words in movies
Rachel: Chandler, dont worry! This doesnt make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personalityWell, theyre all back! Yknow? And shes picked up like nine new ones!
Chandler: Dont worry about it. Im taking care of it tonight. (Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I dont have to break up with her this time. Were not involved! Im going to do a pre-emptive strike! Im going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Emily: No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. (Introducing them) Liam, Devon, this is Ross.
Devon: Do you realise that we have not seen each other since the night of that U2 concert?
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. Im just getting out of a very serious relationship
Janice: I know! And Im just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!
Janice: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are plugging in a bunch of electronics.]
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them dont work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Ross: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So Im gonna show her how tough I really am!
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! Its not like hes Chandler!
Ross: Look, dont worry about me. Okay? Ill just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. Ill uh, Ill be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
(A player comes over and picks up a ball in front of Phoebe.)
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
(Ross, urged on by his team-mates, jumps on top of the scrum and falls headfirst into the middle, leaving his feet sticking straight up.)
[Scene: The airport, the Yemen Express counter, Chandler is still trying to get rid of Janice.]
Janice: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Yknow? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends dont really seem to care too much that youre leaving.
Emily: Thats just halftime, theres more of this.
Ross: (to Emily) Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle of water?
Rachel: (noticing a bunch of pictures around the door that werent there originally.) What-what are-what are these?
(Rachel rips one of the wall and finds a huge hole underneath.)
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Rachel: Well yknow, its you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Yknow? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess Im not upset because I dont see you guys going through with it. Im sorry.
Dr. Leedbetter: We've been getting reports of some very angry behavior on your part.
Chandler: (nearly whispering) Oh dear God, there's two of them!
ROSS: The big book of childrens' names.
Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
Ross: (gasps) You know what? This calls for a bottle of Israels finest.
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Rachel: Oh! You know, I just... couple of things I tried ... I just sang a little doo... Itsy Bitsy Spider...
[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]
CHANDLER: Well that's the brilliance of it. The pretty people... and the running.
Ross: Yeah, I kind of uh, have something else planned for you guys.
Mindy: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.
Rachel: Theyre having their baby! Its not fair Ross we got here first! Right after you left they wheeled her off into delivery. Oh but not before she gave me a juicy shot of little Jamie just crowning away.
Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.
EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
Ross: (Pause) Of course I am! (Joey is relieved) Okay, let's go godfather.
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Rachel: When a guy breaks up with his girlfriend, what is an appropriate amount of time to wait before you make a move?
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Joey: Look, the point is, theres a lot of women out there you havent even had sex with yet!
Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.
JOEY: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of u, and how these are the days of our lives..
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
ROSS: Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of the Serengetti.
Conan: (to Courtney) You-youve worn a fat suit on the show. And, a lot of people love you in the fat suit. Do you like wearing the fat suit? Is it fun?
Monica: Why not?! I mean this has been the most amazing week. Would it be so terrible? Even if we were friends who lived together. Or, maybe someday friends who stood up in front of their other friends, and vowed to be friends forever.
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Monica: Ill take care of it.
Rachel: Listen yknow what sir? For the last time, I dont care what the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!
STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?
RICHARD: Let's never speak of this.
MONICA: You wanna get out of my face?
Joey: Yes, and they should name one of their kids Joey. I may not have kids; someone's gotta carry on the family name.
Ross: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?
Joey: Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this okay? We said we're sorry. It's Thanksgiving for Pete's sakes! A day of forgiveness!
Phoebe: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Is that what you want to do? You wanna go over and give a little shout out to the old, hot chickas? Okay, lets do that Sailor Joe. Quick question though, (grabs some of the rigging) whats this called?
Jill: Seeing some more of your super-cool slides.
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
Monica: What?! I didn't take care of everything, there's-there's plenty of things for you to do!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
CHANDLER: Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time.
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
CHANDLER: No he's, he's alright, just uh, he spends most of his time in his room.
Chandler: My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt. (Glaring at Joey whos nodding.)
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
Russell: Of course you did. Look Ross, you cant get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.
Joey: Well, there were a couple of calls last night, but ah, I dont think any of them are gonna work out.
ROSS: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . .
Rachel: (looks at him suspiciously) I know what this is all about... You've always been jealous of my hair.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
Joey: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! Theres a lot of theories that didnt pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!
Monica: Because we're moving in a couple of days and it just didn't make sense.
Joey: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!
Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No!
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
JADE: Hi, it's me. Listen, Bob. I'm probably way out of line here. I mean, It has been 3 years, and you're probably seeing someone else now, but if we could just have one night together, just for old time's sake, one hot, steamy, wild night...
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
Monica: Uhm the... the ministry... of names... bureau...
Phoebe: Of course not! And you're gonna love Mary Ellen. She's really smart and cute and funny, and I can't tell you how I know this, but she' not opposed to threesomes. So tell me some about my guy.
EDDIE: That's very thoughtful of you. It's very thougtful.
Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdales and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?
ROSS: Mon, speaking of which, dad says he knows someone you can call for an interview.
PHOEBE: Thanks. [gets out of the cab]
ROSS: On behalf of everyone, I'd just like to say behuh.
Ross: Im sorry, its just one of my last nights together before she leaves for campto be a counselor!
(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who dont know what Im talking about, lets just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend Tanya. (looks up frightenedly)
Monica: So Im not supposed to share my doubts and fears with the guy Im gonna spend the rest of my life with?
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. Ive never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
Rachel: (shakes her head) I guess... Oh, I just had such an idea of what this day would be like, you know? Emma laughing and everybody gathered around her cake singing "Happy Birthday". Then we would all go into... HEY GET OUT OF THE ROAD YOU STUPID STUDENT DRIVER!!! (honks furiously, and Ross looks at her in disbelief and Rachel looks at him.) They have to learn!
Monica: Oh, no! I mean, obviously we want to see you take your clothes off! You big piece of eye candy!
Ross: (hitting Monica with his suitcase) (to Charlie) We should probably get going, you know, we got a lot of ground to cover.
(We see through the big window from the outside and see that Monica and Rachel have pictures of their faces pasted onto cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth wearing their Baywatch swimsuits.)
Ross: Of course he is! What, do you think Id just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am?
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
Chandler: Was the setting of Phoebes triumph.
[Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.]
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
Phoebe: Come, sit. (He's hesitant.) Sit. (Still hesitating.) Sit! (He sits on the arm of the couch.) Umm, all righty, before we get started I justI need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay.
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in the face.
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?
MONICA: You wanna be in charge of the food committee?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. They're done and come out of their bedroom. Emma is still gone.]
Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth)
[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]
MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.
Ross: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.
Ross: Okay, look, how is this gonna affect you? Really? I mean you fill some form out once and a while and instead of checking the box that says Ms you check the box that says Mrs.! Its right next to it!