words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is balancing a mini hockey stick on his hand as Chandler enters from his room carrying a bunch of bills.]
Chandler: (watches Joey for a moment) Okay! (Joey quickly moves the hockey stick so that hes scratching his back with it.) Listen, Im gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent.
Joey: Right! And when is that due?
Joey: And thats every month?
Joey: Ahhh.
Chandler: Okay, here is the phone bill. (Hands it to Joey.)
Joey: (looking at it) Oh my God!!
Joey: No-no! No way! Joey Tribbiani does not take charity anymore.
Joey: No! Forget it! OkayI mean thanks, but Im done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, whats next? Come on.
Joey: This is how much we pay for electric?!!!
(Joey runs over and shuts off the lights.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is talking to Phoebe about trying to give Joey some money.]
Phoebe: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment?
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Joey: Hey!
Joey: I dont know Ross, not if youre gonna talk about how you gave up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist.
Monica: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out!
Chandler: Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey.
Joey: (quietly) Ive got Ben.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is entering carrying two pizzas.]
Joey: Here it is! Our last pizzas together as roommates.
Joey: Oh thats okay. Hey, actually in a way its kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!
Joey: What, are you crazy? You havent beaten me once since my injury plagued 97 season. It would be easier if you just give me your money.
Joey: Okay, youre on.
Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! Thats like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, theres nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.
Joey: You serious?
Joey: Okay, get ready to owe me!
Joey: Okay, here we go. Ready?
[In slow motion, as some haunty demonic music plays in the background, Joey throws the ball in, Chandler quits playing and goes for his Chinese food. Joey smacks the ball really hard, shooting it down the table. Chandler slowly takes a bite, the ball bounces off of the wall, heads back up the table, and scores the goal for Chandler.]
Chandler: No! No! No! No(Joey looks at him)one can beat me.
(In frustration, Joey kicks the table, breaking it.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.]
Joey: This sucks man! The last night youre here and I lose the two most important things in my life, the foosball table and $500.
Joey: Nah, not my game.
Joey: Well, whats it called?
Joey: I dont know how to play Cups.
Joey: All right.
Joey: A two and a five.
Joey: Really?!
Joey: A four and a nine.
Joey: No. Why?
Joey: Damn! I am good at Cups!
Joey: Well, what did you have?
Joey: Uh, (counts the money) wow, 700.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: What?
Joey: Really?
Chandler: Hey, I didnt make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. (Joey gets excited.) Dont get to excited because thats not gonna happen unless you getNo way! (He takes the top card, which is the two of clubs. Of course, any card wouldve won. Chandler pays him.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (Ohh, thats the last time Im ever gonna type that line. Its just so sad.) Joey is entering, angrily.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups!
Joey: The same way you lost. I started out with a King and a Queen, bamn! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a Jack and a King, boom! Ross gets a 4 and a 5! Ross was getting the Cup card, the D-Cup, the Sittin Down Bonus! Meanwhile, I didnt even get half a cup! Nothin!!
Joey: And he never played before either! Yknow what I think? I think beginners luck, very important in Cups.
Joey: No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! Im serious this time! In-in fact, look, theres aI wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. (He rolls the big white dog over) Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, yknow, thank you for being such a great roommate.
Joey: Its him, not it!
Joey: Wait a second, I see what youre trying to do here! You-youre trying to give me money again!
Joey: Over there! (Points to the couch) Before, with the bills! You tried to give some charity, I said "No," you dropped it. Okay? Then we had a nice last night together, we had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money! Now out of the blue, you start with the charity thing again!
Joey: I will be okay! Look Chandler, you gotta get it out of your head that I cant take care of myself. Okay? Look, Im not gonna miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that Im gonna miss is you. And now the dog.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And thats the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joeys or Monica and Rachels, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachels. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.]
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler is trying to get Joeys money back from Ross.]
Chandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money.
Joey: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: Yeah. Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about the three of us?
Joey: Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
Joey: Umm, no. No best friend, no. Just a lot of close friends.
Joey: Hi. Im Joey Tribbiani; Im here to audition for (Groans) man.
Joey: (reads it) Oh, I cant believe this! This sucks! When I had insurance I could get hit by a bus or catch on fire, yknow? And it wouldnt matter. Now I gotta be careful?!
Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
Joey: Closeness-shmoshness! There was three of us for crying out loud!
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
JOEY: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
Joey: Oh, hi, I'm Joey. My stupid friends are buying this house. Who are you?
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Im sorry, youre right. What am I gonna say? (He takes another sip of the green stuff and recoils at the taste.) Oh!
[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
Joey: I cant! I-I dont have any other clothes here.
