words in movies
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
Joey: Yep. Hey, what do you say we make it a double feature?
Joey: Die Hard 2.
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Ross: Joey, we just saw it!
Joey: And?
Joey and Ross: Die Hard!!!!!!
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
Joey: What are you talking about? Bitch.
Rachel: What-what if I marry RossOr Joey?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Joey: Well, I dont know!!
Joey: Yeah. Yep. Yeah. All right, well uh, Id better go.
Joey: Yeah. All right, Ill talk to you later.
Joey: No! Never! Never! (Pause, then Joey wants to shake Rosss hand.) Bye.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Rachel and Phoebe are already there.]
Joey: Hey! Whats going on?
Joey: Hey! Well I hope it goes better than the last time you did it for that girl downstairs, remember? (Phoebe glares at him.)
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
Joey: Oh uh, me and Ross can be the judges.
Rachel: Okay. Okay fine, yknow what? We will let Ross and Joey decide. (Ross enters.) (In a sexy voice.) Hiiiii, Ross! Sweetie.
Joey: Hi.
Joey: Uh hey look uh Ross, look I think we need to talk about before.
Joey: Yes we do! Now look, that was the best nap I ever had!!
Joey: Come on! Admit it! That was the best nap you ever had!
Joey: Okay! When?!
Joey: Uh-huh!
Ross: Ive said it! Okay?! But its over Joey!
Joey: I want to do it again.
Joey: Why not?
Joey: Fine! Do you want something to drink?
Joey: Warm milk and Excedrin P.M. (Ross just leaves.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Joey: Why is 10 the highest?
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Joey: (crying) I dont want to marry Chandler!
Joey: Ive got cold feet.
Joey: No, one man for the rest of my life? I dont know if I can do it! This means Ill never get to sleep with Joey!
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
Joey: Okay, Phoebe
Joey: Were now in the ceremony, Monica is about to say, "I do" when her drunk uncle starts yelling. What do you do? Go!
Joey: Yes! Excellent! Perfect score!
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Ross and Joey: Oh! Thats nice.
Joey: Wow. (To Ross) Good speech.
Ross: Okay Phoebe, I guess youre next (To Joey) although I really dont see the point.
Joey: Yeah.
(Joey and Ross pause while they picture the event.)
Joey: And shes back in the game.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Phoebe: (running after her) Rach, its gonna be okay! (To Ross and Joey) You guys are the best!
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
Joey: Yeah! I was thinking about maybe going upstairs and taking a little nap on my couch. (Raises his eyebrows, questioning Ross to see if he wants to join him.)
Joey: No reason, Im just saying that uh Thats where Ill be.
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Joey: Great nap.
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
[Cut to Las Vegas, Joey is on the phone and wearing his gladiator costume.]
Joey: I'm so sorry.
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
Joey: Aww. (tastes it) Ohh!
Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.
Joey: Put your hands together.
Joey: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)
Chandler: (nods his head) Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? (to Joey) They seem all right with it!
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Monica: Joey, this is you!
Chandler: That's sweet, Joey.
Joey: I dont know. I guess theres just always been this distance yknowI mean we both try to pretend its not there, but it is.
Joey: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
Joey: Hey.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
Joey: Sounds nice.
Joey: Sperm or regular?
Joey: No kiddin', hmm.
Joey: Where you going?
Joey: So you're really doing this, huh?
Joey: Yeah!
Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!
Monica: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when Im doing something exciting and I dont wanna get too excited, I just ahh, yknow try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!
JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
Joey: You guys, can we please not watch this all right.
Joey: No more jam?!
Joey: Can we please turn this off?
Joey: Pheebs! Wait up! (She stops.) Listen uh, close your eyes. (She does so and Joey passionately kisses her.) Maybe thats one thing you can cross off your list.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Joey: How is it you?
Joey: Yep, that's my audition.
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
Joey: What, what are you doing? What are you doing?
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
Joey: Me too. Alright, whattaya got.
Chandler: Uh, Joey is gonna be right back. Right back! (Tries to pantomime it for her.) Meanwhile, let's-let's-let's talk about you. (Pause.) So, you're old and small.
JOEY: What're you talking about, everybody loves Joseph.
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica.
(Joey looks quizzically at Ross)
Joey: Hey, you know about that?!
Joey: Heeeyy! Hey!
Joey: What is this? Fruit?
EDDIE: Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?
Joey: Come on baby, come on!
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: Nooo, four.
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]
Joey: Pheebs! There you are!
Joey: It's okay, these things happen.
Joey: They actually said that?
JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.
Joey: Okay, shoot.
Joey: I didn't get it?
JOEY: Alright. Cab driver number two?
Joey: Okay, what else?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Joey: Oh.
Joey: You do, thanks.
Joey: Wait a minute.
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.
Joey: You know what's crazy? These jars. What is it, like two bites in here?
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
Joey: Hey!
CHANDLER: I was just telling Joey about the opening in Fleischman's group.
Joey: Her what?
Joey: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
Joey: Hey, Monica, who would yours be?
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: You could drink the fat.
Joey: Hey-hey!
Joey: I know.
Joey: Oh, Im sorry. Did I get ya?
[Scene: Monica and Rachels, Joey is entering]
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Joey: Eh! There you go.
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Chandler: (entering) Have you seen Joey?
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Joey: Nah, just me. All alone. (all the food is served) Dinner for six for one, uh, you boys are about to see something really special.
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
Joey: Ooh, very official.
Joey: We have a half hour.
Joey: Ah, let me see! (she hands him a pile of tissues) Damn, that's a lot of guys! Are you a little slutty?
Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book!
JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?
Joey: Why dont we just go on two.
Joey: So we are going on two?