words in movies
Rachel: Yeah, I cant live with Joey once the baby comes. I dont want my childs first words to be, (in a babys voice) "How you doin?"
Ross: So does-does Joey know youre moving?
Joey: (entering) Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
Joey: (laughs) No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.
Joey: All right, well finish your coffee; lets go.
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Joey: Oh, youre switching apartments?
Joey: But Rachel has an apartment.
Joey: She is?
Joey: I guess I didnt really think about it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating pizza as Joey returns from the Knicks game.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Oh, okay. I I ate way too much.
Joey: Ooh. (Notices the pizza, grabs a slice, and takes a bite.) So umm, I was talkin to Ross and he said you were looking for a new place.
Joey: I was kinda hoping youd stay.
Rachel: Oh but Joey, I have to go. Theres no room for a baby here.
Joey: No room? Its a baby. Its like this big. (Holds his hands about a foot apart.) Yknow, I mean you-you could you could put it over here. (A desk.) Or-or-or we could put it right here. (The chair.) Aw, its cute, right? Or-or we could put it over here. (By the bathroom door.) You wouldnt even notice it. Wheres the baby? (Mumbles that its over in the corner.)
Joey: I could use a challenge! Its getting pretty easy.
Joey: I love living with you so much. I just wish things didnt have to change.
Joey: Yknow I blame Ross for this.
Joey: Im gonna miss you, youre the hottest roommate I ever had.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel enters and notices that Joey has set up a space for the baby where the couch was, complete with a crib.]
Joey: Hey! Uh, this is just to give you an idea. Okay well, we can put screens here, (In front of the crib.) so that the baby has privacy, and-and-and maybe a mobile over the crib. And uhOh look! Heres a baby monitor (Holds it up), which until the baby comes we can use as walkie-talkies. Huh?
Joey: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh . That-that-thats really just to show where the baby would go. Yknow why dont I hold on to him so that theres no confusion? (Takes him back, sets him on the chair, and apologizes to him.)
Rachel: But Joey the baby is going to be crying, its going to be loud.
Joey: Im loud!
Joey: Im up all night!
Joey: Hello!
Joey: Look, if Im bringing home a woman who cant stand being around a baby, then maybe I dont want to be with that woman! Or maybe well just do it in the bathroom of the club!
Rachel: Joey, are you sure?
Joey: Yeah! All rightLook, I know sometimes itll be hard, okay? But, itll also be really really great. Please Rachel! I-I-I really want you to stay.
Joey: Ohh!
Rachel: Thank you. (They hug.) Oh Joey and look at this crib! Its so cute!
Joey: I know! I found it on the street.
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: I dont know.
Joey: Ew.
Joey: Ooh! Ah! Okay! (Quickly drags the crib outside.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are toasting her staying put.]
Joey: Isnt that great?
(He picks up a smaller box and carries it to the moving van as Joey returns.)
Rachel: Look, Charlie, I just want you to know. Ross is just having a little trouble adjusting to the thought of Joey and me. You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Monica: Well then somebodys snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut down to here. (Points to her stomach just above her belly button.)
Monica: Joey! This is not like learning to ride a horse! This is like learning to grow a turtleneck!
Joey: (Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut up.
Joey: Come on! What are you doing?! Im in character! Would you talk to her! (Storms out.)
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
(She heads to the bathroom and Joey sits back down.)
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Joey: Aw crap! Okayuh uh lets-lets do the rings.
(Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)
Rachel: Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant?
Joey: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?
Joey: I want to make a ship to shore call to Chandler.
Joey: Great! Hey! All right! Well-well what is it?!
Joey: What are you doing? I said seven! (Holds up six fingers.) (Realizes his mistake) Argh!!!
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Joey: Thats always appropriate! (Back to the matter at hand) Oh, okay. One more push! One more push!
Joey: Whoo-weh hey weh-hey whoo hey!!
Joey: How many times do I have to tell you! Ya, turn and sliiiide! Y'know, turn and slide.
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
CHANDLER: (looking fearfully at Joey) Hey, he's not crying.
Joey: Hey guys! Look whos back! Its Ray-ray!
Joey: Je depli mblue.
Joey: (shouting to Ross) JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Joey: Noo, (whispering) more like a notebook... Damn it! (next word appears: "blueprint") Oh, if I'm building an house, the plan isn't called the 'shmoo-print'... Can't say that either? Woha... hey... (the last word is "Football field" and there are 5 seconds left) In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is wearing sunglasses and as he exits his bedroom, Ross enters the apartment.]
Rachel: Joey, just ignore the boats all right? Were not finished with the lesson yet.
