words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.]
Monica: Im glad youre here, we have a couple of things to ask you about the wedding ceremony.
Chandler: (To Ross) Monica said wedding.
Monica: Uh, so anyway, we thought one of you could read something during the ceremony.
Monica: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading.
Monica: Do you mind telling us what it is?
Monica: What is DOOL?
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Monica: Who are they killing off?
Rachel and Monica: Noo!!
Monica: Shes my favorite character on DOOL.
Monica: And the way she slaps all the time!
Monica: Wouldnt you love to do it just once?! (Raises her hand towards Chandler.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch, when they start to hear a horrible screeching noise. It sounds like someone is skinning a cat.]
Monica: What is that?
Monica: It sounds like its coming from across the street.
Monica: What?
Monica: Nooo!!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.]
Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?!
Monica: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! Its not even a song!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.]
Monica: Do you want some shortbread? Eh thats Scottish like you are.
Monica: No! No-no theyre not. Theyre still very angry! But yknow Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet.
Monica: (interrupting) You can not play bagpipes at the wedding!!
Rachel: (screaming) MONICA!!!! MONICA!!!! (Runs to Monicas.)
Monica: (entering with Rachel) Oh my God! Its true!! Oh my God you are so amazing! Oh my God, can I just ask you to do me oh, just one favor?
Monica: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! (Points to her cheek.)
Monica: (breaks away) Oh wait, just one more thing! One more minute! (To Cecilia) Umm, youre a stupid bitch.
Cecilia: I really cant slap you. (Monica walks away angrily)
Monica: Nice to meet you! My God youre great!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.]
Monica and Chandler: No!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. Were seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.]
(Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.)
(He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...)
(Monica walks down to Erica's legs to watch the birth.)
Monica: Oh, did you do a picture of Emma?
Chandler: Dont worry, Im brave! I am brave! I I am brave! (They get to the door and Monica goes to open it.) No-no-no-no!! (He stops her.) (Through the door.) Can you tell me who is there please?
Monica: I'm parked in a garage on Morton!
Monica: I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod Yes.)
Monica: Oh. So nice of her to pull my hair, 'till I dropped the key!
Monica: They cant all be bad. (To Chandler) Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes. Ohh, there it is.
MONICA: Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus.
Monica: Alright, 5 more minutes.
Monica: How about, youre moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.")
Monica: Yeah, and we've paid for a room, that we're supposed to be in right now!
Joey: Okay, Monica picks ten, I call nine! Anyone else?
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Monica: Everybody get your toys! (They all run toward the table with toys)
Monica: (to the dog) What are you barking at?
(Monica turns to see the closed door.)
(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)
Monica: I'm not going to be a part of this! You can't just bring some random guy at home and expect him to be our sperm donor!
Monica: That's how old you are.
Monica: Game?
Monica: Now another way to organise your stuffed animals, is by size.
Chandler: I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma or for Monica?
Monica: What about your massage client?
Monica: I wasn't. Let's get going!
(Chandler and Monica take a sprint to the other wall)
Monica: Thanks!
Monica: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Thank you!
Monica: Clearly we were wrong.
Monica: You know what? Then, Joey, we want you to do it.
Monica: Not until you said it. Somebody switch! (Chandler makes a clicking sound with his fingers and Phoebe runs to the other wall. Monica returns to Chandlers wall.) Wait a minute... Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike! We're the only people leaving with the same person we came with.
Monica: Wow! Don't you look nice?!
Monica: You guys do that? Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom!
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
(Finally, Monica with her parents on her arms start down the aisle.)
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Joey enters the room]
Monica: Oh, I'm so glad you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work. (tries to take the poem)
Monica: Okay, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off of it.
Monica: Alright, what was this sentence originally? (shows the sentence to Joey)
Monica: Hey Joey, I don’t think we can use this.
Monica: (hesitatingly) I punched you...?
Monica: Twelve dollars an hour.
Monica: Hey, we're probably fertile, let's go home!
Joey: Yeah, Monica made us!
Monica: Hey. Okay, so umm, since that video camera thing didn't work out uh, I thought that I would give you just a little preview. (Hands him a Polaroid.)
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Monica: Oh my God, Mike was gonna propose?
Monica: Thank you.
Monica: I proposed to Chandler! (Phoebe stops herself from laughing) Alright, moving on...
Chandler: (laughs) Isnt she cute? (On Monicas death stare) No!
Chandler: Yeah! (Monica falls asleep) No! No! No! Dont fall asleep! Okay, I am going to make you some coffee. (Monica doesnt move as he gets out of bed and as hes heading for the door.) And I probably wont spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.
Rachel: (To Monica, Chandler and Phoebe) Can any of you watch Emma?
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: [singing] I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)
Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! Its like a crime wave!! (Monica runs to make more candy.) Pheebs, you uh, you got a second.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
Monica: Okay good.
Monica: You dropped it off?
(Chandler and Monica look shocked)
Monica: What?
Monica: Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time.
Monica: Ok listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Monica: (surprised) They thought Joey was a child?
Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But lookI've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that.
Monica: Hey, what did you guys do today?
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
Ross: Hey guys. Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross.
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a take that! look.]
Monica: I'm a cool, fun aunt!
Rachel: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it?
Monica: No! no! Let's figure out a fair way to decide who's staying.
Monica: Yeah, I dont hear Chandlers and he doesnt hear mine.
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
Monica: (looking disappointed) I guess so...
Monica: Tell them I'm a chef in a big New York restaurant!
Monica: Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit em. I cant wait. Theyre going to be crying so hard. Theyre going to be fighting for breath.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
Chandler: Is Monica not here?
Chandler: (entering with Joey) (to Monica) Coffee house?
Monica: Oh yeah, the Evander Holyfield phase. Oh man you were so hard up you practically came on to me.
Monica: Oh, right.
Phoebe: (looking at Monica entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey, you wanna go to see a movie?
Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.)
Monica: Damn it, I did not think this through!
Monica: No. I dont think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.
Monica: Just go get some! (Kisses him.) Go! (She runs to hide in the bathroom.)
Monica: I don't want her to get a boob job! That's crazy!
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. Itd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
Monica: But I want to.
Monica: You know, I would give her up, for you.
Monica: Huh!
Monica: Wow, what's the bad news!
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!