words in movies
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
Joey: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?
Joey: Die Hard 2.
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Ross: Joey, we just saw it!
Joey: And?
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!!!!!!
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
Joey: What are you talking about? Bitch.
Rachel: What-what if I marry RossOr Joey?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Joey: Well, I dont know!!
Joey: Yeah. Yep. Yeah. All right, well uh, Id better go.
Joey: Yeah. All right, Ill talk to you later.
Joey: No! Never! Never! (Pause, then Joey wants to shake Rosss hand.) Bye.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Joey: Hey! Whats going on?
Joey: Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember? (Phoebe glares at him.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Joey: Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges.
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Joey: Hi.
Joey: Uh hey look uh Ross, look I think we need to talk about before.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Joey: Okay! When?!
Joey: Uh-huh!
Ross: Ive said it! Okay?! But its over Joey!
Joey: I want to do it again.
Joey: Why not?
Joey: Fine! Do you want something to drink?
Joey: Warm milk and Excedrin P.M. (Ross just leaves.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Joey: (crying) I dont want to marry Chandler!
Joey: Ive got cold feet.
Joey: No, one man for the rest of my life? I dont know if I can do it! This means Ill never get to sleep with Joey!
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
Joey: Okay, Phoebe
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Joey: Yes! Excellent! Perfect score!
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Ross and Joey: Oh! Thats nice.
Joey: Wow. (To Ross) Good speech.
Ross: Okay Phoebe, I guess youre next (To Joey) although I really dont see the point.
Joey: Yeah.
(Joey and Ross pause while they picture the event.)
Joey: And shes back in the game.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Joey: No reason, Im just saying that uh Thats where Ill be.
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Joey: Great nap.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
Joey: Awful! Horrible!
Joey: Ross?
Joey: Hey, all right!
Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!
Joey: Hey.
Joey: (To Chandler) You're fake laughing too, right?
(They start to go into Monica and Rachels, their apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joeys work.)
Joey: Id seen this thing on The Discovery Channel...
Joey: (smiles) Kinda.
Joey: Nothing.
Joey: All right, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You see Rach I'm an actor
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
Joey: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
Joey: Sorry.
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?
Joey: Hey! Wanna play some foosball? Please?
Joey: No-no, no! We have to move the table into my room, yeah! 'Cause of all the boxes. Come on!
Joey: No, the quiet down thing!
(Chandler gives Joey her business card, which he eagerly grabs and he leaves.)
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: YES!!
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O
Joey: No, Im not! And it wasnt a hop it was a pademarie.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Joey: Uh, I think she's still asleep. Hey, hey, how did it go with you guys last night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.
Joey: Okay!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Ross: (To Joey) So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?
Joey: Oh, it's perfect!
Joey: How about those fries though, huh? (Holds the plate between Sarah’s fingers and his plate, thus blocking her from reaching his)
Joey: That's way uptown! That's like three trains away! (Phoebe pinches him.) Which is great! I love to ride that rail!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: Oh! Oh!
Joey: I don't know. Maybe pizza?
(Joey motions, "Now, that's thinking!")
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Chandler: (sarcasticly) Thanks Joey, that's a good idea.
Joey: All right! You can have the chair.
Charlie: Actually, you know, Joey is your friend, and you don't really know me that well; it would be weird.
Joey: Im sayin I see a difference.
Joey: (sees Monica) Fire trucks! (Chandlers eyes double in size and he turns to Monica who doesn't understand what's happening. Then he turns back to Joey, who says "you're welcome" without a sound)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
Joey: I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for myself, I might want to get one of those
(Emily spins the bottle and once again, it lands on Joey.)
Joey: All right look, yknow how-yknow how when youre dating someone and you dont want to cheat on them, unless its with someone really hot?
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Joey: I dont get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didnt take it, and I didnt take it; and you (Chandler) didnt take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! Were trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesnt get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
Joey: Yeah, they're mine.
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Joey had told Bob about.)
Monica: (entering) Thank you Joey, thank you so much!
Joey: (reluctantly taking them) Chandler? A word.
Joey: Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.
Joey: Yeah, it was! All right, listen, I can't
(Follows Joey into their apartment and shrugs on his way out.)
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Didn't think so.
Joey: All right! But, (To Monica) you do it with me once.
Joey: What's wrong buddy?
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Joey: Hey, Pheebs!
Joey: (sitting up from the couch) Hey Mon, do you have another pillow? (Holds up one.) Yknow, something a little snugglyer?
Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. You know, that's the kind of guy Joey is.
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. Thats called a scrum, okay? Its kinda like a huddle.
Chandler: It was fine, yknow? But she didnt agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey. She was more like, "I see you point, Im all right with it."
Joey: Hey. I was just gonna get something to eat. You want something?
Joey: Im sorry man, I didntIm-Im sorry. Im sorry. (Goes over and comforts him.)
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
Joey: So you uh, still wondering?
Monica: Joey, we had a deal. That-thats why youre here! Ive got to fire you!
Joey: You're smart. I like that.
Joey: Hiya.
Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.)
(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a menorah, the candles lit.]
Phoebe: Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, Im gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe hug.)
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
The Director: Hey Joey, were ready for ya! (Joey stumbles over) Joey, this is Alex hes going to be playing your son.
Joey: (on phone) Well, so anyway Beth, what Im saying is I shouldve considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. Ive ah, Ive recently learned whats it like to be on your side of it, and Im sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? (listens) Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. (He sits down and crosses out something, and dials the phone again.) Hello, Jennifer? (listens) Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? (listens) Oh, shes not home huh? (listens) Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.
Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, wait-wait-wait!!
Ross: (To Joey) Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that.
Chandler: Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?
Joey: Excellent, I'll be there.
Joey: Oh, hey, dont forget your shirt.
Joey: Ahhhhhhhhhh
The A.D: Yeah, we loves em. Ive never seen him with(He gets a whiff of Joey and starts smelling around.)
Joey: Thank you!
Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are there as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole!
(He walks over and stands behind Joey.)
Joey: (thinking) I slept with Monica.
Joey: I can't believe you guys are moving.
Joey: No! I am not a pervert! Okay? It's just I just Kinda
Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!
Joey: But you can't stay with Phoebe, Ross! We're-we're roomies!
Joey: (To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!
Joey: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time (he points the foam finger at the girls)