Rachel: Honey, no one thinks youre a pansy, but we do think you need a tissue. (She notices something hanging from Monicas nose, as does Joey.)
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: (making like he is yelling up to the second floor) Im coming up!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment]
Joey: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you. Now, Rach, when she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and.. were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or- (Rachel exits and slams the door in his face.) That's fine, yeah...
Joey: All rightoh! Listen, I know this is your party, but Id really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Joey: Just let her serve the beef-custard thing?
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Joey: NO! Not like that, no no. No, like this. (He starts lightly grazing Chandler's thigh)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date with Joey as there is a knock on the door.]
JOEY: They're takin all my stuff back. I guess you were right.
Joey: Yeah, take a hike wetpants!
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
(Joey, Monica, and Ross all point to their lips to get Rachel to once again notice the ink on her lip.)
JOEY: They're ribbed for your pleasure. [Ross and Monica trade their gifts.]
Rachel: Aww, Joey, come here. (She takes his hand.) Look honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you and I--Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?
(She sets her bag down on the foosball table and Joey sees the Toblerone bar sticking out of it and gazes longingly at it.)
Joey: The same way you lost. I started out with a King and a Queen, bamn! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a Jack and a King, boom! Ross gets a 4 and a 5! Ross was getting the Cup card, the D-Cup, the Sittin Down Bonus! Meanwhile, I didnt even get half a cup! Nothin!!
Parker: No, no, no wait! Dont tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, Im sorry Phoebe didnt mention you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, Im kidding all ready youre my favorite!
Director: You know what. I think this audition is over. (Joey looks disappointed, but understands.)
Joey: That's not funny! You know I'm afraid of little girl ghosts!
Chandler: (to Joey) I have to! Okay? It's time! (Joey shrugs as if to say, "Do what you have to do") Okay, I hate dogs.
(Raymond and Joey go in the office.)
Joey: Dude-dude-dude!
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the brides maid test.]
Phoebe: G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords? (Joey doesn't answer.) Have you? (He looks away in shame.) Oh my God!
Chandler: Okay, so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables, Joey?
Joey: Hey, so, uh, hows it going living over at Ross?
Ross: (glaring at him) Joey, please! (Motions to his computer.)
Joey: Theres just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys do is very different. I dont know if youd understand.
Joey: Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the tastiness!
Joey: Is that why you bought all this stuff?! (Chandler makes a face like "Well, kinda.") Well, yknow what I will not watch your TV, I will not listen to your stereo, and theres a cinnamon raisin loaf in the new bread maker that Im not gonna eat! You know why?!
Donny: Now Gene I must remind you, you need all six of these to stay in the game, all right? Describe for Joey things you find in your refrigerator.
Joey: Ah! Okay, well then you dont judge me. Im gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before. (They both do as they planned.)
(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)
Joey: Hey thats not true! Look at uh, look at Angela LansbAngelina Jolie!
[Scene: At Pyramid. Joey is with the woman now.]
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
(Joey sits sideways on his chair, looking at Sarah's chocolate torte, and then looking away from it, nervously playing with his fork, drumming with it on the table every now and then.)
Joey: Your thumb? Thats weird. (Makes a fist.) You sure youre punching right? Make a fist. (Ross just looks at him with his thumb in a cast.) Maybe later. Ross I feel terrible.
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".]
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? Were ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby hes playing Vincent.
Joey: (after Ross is gone) What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies?
Joey: Oh-oh!
Chandler: Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails.
Joey: I am pretty wisdomous.
Joey: Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Joey: What the hell are you talking about, (in a Jamaican accent) "The south will rise again man."
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
(They go out to investigate, and find Joey wrapped in a blanket watching their television.)
Chandler: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)
Joey: Really?! I like your natural color. Come on man, its a great part. Look, check it out. Im the lead guys best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listen-listen. Im sorry, that seats saved.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is returning from having removed Rachels panties.]
Joeys Sister: No, Im Mary-Theresa.
JOEY: How far'd ya get?
Joey: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Joey: Yknow, Monica and Chandler are married. Ross and Rachel are having a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.
Joey: Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times! Oh, hey, how do we decide where we... (clears throat) y'know each would, (clears throat again) y'know (pause) be?
(She puts her head on Joey's shoulder and Joey kisses her on her head.)
Monica: Phoebe, you get the bear, uhm, Joey, you get the robot, and Chandler and I get the dog. Ok, and the race is going to go (Takes two cups and marks the start and finish lines with them) from here to here. Now the one who comes in last, stays!
Joey: Ohh, hey! Why dont you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas?
Joey: Well, you gotta give him something that he cant say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, youre guaranteed hell say yes!