words in movies
Rachel: Yknow who doesnt even like dirty movies? My new boyfriend Joshua.
(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise. So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)
Joshua: All those things I said about not being ready
Joshua: Yeah, sure-sure, yeah, were-were-were-were-were clicking.
Joshua: Yknow, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.
Rachel: Three people. Joshuas not gonna be there.
Originally written by Michael Borkow, Mike Sikowitz & Jeffrey Astrof Transcribed by Joshua Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasnt much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if youre willing, Im all yours.
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of stylewhat did you throw away?
Joshua: I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think Im gonna wear it home.
Joshua: Huh. Oh, boy! (Sits down next to her.) Uhh, I-I dont wear suits to work, and I bought six of them from you.
(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down, Rachel pretends shes knocking a bug off his leg.)
Rachel: Hi, Im Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
Joshua: They-they-they can smell fear.
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I cant believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Joshua: No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you.
Joshua: Kidding! (Rachel is relived) Im gonna get there early, but Im going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
Rachel: No-no, that wasnt me! (To Joshua) Well, we should get started. Let me show you my underwear. (Joshua turns at that) The selection of underwear we carry.
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, Im glad. Rachel, Id like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin?
Joshua: No, no, no, shes nice but, yknow, it just it made me realize that Im just not, Im just not ready to be dating, yknow?
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Rachel: Oh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! (Pause) (Comes back inside) Yeah, well, that oughta do it.
Joshua: But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didnt call. I mean youd think hed be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Rachel: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and its opening tonight, would you like to come?
Joshua: (coming in from a changing room) Okay!
[Scene: Joshuas parents apartment, continued from earlier.]
Joshua: Yeah! I mean youre-youre beautiful and smart and sophisticateda lot of this isnt based on tonight.
Joshua: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.
Rachel: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshuas gone so you and Emily are free to go.
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Mrs. Burgin: Hello. Well, Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Joshua: My marriage like just ended, and Im really not ready to get into anything yet.
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Joshua: Wow! That would be great.
Originally written by Adam Chase. Transcribed by Joshua Hodge.
Rachel: Okay. So, can I serve you a little ofWhat? What? What? (She sees that Joshua isnt relaxed.)
Joshua: and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on .wait for it .Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didnt you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
Originally written by Transcribed by Joshua Hodge
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) Well, I just called Joshua
Joshua: Hey, heres an idea. Why dont uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
(She goes down the hall. Joshua goes to put the food away when his parents walk in.)
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this isI have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Yknow the "Wouldnt it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Joshua: Hi. (He has just returned.)
Rachel: Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.
Joshua: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didnt even get to Italy?
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Originally written by Betsy Bornes Transcribed by Joshua Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.
Joshua: Uhh, yeah, I think Im going to take-off too.
Joshua: Hi, Im Joshua.
Joshua: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife
Joshua: What do you think?
Joshua: Hi!
Joshua: All right, thank you so much for all your help.
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Joshua: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
Joshua: (turning around) Oh! You know what I need?
Joshua: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?
Joshua: Okay.
Joshua: Also large?
Rachel: Its Joshua.
Joshua: Gloves?
Joshua: Youre into hardcore S&M right?
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
[Scene: Bloomingdales, Rachels new job, she is waiting for Joshua and practising how to ask him out.]
Rachel: No-no-no, that not Joshua.
Joshua: So (Holds out his hands as to say, "Where are my gloves?")
Rachel: Joshua.
Joshua: Oh, no thanks.
Joshua: Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, its comfortable.
Joshua: Why not?!
Joshua: Yknow, they ruin it for everybody.
Joshua: Hi!
Joshua: Okay.
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Joshua: Nice uh, costume.
Joshua: Hey!
Joshua: So, this was uh, really fun.
Joshua: Well, what was supposed to happen?
Joshua: You really dont seem like you do. Thats
Joshua: But
Joshua: Because I-I like you.
Joshua: Need uh, need a little hand there.
Joshua: Yeah.
Joshua: Okay uh, however
Joshua: Im sorry, I, I just need a little time.
Joshua: But
Joshua: No, theyre-theyre all true.
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. Its just so frustrating!
Joshua: Then uh, whats-whats this? (Shows her the real anti-theft device.)
Rachel: Oh my gosh, Joshua!
Joshua: This is so nice. Thank you for doing this.
Rachel: Me, Fledermaus, great. I really(motions to Joshua.)