas good people!"
Joey: Ah, just one thing umm, is it all right with you if I, if I scream right up until you say action?
Joey: Okay. (Starts screaming.)
Joey: (he stops screaming at action) "Take good care of your Momma son." (Again Alex does nothing.)
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You just take a big, big swing. Now, dont hold back. (He dons his protective helmet (Why, I have no clue.) and Phoebe picks up a wooden baseball bat and starts to swing as Chandler and Monica enter.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey!
Phoebe: Were just celebrating that Joey got his health insurance back.
Joey: Don't worry, Chandler, it's not a globe of the United States.
Joey: How ya doin?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah.
Charlton Heston: Joey, right?
Joey: Oh no-no-no, you dont understand
Joey: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Joey: Yes sir! Yes sir, Im-Im(he starts to leave)
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
Joey: Yeah, its okay. I know what a mainsail is. (Points to it. Its the larger sail.) I know, I know to duck when the boom comes across. I-I know port is right.
Joey: Woo-hoo! All right! Yeah!
Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chefs jacket? (sees theres a burn spot on it)
Joey: I dont wanna.
Joey: Yeah, all right. (Ross enters.)
[Time Lapse: the crowd has left and only Mona, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are still watching to see who will be able to move the others arm first. An event that has yet to happen.]
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Joey: Ohh, Nothing.
Ross: (to Rachel) Look both, Joey and Monica feel the same way that I do. No-no-no-no.
Joey: Like this. (Shrugs)
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. Youre 18, okay, shes 44, when youre 36, shes gonna be 88.
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]
Joey: And there it is.
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
Joey: Hey. Y'know with that goatee you kinda look like Satan.
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Joey: (also downtrodden) Yeah, I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Rachel: (entering, with Joey) Hey!
Rachel: Its coming from Joey!
JOEY: Oh, is today the day you're gonna tell them about you two?
Joey: Hey-hey, whats going on?
Joey: Thanks for telling me!
Rachel: Joey, just because theyre not getting married doesnt mean this is going to be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan!
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Joey: Ross! (Laughs) Theyre gonna kill you!
Monica: Does it have to do with Joey?
JOEY: Monica, relax, go get a beer.
Joey: No.
Joey: I totally dont know what youre talking about.
Joey: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy (Points), and that guy (Points). And that oneDude! Theyre all huge!
Ross: JOEY!!!!!!
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
Joey: Well, why do you call him Gandolf?
Joey: I need something sweet.
[Ross grabs the gas can he brought along, and walks through Joeys sign destroying it.]
Joey: I wanted to go to the strip club!
Joey: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself, y'know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]
Joey: Well, maybe I can help. (he grabs her head passionately, closes his eyes and kisses... Ross in Rachel's dress! He realises it too late, and when he does, pushes Ross's/Rachel's head away)
Joey: The Red Ross! Okay.
(The door opens, and there is Gladys, still in her frame though. Joey panics and moves frantically, screaming. Then there is laughing, and the painting is lowered. It was Rachel holding Gladys.)
Joey: Question. Was ah, Egg the Gellers! the war cry of your neighbourhood?
Joey: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: Well, its a long story, but umm I broke Joeys chair
Joey: Yeah?
Joey: Who loses fifty seven coin tosses in a row? Head she wins, tails I lose. (he stops and starts realizing something) Wait a minute...
[Joey opens the door and picks up the remnants of the newspaper.
Joey: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.
Joey: Hey thats what all my relationships are like.
Joey: Yeah, what going on?
Janice: (entering and singing) Monica and Rachel had syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. (laughs hysterically) Good morning Joey.
Joey: I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself but she was crying
Joey: Awwww!
Chandler and Joey: Surprise!!
Joey: What-what-what is so funny?
Joey: Now thats a thinker.
Joey: Gettin drunk and going to a strip club.
[Scene: Allesandros, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]
Joey: A little salami.
Joey: Pastrami.
JOEY: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.
Monica: There it is. Joey, what are you doing?
CHAN: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet now, but... Joey, that's who.
Joey: You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?
Joey: Welcome to America. (They both kiss.)
Joey: If you didnt want to play, why did you come to the party?
Joey: Well, hes too shy, he doesnt thing hes good enough to dance with girls yet.
Joey: Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!
Joey: Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography.
Joey: We've been stood up. (sniffles) And we want our free crab cakes.
Joey: Feel better now?
Joey: Heyooh Pheebs, are they in there?
Joey and Monica: Are you all right?
(Joey and Monica rush over to her.)
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey! Youre here! Great! Great! Great! Lets get going buddy, weve got a scene to shoot!
Joey: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isnt that why you guys are here?
Joey: Okay. Table, you have given us so many great times. And you guys, Jordan, Victor, Joel... All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make us look good. You wanna say anything?
JOEY: Look, I don't wanna hear this right now.
Joey: Oooh, what you got there?
[Scene: Joeys work, selling Christmas trees.]
Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!
Joey: Probably not. Nah. I don't know how much I'm gonna wanna play after you go.
Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.)
Joey: Yeah, well, I couldnt find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.
Joey: Hey.
Joey and Chandler: (stopping her) Oh no-no-no-no!