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Joey: Wow! I cant believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar!
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean were gonna have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his shoulders.)
Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...
Joey: What the heck is that?
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Joey: (opening the door wearing nothing but a sock, and holding a dart board over the `Little General.') Hey! (Chandler turns down the TV) Now, we're not actually gonna be sleeping in her, but do you mind?
Joey: No-no hey buddy, please let me dance with that girl, I really like her and I think I have a shot.
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: I bet ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]
Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching Joey pace nervously as Rachel enters.]
Joey: Ill be playing Drake Remorays twin brother, Stryker!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (mad and pointing a finger to himself) JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that hes still behind it, and she cant see him.)
Joey: Thats not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow Im not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Joey: Whoa, Monica runs a pretty tight ship over here. What are you doing?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer). This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
Joey: I know! Im sorry! The guys drunk, they wont let me go until we get this.
All: Nooo!! (Joey quickly stops nodding his head.)
Joey: Hey, finished my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler) Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy. It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Joey: (entering) Thats my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, Im sorry Im a little late. You may be confused by this now, (Hes still in costume) but you wont be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, lets get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. Ive known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as Ive left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows. Monica?
Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.
Joey: Correct! Theres a possible backwards bonus!
[The next one is from Episode 204: The One With Phoebes Husband, when everyone including Julie is watching Joey in his porno.]
Joey: Check it out!! Jam crackers!
Joey: Ah-ah-ah! Were doing this! Okay, now you got me my first set of head shots. Right, how much were those?
Joey: Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little til they get there?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
Janine: Well they said I should bring someone. (To Joey) Do you wanna be my dance partner?
(Joey sits down and changes the channel, and we see two people making out.)
Joey: Eyes! No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandlers eyes!
Ross: (takes a drink) Damn, this coffees cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.)
(Hes still spitting and Joey holds his script in front of his face.)
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you. (Sees the casino) Okay, I can totally settle down here. It's got everything I could ever want, including Joey! Look! (Points to Joey in his gladiator suit posing for a picture with two old ladies.) Oh! Look! Hi!
Joey: (to Charlie) Ok, you're gonna come back with some very classy clothes... (aside to Rachel)... and some slutty lingerie, SLUTTY!
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin?"
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
Joey: Id love to show ya, but I just tucked her in. Shes sleeping. (The women both laugh) Hey uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink? (Just then the same guy with the football dives to make a catch, lands on the car cover, and collapses it. It turns out that Joey set up a bunch of boxes to make it look like a Porsche.)
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
Joey (staring at the cake): Uh.. is it ok that I still think it looks delicious?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Janine are pretty much making out at one of the tables as Monica and Rachel look on from the couch.]
Joey: Oh, I-I think Im gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out.
Ross: Hey, wait! Wait-wait-wait! Joey, did you propose to her?
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering to find Joey bingeing on the food from the fridge. Joey isnt doing all that well.]
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. Hows it going. This is the hardest letter Ive ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hells a matter with you? How do you think Joeys going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Joey: Oh wow Wayne, its not really something you can teach yknow? Its pretty much something youre born with if you(Off Chandlers look)You-you can teach it! Ill show you right how to do it.
Joey: Almost cried huh? Hear that Chandler? Almost cried!
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say. (Joey nods his agreement.)
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
(They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)
Joey: No! But y'know, I'm an actor, I'll act cool.
Joey: (sitting at his table) Oh, I know it... It is amazing these little things open doors... huh! (mimes opening a door with his own keys, Phoebe looks at him in a "yeah, yeah, yeah" way.)
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Joey: Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be?
Joey: Get the ball, ready? Get the ball, get the ball! (Joey pretends to throw it, but really doesnt, and the dog goes running off.) Well, youre cute, but youre not too smart!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, Ive got you, me, and Chandler and Im gonna invite Gunther cause, well, weve been talking about this pretty loud.
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
Joey: She didn't have a birthday while we were going out.
Chandler: So ah, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.
Joey: Hey, its gonna be all right.
JOEY: [dials the phone] It's a woman.
Joey: Hey, Ive done plays before. Im a serious actor.
Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. Its like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Joey: Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.
Monica: (to Joey) I'll pick you up at eleven. So glad you're coming.
Joey: I knew that! (They all look at him) I sooo didnt know that, but you should see your faces.
Joey: Alright!! Fine! It's original Hugsy! No, now I know that Emma wants him but he's mine and I need him..
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is entering and arguing baseball with Erin. Phoebe and Rachel are already there.]
Ross: So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That theres nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?!
Joey: Yeah, its for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. Its a very important issue in this months Playboy. Im sure you all read about it.
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?