words in movies
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. Transcribed by: Ruth Curran
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.
Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Mike: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did.
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Mike: Oh wow! Im free for her!
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Mike: (sighs) No...
Mike: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.
Mike: Phoebe you don't have to eat...
MIKE: I'm so glad you're back.� (He hugs Phoebe.)
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).
Mike: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.
Mike: Well I've got a book around...
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Mike: Wow! You look like... like my mom.
Helena: Im sorry? (Holds out the mike.)
Mike: So...? What do you think? (looks at his parents, which look in disgust)
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Mike: And that's how it's done! (Phoebe kisses him)
Mike: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.
Mike: No, my parents are rich.
Mike: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.
Mike: Hey... Wh... What are you doing?
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
Mike: No, no, no, you're doing fine, really... Why don't you go talk to my dad?
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not (accent) Phoebe...
Mike: Well, come on...
Mike: Awesome!
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Mike: Uhm... Did you just hit my dad?
Mike: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?
Theodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? (Theodore walks out... Mike walks towards Phoebe)
Mike: I'm not interested.
Mike: A little better.
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Mike: Wanna get out of here?
Mike: So what? I mean if even I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. And you don't have to like her. You just have to accept the fact that I do. I mean, if you even can't be civil to the woman I love...
Mike: You do?
Phoebe: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Mike: No, no Mike, just Crap Bag. First name Crap, last name Bag.
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Mike: I am Mike.
Joey: MIKE!!!
Mike: Really?
Mike: Yeah?
Mike: No, I didn't.
Mike: What?!
Mike: There isn't a piano here.
Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
Mike: That's great. What kind of music do you play?
(Phoebe and Mike look at him, and he goes over to the counter.)
Mike: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go.
Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong?
Mike: but you did say it
[Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.]
Mike: what's up is Phoebe ok?
Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you?
Mike: that's why she was weird.
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
Mike: Oh.
Mike: Vicrum?
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
Mike: I just think there's somebody better out there for you, (pause) I mean I'm not saying me but. maybe me.
Mike: what's wrong?
Mike: Definitely
Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross
[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]
Mike: uh huh
Mike: its Mike Hanagen
Ross: So, so, is Mike coming to dinner?
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Mike: This is nice.
Mike: Okay. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?